Whats going on with me? Gut feelings or something? If so why......

[CALOVELY]

I will add on to this as well I forgot to mention, since I mentioned my first relationship "ruined" my hopes in finding other good people could it be possible I doubted that I would find someone in which I would be emotionally invested into and ECT. cause me to fear this one because this is my second relationship in which I am invested and even more invested, could this be the cause of my fear and doubt. Because the my first love I had no doubts what so ever and I thought she was "the one", then she abandoned me and I suffered for a long time

 

So maybe that is the cause of my doubts and what not?

 

One more question can anxiety make you think things that feel true but in reality are completely irrational and misleading?

 

We all carry baggage from past relationships in to our current. That's human nature. Yes, it is entirely possible that a previous bad relationship is causing you to stress so much about this one.

 

First loves are really hard to get over especially when your only frame of reference for a relationship is that person. I still will (gently) tell you that you are 17 and talking about "the one" in your previous relationship or current one is a bit concerning. Why the rush to get everything nailed down?

 

To answer your last question, you bet anxiety can cause you to build up things in your mind that have no basis in reality. Minor things become major things in the minds of people who have high anxiety. There are people who get so worked up that they refuse to leave their homes because of "what if". They become prisoners in their own minds because they allow fear to take over. It is crippling for them.

[Cobaltius]

We all carry baggage from past relationships in to our current. That's human nature. Yes, it is entirely possible that a previous bad relationship is causing you to stress so much about this one.

 

First loves are really hard to get over especially when your only frame of reference for a relationship is that person. I still will (gently) tell you that you are 17 and talking about "the one" in your previous relationship or current one is a bit concerning. Why the rush to get everything nailed down?

 

To answer your last question, you bet anxiety can cause you to build up things in your mind that have no basis in reality. Minor things become major things in the minds of people who have high anxiety. There are people who get so worked up that they refuse to leave their homes because of "what if". They become prisoners in their own minds because they allow fear to take over. It is crippling for them.

 

Hey check this out

 

Oprah Says, "Doubt Means Don't"... Or Does She? | Sheryl Paul

 

Ignore the stuff about marriage though lol

[CALOVELY]

Hey check this out

 

Oprah Says, "Doubt Means Don't"... Or Does She?*|*Sheryl Paul

 

Ignore the stuff about marriage though lol

 

That is a fantastic article! My biggest takeaway for you is this quote: "Doubt does not always mean don't. Doubt means slow down and listen to something important that's trying to get your attention." That's pretty much what I've been saying. Slow things down a bit and see how you feel then. It could be your age or it could be your gut saying she isn't the one for you. You cannot have time to respond to your feelings though if you are full steam ahead and having enormous anxiety in the process.

[Cobaltius]

That is a fantastic article! My biggest takeaway for you is this quote: "Doubt does not always mean don't. Doubt means slow down and listen to something important that's trying to get your attention." That's pretty much what I've been saying. Slow things down a bit and see how you feel then. It could be your age or it could be your gut saying she isn't the one for you. You cannot have time to respond to your feelings though if you are full steam ahead and having enormous anxiety in the process.

 

Thank you, what I wouldn't understand is if my gut is saying its not right why... This person I'm with is sooo much better than my first love, who never showed affection towards me, cared for me, and never really loved me when she said she did and really never was fun to be around... I wouldn't understand... this one is exactly what I've looked for, I've dated people in the past where they had good things but were missing other things and If I started a relationship with them would have to sacrifice some qualties, but with this one I don't have to, I don't have to sacrifice anything.. I just don't get it.. I'm scared out of my ass right now because I don't want it to be "she isn't the one for you" and I just don't get it.

 

I mean I look for someone with good communication, someone I can talk to about anything (I mean anything), someone who can trust me and support me, someone who can be by my side no matter how hard life gets or is, and someone who supports my hobbies and accepts for who I am. And boy all of these have been met %100, and then I may being having my stupid gut sayig "it isn't right" and I feel like it is... Thats the problem, and seeing this girl with someone else is very heart shattering, knowing someone will have someone who has everything anyone could have not just me.. I will never find anyone like her who will impress me as much as her.. I really won't, I feel it in my heart and gut. I know they're great people out there, but after this experiece with being with someone I truly love, accept, who I have grown, and who I see as strong and brave, its truly been an experience with this person, and I just love her with all my heart even if I don't feel it. They always say trust your gut because its always right... Well there's nothing to prove right, because everything is great about her and like I said what I value in someone. To throw this away will be a mistake to me, sure I'll probably be relieved short hand because I wouldn't have to deal with the anxiety and stress, but I will truly regret letting go. My throat lumps up when I write this and tears almost come down from my eyes. She truly means a lot to me, and she isn't just my lover, shes my best friend, and only best friend, who is there for me. She's really the first girl to come into my life and accept me for who I am. Not a lot of girls and guys at my school accept me for who I am, and I doubt anyone will due to experience. I'm diagnosed with aspergers sydrome and ADD and its hard for people to understand my behavior.

 

I sometimes look at other relationships and wonder to myself "Why can'y I ever just have a relationship in peace"

 

Thanks for your help, I may have more annoying questions which may lead you to bang your head against the wall repeatedly.

Edited December 18, 2014 by Cobaltius

[CALOVELY]

Thank you, what I wouldn't understand is if my gut is saying its not right why... This person I'm with is sooo much better than my first love, who never showed affection towards me, cared for me, and never really loved me when she said she did and really never was fun to be around... I wouldn't understand... this one is exactly what I've looked for, I've dated people in the past where they had good things but were missing other things and If I started a relationship with them would have to sacrifice some qualties, but with this one I don't have to, I don't have to sacrifice anything.. I just don't get it.. I'm scared out of my ass right now because I don't want it to be "she isn't the one for you" and I just don't get it.

 

I mean I look for someone with good communication, someone I can talk to about anything (I mean anything), someone who can trust me and support me, someone who can be by my side no matter how hard life gets or is, and someone who supports my hobbies and accepts for who I am. And boy all of these have been met %100, and then I may being having my stupid gut sayig "it isn't right" and I feel like it is... Thats the problem, and seeing this girl with someone else is very heart shattering, knowing someone will have someone who has everything anyone could have not just me.. I will never find anyone like her who will impress me as much as her.. I really won't, I feel it in my heart and gut. I know they're great people out there, but after this experiece with being with someone I truly love, accept, who I have grown, and who I see as strong and brave, its truly been an experience with this person, and I just love her with all my heart even if I don't feel it. They always say trust your gut because its always right... Well there's nothing to prove right, because everything is great about her and like I said what I value in someone. To throw this away will be a mistake to me, sure I'll probably be relieved short hand because I wouldn't have to deal with the anxiety and stress, but I will truly regret letting go. My throat lumps up when I write this and tears almost come down from my eyes. She truly means a lot to me, and she isn't just my lover, shes my best friend, and only best friend, who is there for me. She's really the first girl to come into my life and accept me for who I am. Not a lot of girls and guys at my school accept me for who I am, and I doubt anyone will due to experience. I'm diagnosed with aspergers sydrome and ADD and its hard for people to understand my behavior.

 

Thanks for your help, I may have more annoying questions which may lead you to bang your head against the wall repeatedly.

 

Kids in high school can be *******s. Anybody they perceive as "different" isn't accepted. I know right now it won't give you any comfort for me to say this but things will change as you leave school and are around people with more life experience than your current peers. That's why I can also guarantee you that people will accept you for who you are, you just have to wait it out a bit. Aspergers and ADD are much more common than you realize. I know three people in my life who have both and are wonderful and great people. They have many friends and nobody thinks of them as different at all.

 

Now back to your relationship, there is a difference between slowing things down and throwing it away. When I say slow things down, I mean you need to mentally take a step back from this to give you some time to lower your anxiety. Stop with the racing thoughts of is she the one?, is she my future?, am I hers?. That's a heck of alot of pressure on you, especially at your age. Granted, doing this is easier said than done but how about when these thoughts creep in your head, go for a swim. Or run. Or drum? Or whatever you need to do to give yourself some outlet for these stressors. Something to take your mind off of your anxiety.

