sober and dry

[Satu]

I know I say many contractions and I do a lot of contradicting things at the same time, but it's just my way to navigate life.

Well since this all started I go out with friend and must likely get drunk 4 days a week, I go to the gym 4 maybe 5 days a week and I'm searching for my first job.

Probably I have the power to move forward but at the same time I keep the feelings and the memories from oblivion because there was many, many good times and she did, quite literally, saved my life 2 or 3 times and that's just hard for me to forget or move forward without acknowledge it to her. So it will be a little harder for me to be happy without my ex... I had just started saying ex this days...

 

Be careful with alcohol - it doesn't help, and it can hinder...

[sober and dry]

Be careful with alcohol - it doesn't help, and it can hinder...

Yes it probably is hindering me... But at short term "works" and I could get back to wrost old habits so that's better, for now I guess

[lauri]

Yes it probably is hindering me... But at short term "works" and I could get back to wrost old habits so that's better, for now I guess

 

I'd cut out drinking for a bit...its actually a depressant. Good on going to the gym keep it up. Why not join some classes or sport teams to keep occupying yourself and meeting new people?

[sober and dry]

I'd cut out drinking for a bit...its actually a depressant. Good on going to the gym keep it up. Why not join some classes or sport teams to keep occupying yourself and meeting new people?

Yes it would be nice but it's something I'm not "accustomed", I'm a bit anti-social myself...

[lauri]

Yes it would be nice but it's something I'm not "accustomed", I'm a bit anti-social myself...

 

Either was I for the longest time. I started after my breakup and haven't look back.

[sober and dry]

Damm I'm getting more and more eager to contact her... Even worst, if I do contact her, I'm afraid of not knowing what I want the most, if it is to unload more in her to show her, again, how much she hurt me, or if it is in fact trying to get a better endpoint.

Even knowing it, I feel close to do something not right. I need to get some control over my emotions and it's becoming harder and harder, not easier...

[sober and dry]

Soooo 18th day of NC and I'm really grateful of sticking to it and I guess so is she. I am coming more and more to the point here I do care less and less for her and everything related.

 

Today her mother did send a text saying: "Hi.I wish you a merry xmas and a better new year. Kisses."

Oh man I went caput but thankfully I did manage to keep it in control...

 

1- I'm pissed off firstly because "a better new year"!? Damm sure this was a good year, I finished off my degree and I went out of a apparently dammed relationship, and so, damm sure the next year will be better for me, but without her and her daughter! (I hope)

2- I explicitly said to her the last time we spoke (after breakup), do not talk to me for a while, certainly not before next year.

 

What was she thinking? What's the play?

 

I'm very tented to send one of this:

1- Thanks, for you 2.

2- "**** off"

3- "This was a good year and sure the next will be better"

 

Or probably the best, don't send ****.

What you people think?

[Mi7522]

Do not send anything back! Continue on making yourself better. The less you do the more you gain right now. You are clearly still have feelings for her so don't give in to their stupidity.

[sober and dry]

I didn't send anything to her or to her "cousin" that did send a xmas text too. It was hard because they both always were good persons to me, but at the same time their texts just made me a bit more sad... Yeah, I still have felling for her, but not her actual her...

 

Last night I meet some of my old friends and went to a crazy night. We went to 3 crazy bars and 2 discos, in the middle of the night they all had a "upss" moment and tried to disguise it from me. I began to get a little mad and asked what has that about because they didn't wanted to tell me right there, some time later the best answer I get was "there was someone who looked like your ex", I didn't do anything and managed to ignore it although I was a little convinced that it was probably her...

 

Any way, the most disturbing thing of the night was, I did meet 2 girls and man... It was crazy... It was like I has trying to get along with aliens or crazy creatures and I can't really understand the why...

 

Today it's the 23th day of NC but sadly I did not yet been able to take the idea of talking to her out of my mind... How do I do it?...

[sober and dry]

Just meet 5 more girls this 2 days and still the same. They feel just like an alien to me! With girls that I previous know no problem, with new ones I can't even have a proper talk... Even though I just want to know them and have a nice cheap chat, I just instantly, kind of, drift away without apparent reason.

What happened to me?! Is this a kind of breakup venom?

Any wise words?

[lauri]

Just meet 5 more girls this 2 days and still the same. They feel just like an alien to me! With girls that I previous know no problem, with new ones I can't even have a proper talk... Even though I just want to know them and have a nice cheap chat, I just instantly, kind of, drift away without apparent reason.

