cheaters sex is like the crack cocaine of love making.

[Mal78]

yes, cheater sex is hot!

 

but the thing i am more curious in: is there any way to make the MARRIED sex equally hot.

 

So the "secret sex" of cheating on a partner apparently makes the orgasms stronger. Would the two married partners having sex in a public place give a similar thrill, such as in a public park or the dressing room at a store, etc? I hear in the UK this is a big new thing, its called dogging.

 

The talking about the betrayed parter as they screw in bed sounds like another hot topic. So what about role playing, where you pick up your wife in a bar and pretend you do not know each other? Hire a motel room for your own pretend cheating sex? Or if your partner finds a friend/acquaintance sexy and desirable, you pretend to be that person during sex?

 

Or maybe the wife acting slutty is what turns her on during the cheating sex. so maybe her dressing slutty with provacative lingerie or the right sex toys can bring on that same slutty persona without damage or actually being that way? Or the man acting in similar slutty ways.

 

My point is, whether they are cheating for sex, or cheating for the psychological thrill of the affair, or just to get emotional attention....it seems like almost the same thrills could be simulated at home without actually cheating.

 

the couple would have to be open enough in their communications, and not shut down the other when they talk about kinky stuff though. the conversation might be a shocker, like after 20 years of marriage and relatively vanilla sex life, wife is reading 50 shades of gray, and says "honey...i was wondering if...."

 

I wonder why i have not seen any articles on the internet/magazines that take on this topic--how to quell cheating urges with actual role play. I can not see why it would not work in many cases. you could do all the things cheaters do--use shapchat for selfies and dirty convo, etc. use whatsapp to hide the sexting....

 

Good point. Cheating could very well be a fetish and when played out safely and with healthy communication then probably be very erotic. The thing is, how would a partner say their SO, "I fantasize cheating on you". If it was just strictly role play and a wig and boots were involved it wouldn't be the same as the thrill of *actually* cheating if that is the fetish you are after.

 

If it didn't play out like you imagined... then what? Try again... by actually cheating when you already gave your SO the heads up you fantasize about it so they becomes hyper aware. Especially if the role play attempt didn't go as you expected.

[Mal78]

When people say "sex is sex"

I always get the picture they must never have had really GREAT sex

 

Sex is (most certainly not) Sex, I agree! It's what each partner (to me) is willing to contribute to make it mind blowing sex. However, a good 'ol quiet quickie could just satisfy the craving.

 

It's variety and spontaneity that, to me is the key. Being caught off guard once in a while. Your partner doing something unexpected or outside of their routine.

 

Ie. My H does not get the point of morning sex. He is a early bird, he would *never* hit the snooze button on his internal clock and just lay there for 5 more minutes. If he is awake he is up. His routine could possibly be timed to the Letter. Bathroom, get dressed, brush his teeth and go down for coffee. I have learned *never* to expect morning sex or very least a cuddle. Then that "one" day happened. Mind blowing was not enough to discribe it for both of us! My husband forgot to breath at the end and almost passed out. We have been together 21 years... 5 kids. YES it is still possible. Sex is NOT sex.

[MuddyFootprints]

This is where we began to encounter problems.

 

In my experience, sex is just sex when true intimacy is lacking.

[carhill]

I was reading an article of why cheaters cheat. This quote summed it up:

 

Thoughts?

 

 

"Cheaters sex is like the crack cocaine of making love. It feels fantastic while you’re doing it, but once the rush wears off you are lower than you’ve ever been and require more and more of it to keep the high going. It’s an unsustainable thing that will consume you if you let it".

 

In the case of the article writer, apparently he went back to the girlfriend whom he broke up with during the dalliance which impelled the quoted phrase and they've now been married four years.

 

Searching "22 Cheaters Explain “What Drove Me To Cheat”"will lead to the article in question.

 

IMO, if a person views a new sexual partner, real or potential, as exciting, and cheating as dramatic, and they like drama, then, yeah, it can be a pretty good high, if fleeting. If the cheating isn't fleeting, rather a more involved, invested relationship, then sex may feel different and less of a high needing more and more repetition to refrain from feeling 'low'.

