Break up with a live-in mooching boyfriend

[No_Go]

I got ripped off by an employer for an easily provable $1500 earlier this year.

 

 

The complaint is currently sitting with employment standards. They called me back last week. There are numerous other similar complaints and this woman has done this to so many people.

 

 

My complaint is currently in the MIDDLE. And it only happened in September. Some people worked for MONTHS without getting paid.

 

 

If someone is this entitled, it is a pattern of behavior and entitlement.

 

 

I knew that I couldn't be the only one when I went to get my cheque and she pulled out every spaz threat in the book and was SHOCKED to see them not working. (I got used to being screamed at in the street from my alcoholic father, thanks Dad, turned out I needed this skill after all).

 

 

Ironically enough, she asked me if I was "effing crazy" after I didn't leave even after she called the police. The ONLY reason I didn't was because this way they could document that I was there, non-violent, or aggressive (except for not leaving while she was freaking out) ONLY to get my cheque which we BOTH agree that I had not been paid. That she still wouldn't write while I was on the premises.

 

 

The police came, ran my name, ran her name. Took my complaint, said they understood, asked her why she hadn't issued a cheque and informed her that claiming she had while she actually HADN'T was fraud and she could be pursued further. Then they asked if I was ready to go. I was satisfied and that all went to employment standards.

 

 

They are currently putting a lien on her home. What an idiot. Turns out that she is not incorporated either, so she is personally liable for all of it. I will get paid eventually, even if I have to wait until she sells her house. Fine with me, I get interest.

 

 

People can be really fishy. Don't let them get away with it as much as you can.

 

 

BTW, this psycho even turned in a vindictive complaint to Social Services (just like she threatened to and I documented and pre-empted). She has never even met my daughter and has no grounds whatsoever for the complaint. They dismissed it. Which was relieving.

 

Wow, you acted really brave - not many people would keep their composure in this situation. I hope you get your money back sooner or later.

[CC12]

Thank you for the update. I am glad that you got out of it. Really.

 

But why are you are even questioning whether or not to ask him for the money back or to block him completely?

 

It is OVER, as you said. The things you're considering doing would only invite his involvement into your life once again. Please ask yourself why you would even consider talking to him for any reason or letting him contact you in any way. Do you crave the drama? Do you miss him? Are you obsessing over the money you lost? Figure out why you're doing this and fix it. There is absolutely no good that could come from any contact with him.

 

You know what? You won! You came out of it relatively unscathed. You just lost some money, and maybe some pride. You'll be fine. If you start dabbling in his bull**** again, you're gonna get poop all over your hands. Gross. Please just work on moving on and remembering the lessons you learned, but forgetting about the rest of it.

[No_Go]

Hey CC12, you're so right, over is OVER; I'm a bit bitter over the losses (and mainly the fact that I was tricked) but I'll get over it I'm getting my life together and I'm very very happy that he is not part of it!! Spring is coming and hopefully new joys are ahead.

 

 

Thank you for the update. I am glad that you got out of it. Really.

 

But why are you are even questioning whether or not to ask him for the money back or to block him completely?

 

It is OVER, as you said. The things you're considering doing would only invite his involvement into your life once again. Please ask yourself why you would even consider talking to him for any reason or letting him contact you in any way. Do you crave the drama? Do you miss him? Are you obsessing over the money you lost? Figure out why you're doing this and fix it. There is absolutely no good that could come from any contact with him.

 

You know what? You won! You came out of it relatively unscathed. You just lost some money, and maybe some pride. You'll be fine. If you start dabbling in his bull**** again, you're gonna get poop all over your hands. Gross. Please just work on moving on and remembering the lessons you learned, but forgetting about the rest of it.

[No_Go]

I feel so dumb bringing this tread back but:

-the con man that I dated and described here initiated communication again

-he wants to discuss "money matters" (I assume returning his debt to me?)

Other background:

-I haven't been in touch since I posted here, although he tried to initiate contact

-I'm in a loving relationship, but still new, so I don't want to burden my bf with my con man ex (else I'd ask him for help)

 

Is it wise to contact him back to see if he really plans to return me something, or this will be a stupid move of me (I'm scared he'll attempt another plot, although this time I'm in a good emotional standing so this is unlikely to go far)?

 

Hey CC12, you're so right, over is OVER; I'm a bit bitter over the losses (and mainly the fact that I was tricked) but I'll get over it I'm getting my life together and I'm very very happy that he is not part of it!! Spring is coming and hopefully new joys are ahead.

[CC12]

-he wants to discuss "money matters" (I assume returning his debt to me?)

 

If the reason he contacted you was to discuss paying you back, he would have said so. I would bet that the "money matters" he wants to discuss have to do with you giving him more money. He probably thinks you owe him for something.

 

I don't think you should reply to him. But if you're in a good place emotionally and can promise yourself that you're not going to fall for any bull**** sob stories or any sort of manipulative ploys to get money or anything else from you, you could see what he wants. It would be best if you just left it in the past, though.

[beach]

IF you respond at all - only ask him how much money he plans to pay you back and when.

 

If needed, only meet him at a neutral place. Don't let him know where you live now.

[No_Go]

Wow, I haven't thought about it that way.But if so I think I will share with my new bf (who also had experience with manipulators in the past), as a safety precaution - he'll keep me away from buls**t.

