Ex came back???

[FortunateSon]

As others have said, you do not seem ready to reconcile, not enough time has passed. You are walking on egg shells, how can you or her expect to be happy with that kind of dynamic? Your best bet may be to meet with her and calmly ask her intentions and where you stand, get everything out on the table first and proceed from there.

[tikay00]

As others have said, you do not seem ready to reconcile, not enough time has passed. You are walking on egg shells, how can you or her expect to be happy with that kind of dynamic? Your best bet may be to meet with her and calmly ask her intentions and where you stand, get everything out on the table first and proceed from there.

 

Long distance relationship. She lives in Seattle, I live in Chicago.

[Aint_Easy]

Woahhhhh this is LDR?

 

Yeah that makes things harder.. And different. I'd still keep to the "let her mostly contact you first" You'll know if this is just friends or not. my ex said she strictly wanted to be platonic, but then flirted and teased with me like hell. Sometimes a person's mind wants one thing, their heart the other. she can be thinking she wants friends, but by your actions, one day it'll be different.

[tikay00]

Woahhhhh this is LDR?

 

Yeah that makes things harder.. And different. I'd still keep to the "let her mostly contact you first" You'll know if this is just friends or not. my ex said she strictly wanted to be platonic, but then flirted and teased with me like hell. Sometimes a person's mind wants one thing, their heart the other. she can be thinking she wants friends, but by your actions, one day it'll be different.

 

I've been doing all the initiating during the day, she texts or calls at night for nighttime convos. She does respond with long responses, and it's cool, but starting to get the sense that she's playing me.

 

Maybe I'm over thinking, but it feels weird. When we went out, she texted like crazy first, and I'd text her, and she'd text like crazy. After a while, it was mainly me initiating, and she'd call on a few occasions.

 

This time, I initiate all day time convos. Although when she gets off work, she calls right away, but todays her off day, and we haven't talked at all besides when I texted in the morning, and when I called her this morning to say hi.

[tikay00]

I just texted her to get skype. She got rid of it after we broke up, and she hasn't responded at all for the past 20 minutes.

 

If I walk away from her, should I just do it in silence, and move on, or give her one last convo, and talk to her.

 

If I move on in silence, if she calls or texts, should I just ignore?

 

People on here always say trust your gut instinct, and I'm going with it here.

[Jono85]

I just texted her to get skype. She got rid of it after we broke up, and she hasn't responded at all for the past 20 minutes.

 

If I walk away from her, should I just do it in silence, and move on, or give her one last convo, and talk to her.

 

If I move on in silence, if she calls or texts, should I just ignore?

 

People on here always say trust your gut instinct, and I'm going with it here.

 

dude, your posts are all over the place. you're going crazy. STOP. stop msging her, let her initiate 80+%. you're not ready for any of this.

 

i went against most peoples advice early in this thread, and it seems to be ringing true. let me remind you of my stance...

 

girls do NOT just break up with "bad boyfriends" b/c they're being a bad boyfriend (unless it's really bad..). she broke up with you b/c she lost feelings for you. sure, girls break up with boyfriends who aren't giving enough love/attention, but if the guy vows to change and wants to work on things, they do NOT keep things broken up, and simply move on.

 

 

that's why i said you shouldn't entertain this girl coming back 3 months later after she recently broke up with a guy she jumped to soon after you. i can guarantee you she didn't break up with him b/c she was thinking of you, but b/c they simply didn't work out. stop putting stock into what she's saying (you told me earlier she promised you she wasn't hurt or vulnerable...her words mean nothing...). this was never a good situation b/c of the circumstances.

 

i'm not saying abandon ship, but i'm saying this is no surprise to me. she likely doesn't have strong feelings right now. you coming on strong is just pushing her further. meanwhile, you still haven't dealt with her hurting you yet and dumping you fully ready to move on and date other guys. nor should you have so soon...

 

you can continue forward if that's what you wish; but personally i don't see this ending well. you can try to "re-game" her if you wish, as i see this being the best chance of getting her back. but that is a lot of emotional energy and time invested with a decent chance it all goes for not. the flip side is being entirely open and honest, and this likely pushes someone who's not 100% sure away and puts pressure on her etc. i think you should pull back. your gut seems to be telling you things are different, and she hasn't jumped in. i would assume this, but not bring it up with her. personally, i would try my best to turn down my expectations dramatically, and also your pursuit of her, but that's me. like Simon Phoenix said, and i said earlier, she should be chasing you...i don't care if you were the "bad boyfriend", she dumped you and is now coming back after dating some next dude. the onus is on her, realize this.

[tikay00]

dude, your posts are all over the place. you're going crazy. STOP. stop msging her, let her initiate 80+%. you're not ready for any of this.

 

i went against most peoples advice early in this thread, and it seems to be ringing true. let me remind you of my stance...

 

girls do NOT just break up with "bad boyfriends" b/c they're being a bad boyfriend (unless it's really bad..). she broke up with you b/c she lost feelings for you. sure, girls break up with boyfriends who aren't giving enough love/attention, but if the guy vows to change and wants to work on things, they do NOT keep things broken up, and simply move on.

 

 

that's why i said you shouldn't entertain this girl coming back 3 months later after she recently broke up with a guy she jumped to soon after you. i can guarantee you she didn't break up with him b/c she was thinking of you, but b/c they simply didn't work out. stop putting stock into what she's saying (you told me earlier she promised you she wasn't hurt or vulnerable...her words mean nothing...). this was never a good situation b/c of the circumstances.

 

i'm not saying abandon ship, but i'm saying this is no surprise to me. she likely doesn't have strong feelings right now. you coming on strong is just pushing her further. meanwhile, you still haven't dealt with her hurting you yet and dumping you fully ready to move on and date other guys. nor should you have so soon...

 

you can continue forward if that's what you wish; but personally i don't see this ending well. you can try to "re-game" her if you wish, as i see this being the best chance of getting her back. but that is a lot of emotional energy and time invested with a decent chance it all goes for not. the flip side is being entirely open and honest, and this likely pushes someone who's not 100% sure away and puts pressure on her etc. i think you should pull back. your gut seems to be telling you things are different, and she hasn't jumped in. i would assume this, but not bring it up with her. personally, i would try my best to turn down my expectations dramatically, and also your pursuit of her, but that's me. like Simon Phoenix said, and i said earlier, she should be chasing you...i don't care if you were the "bad boyfriend", she dumped you and is now coming back after dating some next dude. the onus is on her, realize this.

 

Great post. I haven't been pushy though. Only left it at single texts 2 days now, and if she responds, I respond back, etc.

 

She initiates the night time calls. But yeah, she told me everything I WANTED to hear, but I have a feeling she's just bull ****ting me.

 

She literally just texted me right now, and said, "I will. Sorry I'm super tired today. Feels like...not real life." Reeks of BS.

 

I get that you're saying don't bring it up, and I should just draw back, but in order for me to just heal, I don't want her thinking she can text me in anyway, shape, or form. That's why I feel like I need to call and give her the talk.

 

Knowing my mindset, what do you suggest?

 

When you say it was never a good situation because of the circumstances, what do you mean?

 

I'm not really hurt by her dating another guy. I guess I'm not because she said she wasn't over me, and that's why she dumped him, but you're right, could be BS.

Edited January 7, 2015 by tikay00

[tikay00]

I wanna text her so bad, "why did you come back into my life just to play games with me?"

 

Don't wanna call, because she always does the incoherent, crying, soft voice BS, and one word answers when I confront her about things.

 

I know it's a bad move, but I'm not gonna be played this whole time, and have my emotions wrapped up in her while talking to her.

[tikay00]

Should I not even respond to the text she just sent, and just see what happens, or give her a talk?

 

I REALLY feel like I need to just tell her straight up what I'm feeling, and why I don't wanna do this pseudo relationship thing.

[tikay00]

It's happening regardless, so don't tell me to not do it. Also, I'm not gonna leave like a ghost, and just NC her. I wanna leave on a note where we both know what's up, and we don't have to wonder.

 

What should I tell her? Jist of everything is, I feel like I'm being played, and I'm not trying to be friends, I need to move on, and heal.

[Jono85]

Should I not even respond to the text she just sent, and just see what happens, or give her a talk?

 

I REALLY feel like I need to just tell her straight up what I'm feeling, and why I don't wanna do this pseudo relationship thing.

 

you can be straight up if you wish, i would not. go with your GUT and her actions. if you be straight up, she'll likely just BS some more, and you're left no where further than you are now, and even behind because you poured out more feelings and she knows she has your balls whenever she likes.

 

tired all day stuff, i can tell you, your gut is not wrong. she's not fully invested. you need to make a decision whether you want to try and get her back to where she once was, or throw the towel in. if you throw the towel in, you tell her straight up, it seems weird, and you think the best option for you guys is space. if you want to keep trying with her, you don't pour your heart out or be honest, you simply pull way back like i said, and let her do everything. don't be so available...live your life as if she's someone you're dating and you have no idea whether things will work out with her or not.

 

circumstance thing I was referring to, IMO, she's not for real. i've said this from my first post here and told you not to entertain any of this. she broke up with you b/c she lost feelings for you. she conveniently pops back in your life when her other relationship failed. those are the facts. what she's TOLD you are not facts 100%, don't take them as such. my ex said the same things and they were BS. she undoubtedly has a void in her life right now and knows you're very convenient. this could be why she came back to you. maybe not, but my above advice still holds.

[KBarletta]

It's happening regardless, so don't tell me to not do it. Also, I'm not gonna leave like a ghost, and just NC her. I wanna leave on a note where we both know what's up, and we don't have to wonder.

 

What should I tell her? Jist of everything is, I feel like I'm being played, and I'm not trying to be friends, I need to move on, and heal.

 

 

I'd still recommend chilling out and just taking things as they come, but you seem way too wound up to do that.

 

In that case, I would tell her point blank you either want to be together as a couple or else you need to go NC until you completely heal.

[tikay00]

you can be straight up if you wish, i would not. go with your GUT and her actions. if you be straight up, she'll likely just BS some more, and you're left no where further than you are now, and even behind because you poured out more feelings and she knows she has your balls whenever she likes.

 

tired all day stuff, i can tell you, your gut is not wrong. she's not fully invested. you need to make a decision whether you want to try and get her back to where she once was, or throw the towel in. if you throw the towel in, you tell her straight up, it seems weird, and you think the best option for you guys is space. if you want to keep trying with her, you don't pour your heart out or be honest, you simply pull way back like i said, and let her do everything. don't be so available...live your life as if she's someone you're dating and you have no idea whether things will work out with her or not.

 

circumstance thing I was referring to, IMO, she's not for real. i've said this from my first post here and told you not to entertain any of this. she broke up with you b/c she lost feelings for you. she conveniently pops back in your life when her other relationship failed. those are the facts. what she's TOLD you are not facts 100%, don't take them as such. my ex said the same things and they were BS. she undoubtedly has a void in her life right now and knows you're very convenient. this could be why she came back to you. maybe not, but my above advice still holds.

 

I'd love to try, but I'm in no condition to, because it's not natural. I don't want to have to over think every text I send, or every call. I also don't want to wait for a text or call from her. I wanna sit back, and let her initiate, but in the meanwhile I'm going crazy, over thinking everything. I feel like square one again. I feel like when she tried to be my friend after the breakup, and I said no.

 

This ain't healthy. OK, I'll sleep on it for tonight, and let her initiate from now on. If she doesn't, then I gotta do nothing but tell her I have to cut ties. And even that's not a guarantee. My emotions might get the best of me, and I'll tell her tonight.

 

Also, about the skype thing, she's probably really self conscious now, and wants to look as pretty as possible before talking on cam in so long. She probably feels like I'll judge her or something.

 

I'd still recommend chilling out and just taking things as they come, but you seem way too wound up to do that.

 

In that case, I would tell her point blank you either want to be together as a couple or else you need to go NC until you completely heal.

 

 

Very very wound up.

 

I replied with a little joke to her last text saying she was tired, so I left the window open for me to lay back, and see where this is going. I even left an opening for her to reply.

 

I don't know, I can't guarantee anything. I can't live my daily life wondering about something all day, and thinking about her like a damn stalker all day. I need to either know what's up, or cut ties to move the hell on with my life. I hate that she came back in.

Edited January 7, 2015 by tikay00

[Simon Phoenix]

I've been doing all the initiating during the day, she texts or calls at night for nighttime convos. She does respond with long responses, and it's cool, but starting to get the sense that she's playing me.

 

Maybe I'm over thinking, but it feels weird. When we went out, she texted like crazy first, and I'd text her, and she'd text like crazy. After a while, it was mainly me initiating, and she'd call on a few occasions.

 

This time, I initiate all day time convos. Although when she gets off work, she calls right away, but todays her off day, and we haven't talked at all besides when I texted in the morning, and when I called her this morning to say hi.

 

You're talking way too much already. You are trying to go from zero to 60 in 4.2 seconds right now. If it doesn't feel right, then maybe slow down the communication.

[tikay00]

And she won't think she has me by my balls, because I'm gonna tell her even if she contacts, I'm not gonna respond, not out of hate or spite, but for my own heart. And tell her to never contact.

[idoltree]

Great post. I haven't been pushy though. Only left it at single texts 2 days now, and if she responds, I respond back, etc.

 

She initiates the night time calls. But yeah, she told me everything I WANTED to hear, but I have a feeling she's just bull ****ting me.

 

She literally just texted me right now, and said, "I will. Sorry I'm super tired today. Feels like...not real life." Reeks of BS.

