Author AlwaysPuzzled Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 You people are obviously not happy inside or you wouldn't wish ill will on others. We just spent New Years Eve together as well. This is my final post on this thread. Wasn't going to post anything else, but I take pleasure in letting you all know you were wrong. Won't go into details, but suffice it to say that you were WRONG the whole time. I would never try to bring someone down who was looking for support. Some of you shouldn't even be here. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I LOVE this guy with all of my heart. He's kind, compassionate, funny, brilliant, talented, understanding, gorgeous. He's not perfect, obviously - he doesn't want to commit, he's an alcoholic, he ignored me for two months, he won't communicate about feelings or issues. But I have never felt as comfortable in someone's presence as I have felt with him. I know he feels it, too, when we're together - it's obvious in every way. But when we're apart, it feels as if we have no connection at all. OP, re-read what you wrote here and tell me you don't sound like a blooming fool. Great! You finally figured out that he cares about you. Now, prepare yourself for a long, jagged, up and down, back and forth relationship with a non-committal , alcoholic, uncommunicative guy. I always thought kindness was caring about your partner's feelings enough to meet them halfway. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 You are a drowning woman clutching at straws. Everyone here has thrown lifering after lifering, towards you, whilst you struggle to keep yourself afloat, but you are singularly fixated on those straws. Some have even managed to haul you half way into the lifeboat at times, but you keep going back into the water, with your eyes on the straws, that you believe will save you. So this time, he has thrown you another straw and you are ecstatic. Whilst those of us still on the lifeboat trying to rescue you, are shaking our heads in disbelief. Clutching at straws Literally - a drowning person who, unable to find any substantial floatation immediately at had, attempts to save himself from certain death by grabbing hold of a few stray pieces of straw floating on the water within arm's length. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlwaysPuzzled Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Said I wasn't going to do this, but here's another update. Things are going AMAZINGLY well between us, and we continue to get closer and closer. There was a lag time of a week after my bday and New Year's Eve where we talked but didn't see each other, and ever since then we've been together every 2-3 days from the time he gets off work in the evening until he has to go to work again the next morning. It's a complete 180 from how things went during the second period of time that we were together. He's back to initiating 95% of all texts and plans. He's friendlier and chattier over text (I know he's making an effort, b/c this was one of the things I had blasted him for in my "goodbye" messages). His feelings are quite obvious, based on words/actions/efforts, and I have no doubts about how much he cares. I, too, have changed - I feel relaxed and happy and comfortable, and I'm just trusting that things will go where they're meant to go. I will not allow myself to do what I've done in the past and angrily call things off. He means too much to me, and I never want to go back to the misery I felt when I started this thread. I guess our time apart was necessary, though, as it reset the dynamic. We treat each other with mutual care and respect, always. This time around feels much more stable and mature and steady, and I trust it more. I learned a lot about myself and about relationships during that horrible, horrible period of misery, and it's helped. Things between us feel happy and effortless. Oh, and for all the naysayers, his parents are not out of town this time, just fyi. There is nothing nefarious about him or our time together, so don't even try to come up with something. When I started this thread, I wanted to hate him in order to lessen the hurt, so I focused on the bad. But he is a GOOD person. We all have issues, we've all messed up in the past, we've all hurt people throughout our lives. He's human, as am I. But he's kind, compassionate, thoughtful, sweet, affectionate. I could go on and on about how much I admire and respect and appreciate him. He really is a good person. **Itspointless, I am SO sorry that I haven't replied to your PM's yet. I've been avoiding this place like the plague, as the negativity and criticism are toxic and I just didn't even want to come near it. I promise I will reply soon. To the rest of you, I haven't read the above comments, and I won't be reading any hereafter, either. It does nothing but bring me down. I'm in a good place, and I don't need to hear it. Adele said something in the beginning of this thread about how people will be critical because of their own experiences and attitudes, and she was so correct. A lot of you people do do that. This is supposed to be a place of support, and I found it to be far from that. I'm not speaking of everyone when I say this, but the majority of you could stand to gain a little empathy and tact, IMO. To any kind souls out there who have read this thread and are going through similar, have hope. Change yourself, and you can change the relationship. I leaned way waaaaaay back after I called things off last time, and I never once tried to "get him back" after that. We kept in touch, and kept it light and respectful. He came back all on his own, and I received him with open arms. It won't work for everyone, but it worked for me. I truly feel in my heart that he never quit caring, but he does respect me more now since I stood up for myself and was willing to walk away. I can't tell the future, but the *now* feels amazing. I also recommend that everyone read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, as it has taught me to relax; a lot of the things I was getting so offended over are actually just natural differences between men and women. We can't change it, so we may as well understand and accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 AP, people spent the better part of 25 pages giving you kind and patient advice. Your response is to deal out insults and haughty I-told-you-sos because you spend the night a few times a week with a 30-something year old functional drunk who lives at home with his parents and still isn't in a committed relationship with you? The thing is, I knew you'd be back to post here again (and I highly doubt this will be your last post, either). You're so dead set on trying to prove that this is such a great setup -- except that you've already shared way too much about this man for anybody to buy it at this point. You really do seem like a good person, and I truly do wish you the best. I wouldn't have spent so much time/energy responding to your posts in this thread and offering support if I didn't. (And please know that nothing I've said to you in this thread is colored by bitterness, as you've intimated. In fact, the guy I discussed earlier in this thread has contacted me numerous times in an attempt to meet up. However, he still isn't willing to fully commit to a legitimate, long-term relationship -- and I'm personally not going to settle for anything less than that.) I'm not sure what you hope to prove here, but the truth is that nobody who objectively read through this thread will see these updates through the lens you hope they will. And hopefully one day, you won't either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 **Itspointless, I am SO sorry that I haven't replied to your PM's yet. I've been avoiding this place like the plague, as the negativity and criticism are toxic and I just didn't even want to come near it. I promise I will reply soon. Do not worry. Late reply here from myself, I was away three days with friends. The things you have written to me really have helped me move some things in my body (if you understand what I mean). it felt good to write those things away. Your messages are always welcome, but do not feel obliged. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlwaysPuzzled Posted February 23, 2015 Author Share Posted February 23, 2015 Another quick update. Sorry, but still haven't read, and won't be reading, any comments except from my friend itspointless. We're still seeing each other. It's had its ups and downs, because we both have issues, but that was to be expected. He's still doing 95% of the initiating, unlike several months ago. A week ago, he said he loves me - he hadn't said that since the first time we were together. Not only does he love me, he says he's IN love with me. And I of course still love him, more than ever. I used to be afraid to talk to him about emotional things in person; I'd just blurt it out over text. But recently I brought up a talk for the first time, and nothing bad happened! He didn't get irritated or try to avoid it at all. It was all surprisingly fine. It's not all perfect, and we do both have our issues that cause us to push each other away at times, but we're both opening up a bit more and we're getting closer. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts