Does the BS wish they had divorced their WS 5,10, 20 years later?

[autumnnight]

Right?! If any forgiving is going to happen on my end it will be to forgive myself for choosing such a sh*tty partner in life.

 

This makes me sad. I don't care what you chose, it is not YOUR fault your spouse chose to cheat. And you should not have to have some special future cheating radar to protect yourself from being cheated on. It should be a gvien that when your spouse makes a vow they are going to keep it.

 

There was nothing wrong with you.

[dreamingoftigers]

This makes me sad. I don't care what you chose, it is not YOUR fault your spouse chose to cheat. And you should not have to have some special future cheating radar to protect yourself from being cheated on. It should be a gvien that when your spouse makes a vow they are going to keep it.

 

There was nothing wrong with you.

 

I have only recently begun to believe this.

 

 

The other thing that really burned is that I have quite a weight problem.

 

 

After the infidelit(ies) I felt like a total loser, like there was no way my "fat lazy ass" could ever measure up to being as great as whatever women he would go with.

 

 

I could give him the Moon and none of that would matter because he would be to obsessed with lesbian porn or whatever girl was in a bikini. Meanwhile screaming at me about what an effing b*tch I was because I was sick of him mooching, drinking, disappearing for days on end, threatening to leave, in the last year becoming violent, taking money out of the joint accounts and leaving us with nothing before rent was due on more than one occasion. (The second time wasn't because I left a ton of money in a joint account, he actually took my cheque, cashed in through the joint account and took off. He did that once with a birthday cheque from my grandmother too). He also got into my ADD meds on more than one occasion. He would threaten to have me removed from my own home and find a way to get custody of our daughter. And honestly, I was scared that even if he got joint custody that he would be a total trainwreck with her.

 

 

Now I realize that he doesn't have a hope in Hell. And he better bring it, because I had no problem keeping notes and his abusive texts over the years. Emails too.

 

 

Finally, I am quite annoyed that he was rarely supportive of me eating more healthily. It turns out, I have polycystic Ovarian. My weight is largely due to that and a thyroid issue that was recently diagnosed.

 

 

So here I was, working my arse off, supporting him while he just crapped on my very soul like I was inadequate and I have a medical condition, which is treatable. And I can lose weight (but I know for a fact that I have to cut out every last bit of refined sugar, wheat, dairy and soy) I have done it before and NOTHING ELSE WORKS. I am so easily put off-balance.

 

 

It was just one more thing he could have been a DECENT partner about, but instead he used my flaw as a weapon against me and grounds for his own entitlement.

 

 

And now he wonders why I don't want him to come home? Really?

 

 

Like, Sweetheart, just check my posting history, and then GO AWAY.

[autumnnight]

I have only recently begun to believe this.

 

 

The other thing that really burned is that I have quite a weight problem.

 

 

After the infidelit(ies) I felt like a total loser, like there was no way my "fat lazy ass" could ever measure up to being as great as whatever women he would go with.

 

 

I could give him the Moon and none of that would matter because he would be to obsessed with lesbian porn or whatever girl was in a bikini. Meanwhile screaming at me about what an effing b*tch I was because I was sick of him mooching, drinking, disappearing for days on end, threatening to leave, in the last year becoming violent, taking money out of the joint accounts and leaving us with nothing before rent was due on more than one occasion. (The second time wasn't because I left a ton of money in a joint account, he actually took my cheque, cashed in through the joint account and took off. He did that once with a birthday cheque from my grandmother too). He also got into my ADD meds on more than one occasion. He would threaten to have me removed from my own home and find a way to get custody of our daughter. And honestly, I was scared that even if he got joint custody that he would be a total trainwreck with her.

 

 

Now I realize that he doesn't have a hope in Hell. And he better bring it, because I had no problem keeping notes and his abusive texts over the years. Emails too.

 

 

Finally, I am quite annoyed that he was rarely supportive of me eating more healthily. It turns out, I have polycystic Ovarian. My weight is largely due to that and a thyroid issue that was recently diagnosed.

 

 

So here I was, working my arse off, supporting him while he just crapped on my very soul like I was inadequate and I have a medical condition, which is treatable. And I can lose weight (but I know for a fact that I have to cut out every last bit of refined sugar, wheat, dairy and soy) I have done it before and NOTHING ELSE WORKS. I am so easily put off-balance.