 

I get that you're saying don't bring it up, and I should just draw back, but in order for me to just heal, I don't want her thinking she can text me in anyway, shape, or form. That's why I feel like I need to call and give her the talk.

 

Knowing my mindset, what do you suggest?

 

When you say it was never a good situation because of the circumstances, what do you mean?

 

I'm not really hurt by her dating another guy. I guess I'm not because she said she wasn't over me, and that's why she dumped him, but you're right, could be BS.

 

I just read this whole thread and my instinct is that she was testing you. I think this was an elaborate "ping" to see if you're still an option for her. And you are, and you didn't put up much of a challenge to her, and now I feel like she's lost a little interest because of that.

 

You are panicking. When you are panicking, do nothing. If you do nothing, there is nothing that you will later regret.

 

Sit back, and don't contact her. Don't reply if she contacts you. Just sit for now and get your sh*t together.

 

I think this is salvageable if you play it right. While above I say it was a "ping", I do think that she did do it with intentions of working things out with you. It's just that it was so easy that now she's questioning if that's what she really wants and she is wishy-washy. You lowered your value a bit in her eyes by being a relatively easy conquest.

 

So, after you take your calming break of doing nothing, I'd suggest a new strategy of stepping back and letting her pursue you. And if you eventually talk to her, I'd express skepticism with her. I wouldn't get childish and accuse her of playing games. I'd just strongly and confidently speak your truth - that her behavior is inconsistent and it's making you doubt her intentions, and now you're not sure what you want.

 

Get her worried about you, dude. Challenge her. It's what she wants.

 

At this point, she may pursue you. You've got to play it right, though. No rash actions, no rash decisions. Slow and steady.

 

You can calm yourself down tonight without doing anything. Your urge to lash out at her and call it off is just because you're feeling powerless. You can take your power back a different way by doing nothing for the time being. Just let it sit for a bit and calm yourself down.

[tikay00]

You're talking way too much already. You are trying to go from zero to 60 in 4.2 seconds right now. If it doesn't feel right, then maybe slow down the communication.

 

I wish i could take the zen approach, but my emotions aren't zen like right now. Damn!

 

I sent her a joking text just now in response to hers. From here on out, should I leave it up to her to initiate? Not talking about forever, but for the next few ones, to see if she's even invested fully.

[idoltree]

And she won't think she has me by my balls, because I'm gonna tell her even if she contacts, I'm not gonna respond, not out of hate or spite, but for my own heart. And tell her to never contact.

 

You're being reactive because you are hurt. Stop it. If you act on this, you will regret it.

 

Soothe yourself without lashing out on her. You can do it.

[tikay00]

I just read this whole thread and my instinct is that she was testing you. I think this was an elaborate "ping" to see if you're still an option for her. And you are, and you didn't put up much of a challenge to her, and now I feel like she's lost a little interest because of that.

 

You are panicking. When you are panicking, do nothing. If you do nothing, there is nothing that you will later regret.

 

Sit back, and don't contact her. Don't reply if she contacts you. Just sit for now and get your sh*t together.

 

I think this is salvageable if you play it right. While above I say it was a "ping", I do think that she did do it with intentions of working things out with you. It's just that it was so easy that now she's questioning if that's what she really wants and she is wishy-washy. You lowered your value a bit in her eyes by being a relatively easy conquest.

 

So, after you take your calming break of doing nothing, I'd suggest a new strategy of stepping back and letting her pursue you. And if you eventually talk to her, I'd express skepticism with her. I wouldn't get childish and accuse her of playing games. I'd just strongly and confidently speak your truth - that her behavior is inconsistent and it's making you doubt her intentions, and now you're not sure what you want.

 

Get her worried about you, dude. Challenge her. It's what she wants.

 

At this point, she may pursue you. You've got to play it right, though. No rash actions, no rash decisions. Slow and steady.

 

You can calm yourself down tonight without doing anything. Your urge to lash out at her and call it off is just because you're feeling powerless. You can take your power back a different way by doing nothing for the time being. Just let it sit for a bit and calm yourself down.

 

Great fuggin post! The thing is, when I answered I wanted to show her my emotions were in check, and I was "over her" emotionally by laughing, and just joking. I didn't initiate any contact the next day, and she contacted me that night asking if I was cool with this. I called her, and we talked for hours.

 

But now, I'm in this zone. If I ignore her contact that will come off emotional, and withdrawn. I don't want her to know my emotions are effected at all.

 

I'll just play it natural for now. Do nothing for tonight. If she says goodnight, reply back. If not, just wait it out no matter how agonizing, and see where it goes.