 

IME, limerence in affairs isn't much different than that of typical romantic relationships, save for whatever emotional content pertains to the cheating part, meaning how one feels about deception. If 'getting away with something', generally a component of all sorts of cheating, not just romantically/sexually, gives a person a thrill, then they'll get a thrill and get that burst of brain chemicals that later subsides, coming 'down'.

 

It's entirely possible that 'crack' could be just as important, or even more important, than any sexual 'crack'. Since each person is unique, so will be their milieu.

[Woggle]

A less than ten minute for a lifetime of misery? It sounds about right to me.

[MightyQuinn]

yes, cheater sex is hot!

 

but the thing i am more curious in: is there any way to make the MARRIED sex equally hot.

 

I am a BW. WH and I had a GREAT sex life, 2-3 times a week even after 13 years together. And he was by no means deprived as far as adventure. Hell, for our anniversary weekend in September, we went to a sex shop and spent $150 on toys instead of doing the dinner/hotel thing we usually do. Then went home and used them all.

 

Which is why I was so utterly shocked to find out that despite all that, WH felt the need to have an OW. I've never had cheater sex, but our married sex set a pretty damn high bar. If cheater sex is hotter than that, apparently there's no amount of hot married sex one could have to cheat-proof your marriage. Either someone is willing to commit to stay faithful to another person, or they're not. In this case I was willing to commit and he was not.

[Sassy Girl]

*****************************************************************

 

I agree... ...A vast majority of WWs (including my EX) ...will do sex acts with the OM ..that she would NEVER DO WITH HER HUSBAND.....EVER

 

Most DO NOT want a Divorce...but will lose their freaking minds with the OM sexually!

I would have done EVERYTHING with my husband that Ive done with AP... but HE didn't want to... not me.

 

 

Like everyone else, sex is about compatibility as much as everything else in the relationship. Sometimes - just sometimes - affair partners are more compatible. Sometimes not. Same as everyone else.

 

Not going to lie - H is LD and has ED issues that he's left untreated and the sex is bad and infrequent as a result. I'm in my 30s

 

 

The affair sex is off the charts hot. We are very compatible. Its as simple as that.

 

ETA: I tried the whole 'role play' thing... bought toys, LOTS of toys, lingerie, showed him books, tried EVERYTHING to get him engaged in our sex life. He told me that he hates it when I "act slutty" by being sexually assertive and it "turns him off"

Edited December 14, 2014 by Sassy Girl

[revelations]

I guess comparing affair sex to crack would be a good analogy. However the reasons that men or women will continue with an affair actually differ greatly. This also applies to the spouses that are betrayed, they too will differ on their reasons for staying or leaving. I personally knew one guy that has stayed with his wife after she has carried on several affairs and was very bold about bragging to her husband about her lovers skills. However he has stayed with her always saying that she will wise up and understand what she has. Truth is she has never wised up and still taunts him to this day.

 

I often times hear of WW (like mine) that will preform sexual acts for her lover that she will refuse to do for her husband. WW will often site reasons such as comfort level or feeling free to try these new things. This in itself may be true or they just may not want to hurt their husbands further by stating that he does not sexually excite them to that point and her lover did. In the past I have had girlfriends cheat on me and was told by them that the sex with the other guy was not that good being it was a one night stand. I know myself I was unable to believe this, however I was unable to believe anything they said after that. To me just the fact that the sex was a forbidden fruit means to me that I would be unable to compete with that. So as you can see when the WW would do sexual acts for the other man that she refused me it drove home the point that she felt the other man was a better choice in some ways. Myself I feel that it is wrong to stand in the way of her and her true love so I made sure she knew she was free to go.