 

 

It was just one more thing he could have been a DECENT partner about, but instead he used my flaw as a weapon against me and grounds for his own entitlement.

 

 

And now he wonders why I don't want him to come home? Really?

 

 

Like, Sweetheart, just check my posting history, and then GO AWAY.

 

(((hug))))

 

Why do people who are supposed to love us hurt us and then just....not care?

[dreamingoftigers]

(((hug))))

 

Why do people who are supposed to love us hurt us and then just....not care?

 

Because some people were either so abused or so entitled in childhood, without a witness to it all, that they lack empathy.

[Selfish]

Have other BSs noticed that they've had far more lectures from people on WSs side (than WSs get) about how we shouldn't react badly, we should forgive, WE need to do blah blah blah. Who are these people? What planet do they come from? I REACT with "don't talk to ME! Talk to him!". And I guess I shouldn't "react" at all.

 

Lion Heart.

The part about more than ws get is completely untrue. The people who get the most flack (if the marriage wasn't that bad you shouldn't have cheated being one example) are the cheaters themselves. The people who get coddled the most besides ow to other ow possibly are the bs. Because they are the victims. And there is nothing wrong with that.

 

But I will never believe a bs isn't accountable for their actions. It goes against everything lectured on here to everyone. We simply are. No one makes us do anything we don't choose to do unless they have a gun to our head. People who let their emotions take over and go out of control need to realize they are responsible for their own actions. Blaming others is simply cowardly nature. This is actions im talking about, not emotions. Do I think all actions done are wrong or bad? No but good or bad they are your actions, 100% on you. Do I think crazy acts done by the bs are understandable? Of course and I among my friends would never come down on them or say otherwise. But on a forum where hypotheticals are talked about or actions are encouraged I believe everyone should be encouraged to take the higher moral ground. Whether it is a WS to end an affair or an OW to remove herself from that situation or a BS to work on having good coping skills and make choices they can be proud of.

[drifter777]

It really is a choice and it's not faking it, try reading any of these titles:

 

Amazon.com: happiness is a choice

No, its not and it's ridicules to say such a thing out loud.

[Lion Heart]

Good grief! Do they all say that or did we see the same MC? Doubt it since I was in a rural setting. At the time, I was too numb and raw to understand why ANYone would say something so cruel and unhelpful. I knew enough to feel angry and rejected her as the person we would see then and there. I still don't understand it.

 

I'm in NSW Australia mermeade so if you are too we may have! I'm thinking there are plenty of stock standard psycho babble responses these MCs give if they have never experienced the infidelity of their spouse. In fact I think there should be codes for what each counsellor has EXPERIENCED themselves and RECOVERED from. Then I'd know who to choose. Still may not help if they are di**wits but hey I'd rather the experienced counsellor.

 

Funnily enough I healed extremely well after leaving and D my last WH. As my friend (also a psych) pointed out to me many times in the first 7 weeks after this D Day, P is NOT J. ExWH is not the present WH. She had to keep reminding me of that because the BETRAYAL felt exactly the same.

 

And just a side note to Confused and others still in pendulum style R, if WS aren't providing everything you need to heal then YOU NEED TO HEAL YOURSELF. This WH "stayed" and I didn't leave. I thought he would plain leave. He did nothing or very little that contributed to any healing for me for probably 7 weeks. I guess we were still in heated discussion mode. He'd read the "What a Wayward spouse. .." maybe 3 times at week 4 and couldn't do a thing.

 

My realizations that WH was more disabled than I thought didn't evoke any sympathy from me. I realised it was important for me to plan a secure future for myself and 3 children still at home IMMEDIATELY. I did. I did the 180 and moved on as much as I could manage. Sure I was devastated and worked at a much slower pace than normal but I couldn't risk being left in the lurch with an overblown mortgage etc. I started moving stuff out big time. The relatives house I'd organised to rent was available to us from as early as mid year. I had 5 months. WH saw this happening, kept asking what I was doing and I simply said "moving on". I told him 95% of my plans. When he saw my ACTIONS. He knew. I moved all monies, got him to sign the kids passport apps etc. (No not leaving the country with the kids for good but taking them all on my planned 50th overseas in August).

 

I'm not sure what caused WHs 180 but it happened. It's been 5 days straight and its like he's woken up. It wasn't until I was totally resigned to the fact that D was the ONLY option, then fully ACTED on it, that he swung entirely to active R mode. If his thoughts, words and actions remain in line with active R for the next 4 months, then I'll eat my following words. I'm still leaving mid year.