 

Your questions aren't annoying. You are trying to sort things out and I think that's really cool. As I mentioned, if I had half the maturity you did at 17, I could have avoided a lot of problems.

[Cobaltius]

Kids in high school can be *******s. Anybody they perceive as "different" isn't accepted. I know right now it won't give you any comfort for me to say this but things will change as you leave school and are around people with more life experience than your current peers. That's why I can also guarantee you that people will accept you for who you are, you just have to wait it out a bit. Aspergers and ADD are much more common than you realize. I know three people in my life who have both and are wonderful and great people. They have many friends and nobody thinks of them as different at all.

 

Now back to your relationship, there is a difference between slowing things down and throwing it away. When I say slow things down, I mean you need to mentally take a step back from this to give you some time to lower your anxiety. Stop with the racing thoughts of is she the one?, is she my future?, am I hers?. That's a heck of alot of pressure on you, especially at your age. Granted, doing this is easier said than done but how about when these thoughts creep in your head, go for a swim. Or run. Or drum? Or whatever you need to do to give yourself some outlet for these stressors. Something to take your mind off of your anxiety.

 

Your questions aren't annoying. You are trying to sort things out and I think that's really cool. As I mentioned, if I had half the maturity you did at 17, I could have avoided a lot of problems.

 

Thanks for your help I appreciate it! I'm actually going to take a month off from her after my winter break is over Yikes! I know its pretty long but I need to work on my self and what not as well.

 

Here are more questions:

Can anxiety be running in the background aka subconscious. Lets say your not actually mentally anxious or anything right at this moment can you still be anxious about whatever situation though you are mentally calm at this very moment?

 

Can anxiety cause repulsion and avoidant behavior or is that something actually telling me something.

[CALOVELY]

 

Here are more questions:

Can anxiety be running in the background aka subconscious. Lets say your not actually mentally anxious or anything right at this moment can you still be anxious about whatever situation though you are mentally calm at this very moment?

 

Can anxiety cause repulsion and avoidant behavior or is that something actually telling me something.

 

Yes, you can be anxious even though you are mentally calm. Have you ever seen people who aggressively bite their fingernails, or pick their skin, or chew their inner lip. These are all things anxious people do regardless if they actually feel anxious at that moment. It's because it is there in their subconscious. Oddly, that is self soothing behavior for them to feel less anxious.

 

I'm not sure about the repulsion part. As for avoidant behavior, anxious people can and often do avoid things. I mentioned those who don't venture outside for periods on end earlier. I can certainly imagine that if a person is anxious about a relationship, they will avoid it and sort of shut down.

 

Good for you for taking a step back from this and giving yourself some breathing room. A month sounds scary but the wrecked feelings you are internally struggling with must feel far worse! I would suggest during that time don't read up on relationships. That wouldn't be much of a break from your anxiety at all. Just take your month and decompress. Enjoy your hobbies and be you.

[Cobaltius]

Yes, you can be anxious even though you are mentally calm. Have you ever seen people who aggressively bite their fingernails, or pick their skin, or chew their inner lip. These are all things anxious people do regardless if they actually feel anxious at that moment. It's because it is there in their subconscious. Oddly, that is self soothing behavior for them to feel less anxious.

 

I'm not sure about the repulsion part. As for avoidant behavior, anxious people can and often do avoid things. I mentioned those who don't venture outside for periods on end earlier. I can certainly imagine that if a person is anxious about a relationship, they will avoid it and sort of shut down.

 

Good for you for taking a step back from this and giving yourself some breathing room. A month sounds scary but the wrecked feelings you are internally struggling with must feel far worse! I would suggest during that time don't read up on relationships. That wouldn't be much of a break from your anxiety at all. Just take your month and decompress. Enjoy your hobbies and be you.

 

Do you mind if I just private message you a few more things?

[CALOVELY]

Do you mind if I just private message you a few more things?

 

 

Sure but I'm not sure how PM works here but I think you have to have a certain amount of posts before that is allowed.

[Cobaltius]

Anyone else?