 

No matter what type of comparison someone wants to make about an affair they all do one thing and that is damage. Often times when a man has an affair he is just a pig to be burned. When a woman has an affair often times people will make excuses for it, always claiming a reason for it. The damage that is done can be far greater than most realize. With cheating happening so often in my life I came to the point were I refuse to give full trust or much trust at all. Sure women have cheated on me and had their laugh at my expense. What they failed to understand at the time is they destroyed any chance that another woman would have had that actually wanted me. I now feel indifferent to women, not caring if one is in my life or not. For me I am actually affected by the death of a pet or even the loss of my computer, TV or books more than I would be from woman walking out of my life. The reason is because these things have meaning to me, you might say sentimental value. I have learned over the years placing such value in a woman that claims to love you is just wasted energy. Some may say this is wrong, for you this may be correct, however it is not for me. Over the years women have shown me with their actions that I hold no value to them. I know that to women I am just disposable. So I no longer waste time with people that view me this way.

[dichotomy]

I am a BW. WH and I had a GREAT sex life, 2-3 times a week even after 13 years together. And he was by no means deprived as far as adventure. Hell, for our anniversary weekend in September, we went to a sex shop and spent $150 on toys instead of doing the dinner/hotel thing we usually do. Then went home and used them all.

 

Which is why I was so utterly shocked to find out that despite all that, WH felt the need to have an OW. I've never had cheater sex, but our married sex set a pretty damn high bar. If cheater sex is hotter than that, apparently there's no amount of hot married sex one could have to cheat-proof your marriage. Either someone is willing to commit to stay faithful to another person, or they're not. In this case I was willing to commit and he was not.

 

Sorry for this, really. Your WH was a pig. Sometimes WS just get off on strange and new, not necessarily better exactly.

[fellini]

Still, in your response, you drift between "blaming women" and taking responsibility for your current position.

 

WOMEN: did this ugly thing to me.

ME: have the high moral ground on how I value others.

 

I'd say much of what you have to say is true of people in general, but I'd add that we have to "own" the decision to turn our backs on humanity (in your case women and not pets) rather than argue they "did this to you".

 

Others have found alternative ways to interpret the impact of betrayal on our value system. But the important thing is my value system belongs to me, and no one person can take it and make adjustments to it.

 

Thanks for the post, you have tied together nicely many disconnected themes here.

 

 

I guess comparing affair sex to crack would be a good analogy. However the reasons that men or women will continue with an affair actually differ greatly. This also applies to the spouses that are betrayed, they too will differ on their reasons for staying or leaving. I personally knew one guy that has stayed with his wife after she has carried on several affairs and was very bold about bragging to her husband about her lovers skills. However he has stayed with her always saying that she will wise up and understand what she has. Truth is she has never wised up and still taunts him to this day.

 

I often times hear of WW (like mine) that will preform sexual acts for her lover that she will refuse to do for her husband. WW will often site reasons such as comfort level or feeling free to try these new things. This in itself may be true or they just may not want to hurt their husbands further by stating that he does not sexually excite them to that point and her lover did. In the past I have had girlfriends cheat on me and was told by them that the sex with the other guy was not that good being it was a one night stand. I know myself I was unable to believe this, however I was unable to believe anything they said after that. To me just the fact that the sex was a forbidden fruit means to me that I would be unable to compete with that. So as you can see when the WW would do sexual acts for the other man that she refused me it drove home the point that she felt the other man was a better choice in some ways. Myself I feel that it is wrong to stand in the way of her and her true love so I made sure she knew she was free to go.

 

No matter what type of comparison someone wants to make about an affair they all do one thing and that is damage. Often times when a man has an affair he is just a pig to be burned. When a woman has an affair often times people will make excuses for it, always claiming a reason for it. The damage that is done can be far greater than most realize. With cheating happening so often in my life I came to the point were I refuse to give full trust or much trust at all. Sure women have cheated on me and had their laugh at my expense. What they failed to understand at the time is they destroyed any chance that another woman would have had that actually wanted me. I now feel indifferent to women, not caring if one is in my life or not. For me I am actually affected by the death of a pet or even the loss of my computer, TV or books more than I would be from woman walking out of my life. The reason is because these things have meaning to me, you might say sentimental value. I have learned over the years placing such value in a woman that claims to love you is just wasted energy. Some may say this is wrong, for you this may be correct, however it is not for me. Over the years women have shown me with their actions that I hold no value to them. I know that to women I am just disposable. So I no longer waste time with people that view me this way.

