nittygritty Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I am not going to break any contact with my daughter, I will always be in her life. My first marriage was a disaster, I got married when I did not want to, due to pressure from her family side. There was no love in our marriage. My Wife says the same, you never loved her. Leave the past and start fresh with her. But how can i leave my daughter, its impossible. I want to try my best, first we will go and see a marriage counselor. I am 35. I do get worried that a second divorce on my record will be bad. May be I will stay single all my life. If you get a second divorce because your wife is extremely jealous of your daughter and demanded that you cut off contact, I think anyone would understand. Just be honest with them about the reasons you chose to divorce your wife. I don't think marriage counseling can fix your wife's problems. Fix your relationship with your daughter. You have likely traumatized your daughter by choosing to be married to someone that wants you to hurt and abandon your child. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 You can and should divorce your wife because she hasn't accepted your daughter and is trying to make you choose. That is an unhealthy love, ANY person who does what your wife is trying to do has major issues. This should be a deal breaker! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I just want to check something with you. You do know that what she is asking is not normal or acceptable don't you? Please say yes! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cynicalme Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I am 35. I do get worried that a second divorce on my record will be bad. May be I will stay single all my life. Your record? You need to stay single until your daughter is grown up and on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 She has no special needs, my wife said, if she had special needs she would have been ok. I want to have a relationship with my daughter. At the same time, her mom takes good care of her. What the hell is wrong with you? Is a piece of tail worth losing your CHILD???? If you do this, you are without a doubt, one of the lowest forms of life I have ever heard of. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 OP, your daughter is a very present reminder that once upon a time you loved another woman very much and made her your wife. Your current wife feels threatened by such reminder that she is not "the only one". Your wife's requests are self-centered and driven by her insecurity, those are her issues and neither you nor your daughter should suffer the loss of a father-daughter relationship simply because the new woman you married is extremely insecure. I don't think you need to get divorced just because you want to have a relationship with your daughter, but you do need to let current wife know that while you love her and want to be married to her, you cannot throw away a relationship with your flesh and blood just because she is feeling insecure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadbird Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 I never loved my ex, there was no love, due to circumstances we got married. I care about my daughter. I will never abandon her. I am morally responsible for her. I do not want a divorce either, because I love my wife. She is insecure. But I am going to tell her. That I want to be married to her, and not separate. My ex said, I never loved my ex, why should I care about the past. But my daughter is flesh and blood, that she does not understand. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Like I said: Your daughter is your flesh and blood. She is as important - no sorry, MORE SO - than you marriage, now. You had better make this very clear to her. And tell her, this is not up for discussion and had better never be, again. She had better accept this gracefully and work towards welcoming your daughter into your relationship UNCONDITIONALLY - or walk. That's it. Those are her choices. Now, let her choose. But fight for your daughter. If your wife walks away, she's definitely not worth fighting for. Got it?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sadbird Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 I talked to my wife, I said I cannot leave my daughter. She cried and said, she said her heart might allow her to accept it, but her mind does not. She told me a bunch of options. 1. She will be free and do what she wants. 2. Divorce. 3. I can talk to my daughter on phone and nothing more. She said, she does not want to take risk with her life. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) I say choose door #2. Repeating: your wife is a loon. Drop her like the bad habit she is. Everything she says in relation to your daughter is pure insanity. This will always be an issue, your daughter will never be able to visit you comfortably in your own home, and it will never stop stressing you out. Time to put an end to the madness. No matter what she says, she tricked you before you were married and is now pulling this crap on you, convinced that you won't leave her. She doesn't want to take risks with her life?? Does she think your daughter is going to kill her or something?? This whole discussion is beyond ridiculous. Edited February 3, 2015 by bathtub-row 6 Link to post Share on other sites
