BC1980 Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 You're both fighting over someone who isn't worth either of you. It's no prize you are trying to win. So what if he ends up picking you? He'll just leave again when he finds someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Meh as some have said, you're his ego boost. He knows, arrogantly so, rightly so too...Look, you are letting him willinglying flaunt another girl in front of you. You KNOW about this. He knows this. He's playing you for a fool; and you're being weak minded and happily playing fool. Are you so incapable of moving on to a person who will not cheat, and treat you like a dog? Really, he's doing you terrible. But, you are doing yourself worse. Ditch the loser. It may suck for a while; but the freedom you will have is well worth it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kelzbrent Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 You're both fighting over someone who isn't worth either of you. It's no prize you are trying to win. So what if he ends up picking you? He'll just leave again when he finds someone else. We aren't fighting. As I said before she has changed her number and blocked me from all social media Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 But wouldn't u say the fact that his family knows nothing of her versus knowing of us would mean that he valued me in some Way vs not caring about her at all that's why I was confused as to why he's trying to pursue conversation with her and That's why I was saying I don't get why he tries to even contact her What matters is why do you have so little self-esteem to accept this kind of a ****ty deal. It doesn't matter if you are the backup or the primary ... he is alternating between the two of you [and others as well probably]. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I watched one of my best friends from high school subject herself to this kind of mess for about 4 years behind a man who was seeing another woman and her at the same time. I couldn't stand this guy for what he was putting my girl through, but I began losing a lot of respect watching her justify and do some real psychotic rationalization behind why she needed to keep in contact with him... she even befriended the woman he was messing with. She would make a full course meal out of the crumbs he was tossing at her feet. He broke up with her numerous times. There was always some drama going on between the two of them. I can remember one time scoring some amazing seats for a big concert and she spend the ENTIRE concert in a doorway of the venue arguing with him--she didn't even see the concert. All of her rationalizations, at the end of the day, meant nothing because he brought state recognition in on his relationship with this other chick and not her. I went away to school and when I came home for the summer of my sophomore year, she was still messing around with him, still doing the same stupid high school isht. I had to let her friendship go when she said he told her he was marrying this other woman, but she was going to continue sleeping with him until he did marry her. I don't think I've spoken with her in over 25 years now. I could not be her friend and watch her debase herself and her dignity in such a vulgar manner as to think playing second or third best was a good thing. Take some time to find out why not being #1 to this man is ok with you. If you don't value your worth, he will follow your example. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Kelzbrent, Have you ever cheated on him or have you been completely faithful in this 'relationship?' Link to post Share on other sites
Author kelzbrent Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Kelzbrent, Have you ever cheated on him or have you been completely faithful in this No I've been faithful Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 This is why I said he doesn't not care about her because why would he get mad at her for "telling me" if he cares about her more anyway. This is why I don't understand why he's trying to contact her again. He is a cheater. As a cheater he does not want just you or just her, he wants both. To a cheater, no matter how hard you try, you alone are less than you + the other woman. He got mad at the other woman for ruining him having both. He is trying to contact her again to she if she is willing to go along with this the way that you have been going along with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ebelskiver Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Jeez Kelzbrent, you sound so........pathetic. "But why oh why is he trying to contact her, I just don't understand?!" Because when someone finally stands up to an ass, they find it incredibly attractive and it triggers a chase response. The other woman showed him she wasn't going to take his crap. You however always will. While he enjoys the comforts you provide, sex, companionship, etc. He will never respect you. He respects her, and that is why he continues to pursue her. Look, we've all played the fool. But at least most of us realized it, you seem willfully ignorant of it. As if by laying blame at the feet of the other woman you can somehow absolve yourself of your own stupidity. He's cheated on you multiple times!!! He would still be doing it if he hadn't been caught. He will tell you what you want to hear in order to maintain the status quo. He is weak, and doesn't have the guts to leave you although he has no respect for you. Congratulations, you've landed yourself a real winner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dental Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Kelzbrent, Very, very simple. You try to find logic (brain) in a situation where there is no logic (heart/gut). The