[fellini]

Perhaps I didnt make my point clear enough. The vast majority of affairs (each case being different of course) are not ONS's where the issue sex is the direct consequence of the infidelity. When there is a period, however its duration, of EA --> PA then sex is the "last act" so to speak in the slope through betrayal.

 

Now while the sexual activities of my WS have clearly had the most impact on me as a BS, it would be a huge stretch to say that the affair was all about the affair SEX. My WW was head over heals for her AP before their first kiss. So yes, a conversation about "affair sex" seems in order, but it seems to me to REDUCE the affair to being about that is missing the truth about HOW a WS entered into an EA in the first place without knowing IF there was going to be ANY sex, or IF that sex was going to be GREAT. (Unless of course on girls night out someone mentioned that X was hung like a horse and this peaked some potential WW's interest.)

 

As a BS I am more focused on how an EA even got going, not the PA and what it meant. The PA is something I need to deal with more in terms of how it feels to have been cuckolded. Like others have said, hysteric bonding sex often out ranks affair sex by miles.

 

But like after argument or breakup sex, these are not healthy ways to attain a level of nirvana in a relationship.

 

 

*****************************************************************

As you have said many times Fellini...."every case is different"... and i agree..But if you read enough here you Will find a common thread in most Affairs...

[road]

A less than ten minute for a lifetime of misery? It sounds about right to me.

 

 

 

What?

 

 

Do you expect great sex to cost nothing?

[badkarma2013]

Perhaps I didnt make my point clear enough. The vast majority of affairs (each case being different of course) are not ONS's where the issue sex is the direct consequence of the infidelity. When there is a period, however its duration, of EA --> PA then sex is the "last act" so to speak in the slope through betrayal.

 

Now while the sexual activities of my WS have clearly had the most impact on me as a BS, it would be a huge stretch to say that the affair was all about the affair SEX. My WW was head over heals for her AP before their first kiss. So yes, a conversation about "affair sex" seems in order, but it seems to me to REDUCE the affair to being about that is missing the truth about HOW a WS entered into an EA in the first place without knowing IF there was going to be ANY sex, or IF that sex was going to be GREAT. (Unless of course on girls night out someone mentioned that X was hung like a horse and this peaked some potential WW's interest.)

 

As a BS I am more focused on how an EA even got going, not the PA and what it meant. The PA is something I need to deal with more in terms of how it feels to have been cuckolded. Like others have said, hysteric bonding sex often out ranks affair sex by miles.

 

But like after argument or breakup sex, these are not healthy ways to attain a level of nirvana in a relationship.

*****************************************************************

 

I AGREE...your quote from Shirley Glass,hit me hard....I truly believe "it was a Long road to my WWs first kiss with her boss/OM...but the road to sex and what she did with him was just a Short ride from there.....The Part that hit me was ..and i believe it to be TRUE... MY WW was insanely UNFAITHFUL before any sex took place...

 

Whatever the OM said or did..She was hooked long before the A began...

[lostnadrift]

I've often thought that the addiction/drug analogy was an apt one.

 

That said, I think for (most) wayward women, it's less about the sex and more about the attention and affirmation. I tend to think that (many) women give sex to get "love."

 

Agreed, sounds like my ex.

[velvette]

As someone else has already said, hot sex starts in your own head.

 

 

One thing I have noticed is that a lot of people who say A sex is the best sex they ever had go on to say how inexperienced they are sexually.

 

 

Theres a thread elsewhere where a woman is all gaga over someone who "gave" her an orgasm when her husband never did. Despite all the evidence her A partner is simply a womanizer who is a great deal more experienced sexually than she is, she thinks hes the greatest thing since sliced bread. Kind of sad really that people upend their whole lives just because they don't have a clue.

 

 

But, I think its common that just like cheaters take little to no responsibility for their own happiness and are constantly looking for external validation, they often also take no responsibility for their own sexual satisfaction.

[fellini]

I think your (inaccurately given) example contradicts your assertion.

 

The woman in question was clear, she had been having sex with her SO but never had an orgasm but with her experienced AP yes. So how is that all in her HEAD?