hyrule Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Why are you still losing your time with a woman that doesn't accept your child? Honestly, she should have taken your daughter as if she was her own kid! I would not accept anything else. You have put this kid in this world, and now you're responsible for her well being. Be a man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissLilly Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I talked to my wife, I said I cannot leave my daughter. She cried and said, she said her heart might allow her to accept it, but her mind does not. She told me a bunch of options. 1. She will be free and do what she wants. 2. Divorce. 3. I can talk to my daughter on phone and nothing more. She said, she does not want to take risk with her life. I'm even surprised this situation deserves a thread. I mean, really? if there was a "nuttiness" award your wife would be getting hers every damn year. I mean, she knew you had a daughter and still agreed to marry you... she was supposed to LOVE you, and your daughter is a part of you! And see, this is pure emotional blackmail, because she thinks she has you wrapped around her finger. I'm sorry to inform you but she doesn't love you, she thinks she owns you, like a toy. But what makes me angry, more than this coconut you have as a wife, is that you are flirting with the idea of abandoning your own child. Because of a manipulative, insane woman! Sorry, I truly doubt someone in here will say "do it". What do you plan to do, after all? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Wow your wife is beyond crazy, and you're crazy for not leaving her the second she decided she was jealous about your daughter. Good luck having any kind of life that doesn't revolve around this new wife - if she has a problem with you having a relationship with your daughter, there's at least a 95% chance this ends with you tied to a bed so you won't be out of her sight - sort of like the movie Misery. Good luck with that. Link to post Share on other sites
MissLilly Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 When I met my wife, I told her I have a daughter, and if she had any problems with it, she said no. It was only after a few months, she started having issues. This was triggered one day, when I told her, I need permission from my ex wife, if i have to leave some where. At that time I was also watching my daughter. This was before we got married to each other. How old is she (your wife)? She must be really retarded (I'm so sorry to vent this way, but this is one of the saddest situations i've even seen, it's like a twisted Cinderella modern tale) if she never considered you would have to keep in touch with your ex wife and work together to raise the child you both brought to this world. She knew she was dating a divorced man with a child. A minor to raise, to take care of and that you'd have responsibilities until she turned independent and could walk her own path. Why now? She waited until you both married to show her claws? In my country divorced parents share the task to raise their children. The "guardian" parent (I don't know the english terms and if this applies to all countries) shares the responsibilities with the other parent, and if this other parent wants to travel with the children they must agree (the parents) and in here is necessary even a paper signed by a judge to travel with children overseas. EVEN if you are married to each other and one of you will travel alone with the kids. My country is not even a "first world" country so I bet in America and Europe isn't too much different than this. It's expected, normal and the right thing to do! The PARENTS to keep in touch for the best interests of THEIR kids. You can divorce someone and not see this person as a love interest anymore but you can never forget or dismiss the product of this relationship, the children. Why did she choose to date a man with a child? There are plenty of childless men everywhere, I wonder if she's so nuts she didn't figure this out Is truly sad if you choose your "amazing" wife. I wonder how broken this poor girl's heart will be when she thinks her dad abandoned her. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I talked to my wife, I said I cannot leave my daughter. She cried and said, she said her heart might allow her to accept it, but her mind does not. She told me a bunch of options. 1. She will be free and do what she wants. 2. Divorce. 3. I can talk to my daughter on phone and nothing more. She said, she does not want to take risk with her life. Divorce her. You have no other option. Shame on your wife. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I talked to my wife, I said I cannot leave my daughter. She cried and said, she said her heart might allow her to accept it, but her mind does not. She told me a bunch of options. 1. She will be free and do what she wants. 2. Divorce. 3. I can talk to my daughter on phone and nothing more. She said, she does not want to take risk with her life. She gave you options, so pick one and stick with it. *HINT* The correct option is #2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I talked to my wife, I said I cannot leave my daughter. She cried and said, she said her heart might allow her to accept it, but her mind does not. She told me a bunch of options. 1. She will be free and do what she wants. 2. Divorce. 3. I can talk to my daughter on phone and nothing more. She said, she does not want to take risk with her life. Is this for real? On the off chance that it is: Grow a pair. Divorce this wing nut you call a wife, and stay single. