The Christian girl

[Imajerk17]

indeed.

 

God knows exactly what my prefered type of women is. So I've actually wondered if this is God trying to give me a sign. This may be Him trying to tell me something.

 

I hope He has better luck than we had!

 

Are you genuinely trying to grow as a person and as a man? Not just are you trying to figure out how to attract women, but are you genuinely trying to grow, as a human being, friend, son, whatever. Can you talk about what you are doing to become this better person. Then that certainly counts for something. You need to speak YOUR truth though--not what you think will impress her.

 

Did you ever get the book "Way Of The Superior Man" by David Deida. This is all talked about in much further depth. I really believe you would get a lot out of reading it.

Edited November 24, 2014 by Imajerk17

[BlueIris]

Please, please keep the subject of this thread on this girl.

 

Fine. I hope she sees through you. You will get no assistance from me.

 

On the topic of this young girl, here’s what you previously said:

 

…..

Anyways, while we were talking and she was eating her pancakes she started talking about something that began to concern me.

 

She's a hardcore Christian. Very passionate about her faith, her relationship with God etc.

 

I don't know if that's something I want to deal with. She also said that she wants a guy who is very passionate about God as well, which I most definitely am not.

 

I can't believe this issue is actually happening. I don't know what I want to do with her.

 

I'm feeling that she may be starting to like me and I could like her. I'm extremely attracted to her. Her breasts are massive! But this religion thing may get in the way.

…

 

SD, You're so disingenuous (cough- dishonest) it is mind-boggling.

[d0nnivain]

Then tell her you are still searching for your passion. It's the simplest answer.

[ThaWholigan]

I hope He has better luck than we had!

 

Are you genuinely trying to grow as a person and as a man? Not just are you trying to figure out how to attract women, but are you genuinely trying to grow, as a human being, friend, son, whatever. Can you talk about what you are doing to become this better person. Then that certainly counts for something. You need to speak YOUR truth though--not what you think will impress her.

 

Did you ever get the book "Way Of The Superior Man" by David Deida. This is all talked about in much further depth. I really believe you would get a lot out of reading it.

Here is a free download link to the book. It is very good.

 

(Last one, promise )

[johan]

It's not an easy question to answer, but it shouldn't take days to come up with a response. I'd personally just dodge it, not because I'm not inspired by anything, but because it's a condescending question. It's a "perform for me, monkey" question.

 

But she's asking because she's interested in the answer. Maybe she's curious, because you don't seem to be inspired by anything. If the answer is "not much", she'll not be so interested. If the answer is "you, because of your breasts," she'll definitely not be so interested.

 

I wonder if you ever admired a guy for something he did (not someone he did) or had a role model. I wonder if there is anything people do in life that you respect and would want to emulate (besides dating women). What do you want to do in life?

 

You could be criticized for your lack of depth, but I wouldn't give up hope until you demonstrate some self-knowledge. Mostly you just seem unaware, which might end up being the same thing as knowing yourself and deciding nothing in the world is interesting. Mostly I just wish you weren't like this. Thankfully you don't seem especially bothered by it, except when it comes to your loneliness, which we all have to deal with in life.

 

I assume you could possibly imagine a world without women. In such a world would you shrivel up and die? What would you do? If you could imagine being married and no longer having to worry about getting a date, then what would you focus your energy on? Please say something other than pornography.

 

It takes all kinds. It's not unthinkable that you're on the extreme opposite end of the "people with interests" continuum. Someone has to be there. Maybe you'll live your entire life not really thinking about much of anything (besides tits), which is not inconceivable. It's not a crime.

 

What I really hope is that when you answer her question, you tell the truth, and the truth is that something really does inspire you. If you fake being interested in something just out of fear that saying otherwise would turn her off, I'd be disappointed. You never strike me as dishonest as much as you seem oblivious. But to be honest, if you haven't answered already then she has probably already answered for herself. "What inspires you" isn't really something you should have to go ponder for a few days.

