Break up with a live-in mooching boyfriend

[No_Go]

You now need to contact the landlord and put him straight. For god's sake, the man is spreading slanderous rumours about you! Contact the landlord and tell him PRECISELY everything that has happened!

 

Agreed for the rest, for the above quote - then I will need AGAIN pay the whole rent for the month, waiting my "boyfriend" to return them to me.... Which will never happen most likely If I leave it as it is even worse, he will CONTINUE from there spreading more **** on my back if I leave. A mat situation.

[Standard-Fare]

I'm starting to agree with the others that you just need to get out of this rental situation altogether. Try to find yourself a temporary situation to get yourself through December and maybe January. Even if that's crashing on a friend's couch or renting a sh*tty sublet...

 

I think you should give your landlord the rest of the money owed for December (that your BF lied about), tell him to keep the deposit, and tell him he should start renting the place out to others on Jan. 1. Let him know you'll be vacating personally within the next week or so.

 

Your landlord shouldn't have to get entangled into this relationship drama more than he has to, but give him a brief sense of the situation (your BF's negligence on the rent, your final decision to move out).

 

Once it's all settled, tell your boyfriend that you're moving out and that the apartment no longer belongs to either of you.

 

As I mentioned before, it couldn't hurt to have a lawyer helping guide you throughout this whole process (esp. as a witness if things implode later).

 

Get this moving soon! Even if it means taking off work a few days this week, borrowing money from family and strangers ... etc. etc.

[evanescentworld]

Once you explain the situation to your landlord, see if you can negotiate a term where you can pay off the rent at a reduced amount, but even after you have moved out. That is to say, you pay half, but for twice as long. Then, take your ex to court and claim back everything he owes you.

There MUST be a way round this, surely! Until you have explored every avenue, don't pour a damper on everything. You have situations, but you're giving single-focus scenarios in response... it might be that not everything will work out according to your responses, because there may be more solutions than you are aware of....

 

Investigate every avenue.

Take legal advice.

Ask anyone willing, to help you out....

 

Maybe you could get a loan, or find a way to release you from the lease.... stranger things have happened....

[Satu]

Thanks for the response.

 

He moved out 2 times after we had arguments over money... Both times he returned days later begging to "get back together", i.e. he getting back int the house / on my support.

 

One time I moved out with a friend and asked him to remove me from the lease and sublet the place. This was my compromise variant. This also failed (he said it was impossible to be arranged in 2 weeks in his situation).

 

So I am obviously failing on the "stay strong" part. He is VERY manipulative, he admits it himself. He says he likes to "social engineer people" i.e. manipulate them to do what he likes.

 

I am scared that even if I go with a friend he will behave ok on the time and start harassing me later. No idea what he will do - he is a pathological liar and HEAVY drinker (if he have an access to 12 pack, he will finish it in few hours). I am not that afraid from physical violence, more from blackmailing or emotional abuse.

 

Sometimes a couple of male friends can be handy. Not to beat anybody up, but to say, "listen friend, your time is up - you've become a problem, and you need to go."

 

Do you have a couple of male friends to do that for you, if you wanted it?

[Mr. Lucky]

He told me "everybody can lost his job", but the truth is, he didn't have one when we met, moved in, and as I checked later - this is his situation from ~2 years (he was living rent-free in his ex-girlfriend's until she kicked him out...)

 

You moved in and signed a lease with someone who was unemployed at the time? Not surprising he's broke and taking you down with him.

 

Do you have some temporary or unresolved immigration status he's using against you?

 

Mr. Lucky

[beach]

Sue your room mate for the amount he owes you.

 

That's right. And present it to your landlord and ask to get out of the lease agreement.

 

Find a new place and move on your own.

 

Move without any notice to your bf/roomie. He doesn't deserve a conversation about it. Tell him you will see him in court.

 

See if the amount can be filed in small claims court so it costs you less to get your money back.

 

Try and move ASAP! Like this weekend.

[No_Go]

I didn't know that he was not gainfully employed, he still haven't admitted up to date.

 

I am indeed applying for a green card (merit-based, EB2). He has nothing to do with this but is aware of the fact (and indeed crossed my mind that he can potentially speculate with that, although he hasn't so far.

 

 

You moved in and signed a lease with someone who was unemployed at the time? Not surprising he's broke and taking you down with him.

 

Do you have some temporary or unresolved immigration status he's using against you?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Raena]

I just hope you don't end up in the situation I was in where the landlord wouldn't let me end the lease without both parties signing the papers. Call your landlord right now and explain the situation as best as you can. Find out what they are willing to do to help you.

[GirlStillStrong]

Do you want to stay in the apartment and live there by yourself? How many bedrooms are there? What does the lease agreement say, specifically, about how the rent is to be paid? I'm asking because you may be able to show the rental company that you are paying your half but he is not. Check your lease agreement so that you know your rights and responsibilities. You may be able to work something out with them where if you pay your half directly to them and they will not report you as delinquent on your credit report.

