Break up with a live-in mooching boyfriend

[TigerLilly78]

Right now I am on J1 visa, applying for EB2 green card. He inclined that if we end up in court it may affect my green card application (likely manipulation).

 

I really hope my credit will not suffer, the "BF" found subletters himself, so if the landlord agrees on one of them, I will move out ASAP. I lined a place for myself already and this is better for me besides the financial losses in terms of furniture. The landlord became very unavailable recently... I hope it is not a bad sign... I just want to be out of the loop this week.

 

I refused the daily money and guess what - he shut up. I am sure he has other sources, not even sorry for him anymore, he is just trying to suck the last drops...

 

That just his last attempts to try and make you afraid so you will be weak don't buy into it he only has as much power as you allow him to always remember that. Keep strong keep moving forward far as the LL you don't know how often the loser is bugging him so maybe hes just tired of the entire situation.

 

Some LLs are more helpful then others some just want to collect the rent and be done with it. When you get a hold of him just be very apologetic to him and let him know how much of a pain in the ass this situation has been for you too.

 

Be honest and try to make him see you are the victim here as well with out going to over the top..maybe say something like hes been a great LL and you wished you could have stayed but this loser is making it near impossible for you.

[Elle1975]

J1, like a student visa? Not familiar with it, didn't know it was a valid immigration (green card) status. Anyway, ending up in court will not affect the process, unless you are found to be a person of bad morals (you steal, sell your body, etc etc).

 

When you leave, make sure you name is off the lease, or you're still responsible. Personally Id keep the flat and kick him out, because I don't see a good outcome to putting the responsibility of finding roommates on his shoulders.

 

A long time ago my sister told me to never have someone's name on the lease other than mine, because if things turn sour, well.. you know.

[No_Go]

J1 is my current status (visiting researcher), independent of that I am self-petitioning a green card based on special skills (EB2, NIW), it should go through by next year. Yeah, I asked my lawyer and heard exactly the same as you say

 

Landlords actually turned to be completely supportive today (although I haven't told them yet the whole story, they were aware that I was paying the whole rent by the name on the checks...), I will be off the lease this week if all goes smooth. It is his business how he proceeds from there on, I'm sure if he didn't somehow pay / make someone else pay they'll kick him out.

 

Lesson learned for the lease... Lets hope this will be soon behind... But I will never lease / buy with a SO again, unless I am married for them...And that is what I will recommend to anybody here to avoid my careless mistake that cost me tons of money, stress and humiliation

 

J1, like a student visa? Not familiar with it, didn't know it was a valid immigration (green card) status. Anyway, ending up in court will not affect the process, unless you are found to be a person of bad morals (you steal, sell your body, etc etc).

 

When you leave, make sure you name is off the lease, or you're still responsible. Personally Id keep the flat and kick him out, because I don't see a good outcome to putting the responsibility of finding roommates on his shoulders.

 

A long time ago my sister told me to never have someone's name on the lease other than mine, because if things turn sour, well.. you know.

[beach]

That is great news!

 

So glad you can get off the lease and get separated from this guy. As soon as all the utilities come off your name and he's left without basics he will be forced to vacate.

 

I hope for your Landlord that is the way it will go. Happy moving to you!!!

 

 

I also hope you file a court action against him to recover the money he owes you - even if he makes payments. He should have some restitution to you - and to hopefully make him realize he shouldn't do this to someone else in the future.

Edited December 10, 2014 by beach

[TigerLilly78]

Excellent glad to hear the good news OP you wont regret leaving him behind best of luck with the new place make sure he has no idea were it is and get your numbers changed..

[CC12]

I also hope you file a court action against him to recover the money he owes you - even if he makes payments. He should have some restitution to you - and to hopefully make him realize he shouldn't do this to someone else in the future.

 

Taking him to court keeps coming up, and it's a nice idea but in reality it would probably be a waste of time. You can't squeeze blood from a stone.

 

He doesn't have the money to pay her back, and he probably never will. If he ever does get a legitimate job (he won't) OP would still have to go out of her way to chase after her repayment. Even then, his wages would have to qualify for the garnishment, which means that he has to make enough money to not be left in poverty first of all, and there also can't be any other wage garnishments, like for child support. Even after all of that, I believe if he files for bankruptcy, that debt could be forgiven.

