Seems like she made her mark

[Zahara]

So the fact that he's slept with this same girl multiple times means we couldn't move past it?? That's what I'm getting at!! I feel that we can move past an affair if it meant NOTHING

 

You mean nothing. Do you get it? Stop focusing on her.

 

There was/is nothing for him to get past because he never was invested in you. That is why he is still chasing her. You're the option he keeps on the side while he looks elsewhere. Stop projecting some imagined relationship you both can move forward with on him.

 

The only one wanting to get past it is YOU, because you are trying to find find some insane justification to stay in this fantasy relationship you have built up in your head.

[Omei]

So the fact that he's slept with this same girl multiple times means we couldn't move past it?? That's what I'm getting at!! I feel that we can move past an affair if it meant NOTHING

 

It means you're a door mat

 

If you think that is acceptable you will always be a door mat

 

And he will cheat on you again and again because there is no consequence to it you will stay with him when he cheats and he knows you will because you're doing it right now.

 

You're so desperate to stay in a relationship you're willing to settle for a man that's cheated on you over and over again? it's not a mistake cheat he genuinely doesn't give two ****s about you why can't you see that?

 

He didn't cheat once get on his knee's and beg for you to forgive him he cheated without considering you the first time, he didn't care to stop and think about you the second time, he gave no **** about you the third time, and he still doesn't care now.

 

Im sorry that's so harsh but it's the truth.

Edited January 29, 2015 by Omei

[Timshel]

I'm confused. He's still seeing me but obviously actively pursuing her. If she was just a girl he used for sex, then we could move forward. I'm just feeling like he's in love with her. She hasn't spoken to him in 4 months and he's still after her I'm hearing. Why? How can u be invested in another woman while with someone else. Not that this is ok either but if he just wanted to cheat wouldn't he just go sleep with anyone. Why does he feel he has to get HER?

 

I have not read other responses yet to this question because I want to answer it unaffected. Though I am sure that it has been addressed well.

 

Answering OP:

Why do you love him?

He is causing you pain but you endure it. Why? When you answer that question you will have the answer to your own.

 

You want from him what he gives to some one else. He wants from her what you give to him.

 

Love will teach you if you let it. The distress you feel of unrequited love is not meant to tear you down.

 

The only person that matters to me is you. You have asked advice and are hurting. I will not guess the turmoil of your lover. He is hurting you and you already know all the answers to your questions. You are afraid that you are not worthy of love or will not find it if you stand alone.

 

Let it be. You are loving and beautiful. Nonsense that this is the end of it for you. I don't mean to sound condescending with this remark; you are being very silly and not brave at all. These experiences are the one's that bring you to a partner with which you have peace, love, trust and passion. This is a learning opportunity which will take you to a higher place if you let it.

 

Please reach in and be brave for yourself. If you do, you will meet someone who is brave and honorable and that will be with you in times of trouble and not be the cause of it.

[kelzbrent]

I'm trying to be brave and endure the facts. If he loves someone else I will face it. But I don't think that it's love. I think he might need help or maybe is infatuated with the idea of her and he isn't realizing that it could ruin what he has

[Omei]

I'm trying to be brave and endure the facts. If he loves someone else I will face it. But I don't think that it's love. I think he might need help or maybe is infatuated with the idea of her and he isn't realizing that it could ruin what he has

 

You're going to drive me insane! I feel like you need a good friend with you to give you a firm shake or slap to knock this obsession you have with this woman out of you, he doesn't need your help love her or not he doesn't care about you or anything you had or have together now!

 

You're going to destroy yourself, please come to your senses.

[Zahara]

I'm trying to be brave and endure the facts. If he loves someone else I will face it. But I don't think that it's love. I think he might need help or maybe is infatuated with the idea of her and he isn't realizing that it could ruin what he has

 

The thing is, he doesn't love you.

 

You want her to go away so that you "have" him. But you don't and you won't because he never was invested in you from the get go.

 

You need help. The fact that you are so incredibly dependent and weak and tolerate such poor behavior is indicative of your own emotional and mental dysfunction.

 

"he isn't realizing that it could ruin what he has"...he knows he can't ruin it because you're a doormat that will always be there. What's to ruin? And even if you up and left, he'll go seek elsewhere because HE WAS NEVER INVESTED IN YOU. You keep projecting your value of what you have on him. FFS, he doesn't value you. You've shown weakness. Men don't respect women like you. They use women like you. There is no returning from that.

[Omei]

This is one of the strongest cases of denial I have seen on this forum OP is asking the same question round and round just rephasing and ignoring all the facts.

 

I think you should seek someone professional to speak too about your feelings.

[Zahara]

I think so too. There's some disconnect somewhere. OP's mindset is very skewed and very tunnel visioned. It's almost like we're communicating via two languages.