 

whether or not he was a womaniser the question in her mind was should she stay in a relationship spending the rest of her life faking it (that would be what I call all in your head).

 

Sex is intimacy - regardless of the level. Obviously the mind, the body, in fact all the senses are at play during sex - or at least should be.

 

I dont see where this notion comes from that sex is - or starts or is even determined by your head. It just doesnt jive with experience or common sense

 

 

 

 

 

As someone else has already said, hot sex starts in your own head.

 

 

One thing I have noticed is that a lot of people who say A sex is the best sex they ever had go on to say how inexperienced they are sexually.

 

 

Theres a thread elsewhere where a woman is all gaga over someone who "gave" her an orgasm when her husband never did. Despite all the evidence her A partner is simply a womanizer who is a great deal more experienced sexually than she is, she thinks hes the greatest thing since sliced bread. Kind of sad really that people upend their whole lives just because they don't have a clue.

 

 

But, I think its common that just like cheaters take little to no responsibility for their own happiness and are constantly looking for external validation, they often also take no responsibility for their own sexual satisfaction.

[velvette]

I think your (inaccurately given) example contradicts your assertion.

 

The woman in question was clear, she had been having sex with her SO but never had an orgasm but with her experienced AP yes. So how is that all in her HEAD?

 

whether or not he was a womaniser the question in her mind was should she stay in a relationship spending the rest of her life faking it (that would be what I call all in your head).

 

Sex is intimacy - regardless of the level. Obviously the mind, the body, in fact all the senses are at play during sex - or at least should be.

 

I dont see where this notion comes from that sex is - or starts or is even determined by your head. It just doesnt jive with experience or common sense

 

 

I didn't say the fact she had an orgasm was in her head. Obviously, in her head, she doesn't know how to have an orgasm unless someone "gives" her one.

 

 

If she knew how to have an orgasm, she could have shown/taught her inexperienced spouse what pleased her and she wouldn't need to be looking for an A partner just to have better sex.

 

 

Point being just because someone is sexually experienced enough to know something you don't know, doesn't make them an ideal partner. And, in the case I referenced, he is likely giving lots of women orgasms not just her. So while he may be giving her the hottest sex she has ever had, I'm guessing women who are more experienced would just be repelled by him.

[Furious]

I was reading an article of why cheaters cheat. This quote summed it up:

 

Thoughts?

 

 

"Cheaters sex is like the crack cocaine of making love. It feels fantastic while you’re doing it, but once the rush wears off you are lower than you’ve ever been and require more and more of it to keep the high going. It’s an unsustainable thing that will consume you if you let it".

 

 

As someone who has never cheated but had many opportunities to do so throughout my life, I think for me and many people who choose to not cheat, is that "cheating" is just too easy to do and it's premise is to be comfortable with deceit.

 

In order for affair sex to be hot, there is the foundation that deceit is hot. This is the paradox that for some people is either acceptable or not.

 

In today's day and age, cheating has become an profitable industry, with cheating websites for married people, and of course the availability for male or female "escorts", never mind the traditional prostitute in a seedy part of town or Craig's list hookups for strangers.

 

Is affair sex hot....or is cheating hot....and what is the fine line that connects the two?

 

I can only speak for myself, but love, authenticity, honesty, is hot and will never compare to affair sex. Love is a novel, affair sex is a short story and I've always preferred novels.

 

I guess it all comes comes to the individual and how they view cheating and if that makes it hot.

[fellini]

But the point is you are misrepresenting the thread completely.

 

She isn't married, he is her fiance. (Which is not to say that her infidelity is okay)

 

And it is not about whether she should go off and marry the experienced womanizer. That is not what she is asking.

 

And it is not about her having an orgasm in her head.

 

You said that HOT SEX starts mostly in one's HEAD.

 

Obviously it does NOT. She WANTS orgasms. She isn't going to get one changing what is going ON in her head.

 

 

 

I didn't say the fact she had an orgasm was in her head. Obviously, in her head, she doesn't know how to have an orgasm unless someone "gives" her one.

