I feel like my heart is being ripped apart....

[springy]

You were broken up. You could do as you please. How did the ex react to the news? Rebounding does not necessarily mean you are pursuing a serious relationship.

[lana-banana]

You need to shut this down, stat! Grab some girlfriends and get away for a weekend. Before then you have to block your ex (tthere's nothing to see there) and detach from this new guy as soon as possible. Between developing feelings for a guy who doesn't want a relationship and longing for your ex, you're in a precarious emotional place. Neither of these men are good for you. Hold out and keep to yourself until you find a man who wants to date you.

[Blanco]

Aww man, I saw the date of the original post and was really hoping to see an update from the OP about how far she had come since that dark period more than two years ago. I will admit I was disheartened to read that very little has changed due to the OP and her ex refusing to just let sleeping dogs lie and move on with their respective lives.

 

OP: Your ex hasn't changed in a way that will ever be enough for your emotional needs. I don't say that as a slight. It sounds like he is emotionally immature in the realm of relationships despite his drive for success in the work world.

 

Don't punt another two years trying to justify your ex's behavior, especially when it's so clear that you KNOW he cannot really give you what you need and deserve from a partner.

[Goodguy05]

Thank you for the support everyone and for the advice on dealing with this terrible pain. Especially as I feel so so alone.

Sometimes I wonder if it's just me that feels this blinding pain. Sometimes I wonder if he feels this too, and if he does why isn't he doing anything about it????

I don't mean to sound pathetic and ungrateful but I really hate life right now. It well and truly sucks. I haven't been able to stop crying for 2 hours straight and the thought of him eventually falling for someone else KILLS me on the inside.

 

But I appreciate everyone's input. I WILL try my absolute hardest to move on! I will get through this! It will be fine. I just need to keep reminding myself of my worth and stop blaming myself and wondering what's wrong with me because I can't stop doing that!!!

 

I also have finals in March and I really hope this doesn't get in the way!

 

Any more tips and advice on how to cope will be greatly appreciated

 

 

 

I feel all u have but add to that working together and her selfishness and just thinking of herself starts dating someone at work. I have to see this now everyday. Won't bore u wth the details if u would like i have written about this on here. It's painful. Today did my head in. She's total bs in the relationship she claimed she'd never leave etc etc all bs in the end and I put up wth a lot of **** from her end. I shld of dumped her yrs ago to be honest but felt sorry for her and thought to keep trying bit me in the arse in the end. She left all her kids lol please read my thread big hugs sweetie I wish I'd met u instead ;?

[1fish2fish]

What has your ex actually given you besides words???

 

After this merry go round of a relationship, he knows what to say to tug on your heart strings. Who gives a rat's a$$ if you hurt his feelings by seeing someone else. You had broken up!

 

Your ex hasn't given you anything but empty apologies. Heck, he didn't even ask for another chance to prove himself! And why should he, considering he's already succeeded in getting a booty call.

 

As far as the new guy goes, he's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship, and yet, you're "catching feelings" for him.

 

Set your standards higher, my dear. Focus on you and your healing right now. You are worth more than this.

[Emotion]

Hi,

 

After reading your situation I thought it would be good to respond. My story is similar is someways so I can relate.

 

I posted the below in response to another community member because I believe the below helps. However I agree with the other response that I saw in that if your ex truly loved you he would find a way to improve himself while you were together. Your SO should always or majority of the time bring out the best in you. Additionally you are a person with emotions too, please remember that! It's easy for us (community members) to take a 3rd person perspective and say what you ex did I.e meeting up with you again and walk out on you is wrong (although I agree). Sadly love makes us blind and illogical. So let's try not to blame. My point is this: ask yourself 1) If he can walk out on you once. What will happen when something disastrous were to happen? 2) Are relationship/life just happen conveniently when we are ready?

 

Just to save you time: 1) It's possible he may walk out when you really need him. You deserve better, a man who will truly put the relationship first. 2) sadly we cannot help who we fall in love with. I strongly believe if two people want a relationship to work. They will do anything to resolve the differences. This is true commitment which is apart of love. But loving someone is not enough (see below point).

 

My advice to you is to keep busy doing other stuff. Try to be either logical with your thought process or think of something else when you think of him (I only recommend this after your have grieved. Although society tells us to hide/fake our emotions this will create more damage In the long term I feel.

 

Some other useful tips I've been implementing/think about are:

 

1) seek the truth :- this means your really seek the answers on why your relationship didn't work out, all the ugly truths about you and him. It may help using a decision tree to visualise this. I feel it's important to do this as the process of doing this yourself is more helpful and meaningful.

 

Short answer though: In today's environment (life in general) is a great example how changeable, unstable life is. Much like relationship. This is only my opinion but the question you should be asking yourself is: Is there anything you could have done to make him stay? You might be wondering why this question is important? It's important because no matter the answer he has decided to exist the relationship. Remind yourself of this, when you try to play out the scenarios of what you could have done better or your future together. Think of it like this: your relationship is a small tree sapling. You are the clouds/rain and she the sun. The relationship can only grow when the optimum amount of rain and sunlight are met by the tree sapling. Too much of one or the other and it will destroy the tree sapling. Meaning both parties need to do their share to create growth.

 

2) The universe:- As much as what I'm about to say is going to make me sounds like a complete and utter ****, but the world doesn't evolve around you. Yes you could argue your world does but let's say I'm right . The universe is a big place. Try to think bigger, put your emotional pain in perspective.

 

3) love is not enough:- this is probably going to sound harsh, I am a old romantic kinda person and believe love gives our lives meaning. BUT sometimes it's not enough sadly. You cannot make someone else love you and wouldn't want to cause that not what love is. You cannot make people overcome their fears/insecurities. You can support by walking together through the pain/darkness but it is they who must open the door in their hearts.

 

4) Human:- You are human, therefore you will make mistakes. But as hard as is, focus on what you can learn to take forward. You are your worst critic, and after a lot of reading I think all of us broken hearted people are more so.

 

5) Believe you will attain happiness:- I won't lie and say this one is easy cause I struggle with this one a lot. Life is what you make of it. Focus on every second, every minute, every hour of what you are doing and feel joy.

 

6) Don't be trapped by someone else dogma:- Don't let social media or outward appearance dictate your life. Remember this important fact, what you see in social media are highlights of someone's life! Not the truth. You never know someone's life until you've walk a mile in their shoes.

 

7) Bed time story: Life is often the story we tell ourself. So tell yourself a better story. One where you meet the love of your life. I'm sure hes waiting in the wings, ready to be called on stage with you.

 

my closing comments are: stay strong, focused. Know you are not alone.