 

I highly recommend the 180 no matter what you actually want. We didn't WANT the sh** sandwich but we were forced to eat it. You won't want to DO the 180 but it's recovery in action whatever the outcome of the relationship.

 

Go figure hey?

 

Lion Heart.

[Lion Heart]

No, its not and it's ridicules to say such a thing out loud.

 

"Ignorance Is Bliss" is the title of a book too I'm sure.

[dichotomy]

.

 

"Forgiveness" ..... need to work on forgiving myself for choosing an unworthy spouse.

 

.

 

not so good with myself there.

 

Sigh...

[merrmeade]

I'm in NSW Australia mermeade so if you are too we may have! I'm thinking there are plenty of stock standard psycho babble responses these MCs give if they have never experienced the infidelity of their spouse. In fact I think there should be codes for what each counsellor has EXPERIENCED themselves and RECOVERED from. Then I'd know who to choose. Still may not help if they are di**wits but hey I'd rather the experienced counsellor.

 

Funnily enough I healed extremely well after leaving and D my last WH. As my friend (also a psych) pointed out to me many times in the first 7 weeks after this D Day, P is NOT J. ExWH is not the present WH. She had to keep reminding me of that because the BETRAYAL felt exactly the same.

 

And just a side note to Confused and others still in pendulum style R, if WS aren't providing everything you need to heal then YOU NEED TO HEAL YOURSELF. This WH "stayed" and I didn't leave. I thought he would plain leave. He did nothing or very little that contributed to any healing for me for probably 7 weeks. I guess we were still in heated discussion mode. He'd read the "What a Wayward spouse. .." maybe 3 times at week 4 and couldn't do a thing.

 

My realizations that WH was more disabled than I thought didn't evoke any sympathy from me. I realised it was important for me to plan a secure future for myself and 3 children still at home IMMEDIATELY. I did. I did the 180 and moved on as much as I could manage. Sure I was devastated and worked at a much slower pace than normal but I couldn't risk being left in the lurch with an overblown mortgage etc. I started moving stuff out big time. The relatives house I'd organised to rent was available to us from as early as mid year. I had 5 months. WH saw this happening, kept asking what I was doing and I simply said "moving on". I told him 95% of my plans. When he saw my ACTIONS. He knew. I moved all monies, got him to sign the kids passport apps etc. (No not leaving the country with the kids for good but taking them all on my planned 50th overseas in August).

 

I'm not sure what caused WHs 180 but it happened. It's been 5 days straight and its like he's woken up. It wasn't until I was totally resigned to the fact that D was the ONLY option, then fully ACTED on it, that he swung entirely to active R mode. If his thoughts, words and actions remain in line with active R for the next 4 months, then I'll eat my following words. I'm still leaving mid year.

 

I highly recommend the 180 no matter what you actually want. We didn't WANT the sh** sandwich but we were forced to eat it. You won't want to DO the 180 but it's recovery in action whatever the outcome of the relationship.

 

Go figure hey?

 

Lion Heart.

Hey, LH, we're decades apart and on opposite sides of the globe, but I TOTALLY get how you see things. I have a WH with the same manner of brokenness and am completely behind "if WS aren't providing everything you need to heal then YOU NEED TO HEAL."

 

What an amazing story, LH. Your courage, clarity of purpose and determination are inspiring. Having dependent children at home, though surely difficult for them and you, probably helps keep you mobilized and focused on what's essential.

 

You WILL prevail. Of that, I am 100% certain.

Edited February 19, 2015 by merrmeade

[TrustedthenBusted]

No, its not and it's ridicules to say such a thing out loud.

 

 

I happen to believe in something somewhere in the middle. Certainly grief is not a choice - at least not at first. Something bad happens, and our natural reaction is to feel grief, sorrow, anger whatever.

 

But at some point, it becomes each individuals responsibility to reach acceptance. ( not to be confused with forgiveness or happiness )

 

By acceptance, I just mean that we understand that we cannot wish away the past, and can only accept that the things that happened happened, and are moving further and further into the past each day. To NOT get to this point is to live in a constant self-imposed prison.

 

So, assuming you can get to the point of acceptance, you then have the CHOICE to be MOSTLY happy.

 

Do I still have moments where I feel sadness over what happened? Sure.