What happened to me?! Is this a kind of breakup venom?

Any wise words?

 

Keep doing it. Don't allow yourself to stop.

 

Remember man, your ex isn't a unicorn. The more you continue to talk to other girls and continue to date, the more likely you are going to rebuild your confidence and meet an amazing girl.

 

Just keep busy and dont go looking for magic right away...attraction is build slowly and its not like you should want to be in anything now anyways. You need to make yourself happy...once you do that you're gonna be good and no one will be able to bring you down.

[sober and dry]

So yesterday I posted on other thread

Today I marked it as "the last day of this painful chapter". Tomorrow I will start a new one, hopefully without the painful stuff of this year.

I will take this date, that never told me much besides being a good excuse to get drunk, and make it a milestone.

I will spend it with my family at home and drink all the champagne they left Maybe even go to a bar alone just to get a little more drunk!

Happy new year and great new starts to all!

Man it was really bad. I did spend the midnight at house and did drink almost a bottle of champagne. After I wasn't feeling very drunk so I went out and drink a couple of beers, not feeling it was enough I get back home and found a very nicewhisky and drink maybe 1/4 of the bottle. Needless to say I did got really drunk and decided to get back home.

It all came down... I woke up my mother and started to cry all around my house with her following me... It lasted around 3 hours.

Man it felt like ****, crying did make me feel better but unfortly I think I'm now on the depression stage...

[sober and dry]

Sorry for bumping this **** again... I think you all have just had enough of me. But for me this thread is almost like my shared diary with you all, hopping to get some insight and enlightenment at this sad point of my life.

 

Today I really feel like I need help! I'm jumping between depressed and giving up on life.

 

So today 1 month since BU and NC.

I'm feeling in a dark, dark place today, sad and alone.

I pulled an all-nighter and spend the all morning seeing our pictures, 4380 of them...

 

At some point I went straight to the phone and write "Hi [her name], how are you you doing?", but universe thing I had no money to send it but I feel really temped to do it when I get out of house and charge the phone.

But I don't really know what I hopping with that text... Maybe I want to see her eventually.

What I know is: I don't want to try to get her back, at least not consciously.

 

Obviously I will get some hurt again whatever the answer or no answer at all. But well I went cold turkey NC from day one and I was the one to dump her. So if there "is to be any "mature" contact" it's my turn right?

[sober and dry]

This last period, almost a month, I started to think that I was progressing really well. I kept having a lot of nights out with friends, kept looking for a job, went to the gym almost always 5 days a week and started to think that I would meet her and be able to face my daemons face to face and be able to say to myself "I don't want you back, I know what happened and I'm getting over it damn nice", just like a drug addict facing is object of addiction. I was even able to start to meet new girls like a normal person, or at least almost.

 

This last 3 days I started to feel tedious with my life. Like I'm needing something good to happen in my life but, as we all know, 98% of the times it doesn't happen "out of the thin air".

 

After posting something like this last paragraph in the "How are you coping today?" topic I started to fell a downward spiral, bigger and deeper then ever before...

 

 

I went straight to my most depressing songs, grabbed a bottle of wine and went through "our things and memories" that I still have. Getting through this I will describe was like getting hit by loads of trucks, one after another...

 

Needless to say that I spent the next 2/3 hours crying and with suicidal thoughts in some parts...

I started to look at the oldest pictures, of us and reading our "love letters" from 2006 to 20010. It was so beautiful and "pure". It was like the honey moon phase lasted Guinness time record, maybe between 4 and 5 years. We all know who this phase is so no need to describe it, but it was specially, truly beautiful and innocent because we both were our firsts true love.

 

After that I was looking at 2010-2014 stuff. I went through her letters and our photos and at this point BAMN a mother trucker struck me right in the face. There were clearly cries from her that I was getting distant and could from her. This was so true that I found a particular letter that specifically says this and I haven't even read it until today, at least not with the attention and heart needed to understand her CLEAR screams for us... Oh man that is just sad, very, very, veryyyyyy sad. It is really obvious that she was right, there is no denning it, it's factual that I was distant from her because I really had took her for granted and began not to be always 100% there for her. In this period she managed to pull me out of my drug addition, alcohol addition and one depression of 2 years quiet literally. If it wasn't for her help in this period I wouldn't probably be a fraction of the person that I'm/can be in the future.