 

Seriously, legal judgments and wage garnishments only matter to people who have a steady income and a reputation to protect. This guy sounds like he has neither. Taking him to court would likely be more trouble than it's worth. It's probably easier to just let it go and avoid all the headaches.

 

But, OP, if you do choose to sue him, please keep us updated at all times.

 

I'm glad things seem to be looking up. If your landlords are willing to let you off the lease and let him stay there, that would almost be ideal. Get everything in writing.

[TigerLilly78]

which means that he has to make enough money to not be left in poverty.

Im not to sure about that ive known people who owed and they didn't make a lot and they still had half their checks taken or more if they earned more that week no one cares if your left in poverty these days at least in the US..

[No_Go]

Oooh, things are not over

The landlords haven't broke my lease yet and again are unreachable, I believe they won't let me out without legal actions...

The "BF" didn't pay the delayed part of the lease again, so I had to pay it in fear of eviction. His "paycheck" should come on Friday but I am listening the same stories from months...

This whole ordeal cost me over $8k and counting, now even if I get a lawyer I don't see how I am going to get released and compensated. Plus the mooch disappeared from 2 nights and is telling me he is looking for lawyer "friends" to help him not to get evicted, even telling that I am planning to evict him (which I neither do or ca, I am just a tenant as he is).

I am contemplating just to move out and let the landlords follow up themselves, but in that case, I am probably liable for the apartment. WHat a mess!

[Satu]

Oooh, things are not over

The landlords haven't broke my lease yet and again are unreachable, I believe they won't let me out without legal actions...

The "BF" didn't pay the delayed part of the lease again, so I had to pay it in fear of eviction. His "paycheck" should come on Friday but I am listening the same stories from months...

This whole ordeal cost me over $8k and counting, now even if I get a lawyer I don't see how I am going to get released and compensated. Plus the mooch disappeared from 2 nights and is telling me he is looking for lawyer "friends" to help him not to get evicted, even telling that I am planning to evict him (which I neither do or ca, I am just a tenant as he is).

I am contemplating just to move out and let the landlords follow up themselves, but in that case, I am probably liable for the apartment. WHat a mess!

 

At the very least, you've been through a real learning experience which will serve you well in the future.

 

Pretty soon you will be out of that situation, and you'll be able to kick your shoes off and relax.

 

May that day come soon!

[beach]

I'm unsure why you've continued to pay his half.

 

Okay, so they evict you at this point - I'd be moving now rather than later.

 

At least if you hurry up and move that allows you to settle in before any court records show up and it pops up against your credit report.

 

If you get moved ASAP then you get away from him. You get settled and you get to be on your own. I'd tell the landlord to she him for the remainder of the lease since he hasn't been paying his share and that's what caused you to have to move. You've paid your share - now it's time for him to feel responsible for the remainder. He says Friday hoping that buys him another week of staying somewhere for free. He's not planning to pay anything.

 

Him? He can figure out what to do about himself. He has no reason to pay or leave since you continue paying his way when he's late.

 

And yes, immediately file a small claims report against him. Hopefully the max in your area isn't higher than $8K. If it is then go for the maximum amount and call the other money a loss.

 

Your filing fee should be minimal - use the help desk at the court if needed...they tend to be very useful in my area.

[Elle1975]

Oooh, things are not over

The landlords haven't broke my lease yet and again are unreachable, I believe they won't let me out without legal actions...

The "BF" didn't pay the delayed part of the lease again, so I had to pay it in fear of eviction. His "paycheck" should come on Friday but I am listening the same stories from months...

This whole ordeal cost me over $8k and counting, now even if I get a lawyer I don't see how I am going to get released and compensated. Plus the mooch disappeared from 2 nights and is telling me he is looking for lawyer "friends" to help him not to get evicted, even telling that I am planning to evict him (which I neither do or ca, I am just a tenant as he is).

I am contemplating just to move out and let the landlords follow up themselves, but in that case, I am probably liable for the apartment. WHat a mess!

 

Kick him out, simple. Tell him it's over, he needs to leave. If you leave the apartment, that might affect your green card process, since you'd be taken to court by the landlord. While I am not sure of it, I really wouldn't take that chance.

 

Once you tell him it's over, he'll probably get on his high horse and go, only to try and come back a couple days later; change the locks immediately, and call your landlord to give him a double of the key.

 

Contact the police, they can be present when he picks up his stuff. Just tell them the truth, you are scared of him.