 

But because you seem to need to ponder it...

Are you detail oriented? Why?

Do you like any kind of art? Why?

Do you admire any kind of achievement? If so, why? And even more interesting is if you could achieve the same thing, how would you do it differently?

 

I'm sure this is going to go nowhere. I could just go write a book or something that would make better use of my typing skills. Maybe I'll go try to teach my cat to bark.

 

Her question would be pretty easy for me to answer, but like I said above, I doubt I would. At least not until she answered it herself. It's personal.

[somedude81]

Assuming she asks me the question again when I see her tomorrow, I'll probably tell her something like, "My main goal in life is to graduate, get a job. So I can get started on my career path that way I can provide for the family I hope to have and they can be happy." Then I can talk about the things I really enjoy doing.

 

This question really does sound like it's a test and she wants me to perform for her, but the fact that she's even trying to give me this test is interesting. It does show that she is curious about me.

[Mr Scorpio]

This question really does sound like it's a test and she wants me to perform for her, but the fact that she's even trying to give me this test is interesting. It does show that she is curious about me.

 

Don't think of it as a test or a performance requirement.

 

Think of it as an opportunity to: (1) learn more about communicating w/ women, (2) potentially making a friend, and (3) becoming more self-aware of what it actually is that you like to do.

[xxoo]

I don't even understand how it's a test. She's trying to get to know what makes you tick. Frankly, that's a compliment! Why is your reaction defensive?

 

In response to your planned statement above, I'd ask, "but what inspires you?" It doesn't answer the question.

 

Inspiration is not goal or passion. If your goal is a family, inspiration might be a family role model you admire. If your goal is a certain type of work-life balance, inspiration could be even tv character with those qualities.

[CrystalCastles]

Question.

 

If she is very religious, she might not want to have sex right away. She might even want to wait until marriage. What will you do, SD, if she does that?

 

Sorry if that's been asked, I read all the pages here and I don't see this question.

[somedude81]

Question.

 

If she is very religious, she might not want to have sex right away. She might even want to wait until marriage. What will you do, SD, if she does that?

 

Sorry if that's been asked, I read all the pages here and I don't see this question.

 

I'm definitely fine with waiting a while for sex. A few months isn't a problem.

 

Waiting till marriage is something I can't do.

 

Something tells me that if we do go end up dating, I won't have to wait that long for sex.

[Imajerk17]

I was out tonight and saw something that reminded me of this thread.

 

I saw a couple at a bar together that I am going to guess was dating maybe a month. They were clearly into each other and making plans to see each other w friends and family over the coming long weekend, and yet there were still a handful of "getting to know you" questions.

 

Anyway the guy was telling stories about the adventures he and his friends had (I think they were roommates for a few years) and how they had season tickets to watch the area NFL team. The most impressive stories in the world? No. I mean, doesn't everyone watch football. Its not like this guy was talking about finding a cure for cancer or anything. Did this guy's stories convey that he was a masculine dude with interests and life experiences. Yes indeed. Do I think this guy's girlfriend needs to ask him "what inspires you"? No I think this guy already gave a good enough answer for now in that conversation.

 

Getting back to you somedude81 and Lunch Girl, what have the two of you talked about? What does she know about you? I mean, you don't have to have a group of friends you watch football with or anything. You don't have to have a grand plan to stop global warming or bring about world peace. But there has to be something. Have you mentioned any plans to do something nice for your family or anyone over the holiday? Any interview that you got that you are excited about? Maybe you have a fitness/athletic goal--you know CrossFit is a big thing now.

 

Yes I do suspect that your spiritual beliefs are a big concern to Lunch Girl but I also think that questions as in the above paragraph is very much on Lunch Girl's mind. If you have elements of your life that you are looking forward to and you can work it into conversation that would be good.