 

Then I started to look at 2014 stuff and it was clear that she was inevitably and finally started to move away from me and had started to quit fighting for us alone.

 

 

Of course there is no excuse to cheat and lie, but now I can truly see what lead to it. This does not eliminate my guilt or hers on how things went down, that was just life happening.

Now I can see this last 8 years in a much, much clear perspective and hopefully learn all the valuable lessons in it. In the bottom of the line, she does deserve to be happy, with her new boyfriend or any one else that makes her happy, she does.

 

Probably I will ever have a chance to make up to her, but sure I will not try to do it because, them again, she deserves to be happy with whoever she wants to and I don't want to mess her life in any way. Also I don't know if I will ever be able to overcome everything in our past RS nor I will wait for her because at this point that would be just stupid and sad...

Of course that in a perfect world now I would do anything in my power to get this to her and eventually try to get her back, but well, that's just not the real world...

[Frogger]

After that I was looking at 2010-2014 stuff. I went through her letters and our photos and at this point BAMN a mother trucker struck me right in the face. There were clearly cries from her that I was getting distant and could from her. This was so true that I found a particular letter that specifically says this and I haven't even read it until today, at least not with the attention and heart needed to understand her CLEAR screams for us... Oh man that is just sad, very, very, veryyyyyy sad. It is really obvious that she was right, there is no denning it, it's factual that I was distant from her because I really had took her for granted and began not to be always 100% there for her. In this period she managed to pull me out of my drug addition, alcohol addition and one depression of 2 years quiet literally. If it wasn't for her help in this period I wouldn't probably be a fraction of the person that I'm/can be in the future.

 

Then I started to look at 2014 stuff and it was clear that she was inevitably and finally started to move away from me and had started to quit fighting for us alone.

 

Okay, I am going to tell you what I know is right, even though I have a very difficult time putting it into practice for myself. That's why I am writing this - because I do the same thing you do, I recognize the pattern, and I want to try to help you (even if I cannot always help myself see it when I do it).

 

You need to stop. People, in particular people with depression issues, etc., as you apparently have, tend to internalize things and blame themselves. They demonize themselves and make themselves feel miserable for being the sole source of what went wrong.

 

I am not saying you were perfect, I do not think anyone is. But she is not perfect either. You were not the "cause" of this. This does not all fall on you. It is incredibly easy to play the hindsight game, go back in your own head, and pick out all the little things you might have done wrong, or might have missed. That's because our minds can make past facts fit into damn near any pattern we want them to. Your depressed mind wants to find a cause for this, and since you are depressed, that cause is going to be that it was your fault. You are going to make it your fault, even if it was not.

 

You're not being fair to yourself. You're feeling miserable, you're wondering how you possibly lost this wonderful person, and because you have put them on a pedestal and made them an absolutely wonderful person, well, you have decided that it must be your fault. So now you're sitting down, and making sure that you create this mental history in which you "should have" noticed everything that in retrospect, must have been you doing bad things.

 

It is too easy to play that game. Do you know how many times, on forums like these, I see this happen? It is some times very easy to see. Let me give you a very concrete example. I see people complaining about how their ex was a deadbeat, didn't work hard enough, didn't help around the house, etc. Then I see other people complaining about how their ex worked way too hard, work was their life, they worried about work too much, etc.

 

Do you see how that works? You can always go back and find a way to criticize yourself. You worked too hard. You didn't work enough. You were emotionally distant. You were emotionally too close and needy. You can basically take any self-attribute and turn it into a weapon against yourself, depending on your perspective. And your perspective right now is skewed. You're hurt, you have no idea how this happened, and so you are going to find a way to make it your fault.

 

Don't do that. Recognize that you are a human with flaws. So is she. You said that she got you through some addiction issues, depression, etc. Bull****. She might have helped you, but you got yourself through those issues. You were the only one right in your mind and heart who worked on that ****, did your best to fix them, and become a better person. No one else could "make you" get through those things. You got through them.

 

And that's all you can do here. Not beat yourself up and make all problems stem from your own inadequacies. Instead, figure out how to like yourself. If there are things you would like to do and work on because you want to work on them, then take an honest stab at doing those things. But do not make yourself out to be the destroyer of a relationship here. You could have done things better, and so could she. That's called two humans in a relationship.

 

And just being blunt, in most relationships, both parties could do things better, both parties recognize that, and both parties work together. She didn't do that. She betrayed you and left. That says a hell of a lot more about her than it does you.

