Author Dobie Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 I think the hardest thing I'm coming to terms with at the moment is Was she just pretending to be "in love for months / years" hence using me and hence why so easy for her to detach and show no empathy or concern for me as a former partner or even human being Or does she really present cluster b personality traits and this is all part of the black/white thinking and devaluation . I want to kick myself in the arse for being such a trusting fool as well She told me early on in the r/s she stopped fanciying her x after a few weeks but stayed with him out of security and because he was a nice guy (duhhh stupid male ego I should have left then ) The x before that she stayed with him even after he cheated till she met "Mr nice guy" The ex before that who had a gf (like me at the time she persued me ) was only upset he dumped her as she was alone at the time and her grandparents had died . I mean she even invited me to her bday party while she was still with her x as she wanted me then and persued me even though I had a gf What a stupid trusting dumbass I have been seeing and hearing only what I wanted . Link to post Share on other sites
Heartbroken Eagle Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Dobie, Don't beat yourself up man, I've been in the same boat. Being used by someone you loved and cared for then made to feel worthless by them was the hardest part to accept. In fact, it made me angry for way too long. The lack of empathy from her, knowing that she me caused so much pain but did'nt care, scared me. I realised how much she changed, that she was not the same person I met 12 years prior. I look back and realised that I had perhaps missed 'red flags' over the years and kick myself for not being more 'proactive' about them prior to our split. But I also foolishly trusted her, even at times when my gut feelings told me differently. It's only recently I've realised I have a lucky escape(After 2 years). There's part of me who still feel like sending the guy my ex was screwing a 'Thank You' text. I know have a chance of meeting that 'Special Person' who I thought my ex was. Just not ready yet... Take care of yourself..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I think the hardest thing I'm coming to terms with at the moment is Was she just pretending to be "in love for months / years" hence using me and hence why so easy for her to detach and show no empathy or concern for me as a former partner or even human being Or does she really present cluster b personality traits and this is all part of the black/white thinking and devaluation . I want to kick myself in the arse for being such a trusting fool as well She told me early on in the r/s she stopped fanciying her x after a few weeks but stayed with him out of security and because he was a nice guy (duhhh stupid male ego I should have left then ) The x before that she stayed with him even after he cheated till she met "Mr nice guy" The ex before that who had a gf (like me at the time she persued me ) was only upset he dumped her as she was alone at the time and her grandparents had died . I mean she even invited me to her bday party while she was still with her x as she wanted me then and persued me even though I had a gf What a stupid trusting dumbass I have been seeing and hearing only what I wanted . I'm sorry this happened to you. But this is what I fear for myself to happen. I don't want to be settled for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dobie Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 Dobie, Don't beat yourself up man, I've been in the same boat. Being used by someone you loved and cared for then made to feel worthless by them was the hardest part to accept. In fact, it made me angry for way too long. The lack of empathy from her, knowing that she me caused so much pain but did'nt care, scared me. I realised how much she changed, that she was not the same person I met 12 years prior. I look back and realised that I had perhaps missed 'red flags' over the years and kick myself for not being more 'proactive' about them prior to our split. But I also foolishly trusted her, even at times when my gut feelings told me differently. It's only recently I've realised I have a lucky escape(After 2 years). There's part of me who still feel like sending the guy my ex was screwing a 'Thank You' text. I know have a chance of meeting that 'Special Person' who I thought my ex was. Just not ready yet... Take care of yourself..... Thanks mate I honestly feel like I will never trust another SO or myself for that matter again ... I am responsible on some sub -conscious level at least for meshing with her knowing her previous form and ignoring the flags I just don't even trust myself at this point to Pick a normal healthy women Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Thanks mate I honestly feel like I will never trust another SO or myself for that matter again ... I am responsible on some sub -conscious level at least for meshing with her knowing her previous form and ignoring the flags I just don't even trust myself at this point to Pick a normal healthy women You are obviously still obsessing over your ex, big post yesterday all about HER and SHE did this and SHE did that. You are in no place to go looking for women, yet. How is the therapy going this week? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dobie Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 You are obviously still obsessing over your ex, big post yesterday all about HER and SHE did this and SHE did that. You are in no place to go looking for women, yet. How is the therapy going this week? Yep I'm still butt hurt and angry .. OK my T thinks my anger /hurt is directed at her rather than the source I.e my parents not sure I agree . its normal to be upset / angry etc after a BU Link to post Share on other sites
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