 

But was I happy when the Pats won the Superbowl? You bet! When my kid won the local MX series? You bet! When my wife got her big bonus this year? You bet!

 

Am I happy on a regular basis, doing things I enjoy with people I like, my wife included? Yes. And it's because I CHOOSE not to dwell on the things that upset me, and have made the decision to spend my days doing things I do enjoy with people I like being around. Those actions lead to happiness, and it is MY choice to take those actions.

[VeryBrokenMan]

No, its not and it's ridicules to say such a thing out loud.

 

I'm not saying you can be happy immediately following a traumatic life changing event like an affair. I'm saying that in dealing with the affair you can control your actions and thoughts and that will make you happy. I'm happy now because I choose to focus on the positives. I have my health, my finances are in order, I'm fit and have many friends. Yeah I married a cheater that did some despicable things. That does not change all the really good things about my life so why focus on that one negative and give her control of my happiness?

 

Here are some links:

 

This Is Scientific Proof That Happiness Is A Choice

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201207/sometimes-happiness-is-choice

 

Scientific Proof That Happiness Is a Choice | Next Avenue

 

I've practiced these things long before the affair (after reading books by Zig Ziglar) and I realize that that happiness leads to success.

 

Here is a great book on how actions can drive your thoughts:

 

See You at the Top = Formerly Entitled Biscuits, Fleas, and Pump Handles (Motivational series): Zig Ziglar: 9780882891262: Amazon.com: Books

[drifter777]

I'm not saying you can be happy immediately following a traumatic life changing event like an affair. I'm saying that in dealing with the affair you can control your actions and thoughts and that will make you happy. I'm happy now because I choose to focus on the positives. I have my health, my finances are in order, I'm fit and have many friends. Yeah I married a cheater that did some despicable things. That does not change all the really good things about my life so why focus on that one negative and give her control of my happiness?

 

Here are some links:

 

This Is Scientific Proof That Happiness Is A Choice

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201207/sometimes-happiness-is-choice

 

Scientific Proof That Happiness Is a Choice | Next Avenue

 

I've practiced these things long before the affair (after reading books by Zig Ziglar) and I realize that that happiness leads to success.

 

Here is a great book on how actions can drive your thoughts:

 

See You at the Top = Formerly Entitled Biscuits, Fleas, and Pump Handles (Motivational series): Zig Ziglar: 9780882891262: Amazon.com: Books

I read any pop-psychology article with great skepticism. The reason for that is from a pragmatic point of view you always need to ask yourself "who gains by producing this article?" These articles are summaries of a much larger body of research. Then those summaries are edited before they are published. Both the author and the editor are looking for catchy sound-bites that will hold the attention of a reader. You have to look at the disclaimers because they set the context wherein these sound-bites have a level of accuracy. The key disclaimer in the first article, which has the most pointers to scientific research, is this: "40 percent of our happiness is within our control". Yes, controlling up to 40 percent of your emotional outlook is significant but that leaves a large amount of room for things outside of one's control to affect our happiness.

 

Trusted: I would describe my outlook in the same way as you do. Acceptance smooths out the sharp edges of the betrayal. Lots of events in my life bring me happiness - especially those things that involve my kids & grandkids. I love to fish and other hobbies. I still have much passion for my work. These things make me a generally happy person. Probably not much different then the typical man my age. But in no way does it erase the betrayal. Just because I don't cry about it or punish her over it doesn't mean I'm happy in this area of my life. And when I examine my life I quickly conclude that staying with her after she cheated was the biggest mistake I've even made. So I feel a great deal of regret even through the acceptance that I cannot change the past. Things still trigger the deep pain and sorrow that came from her cheating and no amount of positive thinking is ever going to change that fact. I choose to go on with my life and the many, many aspects of it that are good and bring me satisfaction and happiness. But I can't look past the infidelity and find happiness with that horrible event. That's not a choice.

[dichotomy]

Breaking Free: Depressive Realism - A More Accurate Worldview But Not Necessarily a Healthy One

 

 

Interesting discussion on happiness and making a choice - thread has morphed into - still relevant I supposed to staying with a WS. Maybe I am too much a realist to be happy...