Edited January 30, 2015 by Frogger

[sober and dry]

Frogger Thank you for replying!

Internalizing things become a nature for me when I lost my father at my 12 years old.

 

I know for a fact that I'm not the only source of what went wrong, instead I feel now that it was just not all her fault. Until yesterday I only blamed her and that's just not the truth. I found my contribution to the decay of the RS. But yeah, nobody is perfect, that's for sure.

 

Do you really think, with the reasons I "discovered" that I don't have a part on the decay of the RS? I really think I have, but I'm pretty conscious that it takes 2 to tango so she had also a part on it.

 

I really see your point when you say that everyone can turn any "self-attribute" into a weapon, but my perspective is to try and learn from it, not crucifying myself. Isn't this healthy in the long run?

 

Of course she didn't literally pulled me out of this big problems, but if it wasn't for her it would had been much more difficult and she deserves some credit for it. Which I recognized at that time. But I made one big mistake in here, I said to her and myself that I did it because of her...

 

Liking myself is a problem some days, but it had alway been, not new.

 

I do recognize that I have a lot to work on myself and I just found out some more stuff to work, that's all.

At the end of the line I'm kind of happy that I had those "revelations", until yesterday, in my head it was 99% of her fault in what happened, today I see that this was not true, I had a much bigger part on that. But of course she made the ultimate mistake and nothing can change that.

 

Am I wrong in all of this?

[sober and dry]

I forgot to write... I think that I internalize the bad **** that happens in my life because in almost every case I'm not able to deal with it externalizing my feeling, so I bury it deep inside until one day it's just too much and I end up exploding. Sometimes it's a very small, insignificant thing that makes me explode, for example one day it started to snow on a trip I just exploded and started to cry out of nowhere...

 

Man how I would love to know how to overcome this way of dealing with life's ****...

[Frogger]

Am I wrong in all of this?

 

You're not wrong. We all have things we could work on. It is just that your former posts appeared to put nearly all of the blame onto your side. At the end of the day, I'm not a big believer that when someone has an affair, it predominantly the non-affair partner's fault. I think having an affair is almost always a pretty major sign of a grievous character defect. I also think that people who are depressed often excessively blame themselves for things that go wrong.

 

Adding all of that together, it just looked like you were shifting a lot of blame onto yourself that is probably unwarranted. That does not mean go off in the other direction and assume that everything was her fault. You are right - if you have things to work on, go ahead and work on them. But do not feel like you somehow caused the relationship to fail by yourself. It sounds like your ex had a great deal to do with that herself.

[sober and dry]

Sure she did Frogger. I guess I was blinded from my part on it with all the anger and frustration.

Thank you for your words!

 

Any opinion on what I can do to overcome this problems of burying bad feelings, get distant from people close to me when they try to get a little closer or any other of the things I talked in this last posts?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I'll tell you what I see, I see 3 pages of man who is lost,

Someone who has paid a dear price and no reward for the cost.

You feel as though this is the end to something once desired,

But in reality you should see this is as a beginning that's transpired.

 

This woman has moved on, and my advice is that you should too.

Learn from your mistakes, but don't constantly re-live them through.

8 years is no joke, that's something that will take some time,

But she's showed you her true colors, going back to her would be a crime.

[sober and dry]

Thank you DrReplyInRhymes. You did really hit some nails on it.

I do feel lost since the beginning, sometimes more then others. I did gave her a lot, almost everything and so she did, but in the long run, yes, there is no good reward. I do hope that this is a new beginning that I just can't see at this time as I need to move on quite a bit before it's even possible.

It would be a crime on my whole persona to go back to her... But we never know what will happen unfortunately.

[Frogger]

Any opinion on what I can do to overcome this problems of burying bad feelings, get distant from people close to me when they try to get a little closer or any other of the things I talked in this last posts?

 

Well, I'm not exactly qualified as to these things, so take them with a grain of salt. Once I get my own issues and emotions sorted out, I'll feel qualified to preach to others.

 

I do not think you can bury bad feelings. I have been doing a lot of work with meditation and, more particularly, mindfulness training lately. I am not suggesting that you do the same. Instead, one thing that I have learned from that is to recognize that your thoughts and emotions are not you. It may feel like they are, but they are not. They are things that come and go, and you do not have to let them have the hold on you that they sometimes take.