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Please, please, please leave your wife. And - whatever you do - DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HER! God help if the likes of her procreates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Please, please, please leave your wife. And - whatever you do - DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HER! God help if the likes of her procreates. He needs to never procreate either. The fact that a 35 year old FATHER would even consider these requests is a testament to his (poor) judgement and immaturity. Wrap it up, OP. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I talked to my wife, I said I cannot leave my daughter. She cried and said, she said her heart might allow her to accept it, but her mind does not. She told me a bunch of options. 1. She will be free and do what she wants. 2. Divorce. 3. I can talk to my daughter on phone and nothing more. She said, she does not want to take risk with her life. Divorce her. I guarantee you she will straighten up. Just tell her you have opted for Divorce and watch her reaction. She is some demon to demand that you leave your child for her? Your child is your own flesh and blood and will be the one you can depend on in your old age. Your wife is a jealous, insecure witch to even suggest you leave your child. Ugh, if I were you I wouldn't even want the wife anymore after saying such a thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Just give me ONE REASON for you to stay with this crazy woman after all she has done for you. JUST ONE! She didn't realize that after you two got married, your child became HER as well. Not by flesh and blood, but any sensible and not crazy person would have taken the child and raised she like one of their own. Just imagine how much trauma you would give your daughter if you never saw her again and talked only by phone. Neglected kids really do suffer up into their adults life by some actions their parents took in their childhood. Or if this doesn't get to you, would you like to be replaced as a father figure by some other guy? Because that's what is gonna happen if your wife gets her way. In the name of your child's future, please let go of this bimbo and give your daughter all the love she deserves. Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I talked to my wife, I said I cannot leave my daughter. She cried and said, she said her heart might allow her to accept it, but her mind does not. She told me a bunch of options. 1. She will be free and do what she wants. 2. Divorce. 3. I can talk to my daughter on phone and nothing more. She said, she does not want to take risk with her life. Is your wife an alcoholic or on drugs? She is crazy! You need to divorce her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I don't think his wife is crazy so much as she is a controlling selfish self centered bit*h!! She is hell bent on controlling and exerting her will over her husband. If he give in on this she will just up the ante and find even more ridiculous demands to make of her husband. His whole life will be spent trying to meet her outrageous demands. I pick option 2 as well but I doubt the OP has the backbone to do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Eh, I'm not going to repeat what everyone else has said, but I do find it interesting to be reading this while my father is texting me and nagging me to call him. See, he and my mom divorced when I was two, and he was either abusive or neglectful to me completely, so I learned to be without a father. His second wife didn't want him to have anything to do with me, so he didn't. MANY years later, he has two divorces on his "record", hates his second wife, and is slowly coming to the realization that while I may be genetically related to him, I don't owe him jack **** and don't feel like I need to do what he asks/demands. He believes he's dying, and desperately wants me in his life now. It's going to be interesting in 15-20 years when the shoe is on the other foot and it's you who needs your daughter. If you throw her away now, don't expect her to have any qualms about telling you to go to hell. I did it and still don't have any problems ignoring my father. I just hope your ex-wife finds a really good father figure for your daughter, or that you nut up before it's too late. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Eh, I'm not going to repeat what everyone else has said, but I do find it interesting to be reading this while my father is texting me and nagging me to call him. See, he and my mom divorced when I was two, and he was either abusive or neglectful to me completely, so I learned to be without a father. His second wife didn't want him to have anything to do with me, so he didn't. MANY years later, he has two divorces on his "record", hates his second wife, and is slowly coming to the realization that while I may be genetically related to him, I don't owe him jack **** and don't feel like I need to do what he asks/demands. He believes he's dying, and desperately wants me in his life now. It's going to be interesting in 15-20 years when the shoe is on the other foot and it's you who needs your daughter. If you throw her away now, don't expect her to have any qualms about telling you to go to hell. I did it and still don't have any problems ignoring my father. I just hope your ex-wife finds a really good father figure for your daughter, or that you nut up before it's too late. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. But you sound like a very strong, grounded young woman. Sure hope the OP reads what you've so eloquently written. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts