Chatty took an hour long lunch break then proceeded to come back to her desk and eat!

[whichwayisup]

That would be great if I could do something like that but I would NEVER tell anyone that--stranger or friend. I never let my real feelings come out.

 

What are you so afraid of? Do you think so little of yourself that you can't stand up and speak your mind?

 

Someone's bratty 4 year old was once hitting me and spitting on me and I just sat and smiled while he did that rather than tell him to stop and his parents sat there and watched him.

 

So you couldn't say "Hey, stop that right now, do NOT hit me and spit on me!" and shove that kid off of you. Or even say to the parents, "Control your rude child, teach him some manners." They were perfect strangers, you could have stood up for yourself.

 

Same goes with your issues at home, you're passive and do nothing.

 

Things will always remain the same, day in an day out unless you speak up and say something. And your resentment/irritation/anger etc. will continue to build up. To vent about the same stuff because you're afraid to rock the boat is all on you.

 

Mapper, to start you should talk to another co worker and ask her how she thinks you can handle it with chatty cathy. Maybe it'll help ease your mind.

[TigerLilly78]

That would be great if I could do something like that but I would NEVER tell anyone that--stranger or friend. I never let my real feelings come out.

Believe me I am one of the most passive non confrontational people you will ever meet in real life. I was quiet until it gave me a serious migraine hoping the rude cow would shut up. But once it became clear she had no intention and I started getting sick I had to act its just self preservation. You need to figure out why you lack that basic instinct?

 

Cause being non confrontational is great and I highly recommend it when ever possible. But! being life's door mat is not. I dont think the true issue here is chatty Cathy but rather your own inability to confront her and possibialy solve the problem for all you know she might apologise and stop but unless you try and stand up for yourself you will never know.

[Mapper71]

What are you so afraid of? Do you think so little of yourself that you can't stand up and speak your mind?

 

 

 

So you couldn't say "Hey, stop that right now, do NOT hit me and spit on me!" and shove that kid off of you. Or even say to the parents, "Control your rude child, teach him some manners." They were perfect strangers, you could have stood up for yourself.

 

Nope I couldn't even tell the kid to stop. He's not my kid. It's not my job to discipline him. The parents weren't perfect strangers. We had known them for a few months. I didn't want to tell them to do anything either because it's not my job to tell them what to do with their kid. Yes they were damn ignorant not saying anything, but once again, not my job to tell them how to discipline their kid.

 

Yup, I'm pretty much the biggest doormat you'll ever meet. I still don't do what I want in life, rather I make sure I do what makes everyone else happy. Oh so many times I had to come up wiht excuses to my friends as to why I couldn't go out with them because my mom got mad that I was going out both Friday and Saturday nights when I was 21 years old. So instead I sat at home bored to please her. I don't go out with friends or after work functions now because my husband gets aggravated if he doesn't get to go most of the time so rather than deal with him being pissed, I just make up stupid excuses as to why I can't go out. I am missing out on a ton of things in life because I don't want to rock the boat.

[Timshel]

Nope I couldn't even tell the kid to stop. He's not my kid. It's not my job to discipline him. The parents weren't perfect strangers. We had known them for a few months. I didn't want to tell them to do anything either because it's not my job to tell them what to do with their kid. Yes they were damn ignorant not saying anything, but once again, not my job to tell them how to discipline their kid.

 

Yup, I'm pretty much the biggest doormat you'll ever meet. I still don't do what I want in life, rather I make sure I do what makes everyone else happy. Oh so many times I had to come up wiht excuses to my friends as to why I couldn't go out with them because my mom got mad that I was going out both Friday and Saturday nights when I was 21 years old. So instead I sat at home bored to please her. I don't go out with friends or after work functions now because my husband gets aggravated if he doesn't get to go most of the time so rather than deal with him being pissed, I just make up stupid excuses as to why I can't go out. I am missing out on a ton of things in life because I don't want to rock the boat.

 

There is zero shame in being agreeable. Mapper71, being a doormat to this extent is not healthy or productive. Have you considered doing some activities that involve stepping outside of your comfort zone? Rock climbing, hiking, martial arts; essentially an activity that challenges your fears and helps to foster boldness. Doing something physically challenging often encourages a healthy sense of fearlessness and infuences other areas of your life. Also, it really turns out to be a blast.

[Mapper71]

There is zero shame in being agreeable. Mapper71, being a doormat to this extent is not healthy or productive. Have you considered doing some activities that involve stepping outside of your comfort zone? Rock climbing, hiking, martial arts; essentially an activity that challenges your fears and helps to foster boldness. Doing something physically challenging often encourages a healthy sense of fearlessness and infuences other areas of your life. Also, it really turns out to be a blast.