 

Instead of burying your feelings, just try to hold them. Recognize that they are feelings. They can be examined, and they can be held without letting them overwhelm you. The idea is to be in the present moment, to see your thoughts and feelings not as all defining expressions of what you are, but as things that are on your mind right now, that can and will pass.

 

Gaining distance is a matter of time, primarily, and recognizing that you are complete in yourself. You do not need another person to be you. You do not need another person to complete you. Your happiness comes from yourself. It is wonderful to have a partner, but you do not need one to be complete. Do not put that type of pressure on yourself. Perhaps recognizing that will help you to understand that while this is an incredible loss for you it is just that, a loss. It is not the end of you, and you exist separately and apart from your relationships. The distance you need comes from exactly focusing on yourself, what you want for yourself, what you want your future to be like, what you want your hobbies to be, what you want your interests to be, what makes you happy.

 

Time, plus focusing on you as the source of your happiness, should help provide the distance naturally. You cannot force it. You cannot pretend that you are not in pain. But you can start to look at yourself, and what you want to do, and begin to move your focus to yourself. Overtime, you will move on, and you will heal. You will not notice it, because it is imperceptible, but it will happen, if you try to focus on yourself.

 

You will relapse and think of her. You will go through the guilt phase of thinking it is your fault. These things happen. The point is to recognize that these things happen. It does not mean you have failed, and it does not mean that moving forward is hopeless. It just means you are processing things, and that this too shall pass. The key thing is, even when you are feeling frantic or dejected, to recognize that those are your feelings and thoughts at that moment, but to have the rational little voice in the back of your head that acknowledges that it is what you are feeling at the time, and it does not need to be, and will not be, permanent. You can feel down, but still rationally know that you will feel better.

Edited January 31, 2015 by Frogger

[sober and dry]

Thank you Frogger. You may not be qualified but be sure that this guide lines helps me!

 

Today I dreamed of her... We were FWB and evolved to try the RS again... I just woke up I think, "damn, that's not right, that's not what I consciously want...". Just horrible...

[sober and dry]

Fair warning, this is going to be a long, long read and I'm sorry but I couldn't cut it shorter then I have. Please try to bear with me.

 

Well today I went to a coffee with her and it was just amazing and weird at the same time... WoW... It was really full of surprises and I'm still cant wrap my head around it until this moment! We talked for 3 hours straight . I think that she tried to make me talk about the breakup and/or emotional stuff. I tried to deviate from it and talk mostly about some of the new things in my life, but never in deep detail or even the "full story".

 

I would be lying if I say that this will not send me some steps back for sure... Maybe even to the dangerous zone of not truly knowing if I want her back or not.

 

So, I would like very much, if possible, to have your translations of this things she pulled, please. I really need to know what was happening in my side and maybe some at her side too.

 

She: I still have some of your stuff that I SHOULD return to you.

Me: What is it? (I really didn't know what it was)

She: The equivalent of what you HAD mine in your home, a sleeping T-shirt and the blue T-shirt(?!).

Ooo wrong direction, I have all the responses I needed, change the subject...

 

I remembered that the program of the festival to which I bought us tickets had more confirmations and comment it.

She: I have to give you the concert ticket that you gave me at my B-day...

Me: You don't, I gave it to you, so it is yours.

She: I shouldn't have accept it...

Me: Don't be silly, it's yours anyway. I'm going, alone or not I don't care! So put everything else beyond you like I did and come on, deal with it too... Do as you like but sure I don't want it back and I'm sure you should keep it and go to the concert as well.

She: I can go with you...

Hmm red flag, change the subject again!

 

My phone ranged 3 times in the middle of the meeting and I ignored it as it wasn't anything important

She looked and said: Look at my "new" phone. (it was her oldddd phone)

Me: wow... What happened to the newest one? (which I chosen for her near her B-day)

She: Well I proved that it couldn't swing so now I have to manage it with this one.

Me: LOL

And I changed the conversation again, but couldn't helped it some minutes later and returned

Me: So what happened, did it felt of to the toilet? LOL

She: (crying again, particularly harder this time) Well... I had lost everything in my life that night...

Me: (WTF?!) Well all I can say is, I'm sorry for your phone, don't dwell on it.

This gone on for a bit but after I tried to "play it down" she calmed herself and returned to it again but concerning only the phone.

 

At some point we commented that it was getting cold

Me: Well you should have wear something more warmer.

She: Oh well, I have this jacket and you know what is underneath...

Me: LOL

She: (feeling embarrassed) I mean... I mean you know what I have under this!

