Wife says leave past(my daughter)

[Sadbird]

I never abandoned my daughter. I love her, and morally responsible for her.

 

I have a question for you, if your dad had a good relationship with your dad, and he got paralyzed on bed, would you have taken care of him ?, would you have left your husband and boy friend and taken care of him ?.

 

I know how kids are, Just showing sympathy is not enough. As a parent, he or she should support the child and be there in their life, give them love, but majority of the kids do not care much about their parents, parents grow old, children have their own life, and in the end, end up in old age homes.

 

But thanks for your reply.

 

 

Eh, I'm not going to repeat what everyone else has said, but I do find it interesting to be reading this while my father is texting me and nagging me to call him.

 

See, he and my mom divorced when I was two, and he was either abusive or neglectful to me completely, so I learned to be without a father. His second wife didn't want him to have anything to do with me, so he didn't.

 

MANY years later, he has two divorces on his "record", hates his second wife, and is slowly coming to the realization that while I may be genetically related to him, I don't owe him jack **** and don't feel like I need to do what he asks/demands. He believes he's dying, and desperately wants me in his life now.

 

It's going to be interesting in 15-20 years when the shoe is on the other foot and it's you who needs your daughter. If you throw her away now, don't expect her to have any qualms about telling you to go to hell. I did it and still don't have any problems ignoring my father.

 

I just hope your ex-wife finds a really good father figure for your daughter, or that you nut up before it's too late.

[Trimmer]

She said, she does not want to take risk with her life.

Can you explain what your wife meant by this? I'm not understanding the meaning of this statement.

 

If you are willing, and it is not too revealing, can you indicate what country, or general cultural background you are from? These ideas are completely inconceivable to many of us, and I'm wondering if knowing something about your cultural background might provide some perspective...

[Sadbird]

I think, she is scared if we have kids together, I will leave her and the child and go back to my daughter. She does not want to take that risk.

 

She says "what if my ex died, you will leave me and the kids and go back and take care of your daughter ?"

 

I am of Asian background, and my wife is European.

 

Divorce is easy, I will try my best not to have a divorce, and find a solution first.

 

 

 

Can you explain what your wife meant by this? I'm not understanding the meaning of this statement.

 

If you are willing, and it is not too revealing, can you indicate what country, or general cultural background you are from? These ideas are completely inconceivable to many of us, and I'm wondering if knowing something about your cultural background might provide some perspective...

[bathtub-row]

There's nothing easy about divorce, which is why so many people like yourself persist in bad marriages. It takes courage and guts to admit defeat, to recognize the truth, to admit that you made a mistake. No person in their right mind would have a fear about a person "going back" to their child. I hope that you wake up before it's too late; before she traps you further by getting pregnant. That's when your real hell will begin...

[kylle]

I never abandoned my daughter. I love her, and morally responsible for her.

 

I have a question for you, if your dad had a good relationship with your dad, and he got paralyzed on bed, would you have taken care of him ?, would you have left your husband and boy friend and taken care of him ?.

 

I know how kids are, Just showing sympathy is not enough. As a parent, he or she should support the child and be there in their life, give them love, but majority of the kids do not care much about their parents, parents grow old, children have their own life, and in the end, end up in old age homes.

 

But thanks for your reply.

 

So you're telling us you're considering your wife 'options' over your daughter because one day she will put you in a rest home for the elderly?

 

It's not her fault she is now living in this world. It's yours and your ex's, and now you both should make sure she has the best life she can.

 

Please wake up man.

[daisy101]

I can't believe you are chosing your wife over your child.

 

Honestly, even Lindsay Lohan's father chose his daughters over his wife in that movie she played twins (can't remember the name), and that kid was nuts.

 

I agree with all other posters, time to wake up.

[whichwayisup]

Divorce is easy, I will try my best not to have a divorce, and find a solution first.

 

THERE IS NO SOLUTION. Your wife is insecure and can't stand your daughter, she's jealous of her and feels your daughter is a constant reminder of your ex. Your wife wants NOTHING to with your daughter and wants you to choose between them.

 

It's either your wife or your daughter. I hope you choose your daughter. If you don't, then suffer consequences for the rest of your life.

[stillafool]

I never abandoned my daughter. I love her, and morally responsible for her.

 

I have a question for you, if your dad had a good relationship with your dad, and he got paralyzed on bed, would you have taken care of him ?, would you have left your husband and boy friend and taken care of him ?.

 

I know how kids are, Just showing sympathy is not enough. As a parent, he or she should support the child and be there in their life, give them love, but majority of the kids do not care much about their parents, parents grow old, children have their own life, and in the end, end up in old age homes.

 

But thanks for your reply.

 

Whether the child takes care of the parent in their old age or not does not matter. You were the one who brought the child into this world and are obligated to provide, nurture and take care of them. They didn't bring you into this world. Even if a parent has ended up in a home it doesn't mean the child has abandoned them.