 

 

If she knew how to have an orgasm, she could have shown/taught her inexperienced spouse what pleased her and she wouldn't need to be looking for an A partner just to have better sex.

 

 

Point being just because someone is sexually experienced enough to know something you don't know, doesn't make them an ideal partner. And, in the case I referenced, he is likely giving lots of women orgasms not just her. So while he may be giving her the hottest sex she has ever had, I'm guessing women who are more experienced would just be repelled by him.

[velvette]

But the point is you are misrepresenting the thread completely.

 

She isn't married, he is her fiance. (Which is not to say that her infidelity is okay)

 

And it is not about whether she should go off and marry the experienced womanizer. That is not what she is asking.

 

And it is not about her having an orgasm in her head.

 

You said that HOT SEX starts mostly in one's HEAD.

 

Obviously it does NOT. She WANTS orgasms. She isn't going to get one changing what is going ON in her head.

 

 

Yes, they aren't married yet. Doesn't really change the fact that she is apparently clueless as to how to achieve an orgasm or knows but is incapable of sharing that information with her fiancé. So, yeah, a half hour on the internet or probably even the latest women's magazine and she could put enough info in her head that she wouldn't have to fake sexual satisfaction with her fiancé.

[spanz1]

A less than ten minute for a lifetime of misery? It sounds about right to me.

 

 

 

that is exactly what I am trying to figure out. Lets say there are 3 classes of spouses:

1) those that would never cheat under any reason

2) those that think they would never cheat, but some how get swept up in it all..either sexual infatuation, sexual frustration, getting drunk and being in a questionable place...or maybe they just pick up a copy of "50 shades of gray" some day and say "oh my...."

3) those that want to cheat, choose that clearly, and then go about having affairs

 

 

people with a 1) spouse do not need to be on here

 

 

people with a 3) spouse need a divorce, they just don't know it yet.

 

 

but it is the middle 2) spouses...those that could be completely happy with monogamous marriage their whole lives, but somehow go off the rails. THOSE spouses, I think if you have a mix of intimacy, kinky and ever changing sex lives, and the ability to communicate no matter what the issue without embarasement...there must be some formula for how to keep them perfectly satisfied. I think kinky sex IS very important....so that the spouse can say "hey I get anything I want to try, why cheat to get a minor thrill?".

 

 

maybe a lot of the 2) types cheat just because they can not talk about their sexual or other needs, they find a cougar or stud that puts the moves on them, and they can not stop...its something they wanted to try all their adult lives, but were embarrassed to admit it, so they just go along with the seduction

Edited December 14, 2014 by spanz1

[xxoo]

You said that HOT SEX starts mostly in one's HEAD.

 

Obviously it does NOT. She WANTS orgasms. She isn't going to get one changing what is going ON in her head.

 

 

I disagree. Arousal is in the brain. When highly aroused, the slightest touch can produce an orgasm. A touch of the fingers can produce fireworks. This is a function of sexual tension, which can be heightened in new relationships and affairs, but can also be maximized in relationships through a host of play and exploration.

[velvette]

I disagree. Arousal is in the brain. When highly aroused, the slightest touch can produce an orgasm. A touch of the fingers can produce fireworks. This is a function of sexual tension, which can be heightened in new relationships and affairs, but can also be maximized in relationships through a host of play and exploration.

 

Actually, with knowledge and practice, touch is not even required to orgasm. Proof positive it starts in the brain.

[revelations]

Still, in your response, you drift between "blaming women" and taking responsibility for your current position.

 

WOMEN: did this ugly thing to me.

ME: have the high moral ground on how I value others.

 

I'd say much of what you have to say is true of people in general, but I'd add that we have to "own" the decision to turn our backs on humanity (in your case women and not pets) rather than argue they "did this to you".

 

Others have found alternative ways to interpret the impact of betrayal on our value system. But the important thing is my value system belongs to me, and no one person can take it and make adjustments to it.

 

Thanks for the post, you have tied together nicely many disconnected themes here.