[No_Go]

I paid his half because the landlords asked me for it to give me rental applications for new tenants (in fact, they never did give me those afterwards).

 

Also my exBF was adamant that he will pay his share by 15th since he has just started a job, now he didn't get paid in his job by 19th... I want to believe it but I don't

 

Landlords have in fact no legal reason to evict me/us, since in the end I paid the rent. I guess thats why they went MIA and do not respond my calls... They are waiting me to stop paying and evict me then.

 

I am terrified to sign a new lease since with deposit expenses etc + paying still for my/our current place it will be well beyond my means. I am average-payed researcher with no side income unfortunately

 

I will consider the small claims court once I move out. Part of the money are furniture which I can in principle take with me... although in the current situation I would not dare.

 

I'm unsure why you've continued to pay his half.

 

Okay, so they evict you at this point - I'd be moving now rather than later.

 

At least if you hurry up and move that allows you to settle in before any court records show up and it pops up against your credit report.

 

If you get moved ASAP then you get away from him. You get settled and you get to be on your own. I'd tell the landlord to she him for the remainder of the lease since he hasn't been paying his share and that's what caused you to have to move. You've paid your share - now it's time for him to feel responsible for the remainder. He says Friday hoping that buys him another week of staying somewhere for free. He's not planning to pay anything.

 

Him? He can figure out what to do about himself. He has no reason to pay or leave since you continue paying his way when he's late.

 

And yes, immediately file a small claims report against him. Hopefully the max in your area isn't higher than $8K. If it is then go for the maximum amount and call the other money a loss.

 

Your filing fee should be minimal - use the help desk at the court if needed...they tend to be very useful in my area.

[No_Go]

Not simple, he is a highly skilled manipulator. For example, as I shared before he threatened me to accuse me in DV if I attempt to kick him out, since he has made recordings of me screaming at him. I know this will NEVER pass through since he has no real reason to accuse me, but I am still scared. Also, he was spreading wrong information about me to the landlords: that "I" was financially troubled since I had an emergency trip to my home country (which luckily an easily provable lie).

 

He has nearly nothing personal in the house. When we moved in, he told me his belongings are still in his ex house , and he never took them from there. He has some clothes, a TV and that is all.

 

Also he is not in the house now and NOT responding my calls. I am sure he is buying time strategy and he will be back in a day with a long dramatic story and need for money Unfortunately I know him very well now.

 

Landlords are just not responding to me at all. I am going to get a attorney tomorrow. I feel used, abused and trapped by my OWN stupidity (all red flags were there from the start).

 

Kick him out, simple. Tell him it's over, he needs to leave. If you leave the apartment, that might affect your green card process, since you'd be taken to court by the landlord. While I am not sure of it, I really wouldn't take that chance.

 

Once you tell him it's over, he'll probably get on his high horse and go, only to try and come back a couple days later; change the locks immediately, and call your landlord to give him a double of the key.

 

Contact the police, they can be present when he picks up his stuff. Just tell them the truth, you are scared of him.

[No_Go]

Oh, just recalled I forgot to mention: he put PROVABLE false information in the rental application initially: non-existing job, non-existing bank account, and made-up salary. Also he didn't share that he is under probation for misdemenour of him from last year.

Is that sufficient for eviction? I guess that is what the landlords will catch for if they want to go to this direction.

I don't know what will happen to me in that case. Just get released or get in trouble together with him?

[CC12]

I paid his half because the landlords asked me for it...

 

It's good that you are still paying his half of the rent because if you don't, the landlords don't get the full amount of the rent they are entitled to, and they can still evict you both.

 

... to give me rental applications for new tenants (in fact, they never did give me those afterwards).

 

I do not think you need the rental applications. New tenants wouldn't be applying through you, they would be applying through the landlord. You advertise your unit, have potential new tenants call you, then you email or text your landlord and say, "I've got Bob Smith coming to fill out an application with you. Will you let me know if he qualifies to sign a lease?" This is what we've asked of our tenants, anyway. I think you should also give them your 30-day notice to vacate in writing as soon as possible.

 

It sucks that your landlords aren't being more helpful, but I guess they don't have to be. Do hire a lawyer or get some legal advice, somehow. I wonder if your consulate could help you, or refer you to someone? It's worth a phone call. Maybe try legal aid in your city.

 

It's still unclear to me, though - is he willing to move out when you do? I'm also curious about your day-to-day interactions. Do you two behave as a couple sometimes? Is it only when you're fighting with him that you want to move out?