[MJJean]

I never abandoned my daughter. I love her, and morally responsible for her.

 

I have a question for you, if your dad had a good relationship with your dad, and he got paralyzed on bed, would you have taken care of him ?, would you have left your husband and boy friend and taken care of him ?.

 

I know how kids are, Just showing sympathy is not enough. As a parent, he or she should support the child and be there in their life, give them love, but majority of the kids do not care much about their parents, parents grow old, children have their own life, and in the end, end up in old age homes.

 

But thanks for your reply.

 

Umm, you have absolutely no guarantee your wife will take care of you, either. For all you know, the marriage could end before you need care. Or she could decide you're too much of a burden and put you in a home, anyways.

 

Or you could die of a heart attack long before either scenario can come to pass.

 

Heck, maybe your wife will die before you and then you'll be all alone! No daughter and no wife. Because that's what happens when you marry a psycho and decide to abandon your child for her.

 

My husband's parents are elderly. They were good parents and have unfailingly been there for us through some hard times. They have a close and loving relationship.

 

My DH was a late life baby. His parents are in their early 80's now and in poor health. They will not be able to stay in their own home much longer.

When the time comes that they cannot live on their own anymore, which we think will be sometime later this year, we plan on either having them move in with us so that I can care for them while my husband works or we sell our house, move close to them, and I will take care of them while my husband works. Either way, we'll be there for them because they loved us and were there for us.

 

I'm 39 and facing years of caring for two elderly people full time and I am ok with that because they are my husbands parents and they have always been good to me. I love them and that's what you do for people you love.

 

My biological father chose his wife over me when I was a child. There were letters and phone calls for a time, but that was not the same as being a parent to me. Even as a child I knew that much. I couldn't care less if he ends up in a home with no one to look after him. If he ever had the nerve to call me and ask for my help I'd tell him to go straight to Hell. He wasn't there for me. Why should I be there for him?

 

I think, she is scared if we have kids together, I will leave her and the child and go back to my daughter. She does not want to take that risk.

 

She says "what if my ex died, you will leave me and the kids and go back and take care of your daughter ?"

 

I am of Asian background, and my wife is European.

 

Divorce is easy, I will try my best not to have a divorce, and find a solution first.

 

First, if your ex died, you'd be the only natural parent alive and your daughter would be solely in your custody. That means you'd bring your daughter to live with you and not the other way around.

 

Second, if she fears for her future children she should fear having them with a man who would even entertain the idea of abandoning his child for ANYONE. If you'd leave your daughter for her then you'd leave any children with her for someone else in turn.

 

You aren't going to be able to resolve this without putting your foot down, acting like a man, and telling her that she can either accept your daughter is part of you and will be a very big part of your lives or she can pack up and get the hell out. No compromise. No middle ground. Either accept it and be supportive or get out.

[MissLilly]

I never abandoned my daughter. I love her, and morally responsible for her.

 

I have a question for you, if your dad had a good relationship with your dad, and he got paralyzed on bed, would you have taken care of him ?, would you have left your husband and boy friend and taken care of him ?.

 

I know how kids are, Just showing sympathy is not enough. As a parent, he or she should support the child and be there in their life, give them love, but majority of the kids do not care much about their parents, parents grow old, children have their own life, and in the end, end up in old age homes.

 

But thanks for your reply.

 

Oh wow! I don't know if this is your true view on offsprings or if you're too brainwashed by your wife, but I came across with this kind of thought a lot in my life as a childless mid 30s woman. "Oh but why don't you have children yet, who is going to take care of you when you're old?"

 

I think this is one of the most selfish reasons someone can have when deciding to have children or not. A person must be too self-centered to think in putting a child in this world and raising them just to fill them with the burden of "taking care of me" when they grow old/become sick.

 

Your daughter didn't ask to be here. Her birth was the choice of two consenting adults. Your daughter will live her own life, and life itself runs in a way nobody can predicts. You can't tell if she's going to be president or a housewife!

 

I would never abandon my parents, do you know why? Because they raised me with LOVE and never mentioned putting this kind of burden (to take care of them in the future) on my shoulders. It's something IMPLICIT I will do because it comes naturally when there is LOVE. You can't control your daughter's footsteps when she grows up, but you can help her to be a lovable, gentle, kind and generous person if YOU raise her with these values.

 

It seems you just don't love your daughter. I'm not saying you don't but your actions speak for themselves. Planning to leave her because your "best bet" for YOUR FUTURE right now is this wife of yours? How selfish is that?

 

My aunt raised her 4 children all alone, because their father ran away with another woman and left them alone. No child support, NOTHING, it was the 70s. They are all adults now, and their father tried for more than 30 years to get in touch, but they treat him as a stranger. When my cousin got married she invited her father out of politeness but didn't want him to carry her to the isle, because she was a baby when he left... she feels nothing just! He was so ashamed he didn't went to her wedding. I heard he is a bitter man and would love to get to know all his grandsons now but well, he is dealing with the consequences of something he chose many years ago.