Edited November 25, 2014 by Imajerk17

[organizedchaos]

Assuming she asks me the question again when I see her tomorrow, I'll probably tell her something like, "My main goal in life is to graduate, get a job. So I can get started on my career path that way I can provide for the family I hope to have and they can be happy." Then I can talk about the things I really enjoy doing.

 

This question really does sound like it's a test and she wants me to perform for her, but the fact that she's even trying to give me this test is interesting. It does show that she is curious about me.

 

Sounds like an answer you'd give in a job interview. And doesn't answer her question. My gf asked me this too. It's just her trying to learn more about you. It's not a test or her trying to get you to perform for her. Why would you even think this?

[Teknoe]

Sounds like an answer you'd give in a job interview. And doesn't answer her question. My gf asked me this too. It's just her trying to learn more about you. It's not a test or her trying to get you to perform for her. Why would you even think this?

 

 

Hasn't it been made pretty obvious through his posts over the years? He has not really had a friend. All his friends were girls he wanted to have sex with. I doubt he's ever had a REAL platonic friend where he just shared life with. Therefore, because of his lack of experience with relationships (including friendships) in general, his growth has been stunted. He lives in his own fantasy bubble and everything is like a transaction to him.

 

When really, life is about sharing it with others, getting to know others, being vulnerable, helping out and all that good stuff. I think SD falls into a category of that guy that just doesn't know how to look at things beyond his own scope. It's all about getting a GF and having sex with her.

 

Sorry to say life doesn't work that way usually. A man has to be about something. We've been telling you this for years and yet you consistently deny or ignore it. Just because you refuse to believe it doesn't mean it's not reality for most women.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You have to be careful of some of the Bible beating Christians. Even though I'm Christian, when I was younger, I thought some of these ladies were a bit cultish in nature of tending to not get any kind of pop culture jokes I made.

 

Also, if their verbiage in normal conversation and decision making processes are using the word "God" or "My Lord" in every other sentence AS they talk, it's quite disturbing.

 

I recall once asking a woman out that I met at a singles Christian gathering and she said, "Ill have to pray about it." And I was like "Huh?"

 

I even invited one to a Halloween party and she was taken aback any forms of celebrating a holiday that celebrates satan. And I'm thinking, "Where do these people get these ideas?"

 

I don't like to knock someone's belief systems, but some people aren't really grounded in reality apparently. I know of some religions and even beyond 18 years of age, that they aren't allowed to date...but more or less are chaperoned and under supervision by parents. I once remember in college where this receptionist, when I brought up the subject of "date and a movie" she said that she isn't allowed to do that kind of thing as she and her boyfriend , when they DO spend time together...it's at her parents house. And she was like 20 years old, living with her parents.

 

Surprised this hasn't caused her to pack her bags and get her own place.

[Thegreatestthing]

Halloween was an old pagan festival( Samhain) where all the dark spirits were said to be more active,people dressed in costumes to disguise themselves from these dark spirits,so yes I understand Christians not wanting to celebrate it.

 

Your answer op to her is not too inspiring,she asked you that question because she's interested and wants to know what moves you,I doubt she is looking for a godly answer.

Edited November 25, 2014 by Thegreatestthing

[serial muse]

Assuming she asks me the question again when I see her tomorrow, I'll probably tell her something like, "My main goal in life is to graduate, get a job. So I can get started on my career path that way I can provide for the family I hope to have and they can be happy." Then I can talk about the things I really enjoy doing.

 

Can I ask - what are those things? That sounds more interesting, and more of a jumping-off point for a real get-to-know-you discussion, than the standard "get a job, provide for family" thing that you were going to lead with.

[johan]

Assuming she asks me the question again when I see her tomorrow, I'll probably tell her something like, "My main goal in life is to graduate, get a job. So I can get started on my career path that way I can provide for the family I hope to have and they can be happy." Then I can talk about the things I really enjoy doing.

 

This question really does sound like it's a test and she wants me to perform for her, but the fact that she's even trying to give me this test is interesting. It does show that she is curious about me.