[No_Go]

Indeed, that's why I paid it.

 

The landlords told me about the rental applications. Else I've done before exactly what you suggested, i.e. just introduce the potential tenant to the landlord. Not an option with these landlords (they are problematic on their own, e.g. never gave us the signed lease document for our records, never gave us e-mails, just phones, but that is a whole other discussion...).

 

I think I will start with a rental attorney, if things get sour, will ask the consulate or some other legal help. I asked at my work (very big university with a lot of resources) but they refused unless there is a direct threat to me

 

Regarding my ex: he is telling me he wants to keep the place after I move out, occasionally freaks out and tells me that he is leaving (which is not an option I know due to his finances). We are in a daily discussion above my move out, landlords etc. It is not only during fights, actually mostly in the "calm" times. In the break up, unfortunately we end up intimate twice, he was telling me this just showed he has no bad intentions to me, I am adamant not to repeat ever. I made it clear I want NO contact except for financial stuff after I move out, and he confirmed on that.

 

It's good that you are still paying his half of the rent because if you don't, the landlords don't get the full amount of the rent they are entitled to, and they can still evict you both.

 

 

 

I do not think you need the rental applications. New tenants wouldn't be applying through you, they would be applying through the landlord. You advertise your unit, have potential new tenants call you, then you email or text your landlord and say, "I've got Bob Smith coming to fill out an application with you. Will you let me know if he qualifies to sign a lease?" This is what we've asked of our tenants, anyway. I think you should also give them your 30-day notice to vacate in writing as soon as possible.

 

It sucks that your landlords aren't being more helpful, but I guess they don't have to be. Do hire a lawyer or get some legal advice, somehow. I wonder if your consulate could help you, or refer you to someone? It's worth a phone call. Maybe try legal aid in your city.

 

It's still unclear to me, though - is he willing to move out when you do? I'm also curious about your day-to-day interactions. Do you two behave as a couple sometimes? Is it only when you're fighting with him that you want to move out?

[No_Go]

Ok, I need advice again.

 

Landlords finally may let me leave and my ex sign a new lease with a subletter.

Now I am scared how this person will be treated by my ex if this happens: if he continues not to pay rent etc (i.e. subletter pay the joined rent in full rather than 50/50), am I lawfully responsible for not warning the subletter and/or the landlords for what happened to me?

 

Maybe I am over-analyzing, but I just do not want any future troubles, and also desperately want to get out of this situation...

[CC12]

am I lawfully responsible for not warning the subletter and/or the landlords for what happened to me?

 

I wouldn't think so, but this is the kind of thing you should ask a lawyer about.

 

If you get a signed document from the landlord releasing you from any responsibility for rent, then I would think you'd be off the hook. You should look into legal aid in your city.

[Detectingfreak]

Ok, I need advice again.

 

Landlords finally may let me leave and my ex sign a new lease with a subletter.

Now I am scared how this person will be treated by my ex if this happens: if he continues not to pay rent etc (i.e. subletter pay the joined rent in full rather than 50/50), am I lawfully responsible for not warning the subletter and/or the landlords for what happened to me?

 

Maybe I am over-analyzing, but I just do not want any future troubles, and also desperately want to get out of this situation...

 

He will keep coming back if you give him intimate contact. Use porn and get out asap.

[No_Go]

I wouldn't think so, but this is the kind of thing you should ask a lawyer about.

 

If you get a signed document from the landlord releasing you from any responsibility for rent, then I would think you'd be off the hook. You should look into legal aid in your city.

 

It has been a while... but I wanted to post here an update, since this forum helped me a lot.

 

In the end, the landlords let us both out. It was very painful, months after taking the decision and with significant financial loss - he never paid anything, till the end. He also blackmouthed ridiculous lies to his family and probably other people - I got people calling me why I am keeping him in the relationship against his will??! It was a nightmare but it is OVER.

 

Two things still bug me:

-shall I ask him to return the money that he owes me (it is bitter that I am down with thousands of dollars but I feel like is a lost cause since he had and probably still has no income)

-shall I completely block him from e-mails etc (I blocked his phone and social networks, he doesn't know my address but occasionally writes me random questions and I am scared if this is a "strategy")

 

Btw, if anyone felt worried for him (as I naively was), he IMMEDIATELY moved to another woman - nice, educated, and likely lonely as I was .