end. Period. What you're actually asking is: Am I not pretty enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 No I've been faithful Sorry for my delay. You are probably an outstanding girlfriend, but you are totally naive. You're so love struck, that you can't see that this guy is going to ruin you. And, if what you've been saying is true, you deserve better. Let me put it this way, you're with a guy that would probably have sex with a another woman, while you're sleeping in the other room. And, the only reason why he brings you around his family is because you're actually presentable. In other words, he's putting on a front and he's able to continue this because you're always there, which makes it easier to maintain. You're in an infectious relationship, you're being used, and you're letting it happen. You really need to take a step back and look at your life from the outside in! Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 I think if OP wants to stay busy for the rest of her life this is the right guy for her. I think you guys can definitely get married and have kids and be a nice little family from the outside but on the inside you are a support system for him to do as he pleases. It's perfect for him to marry you. You've earned it, you've been there, you don't challenge his bullsh!+, and you don't sleep around. You are the perfect cheaters wife of course you are his favorite and his number one, you are reliable but he will only love you like a faithful dog. Passion, romance, that stomach turning bond. . . You will never see it, he reserves those feelings for affair partners, the game he hunts. My suspicion is that if you challenge him too much he will dump you and revisit it again when you are read to be complacent and accepting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kelzbrent Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Sorry for my delay. You are probably an outstanding girlfriend, but you are totally naive. You're so love struck, that you can't see that this guy is going to ruin you. And, if what you've been saying is true, you deserve better. Let me put it this way, you're with a guy that would probably have sex with a another woman, while you're sleeping in the other room. And, the only reason why he brings you around his family is because you're actually presentable. In other words, he's putting on a front and he's able to continue this because you're always there, which makes it easier to maintain. You're in an infectious relationship, you're being used, and you're letting it happen. You really need to take a step back and look at your life from the outside in! I definitely am getting what you are saying. We have a mutual friend that has informed me that he is STILL trying to contact her. Apparently he got pissed a few nights ago because she is still very short with him. I'll never understand his motive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kelzbrent Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) I think if OP wants to stay busy for the rest of her life this is the right guy for her. I think you guys can definitely get married and have kids and be a nice little family from the outside but on the inside you are a support system for him to do as he pleases. It's perfect for him to marry you. You've earned it, you've been there, you don't challenge his bullsh!+, and you don't sleep around. You are the perfect cheaters wife of course you are his favorite and his number one, you are reliable but he will only love you like a faithful dog. Passion, romance, that stomach turning bond. . . You will never see it, he reserves those feelings for affair partners, the game he hunts. My suspicion is that if you challenge him too much he will dump you and revisit it again when you are read to be complacent and accepting. And you've confirmed exactly what I was saying. That he indeed did form a bond with this girl. One that he doesn't have with me. Edited January 29, 2015 by kelzbrent Misspelled word Link to post Share on other sites
Author kelzbrent Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 This is what irritates me. This girl is supposedly crazy, he hates her and was mean to her whenever she texted him. But for some reason for months he keeps trying to make conversation with her even tho she doesn't respond!! Why do this for months for someone who is just another girl u cheated with!! Especially if she ignores u for the most part. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 This is what irritates me. This girl is supposedly crazy, he hates her and was mean to her whenever she texted him. But for some reason for months he keeps trying to make conversation with her even tho she doesn't respond!! Why do this for months for someone who is just another girl u cheated with!! Especially if she ignores u for the most part. Why do you think he is doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kelzbrent Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Why do you think he is doing this? I think it's because of what I'm afraid of.... That he accidentally developed feelings Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I think it's because of what I'm afraid of.... That he accidentally developed feelings Ok, what can you do now that 6 months from today you feel peace and that you had not let yourself down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kelzbrent Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Ok, what can you do now that 6 months from today you feel peace and that you had not let yourself down. I'm confused. He's still seeing me but obviously actively pursuing her. If she was just a girl he used for sex, then we could move forward. I'm just feeling like he's in love with her. She hasn't spoken to him in 4 months and he's still after her I'm hearing. Why? How can u be invested in another woman while with someone else. Not that this is ok either but if he just wanted to cheat wouldn't he just go sleep with anyone. Why does he feel he has to get HER? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) I'm confused. He's still seeing me but obviously actively pursuing her. If she was just a girl he used for sex, then we could move forward. I'm just feeling like he's in love with her. She hasn't spoken to him in 4 months and he's still after her I'm hearing. Why? How can u be invested in another woman while with someone else. Not that this is ok either but if he just wanted to cheat wouldn't he just go sleep with anyone. Why does he feel he has to get HER? Sometimes I feel that women like you love to sit in denial because it helps you avoid the fear of focusing on truth and reality. Playing ignorant is much easier than accepting what you already know. You walk around asking irrelevant questions when you should be asking: 1. Why am I tolerating this behavior? 2. What is my need to stay in a situation that has never provided me with commitment or loyalty? 3. What about this man keeps me attached to this blatant disrespect? 4. Why don't I believe I deserve more? You ask these assinine questions, "How can you be invested in another woman while with someone else?" Are you really that obtuse? The man has never even fully been invested in YOU. What the heck are you talking about? "If he just wanted to cheat, why not go sleep with someone else?" And if he went and slept with someone else, you'd still take him back, like you did the last time. When a man has women like you tolerating blatant disrespect and is weak/dependent, why would he rid of you when he can have you lapping at his feet while he tries to chase others. Why is it so surprising to you or do you just keep asking these questions, even when people have answered them, because you hope someone will come up with some answer that will justify your need to keep latching on? Edited January 29, 2015 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
Author kelzbrent Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I'm not ignoring anybody's comment or responses. Like I said men cheat and couples move forward. No one had answered why a man would pursue one person in particular for 4 months after she isn't receptive. I am not in denial. Like I said it would be more severe if he does love or care for her Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 So why is he still with me ?? Because you let him walk all over you and yes you're convenient and easy to keep there are no consequence for his actions from you. I stopped reading after the first two paragraphs why you haven't kicked this guy to the curb yet is passed me you're a glutton for hurt. And yes you are in denial trying to figure out the actions of a man who doesn't love you while you stay with him. Not all men cheat, the ones that respect and value you as their partner don't cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) I'm not ignoring anybody's comment or responses. Like I said men cheat and couples move forward. No one had answered why a man would pursue one person in particular for 4 months after she isn't receptive. I am not in denial. Like I said it would be more severe if he does love or care for her That question has been answered. If you read your thread and you absorb what people are saying and actually step out of your emotional bubble and THINK, it will make absolute sense. Again your questions are irrelevant. It caters to your need to keep lingering in a bad situation. Again, he pursues her because she has a backbone. She shows resilience. It's attractive to him. She's a challenge. It makes him want to possess her. It intrigues him. Women like you are easy. No challenge. Put you in the corner and you'll sit there quiet. An available benefit. There is no love or care for you because if there was, he wouldn't be looking in another direction and he wouldn't cheat. He may or may not feel for her, but that's not the issue because that doesn't take away from the very blatant fact that he isn't invested in you either. You lack value and self-respect for yourself and you have shown him you will tolerate absolutely anything to be accepted. And even if he threw you a little crumb you'll happily chomp on it with a smile. It's unattractive and he sees it. Edited January 29, 2015 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I'm not ignoring anybody's comment or responses. Like I said men cheat and couples move forward. No one had answered why a man would pursue one person in particular for 4 months after she isn't receptive. I am not in denial. Like I said it would be more severe if he does love or care for her You speak of it as if he's only done it once and its something you can move passed as a couple look back in a few years and be okay. He had an affair he didn't have a oops I cheated once im so sorry he had sex over and over and over again without any care about you or your feelings. He has no respect for you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kelzbrent Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 You speak of it as if he's only done it once and its something you can move passed as a couple look back in a few years and be okay. He had an affair he didn't have a oops I cheated once im so sorry he had sex over and over and over again without any care about you or your feelings. He has no respect for you at all. So the fact that he's slept with this same girl multiple times means we couldn't move past it?? That's what I'm getting at!! I feel that we can move past an affair if it meant NOTHING Link to post Share on other sites
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