 

Hell, I don't even like to go into the kitchen at work if there's anyone else there because I already have a feeling they think I'm weird and they never really know what to say to me and I don't know what to say to them. I'd like to join a gym but the fact of having to go in an possibly meet with a trainer the first few times freaks me out so I don't go. I'd like to go into a few of the small novelty shops in the area around where I work but don't go in there because there's usually nobody there and they will probably have their eyes on me the whole time I'm there and expect me to buy something. I'd like to go into this gelato shop around the corner but feel weird going in there alone for whatever reason even though there's always people in there. I'd like to go have a facial and massage at a spa but feel weird about going in. I don't experience anything because I am too afraid of the imaginary "what if's" of the situation.

[hotgurl]

What a sad way to live. I think you would benefit from some therapy and maybe anti-anxiety medications.

 

Do you want to continue on this way or would you like to change?

[hotgurl]

When I was having a hard time at one point i was seeing a therapist. I was having at the time an issue trying to decide whether or not to buy a house.

 

I was getting stuck in fear and the what ifs. ( I think it is called catastrophic thinking).

 

Anyway she had me do this exercise. Play out the what is to the end.

 

And see if you can live with the worst case scenario.

 

So what if you went to the Gelato shop alone? What is the worst that could happen? Can you live with it?

[Timshel]

I agree with hotgurl and I will add, take a deep breath outside the shop and leap. Do it. Stand there..take a breath..and in the words of Tom Cruise in "Risky Business;" "Every now and then, you have to say what the F..., what the F.. brings freedom...freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future."

 

Then walk in.

[preraph]

It's not as if most of us haven't seen inequities in the workplace. Most of my life, I've seen the men in the offices I work at making twice as much as I do for less work and taking off to go play golf with the boss. And nearly every place I've worked I've had to watch while these same men hovered around the youngest girl's desk trying to chat her up even though they're twice her age and married with kids. So there's a lot of inequity in the workplace. But you can't control it. At some point you have to accept this is the dynamics and either stay or go. If you have any positiion, you can sometimes fight it, but it won't always end well.

[TigerLilly78]

What a sad way to live. I think you would benefit from some therapy and maybe anti-anxiety medications.

 

Do you want to continue on this way or would you like to change?

 

Yes agreed when I was a young adult I suffered terrible anxiety not quite this bad but similar its not a fun way to live op mine also made me angry at others when in reality it was just me who couldn't communicate properly in the first place I agree it might benefit you to seek some counseling and maybe try some anxiety meds..

[whichwayisup]

Nope I couldn't even tell the kid to stop. He's not my kid. It's not my job to discipline him. The parents weren't perfect strangers. We had known them for a few months. I didn't want to tell them to do anything either because it's not my job to tell them what to do with their kid. Yes they were damn ignorant not saying anything, but once again, not my job to tell them how to discipline their kid.

 

So what if he wasn't your kid. He was doing something bad and wrong, which you could have lifted him off of you and walked away or told him to stop. THAT is not disciplining him, it's not like you're gonna smack the kid!

 

 

 

Yup, I'm pretty much the biggest doormat you'll ever meet. I still don't do what I want in life, rather I make sure I do what makes everyone else happy. Oh so many times I had to come up wiht excuses to my friends as to why I couldn't go out with them because my mom got mad that I was going out both Friday and Saturday nights when I was 21 years old. So instead I sat at home bored to please her. I don't go out with friends or after work functions now because my husband gets aggravated if he doesn't get to go most of the time so rather than deal with him being pissed, I just make up stupid excuses as to why I can't go out. I am missing out on a ton of things in life because I don't want to rock the boat.

 

Then all this is your problem. You can't blame anybody but yourself for your own choices. To be a people pleaser 24/7 and not live your life for "you" will be your downfall and you'll continue to be unhappy and have resentments build up.

[Mapper71]

So what if he wasn't your kid. He was doing something bad and wrong, which you could have lifted him off of you and walked away or told him to stop. THAT is not disciplining him, it's not like you're gonna smack the kid!

 

 

 

 

 

Then all this is your problem. You can't blame anybody but yourself for your own choices. To be a people pleaser 24/7 and not live your life for "you" will be your downfall and you'll continue to be unhappy and have resentments build up.

 

Yup you are absolutely right.

[Timshel]

I agree with hotgurl and I will add, take a deep breath outside the shop and leap. Do it. Stand there..take a breath..and in the words of Tom Cruise in "Risky Business;" "Every now and then, you have to say what the F..., what the F.. brings freedom...freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future."