[flowergirl14]

Maybe you have to compartmentalize the ws and or the affair. There are so many other things in our lives(kids, friends, hobbies etc.) that makes us happy. Since our spouse is such a huge part of our life its hard to Not focus on the ws spouse and A. I think some days were able to be positive and happy. We are able to see a bright future. Other days its like being sucked back down into the whirlpool of grief and anger. One thing is for sure no matter how far out you are from dday. The bs never forgets. Its always there wether you R or D. It's a scar at the very least. I dont think most bs realize on Dday that this will be with them forever. I remember wondering "when will I get over this..when will i forget?" You don't!

[autumnnight]

I think there is an element of choice in everything we do. But sometimes that choice is very hard to see. I am also of the opinion that there are people who will not do or see something differently unless the pain of NOT doing it differently is greater than the pain of trying something different. Or if they stop getting whatever it is they are getting by making the same choice over and over.

 

If happiness is a choice, it is not a "tada!" once and for all choice. It has to be a long series of determining not to be defined by what happens TO us and choosing to see what there is that is good. And when someone is in the immediate aftermath of something horrible, I'm not sure it is possible.

 

I DO think we choose which feelings and attitudes we nurse and nurture.

[ladydesigner]

Maybe you have to compartmentalize the ws and or the affair. There are so many other things in our lives(kids, friends, hobbies etc.) that makes us happy. Since our spouse is such a huge part of our life its hard to Not focus on the ws spouse and A. I think some days were able to be positive and happy. We are able to see a bright future. Other days its like being sucked back down into the whirlpool of grief and anger. One thing is for sure no matter how far out you are from dday. The bs never forgets. Its always there wether you R or D. It's a scar at the very least. I dont think most bs realize on Dday that this will be with them forever. I remember wondering "when will I get over this..when will i forget?" You don't!

 

Ugh I remember thinking this as well and I think a lot of my issues are with not forgetting. I mean my WS is my trigger how can i forget?

[Lion Heart]

Breaking Free: Depressive Realism - A More Accurate Worldview But Not Necessarily a Healthy One

 

 

Interesting discussion on happiness and making a choice - thread has morphed into - still relevant I supposed to staying with a WS. Maybe I am too much a realist to be happy...

 

Dichotomy and others of similar vein to me, some of us prefer to live in truth, no matter how much the truth sucks. I do, I know you do too as tough as truth is to swallow and to digest as it destroys you from inside out but the pleasure of sh**ting it out the other end is bliss. Dealing with spousal betrayal is the worst thing I've ever dealt with (not having lost a child) NO ONE understands at all what you go through. They shouldn't insult our sensibilities by acting like they do. It reveals alot more than they think and I'm very good at scrolling past certain posts. Some people don't have credibility to comment but do anyway and that is their choice. It's our choice to scroll.

 

With the A I'm no rug - sweeper neither are you. That's why it's difficult to process. But process it you will!!! You must. Then sh** it out and flush it away to distant memory.

YOU are worth more than living in a mire.

YOU are higher than a spouses betrayal (at times a series of sex acts to get them off wtf - hilarious)

YOUR LIFE is worth FAR FAR more than having it defined by another person's actions!!!!!!

 

YOU are NOW in control of WHAT you DO. Emotions are somewhat different but "do the thing and you get the energy to do the thing". Your feelings and emotions will follow because they have no choice!

 

Your recovery from the WS A (not yours so don't own it, keep putting it in its place and realise they're clowns pretending to be REAL GROWN UP) DEPENDS on you. It could take a while for this or that to come back for you but positive healing, moving in the right direction is paramount. You're NUMBER ONE look after number 1.

 

Be VERY HIGHLY SELECTIVE about what you read, even here. About WHO you talk to. About WHO you spend time with. CERTAINLY about what you listen to.

 

I'm so pi$$ed off with some people that I'm NC with them UNTIL I think I can even cope with the sh** that pours forth from their unknowing mouths. That's good Lion Heart. Put boundaries up. Well done. Look after Number 1. Well done.

I'm learning! To listen to or read crap is very unsettling and unnerving for a BS because there's already too much to process. Don't process crap. No time for it. Treat your recovery as URGENT. It IS URGENT!!!

 

So now you have a space of peace. Your space. Guard and value it. Maintain it! Do whatever it takes to keep that space pollution free. I liken this space to me sitting in a large bubble but atm this bubble needs to be 1ft thick concrete so the spears idiots throw just bounce off.

 

Happiness is fickle.

Contentment is enduring. I aim for the latter.

 

Be content that you're doing your VERY BEST for yourSELF.

