Married 26 years & very unhappy

[beach]

This is going to be part of therapy when that times comes.

 

 

 

.....also realize that when the time comes for him to submit his "list" of what he needs from you to maintain a healthy relationship, sexuality is going to be at or darn near the top of that list.

 

It would be part of therapy if they went. But they aren't going, right?

 

 

It's a double edged sword - you won't have sex with your H yet you don't feel close to him.

 

Of course you're not going to feel close to him- you aren't trying to connect with him.

 

Sex will be at the top of his list.

 

How much are YOU willing to change and participate with him? The more you participate the closer you're bound to feel towards him.

 

Of course I presented a simple suggestion - one which would allow me to see if you're willing todo something new to see if you can get a different result.

 

Sleep with him. Have sex with him. Do things WITH him. And tell him exactly what you NEED FROM HIM too.

[veryhappy]

If somebody you know in a high conflict marriage separates doesn't mean it is a solution for you as well. I'm all for divorce for nonworking marriages, but your marriage doesn't seem nonworking. It sounds like you had a great relationship that became stale. You can make it better, but it won't magically become better.

 

 

Sex can heal a lot for men. You can start with common activities, going out, doing something together before jumping in bed, but rest assured that if your h wants sex and you want to be married, sex needs to come back between the two of you. If you need a foot massage and a full moon for it to happen, ask for it and he'll probably deliver.

 

 

If you're just going to cross your arms and hope that something will change and the guy who's not good at communicating will serenade you and talk to you and solve your issues constructively, nothing will happen. You can only hope he'll cheat and finding out will send you in rebuilding mode and hysterical bonding.

 

 

Get a third party to teach you how to solve your issues, and you are right that long term problems need to be solved. That includes sex on your husband's side and whatever you have on your list.

[momof6]

So it is our 26th wedding anniversary today.

Just the 2 of us are going out for supper this evening.

Will let ya'll know how that goes!!!!

[aliveagain]

You need to reconnect with each other, sleeping in the same bed might be a good place to start. I miss cuddling more than the sex, I could never feel close to someone that I couldn't cuddle with. Good luck tonight.