 

Then walk in.

 

Wear shades.

 

You know what you can handle. Social anxiety is a real thing. Baby steps. Hotgurl is right. A little bit of who gives a F..., therapy, anti-anxiety med. (maybe, not a pill popper but could get you over a crucial hump.)

No worries, competent intelligent OP.

[pink_sugar]

I don't want to rock the boat. I am quiet and shy and confronting her or HR about the problem is not something I'd do. I'd be scared to death to come into work and deal with the repercussions from her finding out I can't stand her. Hell, if someone had a gun to my head and was trying to kidnap me I'd probably be quiet as a mouse and not scream because I'd wonder "I don't want to disturb anyone even though I might die". Someone's bratty 4 year old was once hitting me and spitting on me and I just sat and smiled while he did that rather than tell him to stop and his parents sat there and watched him. Didn't want to rock the boat with anyone! I pretty much never want to hurt anyone's feelings. Just keeping all my anger internalized.

 

I used to be in your spot. I still am to some extent. (My cousin ran all over me and I eventually blew up from holding it all in) But it's not like this is an issue about you or about your wages. Also, HR isn't going to reveal that it was you who complained. They will just bring your coworker in privately to discuss the issues you brought up and basically say "we have heard some complaints" etc. But trust me, it's better to get it out now versus being passive aggressive and letting it all pile up until you slip up and it might cost you.

[Mapper71]

Okay I CANNOT let this one go!

 

Yesterday one of our colleagues, who Chatty always enlists to "help" do her work (which means give it all to her so she doesn't have to do it rather than learn how to do it!) had to leave early for an appt and wasn't coming back. Well this colleague checked her work email at her appt and forwarded on a pertinent email to Chatty that needed resolution right away. It was regarding a bunch of things missing from some manuscript that needed to be put back in and this was for a book that Chatty headed up. Even though we all help out on each others books, it is the person designated to head up that book who ultimately has to make sure everything is correct. Well Chatty just goes on a rage about it saying "Oh for f***'s sake! I don't even know what they want! It is such a mess! If Jane (the colleague) was here she would be able to do it! Oh my god! Do they REALLY need this back right away? Can't it wait until Jane is back tomorrow? Look at this? This doesn't even make any sense!" Well YOU sent it in that way! This was an hour before I was leaving for the day and she could not or would not calm down and try to figure out a resolution to it! You know what she did instead. Put it aside and went back to reading her book! Nobody else offered her any help and I sure as hell wasn't going to! Well she didn't even ask for anyone's help because "only Jane can help me". Nope I'm pretty sure the rest of us could have helped you but we all have our own work to do and I'm sorry that you have some emergency thing you need to do that is taking you away from Facebook and your book! I'm sorry that rather than take time to learn how to do certain aspects of your job and fix things you just brush it off and let someone else do it for you so you can get back to surfing the web and taking your (at least!) 2 calls a day from your husband to talk about what you're working on and what's for dinner! I think she was expecting us to all come to her rescue with all her whining. Why is it when she gets something urgent or gets anything that requires her to work it turns into THE BIGGEST THING EVER that requires her to keep saying just how much work she has to do? Why is it the rest of us can handle things being thrown at us and not say one word about it?

 

I believe she showed extremely unprofessional behavior. The constant raving about how hard it was, not to mention the "Oh for f***'s sake" comment because it was on her and her alone to fix something. It was YOUR book! I have no idea how or if she took care of it but I'm sure before she even sits at her desk this morning she'll be raving to Jane and us about how it took her FOREVER to fix it or she'll say how she needs Jane's help ASAP!

Edited January 28, 2015 by Mapper71

[whichwayisup]

I'm having a hard time figuring out what it is the job/business actually is. Is the business is being run out of someone's house/livingroom? Is there NOT one person in charge, a BOSS in charge who can deal with this? Not any of you will call this chatty Cathy woman out on her laziness and bullshi.t? If she was working somewhere else, a media outlet or a bank etc., NO way would this behaviour and shi.tty attitude of hers go on for so long. She'd get verbal and/or written warnings, until she would lose her job. Or change her ways. WTF.

 

I don't get why none of you have spoken to her and told her to stop with the personal stuff she does all day and START acting professional, DO the actual work and pull her weight, instead of sitting around and doing nothing. Anywhere else, really, this woman would be fired already.

[Mapper71]

I'm having a hard time figuring out what it is the job/business actually is. Is the business is being run out of someone's house/livingroom? Is there NOT one person in charge, a BOSS in charge who can deal with this? Not any of you will call this chatty Cathy woman out on her laziness and bull****? If she was working somewhere else, a media outlet or a bank etc., NO way would this behaviour and shi.tty attitude of hers go on for so long. She'd get verbal and/or written warnings, until she would lose her job. Or change her ways. WTF.