 

I'll make a deal with everyone in here. No matter how brutal and agonizing this is, I'll test it out for 2 weeks. If by then, it's pretty much clear this is BS, and just a scheme for friendship, I'm giving her the talk.

[tikay00]

You're being reactive because you are hurt. Stop it. If you act on this, you will regret it.

 

Soothe yourself without lashing out on her. You can do it.

 

idoltree, I needed this....I needed this. You're a calming voice right now.

 

I'm gonna chill for now.

[Simon Phoenix]

I wish i could take the zen approach, but my emotions aren't zen like right now. Damn!

 

I sent her a joking text just now in response to hers. From here on out, should I leave it up to her to initiate? Not talking about forever, but for the next few ones, to see if she's even invested fully.

 

It has nothing to do with zen. It has to do with realizing the situation (that at best it's a new relationship) and chill out. It's an LDR, there's no need to be talking multiple times a day right now, much less every day. Quality, not quantity, is what you need. I mean, when you first started dating her, did you text her mulitple times a day every day? I seriously doubt it.

 

You need to step back. You are hyperventilating and panicky. She probably hasn't responded because she has her own life. You have your own life. You're being way too crazy right now. CHILL OUT.

[tikay00]

Yes, there's a chance that (big chance) this is BS, and just a friendship ploy, but does anyone else think this is also a test, and to see if I've changed, or to see if I'm her dog on a leash?

 

That's why I don't know which way to go about this. Of course I wanna do the play it cool, and have her initiate things way, but I also took her for granted, so I don't wanna come off too nonchalant, and have her think I'm not loving her fully.

 

Remember when that poster said this is an envious position? HELL NO IT ISN'T! LOL

[tikay00]

It has nothing to do with zen. It has to do with realizing the situation (that at best it's a new relationship) and chill out. It's an LDR, there's no need to be talking multiple times a day right now, much less every day. Quality, not quantity, is what you need. I mean, when you first started dating her, did you text her mulitple times a day every day? I seriously doubt it.

 

You need to step back. You are hyperventilating and panicky. She probably hasn't responded because she has her own life. You have your own life. You're being way too crazy right now. CHILL OUT.

 

You're absolutely right, and yes we did contact each other non stop (mostly her).

 

That's why I'm panicking. But I'm gonna step back, and chill. I'll update as the days go by.

 

But also, since it is long distance, shouldn't it be even more paramount that we communicate more often than a close proximity relationship?

 

How should I deal with good morning, and good nights? Since you said let her initiate, wouldn't it come off butt hurt and petty if I don't give her a goodnight?

 

And the reason why I'm not really in the position to let her prove and show her intentions is because I never indicated that anything was wrong, and I'm just happy and cool with her. The sudden change can be drastic.

Edited January 7, 2015 by tikay00

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes, there's a chance that (big chance) this is BS, and just a friendship ploy, but does anyone else think this is also a test, and to see if I've changed, or to see if I'm her dog on a leash?

 

That's why I don't know which way to go about this. Of course I wanna do the play it cool, and have her initiate things way, but I also took her for granted, so I don't wanna come off too nonchalant, and have her think I'm not loving her fully.

 

Remember when that poster said this is an envious position? HELL NO IT ISN'T! LOL

 

Overthinking overthinking overthinking overthinking overthinking.

 

And if it's a test, then f--k that. Last week a girl I've been talking to tried to give me a "test". I flat out told her that if she was interested in juvenile games like that to try to make me sweat that she should spend her time talking to someone else. Lets just say that she immediately changed her tune and went out of her way to be apologetic for trying such a thing.

 

What I'm saying is stop trying to treat this as if it's a game and stop trying to jump through hoops like a circus animal. Honestly, you need to chill out on the communication -- not to get a result from her, but to just get your head under control. You are an absolute mess right now because you have no focus, no foundation, nothing. It's time to take a timeout and sit the next few plays off. No more talking to her today -- you need a good night sleep and to relax. You are basically acting like a paranoid cokehead desperately searching for a fix.

[Simon Phoenix]

You're absolutely right, and yes we did contact each other non stop (mostly her).

 

That's why I'm panicking. But I'm gonna step back, and chill. I'll update as the days go by.

 

But also, since it is long distance, shouldn't it be even more paramount that we communicate more often than a close proximity relationship?

 

How should I deal with good morning, and good nights? Since you said let her initiate, wouldn't it come off butt hurt and petty if I don't give her a goodnight?

 

And the reason why I'm not really in the position to let her prove and show her intentions is because I never indicated that anything was wrong, and I'm just happy and cool with her. The sudden change can be drastic.

 

Ughhhhhhh. Talk is cheap. If she says good morning, say good morning back, then go on with your day. This ain't rocket science.