 

Q: Do you have guarantees your lovely wife won't leave you all alone if you end up in a wheelchair?

[MJJean]

Q: Do you have guarantees your lovely wife won't leave you all alone if you end up in a wheelchair?

 

And, of course, the answer is NONE!

 

Isn't there a thread by a lovely woman who has a degenerative spinal condition and whose husband is leaving her after many "idyllic" years and children together precisely because she is now disabled? Bet her kids will be there for her, though.

 

Wake up, man! If your wife is so mentally damaged, immature, and selfish she wants you to neglect your won child she isn't the kind of woman who would take care of you should something tragic happen.

Edited February 5, 2015 by MJJean

[MJJean]

When my cousin got married she invited her father out of politeness but didn't want him to carry her to the isle. because she was a baby when he left... she feels nothing just! He was so ashamed he didn't went to her wedding. I heard he is a bitter man and would love to get to know all his grandsons now but well, he is dealing with the consequences of something he chose many years ago.

 

Yup. My biological father sent in a letter when I was a young teen that someday I would want him to walk me down the aisle. Nope. I didn't think of him at all when I got married.

 

I am converting to my husbands faith. He's catholic and I will be, too. Even though we have been civilly married for 12 years, our Church doesn't recognize the marriage because I was previously married and divorced. I am in the process of annulment. Once that is complete, we will need to have our marriage convalidated (blessed by the Church) before I can be Confirmed and become a member of the Church.

 

Obviously, the Church marriage ceremony and the Confirmation mean a great deal to us. Because of the annulment we've had to wait nearly two years.

 

Wanna guess who WILL NOT be invited to either ceremony?

 

I'm hoping my step dad will come, though. He is in poor health due to a spinal injury, but I hope he will be there. He's the man that raised me and I want to share my special days with him.

[anika99]

I never abandoned my daughter. I love her, and morally responsible for her.

 

I have a question for you, if your dad had a good relationship with your dad, and he got paralyzed on bed, would you have taken care of him ?, would you have left your husband and boy friend and taken care of him ?.

 

I know how kids are, Just showing sympathy is not enough. As a parent, he or she should support the child and be there in their life, give them love, but majority of the kids do not care much about their parents, parents grow old, children have their own life, and in the end, end up in old age homes.

 

But thanks for your reply.

 

Oh good Lord. So this goes back to your imaginary paralysis? Okay first of all your wife is not going to take care of you if you become paralyzed. She is far to immature and selfish to be a care giver so you can take that rationalization right off the table. If you became helpless she would dump your ass so fast it would make your head spin. She wants a man to cater to her and make her insecure selfish little ego feel good and you would be of no use to her anymore if you became paralyzed.

 

 

Some kids take care of their parents in old age and some don't. Often that depends on how well you took care of them. In any case it doesn't matter. Kids don't ask to born. You don't base your decision to take care of them on whether or not you think they will take care of you. That bullsh*t. Your job is take care of your daughter. Period!

 

 

Lastly your wife's logic on this matter is seriously flawed. If you don't abandon your daughter that should make her feel good about your commitment to your children and enable her to trust you to be a good father to your future children whereas if you abandon your daughter that should make her worry that you are also capable of abandoning any children you have with her as well. I know I would never want to have a child with a man who had abandoned a child he had before he met me. I would see that as a huge red flag and never be able to trust that he wouldn't also abandon my children.

[anika99]

Oh and wanted to add, please do not have children with this woman. She will not be a good mother.

[mammasita]

OP, learn a life lesson from this man

 

Dad Refuses to Give Up Newborn Son With Down Syndrome - ABC News

[Radu]

I think, she is scared if we have kids together, I will leave her and the child and go back to my daughter. She does not want to take that risk.

 

She says "what if my ex died, you will leave me and the kids and go back and take care of your daughter ?"

 

I am of Asian background, and my wife is European.

 

Divorce is easy, I will try my best not to have a divorce, and find a solution first.

 

What country are you in ?

 

I just don't see how a 2nd Divorce would destroy your record so much.

[Treasa]

I never abandoned my daughter. I love her, and morally responsible for her.

 

I have a question for you, if your dad had a good relationship with your dad, and he got paralyzed on bed, would you have taken care of him ?, would you have left your husband and boy friend and taken care of him ?.

 

I know how kids are, Just showing sympathy is not enough. As a parent, he or she should support the child and be there in their life, give them love, but majority of the kids do not care much about their parents, parents grow old, children have their own life, and in the end, end up in old age homes.

 

But thanks for your reply.

 

My partner would be there to help me take care of my father if I had a good relationship with my father. However, I also chose a really decent man to be my partner, so that's probably why.