[BC1980]

Two things still bug me:

-shall I ask him to return the money that he owes me (it is bitter that I am down with thousands of dollars but I feel like is a lost cause since he had and probably still has no income)

-shall I completely block him from e-mails etc (I blocked his phone and social networks, he doesn't know my address but occasionally writes me random questions and I am scared if this is a "strategy")

 

You can ask for the money, but I doubt you will get any of it. Sometimes, as unfair as it is, you simply have to chalk it up to a loss, so you can move on from the situation. If you ask for the money, I would highly suggest giving him a time frame. Not that I think he will abide by a time frame, but, at the very least, doing so could give YOU a time frame with which to wait for the money before moving on.

 

I would block him after you hear back about the money (if you even hear back, which I doubt). This dude is truly an arse.

[dreamingoftigers]

I am glad that you got out of this situation.

I was worried for you.

I am sure that he has a long string of victims.

[Zahara]

-shall I ask him to return the money that he owes me (it is bitter that I am down with thousands of dollars but I feel like is a lost cause since he had and probably still has no income)

 

If he had no issues racking up thousands of dollars, trust that he doesn't care about you, your money, what it means to you and paying you back. The money is gone. If he didn't try to pay you back when you both were together, he's certainly not going to do it now.

 

-shall I completely block him from e-mails etc (I blocked his phone and social networks, he doesn't know my address but occasionally writes me random questions and I am scared if this is a "strategy")

 

Yes, please block. Why do you want to be accessible to someone that utilized you for their benefit? His new girlfriend can answer his questions. Stop being open to people that treat you badly.

[hestheone66]

The peace of mind you will have from not worrying about the money cannot be underestimated.

think of the loss as an investment in your future.

you will never be used again.

 

I have been in your shoes.

I left him with my car and a houseful of antique furniture (it was my house though so I sold it on him)

 

I never looked back..

 

Since leaving him my life has been amazing. He was so negative and a drain on me..financially and otherwise and didn't support me in any way. I endured for 12 years.

 

After some time on my own and healing, a beautiful handsome and successful man who is devoted to my happiness came into my life..

 

just start in your own and block him for sll reasons. Oh and btw, my ex is homeless and I feel no empathy..he got whate he deservrved.

[dreamingoftigers]

If he had no issues racking up thousands of dollars, trust that he doesn't care about you, your money, what it means to you and paying you back. The money is gone. If he didn't try to pay you back when you both were together, he's certainly not going to do it now.

 

 

 

Yes, please block. Why do you want to be accessible to someone that utilized you for their benefit? His new girlfriend can answer his questions. Stop being open to people that treat you badly.

 

I got ripped off by an employer for an easily provable $1500 earlier this year.

 

 

The complaint is currently sitting with employment standards. They called me back last week. There are numerous other similar complaints and this woman has done this to so many people.

 

 

My complaint is currently in the MIDDLE. And it only happened in September. Some people worked for MONTHS without getting paid.

 

 

If someone is this entitled, it is a pattern of behavior and entitlement.

 

 

I knew that I couldn't be the only one when I went to get my cheque and she pulled out every spaz threat in the book and was SHOCKED to see them not working. (I got used to being screamed at in the street from my alcoholic father, thanks Dad, turned out I needed this skill after all).

 

 

Ironically enough, she asked me if I was "effing crazy" after I didn't leave even after she called the police. The ONLY reason I didn't was because this way they could document that I was there, non-violent, or aggressive (except for not leaving while she was freaking out) ONLY to get my cheque which we BOTH agree that I had not been paid. That she still wouldn't write while I was on the premises.

 

 

The police came, ran my name, ran her name. Took my complaint, said they understood, asked her why she hadn't issued a cheque and informed her that claiming she had while she actually HADN'T was fraud and she could be pursued further. Then they asked if I was ready to go. I was satisfied and that all went to employment standards.

 

 

They are currently putting a lien on her home. What an idiot. Turns out that she is not incorporated either, so she is personally liable for all of it. I will get paid eventually, even if I have to wait until she sells her house. Fine with me, I get interest.

 

 

People can be really fishy. Don't let them get away with it as much as you can.

 

 

BTW, this psycho even turned in a vindictive complaint to Social Services (just like she threatened to and I documented and pre-empted). She has never even met my daughter and has no grounds whatsoever for the complaint. They dismissed it. Which was relieving.