 

I think the answer is fine.

 

The reason she is asking could range from she's curious about you personally to she's thinking you should invite Jesus into your life. A person with no direction in life may be in need of God, from her perspective.

[BlueIris]

She said that she is interested ONLY in someone who is as religious as she is.

You are not as religious as she is. You know that she requires that and you know that you are not that. So you’re intentionally misleading her.

 

And that seems to be okay with quite a few people. It’s just ignored, doesn’t matter.

 

If she were to say,

 

She would not date someone who’s married…

She would not date someone who’s dating someone else…

She would not date someone with children…

She would not date someone who smokes…

She would not date someone with STDs…

 

... would it be okay with you, with anyone, to mislead her on those deal-breakers?

 

In what situations do we have a right to respect or ignore what is important to someone else?

 

Is it morally acceptable to ignore someone’s beliefs if we think they are unimportant?

Edited November 25, 2014 by BlueIris

[somedude81]

Yes, she has said what she's said.

 

I've also told her that I'm a Christian and haven't gone to church in years.

 

So if she is still interested in me after hearing that, that's on her. I'm certainly not misleading her.

 

I hope you're not expecting me to tell her, "I'm sorry. I'm not the perfect man for you so I will stop talking to you. Goodbye and God bless."

[SJC2008]

There's a difference in what you're passionate about and what inspires you. The latter is a deep question. I'm passionate about fishing but does it inspire me? No, that's a different arena.

 

"Being close to the next chapter in my life is what inspires me" is what I would of said. That question was too soon and too ambiguous.

[BlueIris]

Yes, she has said what she's said.

 

I've also told her that I'm a Christian and haven't gone to church in years.

 

So if she is still interested in me after hearing that, that's on her. I'm certainly not misleading her.

 

I hope you're not expecting me to tell her, "I'm sorry. I'm not the perfect man for you so I will stop talking to you. Goodbye and God bless."

 

You initially recognized that her religiousness IS a problem, but now that she’s your only option, you’re equivocating and changing position.

 

The argument that you just used is false dichotomy. You pose a false alternative as though it is the only alternative, when it’s not.

 

You say: “that I am not the perfect man for you.” Using the word “perfect” help persuade people that that position is unreasonable. The false premise (“Do I have to be perfect?”) elicits sympathy and support by leading people to think: “Oh, no…. No one is perfect.” therefore, “Your argument is right.”

 

The truth is that you know what she wants and that it’s very important to her, and you’re ignoring it, discounting it, and looking for wiggle room, so you can side-step it. You want to find a way to present yourself as acceptable despite what she wants. Maybe you can get this young Christian girl to date you any way and overlook that.

 

You say: “stop talking to her.” That’s an alternative that would be bad so you (and we) can reject that option and proceed with the first option. (1) Ignore her stated requirement, be less than candid and find a way around it, or, (2) be a rude bad person who just stops talking to someone. “Well, that’s right. That would be bad.”

 

The truth is that you are not religious, that you do not think that religion is important, that you have no intention to become religious, and that do not think that religion should be a determining factor in whether you two date. You could tell her that, but another choice is to acknowledge that you aren’t a match because of the religious divide, tell her that you hope that she still wants to date you and continue to be nice with her.

 

I think lots of people believe that it’s okay to be evasive and clever in this way, and even to discount others' choices, especially in dating (or getting laid). I just don’t think it is. I don’t think it’s right to try to figure out how to get around someone’s values and priorities to get what we want from them.

 

It's your call, of course. It always is. But realize what you are choosing to do.

Edited November 25, 2014 by BlueIris

[Teknoe]

You initially recognized that her religiousness IS a problem, but now that she’s your only option, you’re equivocating and changing position.

 

The argument that you just used is false dichotomy. You pose a false alternative as though it is the only alternative, when it’s not.