[Standard-Fare]

I think she (OP) should avoid getting the landlord too involved here. Think about if you were a landlord and a tenant came to you with all this trouble and drama. It's really not the landlord's problem to solve; (s)he just needs a stable rent source. Also, the landlord could become hesitant about giving the OP a positive rental reference in the future.

[Raena]

I think she (OP) should avoid getting the landlord too involved here. Think about if you were a landlord and a tenant came to you with all this trouble and drama. It's really not the landlord's problem to solve; (s)he just needs a stable rent source. Also, the landlord could become hesitant about giving the OP a positive rental reference in the future.

 

That's not necessarily true. Besides, she wouldn't be asking the landlord to solve her problems, she'd be asking what she needs to do to get out of the lease. Besides, her live in mooch has already lied to the landlord. She needs to straighten that out.

[TigerLilly78]

OP I was over seas as well and I was for the most part alone cause he kept me isolated I had zero friends to turn to. And yes I herd all the immigration threats and so on anything he could use to try and make me afraid. And yes mine knew a lot more people in the town then I did. But all that aside I got out and and never regretted it and you wont ether. Hes now lieing to your landlord unless you start to take action and clear YOUR name hes going to drag you down into the mud with him you need to act sooner then later I know its hard but you can do this..

[CC12]

House is not mine: we signed a lease together (both our names are on the lease). I have furniture in the house for about $3000, I will lose that if I move out, and the money that he owes me already..

 

You will never get back the money that he owes you. Just forget about that. It's one of the costs of making a series of terrible decisions.

 

Unfortunately, you cannot throw him out. He's on the same lease that you signed. He has a right to be there. You cannot get a restraining order against him if there have been no threats or harassment. You would have to lie to get one, and you can't do that.

 

So you need to move out. I know it's a huge added expense, since you'll still owe the rent that you promised to pay. But again, that's the cost of making bad decisions.

 

You do need to talk to your landlord about breaking the lease, though. You might find that he or she is sympathetic to your situation and will let you off somehow. Tenants wanting to get out of their lease is not a new situation. It happens all the time. Hopefully, your landlord will have a reasonable solution for you.

 

Also, do not feel bad about kicking him out on the streets because he "has nowhere to go." He seems like a very crafty and resourceful person and I'm sure he'll land on his feet somehow.

[No_Go]

No, unfortunately no male friends that may act in this situation in this town...

But actually, two friends (a couple) offered to talk to him some time ago - I asked them not to in that time, now I may reconsider.

 

Sometimes a couple of male friends can be handy. Not to beat anybody up, but to say, "listen friend, your time is up - you've become a problem, and you need to go."

 

Do you have a couple of male friends to do that for you, if you wanted it?

[No_Go]

All sounds very reasonable. My bad decisions burned me, I know.

 

Well, I had a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday.

 

I was clear that I can't afford the rent for the whole place (3-bedroom btw, which we even do not need / use in full).

 

When I mentioned getting released, he said he is ok with that, also willing to leave our apartment, and "WILL move with me in any small place that I will rent", promising to be there only late at nights?!

 

I REALLY don't need him to follow me all around the town. So I'd need to find a place that he can't track me in, and also find subletter(s) for my current apartment to backup myself financially if I can't release myself.

 

 

You will never get back the money that he owes you. Just forget about that. It's one of the costs of making a series of terrible decisions.

 

Unfortunately, you cannot throw him out. He's on the same lease that you signed. He has a right to be there. You cannot get a restraining order against him if there have been no threats or harassment. You would have to lie to get one, and you can't do that.

 

So you need to move out. I know it's a huge added expense, since you'll still owe the rent that you promised to pay. But again, that's the cost of making bad decisions.

 

You do need to talk to your landlord about breaking the lease, though. You might find that he or she is sympathetic to your situation and will let you off somehow. Tenants wanting to get out of their lease is not a new situation. It happens all the time. Hopefully, your landlord will have a reasonable solution for you.

 

Also, do not feel bad about kicking him out on the streets because he "has nowhere to go." He seems like a very crafty and resourceful person and I'm sure he'll land on his feet somehow.

[No_Go]

Very similar to my situation. Do you mind to share how did you get out of the situation? Were there a lot of treats/actions of his side after you left? How long did it take to subside if so?

 

 

OP I was over seas as well and I was for the most part alone cause he kept me isolated I had zero friends to turn to. And yes I herd all the immigration threats and so on anything he could use to try and make me afraid. And yes mine knew a lot more people in the town then I did. But all that aside I got out and and never regretted it and you wont ether. Hes now lieing to your landlord unless you start to take action and clear YOUR name hes going to drag you down into the mud with him you need to act sooner then later I know its hard but you can do this..

[No_Go]

Among the new developments of our ordeal, now he is saying he will have a paid job from the middle of the month. Asking (of course) for more support by then. Willing to move (with me) to a small place...I don't feel comfortable trusting him with the above. I feel bad to leave if the above is true, but if not, it will get harder and harder to move out. I start looking for subletters...