Me: LOL

She: (even more embarrassed) Ahmmm... I mean, you know... Nothing too special... I mean, you know, the piece of clothes I'm wearing!

Me: LMFAO yes, yes sure

**** I'm feeling just stupid... Am I hallucinating?! WTF... Well Spock bean my brain up to the next must normal topic please...

 

After some time sitting I couldn't get in a comfortable position because of my sored muscles from the gym and I commented it with her saying that I would give the world to get a massage.

She: If you want to I can give you one!

I thought WTFF?!?! Brain operator, no train wreck please lets go away from this...

 

After talking for some 45min

Me: Ahm, we are just talking about me and my life, so tell me something...

She: Well you are doing it good... Go on!

Me: Come on...

She: Yes, you are... I mean... You are talking good!

Me:?!

She: It seems like you are doing good with your life, fighting for it and getting what you want! Mine now really sucks, I have nothing... Before I was the one who had that motivation and passion, well, now I don't have it anymore and you do!

Me: Oh come on, don't say that... I'm sure that is not true... Besides I know you have that motivation in you all along.

She: Yes, it's... I'm working 16 hours/day 5days/week and have nothing else now! I even stop going to horsemanship because of my back... (She have some real problem with her back. She also re-started going to equitation with the coworker with whom she cheated on me some time later)

Me: Hmm that's just too bad, but maybe you will get better and return again!

She: Well I don't know, my back will always do this again.

Me: That's bad, but who knows... Maybe you can find some new hobby or something! Maybe art?!

She: Yeah you know, I love art... If I din't respect you this much I would just tell you to **** off...

(oh don't you?! You work with it and really seem to appreciate it must of the times...)

Me: Oh come on, you are just being bad to me...

She: (crying again) hmm yeah... I was before, now I'm just even worst. I have lost everything else good that I still had before now...

Me: No, I'm pretty sure you didn't. I know you still have it on you deep inside. You alway say this and act accordantly but I know for a fact what you are/have/had inside, at the bottom of your heart...

She: (sobbing said something like yes, or so I think)

So lets steer it lightly to a better place, try to motivate her to get out of her comfort zone and do something for herself too, as I do/try.

 

When I talked just slightly about my crazy nights and the booze

She: I was very worried about you all this time. I was really afraid of that

Me: Well I went down a bit, but now it completely under control. It really is, I still go out and get some booze, but with moderation and maybe 2 days a week only.

She: I wanted to talk to you all along, I was really worried about you... But I didn't because I didn't know how you were feeling or what you would have said. I though that you would just say **** off or something like that!

Me: No, I'm not like that. You can talk to me whenever you want... (Knowing that the must probable at that time was I just ignore her... And even know that's a strong possibility, maybe even more after today)

Well, another soft spot lets change the subject again...

 

This now, is the must troubling thing for me right now... Keep in mind that my primal goal all along was to protect myself from getting any more pain, at all cost.

 

I found myself a lot of times too near of her, I mean physically near, maybe 6/7 inch at her face. When I notice it I "gently" move back in my chair or something else to gain some space. There were a lot of times that I looked at her and really felted the "sparks" coming out of her eyes if you know what I mean. I felt like she was waiting me to kiss her badly. She trow out maybe some 6/7 punch lines inciting me to take the leap, all of which I gracefully "throwed away".

 

At the time of saying goodbye I really didn't know what to do. Again I was unconsciously getting too close to her. This time was the must critical. I didn't notice it before she said, looking down

She: Well that's my feet...

Me: Oh sorry (**** my feet was touching hers!)

She: No problem, so far, so good!

Oh man, I resisted it. Took 2 steps back and slightly laughed of it. Then I knew it was only getting awkward and awkward so I extended my arm and said come here girl. She came straight towards me! I manage, gracefully again, to hold her by my shoulder. She "cuddled" pretty good and I just said to her ear, "Well it was nice to talk to you. Have a good life and be happy" what she said back. I managed to do the all hug thing the fastest I could and immediately smile at her and went my way.

 

Some minutes later she texted me:"Thank you for the coffee, I really appreciated it. Kiss" Which I replied with the same.

[towardthefuture]

Seems like she's treating you like her backup plan and you're letting her. What happened to the dude she cheated on you and left you for?

 

Edit: Also maybe I missed it, but whose idea was this coffee meeting?

Edited February 8, 2015 by towardthefuture