 

You say: “that I am not the perfect man for you.” Using the word “perfect” help persuade people that that position is unreasonable. The false premise (“Do I have to be perfect?”) elicits sympathy and support by leading people to think: “Oh, no…. No one is perfect.” therefore, “Your argument is right.”

 

The truth is that you know what she wants and that it’s very important to her, and you’re ignoring it, discounting it, and looking for wiggle room, so you can side-step it. You want to find a way to present yourself as acceptable despite what she wants. Maybe you can get this young Christian girl to date you any way and overlook that.

 

You say: “stop talking to her.” That’s an alternative that would be bad so you (and we) can reject that option and proceed with the first option. (1) Ignore her stated requirement, be less than candid and find a way around it, or, (2) be a rude bad person who just stops talking to someone. “Well, that’s right. That would be bad.”

 

The truth is that you are not religious, that you do not think that religion is important, that you have no intention to become religious, and that do not think that religion should be a determining factor in whether you two date. You could tell her that, but another choice is to acknowledge that you aren’t a match because of the religious divide, tell her that you hope that she still wants to date you and continue to be nice with her.

 

I think lots of people believe that it’s okay to be evasive and clever in this way, and even to discount others' choices, especially in dating (or getting laid). I just don’t think it is. I don’t think it’s right to try to figure out how to get around someone’s values and priorities to get what we want from them.

 

It's your call, of course. It always is. But realize what you are choosing to do.

 

If it comforts you any, Iris, I wouldn't worry. Even though he's being disingenuous about this whole thing, I can guarantee nothing of significance will happen between the two. Take solace in that fact.

 

The second he asks for strangers' help on a basic question, he's toast. Part of me thinks he enjoys creating threads and seeing them balloon to monster threads. He probably enjoys that more than the chase. How many of these threads have helped or changed his situation? All they do is serve as a distraction. And I sure hope he's on top of his calculus and applying for jobs... because it's almost December.

[xxoo]

Something tells me that if we do go end up dating, I won't have to wait that long for sex.

 

What makes you think that?

 

Stating that she will only date someone equally Christian sounds like she's hinting that the right guy will also want to wait. So if you responded saying that you are Christian, too, maybe she thinks you also want to wait.

[BlueIris]

If it comforts you any, Iris, I wouldn't worry. Even though he's being disingenuous about this whole thing, I can guarantee nothing of significance will happen between the two. Take solace in that fact.

 

The second he asks for strangers' help on a basic question, he's toast. Part of me thinks he enjoys creating threads and seeing them balloon to monster threads. He probably enjoys that more than the chase. How many of these threads have helped or changed his situation? All they do is serve as a distraction. And I sure hope he's on top of his calculus and applying for jobs... because it's almost December.

 

Yeah, you're right. The whole thing gives me the willies, I suppose because I have a 23 year old daughter. If some guy were trying to persuade her, he'd lie or prevaricate about loving hockey, or her team, which is her religion. But dang, if he said caring about hockey or her team was unimportant, she's verbally slice and dice him, or climb out the bathroom window.

[somedude81]

What makes you think that?

 

Because I don't think she'd be able to resist me for long.

 

Today's report:

 

I went to her class and danced with her a bit. After that she wanted to go to the Library and look for a book to do a report on for her Religious Studies class. She didn't know what to focus on so I suggested that she should do the Mormon Church. We then spent about 20 minutes in the library trying to figure out how to find the book and then I eventually found it for her.

 

Close to 12:30 I had to leave for a class so I asked her if she wanted to get together this weekend. Her face lit up and she said, "Do you want to go hiking?" I said yes and asked her when she was free. She suggested tomorrow morning which unfortunately I can't do. So we decided to go out on Sunday.

 

This isn't the first time we made plans go out hiking on a Sunday. But this time it was her idea and she seemed much more interested. Funny how she remembered that I wanted to go hiking.

 

We didn't talk at all about the inspiration thing. If it comes up I think I know how to handle it.

 

Depending on how Sunday goes I'll probably try to kiss her.