[hotgurl]

Basically you have two choices.

 

1. Try to break your lease and move somewhere you can afford to rent by yourself and not tell the BF where you are going.

 

2. evict him. You can do it but you might have to work with your landlord. Also at the same time you can get a judgement for the money he owes you. You'll probably never see a dime of it. than you can get a real roommate to live in the extra bedrooms who actually pays rent.

 

Either option will be hard. he'll fight you on it call you every name in the book etc... but you'll get through it. Don't ruin yourself for this loser.

[Zahara]

Among the new developments of our ordeal, now he is saying he will have a paid job from the middle of the month. Asking (of course) for more support by then. Willing to move (with me) to a small place...I don't feel comfortable trusting him with the above. I feel bad to leave if the above is true, but if not, it will get harder and harder to move out. I start looking for subletters...

 

For crying out loud. The above isn't true. He's just telling you what you want to hear because he probably can feel his "benefit" slipping away.

 

With his "paid job" he needs to go rent a room or basement somewhere, one that he can afford, and you need to either find a new roommate or another place to live. The biggest mistake you made was getting with him and moving in together.

[beach]

Among the new developments of our ordeal, now he is saying he will have a paid job from the middle of the month. Asking (of course) for more support by then. Willing to move (with me) to a small place...I don't feel comfortable trusting him with the above. I feel bad to leave if the above is true, but if not, it will get harder and harder to move out. I start looking for subletters...

 

There is no reason to believe a word he says.

 

Sue him for the money he already owes you.

 

Get him out ASAP and get someone new who can prove they EARN plenty of money to cover paying their share of expenses.

[hotgurl]

you know what don't feel bad for him.People like him ( a mooch, conman) always land on their feet. Because they have several things going at once so when one explodes they move on the the next one.

[beach]

All sounds very reasonable. My bad decisions burned me, I know.

 

Well, I had a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday.

 

I was clear that I can't afford the rent for the whole place (3-bedroom btw, which we even do not need / use in full).

 

When I mentioned getting released, he said he is ok with that, also willing to leave our apartment, and "WILL move with me in any small place that I will rent", promising to be there only late at nights?!

 

I REALLY don't need him to follow me all around the town. So I'd need to find a place that he can't track me in, and also find subletter(s) for my current apartment to backup myself financially if I can't release myself.

 

You see, you're still being too nice to him - so much so that he actually STILL thinks he can move with you and keep mooching off of you.

 

You have not been clear enough with him!

 

GTFO now is what he needs to hear from you!

[Satu]

All sounds very reasonable. My bad decisions burned me, I know.

 

Well, I had a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday.

 

I was clear that I can't afford the rent for the whole place (3-bedroom btw, which we even do not need / use in full).

 

When I mentioned getting released, he said he is ok with that, also willing to leave our apartment, and "WILL move with me in any small place that I will rent", promising to be there only late at nights?!

 

I REALLY don't need him to follow me all around the town. So I'd need to find a place that he can't track me in, and also find subletter(s) for my current apartment to backup myself financially if I can't release myself.

 

Do you still consider him to be your boyfriend?

[evanescentworld]

All sounds very reasonable. My bad decisions burned me, I know.

 

Well, I had a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday.

...

 

When I mentioned getting released, he said he is ok with that, also willing to leave our apartment, and "WILL move with me in any small place that I will rent", promising to be there only late at nights?!

Agree to this.

That is to say, APPEAR to agree to this... but in the meantime find yourself a tiny little place, just big enough for you, and put down a deposit & first month's rent. Borrow the money if necessary....

 

Tell him nothing, except that you think you may have found a fabulous place - all across the other side of town from your new, single little abode - and that you're dealing with it.

He will let you.

You've dealt with everything else up to now, haven't you?

 

Bide your time, wait for him to sign the release, and work out some kind of strategy to get him out of the apartment, and then move.

 

If necessary, get these two male buddies to take him away on a lad's weekend... they should take him on a hike, or bike ride, then drop him back off at your old apartment, after you've moved out, and get the hell out of there....

In the meantime, change your phone number, block him, delete him and leave no trace of where you have gone.

Write to everyone necessary to give them your new address, so you don't need to implement a mail-divert service.

 

Plan carefully, plan meticulously, plan thoroughly.

 

But fer chrissakes, plan SOMETHING!!

Edited December 2, 2014 by evanescentworld

[Standard-Fare]

OP, your responses here show that you're not taking any stands to improve your living/financial situation, and that you're continuing to let your BF walk all over you.

 

Obviously, you're doing something wrong if your BF even considers it an OPTION to move with you to a new place. And his employment status shouldn't make one lick of difference in this situation.

 

You came to this forum and b*tch about how unfair this situation is, and everyone agreed with you that your BF has been appalling. You noted yourself that not one person gave even a hint of support for letting your BF stick around in your life.

 

But really nothing is going to change here until you find the strength to demand better for yourself.