 

Btw I called him and he said he'll be back to me later which strongly suggests to me he's thinking of a new strategy and wasn't ready to return my call at that point because of that.

 

 

If the reason he contacted you was to discuss paying you back, he would have said so. I would bet that the "money matters" he wants to discuss have to do with you giving him more money. He probably thinks you owe him for something.

 

I don't think you should reply to him. But if you're in a good place emotionally and can promise yourself that you're not going to fall for any bull**** sob stories or any sort of manipulative ploys to get money or anything else from you, you could see what he wants. It would be best if you just left it in the past, though.

[No_Go]

I spoke to him, he asked to meet to decide on a plan to pay me back ("surprisingly", nothing concrete).

 

I told him I don't want to meet. I gave him an option to send me the money electronically if he wants to, but left it up to him.

 

I know he will not do it and I actually don't care. He was testing the waters and I know it. And he knows that I know it. So I bet I he'll go MIA (and REALLY hope he will).

 

 

IF you respond at all - only ask him how much money he plans to pay you back and when.

 

If needed, only meet him at a neutral place. Don't let him know where you live now.

[No_Go]

Shall I be worried, shall I take action?

 

Background of the tread: I had a live-in boyfriend that was basically stealing money from me, trapped me in a lease where he didn't contribute for anything and continuously guilt-trip and manipulated me. I escaped january last year.

 

After 1.5 year or so, he attempted contacting me. He send me an e-mail 'we need to talk' which I never opened because I though it is another manipulation.

 

Now I received a message from a woman who claims to know him and has just ended a relationship with him. She said 'he did a number of very bad things to me. I want to know if this is new behavior for him or if I am just the latest in a long string of victims'. I received her contacts .... I'm so scared with this. Shall I call her or can this be another trap from my abusive ex? If it is real I'd really be happy to help her since I know how awful I felt back with him/right after him.

[jen1447]

Don't be worried.

 

Please PM me if you want to get into the nitty-gritty of dos/don'ts - might be a bit too personal type info to just share around.

[dreamingoftigers]

Shall I be worried, shall I take action?

 

Background of the tread: I had a live-in boyfriend that was basically stealing money from me, trapped me in a lease where he didn't contribute for anything and continuously guilt-trip and manipulated me. I escaped january last year.

 

After 1.5 year or so, he attempted contacting me. He send me an e-mail 'we need to talk' which I never opened because I though it is another manipulation.

 

Now I received a message from a woman who claims to know him and has just ended a relationship with him. She said 'he did a number of very bad things to me. I want to know if this is new behavior for him or if I am just the latest in a long string of victims'. I received her contacts .... I'm so scared with this. Shall I call her or can this be another trap from my abusive ex? If it is real I'd really be happy to help her since I know how awful I felt back with him/right after him.

 

I would talk to her and see what she has to say.....

[266696687]

I would talk to her and see what she has to say.....

 

Yes I would do the same but I would be extremely cautious in how you go about it.

 

Talk to her on the phone and let her share her experience of his behaviour. Do not tell this woman where you live or provide her with any other information that could be used to locate you do not go and meet her. Let her talk to you. In the first instance do not share the details of your relationship with him but you can confirm he treated you poorly as well.

 

Suggest she seek help from friends and family.

[No_Go]

I'm sick in the gut. He told horrible (false) things about me and shared my info with her. That's how she found me.

 

He moved with her to another state, 'borrowed' several thousand from her, used another few, then start saying he'll 'destroy her' and she's guilty for his 'temporarily (financial) troubles'.

 

Last month he assaulted her, she pressed charges and got restraining order. She thinks he still attempts getting in touch with her from other emails.

 

Timing of their break up coincides with my email from him.

 

She wants to sue him for the assault and money and something else regarding her company. I square away said I don't want to get involved but confirmed my experience ...

 

I feel dumb now. Was this a setup? Could it be that she recorded our call? I don't want to go after him because I'm scared. He's a conman and super manipulative. I never opened his email and will never get back in touch with him.

 

I'm contemplating shall I tell my current BF about this all. It is such a mess I'm ashamed I could not resist to hear these stories from her... Hopefully there was no harm but I also couldn't help he.

[CC12]

I feel dumb now. Was this a setup? Could it be that she recorded our call?

...

Hopefully there was no harm but I also couldn't help he.

 

I don't think you have anything to worry about. It didn't sound like a setup and it makes perfect sense that an ex of his would contact you to ask these things. I would think she just wanted some reassurance that she's not the only one he's done this to. It probably actually helped her a lot. Maybe it helped you, too.

 

If it were me, though, I probably wouldn't talk to her again. I think she got the confirmation that she needed but beyond that, there's no reason for you to be involved. You seem to have moved on quite nicely. (Good job not even opening his emails, by the way.) If she contacts you again, you can say, I'm sorry it happened to you, it sucks, but I can't be involved, good luck with everything.

 

I'm contemplating shall I tell my current BF about this all.

 

Sure, tell him what's going on. This would be the type of thing you'd share with your partner, I'd imagine. But there's no need for him to do anything about it, so I hope he wouldn't go into "I need to fix everything" mode and start stirring things up. Hopefully it will be that last you hear from her and your ex.