 

 

Thank you I do my best to follow a thought to it's end. I do feel that you may have misunderstood my reasons for walking away from women. Truth is that for me it comes down to a risk verses benefits decision for me. It has nothing to do with hate or even being disinterested in women. The broken hearts over the years is one thing, however between being denied visitation to my son and losing everything time and time again one has to come to the conclusion that by repeating the same action only serves to invite the same trouble. By not getting married, having kids or living with a woman I have eliminated a lot of bad things happening in my life. After all if I don't marry then no alimony can be collected. If I don't have kids then she cannot use the kid as a pawn nor collect child support. If I don't live with her (this includes marriage) then no false charges of domestic violence can be brought up against me. You might say that I have had my fill of stress in my life so I have eliminated it wherever possible.

 

The truth is that no matter what we like to think we have no control over another person or their actions. So instead of trying to control something I have no control over I take control over something I do have control over which is myself. Blaming all women for the wrong doings of a few is wrong. However their is no law stating that I have to give all women the opportunity to continue the abuse that other women have started. If I pick and eat a mushroom that may taste good but makes me sick then I would eventually not eat mushrooms because they make me sick. I may choose to learn how to identify mushrooms that are tasty and not poisonous. However if I am not able to learn the proper skills to identify these different mushrooms then I would be best to leave them alone all together.

 

When it comes down to sex, rather it be affair sex or hysterical bonding sex a majority of it really is in the mind. Someone involved with hysterical bonding sex is trying to reclaim what they feel they have lost. The person that cheated on them still holds a high value, also they may be trying to prove something. Myself I have never experienced this in my life. The reason is because every time a woman has cheated on me she looses all of her value that I once had on her. Personally I could find no sex appeal in that wife or girlfriend that cheated. Given a choice between sex with an ex that cheated on me or watching a romance movie, the romance movie would win every time and I do not like romance movies.

 

One must remember that when a person chooses to cheat they choose to take a risk. That risk that the cheater takes may be for sexual gratification or simple emotional wants. No matter the reason to take the risk, cheaters do know that if and when found out that the person they have betrayed will be hurt the most. Ultimately the decision is made to indulge in a small amount of pleasure that will cause the betrayed a large amount of pain. This is one of the reasons I always say that cheating on a person is just another way of proving that the person the cheater is married to is number two in their lives. Yes the cheater may spend the rest of their life trying to prove this is not the case. However the truth is that while they are cheating their spouse is number 2 to them. If we were told we could have free lobster (or whatever your favorite food is) for a week and to get it all we would have to do is take some pliers and pull out two teeth from our spouses mouth with no type of anesthesia most of would turn it down without a second thought. We would know that the little bit of pleasure we get from that favorite food is not worth the pain we would be putting our spouse in. With a cheater this is not the case, they grab the pliers and start pulling out those teeth. In some cases they will enjoy watching the pain they caused and reminisce over the pain they cause while enjoying that favorite food. For myself I simply figured out that I no longer have to sit and allow my teeth to be pulled out. So I simply closed my mouth and got up and walked away.

[badkarma2013]

posted by spanz1....."but it is the middle 2) spouses...those that could be completely happy with monogamous marriage their whole lives, but somehow go off the rails. THOSE spouses, I think if you have a mix of intimacy, kinky and ever changing sex lives, and the ability to communicate no matter what the issue without embarasement...there must be some formula for how to keep them perfectly satisfied. I think kinky sex IS very important....so that the spouse can say "hey I get anything I want to try, why cheat to get a minor thrill?".

 

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I agree to some extent....But as a BH...There is a huge amount of threads on here that the WW was Happy..they had a great sex life and really had a Great life..and some PUA or OM came along ...Compliments flowed.... they established a rapport and basically the WW gave up everything they had for

what started from a GODDA@N pick up line...

 

i have read many article written by WWs..and the common theme is "I never wanted a Divorce and when my A started .."i had no intentions of leaving my husband or family....and when they are caught or confess out of guilt..they STAND WIDE EYED AND BAFFLED the actions their BHs take upon discovery...

 

Its almost like there is no remorse...I just did it....and almost NONE gave a plausible explaination as to why they risked everything and lost...

Edited December 15, 2014 by badkarma2013