 

I don't get why none of you have spoken to her and told her to stop with the personal stuff she does all day and START acting professional, DO the actual work and pull her weight, instead of sitting around and doing nothing. Anywhere else, really, this woman would be fired already.

 

We are a travel company. It's a weird set up. There is a main building that houses about 75 of the 100 people or so that work here. Across the street from the building there are 2 houses next door to each other which are rented out by the company where the other 25 or so people work with their departments because there is no room in the main building. So yes, throughout the house we have computer/desk setups in the living room, dining room, bedrooms. The manager of our department sits right upstairs from us. She is an editor and knows how long it takes the other editors to do their work and such but the other 4 of us aren't editors and do something pretty different which she doesn't really understand the process of so we could tell her that such and such is a real bear and will take all day and she'll believe us when it really may just take 2 hours to do.

 

Like I have said, nobody rocks the boat here. We are all like a family and don't tattle and just suck it up.

[CarrieT]

We are all like a family and don't tattle and just suck it up.

But you don't just suck it up; you let it fester and I'm willing to bet it is affecting your health.

 

A family, maybe - but a very dysfunctional one if you don't have the balls to talk to a supervisor (i.e., a PARENT) about a bratty child.

[Mapper71]

But you don't just suck it up; you let it fester and I'm willing to bet it is affecting your health.

 

A family, maybe - but a very dysfunctional one if you don't have the balls to talk to a supervisor (i.e., a PARENT) about a bratty child.

 

Well then I guess me along with the other 10 people in the house are dysfunctional.

[whichwayisup]

This is much different that just not speaking up because of little things, I get that you're a family feel atmosphere company BUT, this is extreme and her unprofessional attitude, her laziness IS affecting you way too much. Probably others too.

 

Either ALL of you together have a group meeting and politely talk to her, tell her the expectations she must follow and work harder, no personal stuff on company time and sort it out in a calm and mature/professional way, or just continue to suck it up and allow resentments to build up until one of you (probably you) loses it and blows up at her!

 

To not want to rock the boat in this situation and it IS extreme, is very passive of you all. Family atmosphere or not, she has to be dealt with accordingly.

[preraph]

Most people who have been with a company as long as she has are going to be more delegating work than doing the gruntwork themselves.

[whichwayisup]

Well then I guess me along with the other 10 people in the house are dysfunctional.

 

Yes you all are. To allow this woman to have such power over ALL of you, is bloody ridiculous! To work in fear of 'oops, chatty Cathy will get upset if someone says something to her, oops, I don't wanna feel uncomfortable at work because I might rock the boat. So, this is better? How things are now?

 

Why don't you and the other 10 have a meeting about this and decide together HOW to handle chatty Cathy? Something has to be done. Otherwise, I as I mentioned before, just suck it up and stop complaining about it. Doing NOTHING and getting upset is pointless. SO pointless.

[Mapper71]

Most people who have been with a company as long as she has are going to be more delegating work than doing the gruntwork themselves.

 

No, nobody delegates their work to someone else here! We all have duties and each one of us has a load of work and are responsible for our assigned books. The guy who's been here nearly 30 years does all his own stuff and asks for help occasionally when he is bogged down. I respect him very much. You SHOULD ask for help when you have a lot on your plate. Chatty just shoves her work in everyone else's faces because it cuts into her Facebook time! If anything, she should be looking over the work of the ones who haven't been here as long to make sure it's right but she can't even get her own stuff right as we saw from yesterday's debaucle!

[whichwayisup]

Chatty just shoves her work in everyone else's faces because it cuts into her Facebook time! If anything, she should be looking over the work of the ones who haven't been here as long to make sure it's right but she can't even get her own stuff right as we saw from yesterday's debaucle!

 

FFS, then DO something about it. Tell her to do her own work, that you're too busy to pick up the slack on her behalf.

 

Seriously, this absolutely crazy that none of you have the confidence or capability to do something about this and make changes for the better. THAT is unprofessional, IMO.

[rester]

This latest issue doesn't even involve you. It's Chatty's problem and it's the other lady's problem. Let them work it out. If Chatty is bothering you and making it difficult for you to work, you need to speak up. Nothing is going to change without taking action. Complaining on loveshack is not taking action.

 

Speak to a manager or speak to Chatty or update your resume and look for something else, although that last option seems to be a bit over the top for the situation.

 

Consider speaking up to be a personal development challenge.