I love to have a conversation with the Lion Heart 2 months from now. I used to talk to my future self of 5 to 10 years. That future self KNOWS what you want and KNOWS how you're gonna get there. Follow your own self calling to you.

 

SO after a certain amount of preparation it's just time to board the bus to your own destination. Do the prep. Board the bus. BE the person you want to be regardless of anyone else. You'll need your space of peace first.

 

This is realism in action. Knowing you have NO control whatsoever over another person and that's fine too! THIS person just aims to control herself very well indeed.

 

Lion Heart.

[Lion Heart]

I'm 9 weeks 4 days since D Day this marraige.

 

About 21yrs since D Day of exWH (not sure because I couldn't care less! Ha ha).

 

You may not "forget" the A but I have no emotion whatsoever about exWH D Day. In fact it's humorous! DO THE WORK AND YOU DO RECOVER!!!!

 

This D Day has similarities because of the feeling of betrayal, lies, deception etc. But there's FAR FAR more at stake. Is it worse? Unsure. Don't really care TBH.

 

After doing God knows how many hours a day work on myself since the last D Day, I'm refusing to stay stuck. I'm choosing to KNOW the character of unfaithful spouses etc.

I'm choosing to see this WH for real.

I'm making moves towards total independence.

I'm now watching WH scramble but he can't topple me because I'm protecting myself.

I want to be strong so I'm being strong.

 

Once the high emotions subside (and this takes work on yourself) you gain more control emotionally and start taking control physically.

 

LH

[drifter777]

Lion Heart - I don't understand much of what have been posting recently. What's going on with you? Where are you with R and is that where you want to be? Do you have someone you can talk to about this?

[Josmatjes]

My husband chose to stay with me after my affair. He has forgiven me. The problem is that I ave not forgive myself. I'll never look at myself the same way ever again.

It's always going to be the elephant in the room. I almost wish he would divorce me because I truly don't believe I deserve to be in this R. He wants to make it work and is trying. We have a sexless marriage for a long time now and he knows this is what propelled me to be with another. It's no excuse obviously buut I don't knw how to build my marriage up when I can't even forgive myself.

 

Btw, I am an extremely honest person so this affair took away my sense of self.

[TrustedthenBusted]

My husband chose to stay with me after my affair. He has forgiven me. The problem is that I ave not forgive myself. I'll never look at myself the same way ever again.

It's always going to be the elephant in the room. I almost wish he would divorce me because I truly don't believe I deserve to be in this R. He wants to make it work and is trying. We have a sexless marriage for a long time now and he knows this is what propelled me to be with another. It's no excuse obviously buut I don't knw how to build my marriage up when I can't even forgive myself.

 

Btw, I am an extremely honest person so this affair took away my sense of self.

 

If you feel like he honestly WANTS to be with you, and isn't just staying for the house, the kids, appearances, or any of that other stuff, then for crying out loud do the right thing and enjoy and appreciate this gift you are being given.

 

To mope around in self pity, is to continue to keep your mistakes front and center for him.

[merrmeade]

Lion Heart - I don't understand much of what have been posting recently. What's going on with you? Where are you with R and is that where you want to be? Do you have someone you can talk to about this?

This IS talking, what she's doing. I totally get it. She's being fierce, screaming at the mountaintop that she WILL PREVAIL no matter what and no one will get in her way. It was a little stream of consciousness but that's okay. The mountaintop is LS. And we are her witnesses. It's healthy because it's saying "no" to depression, hopelessness, worthlessness. Whether it's coherent for someone else doesn't matter. She's screaming at the universe that she will not be defeated. I loved it.

 

[i mean, think about it: 9 weeks and however many days from Dday? Much better this than babbling and crying.]

[revelations]

A lot of BS's choose to stay in the relationship for different reasons. My view is that it is never worth it. Usually the damage that it does to someones mental health is far to great to justify staying with a cheating spouse. The best thing to do is to leave once you know you have been cheated on.

[Selfish]

A lot of BS's choose to stay in the relationship for different reasons. My view is that it is never worth it. Usually the damage that it does to someones mental health is far to great to justify staying with a cheating spouse. The best thing to do is to leave once you know you have been cheated on.

 

Never worth it for you? Or everyone?

 

Do you think or second child wasn't worth it? Or vacations and daily life full of love and happiness?

 

What isn't worth it for you may not be felt by other people.