The Ups and Downs

[KBarletta]

Kb!

 

Any update from you? I'm anxious to hear how your wife is going to deal with the co parenting part of your d.

 

I'm happy you're feeling anger. You've been entirely too nice and level headed with your wife. She is the one creating all of this mess.

 

Thanks DB. I have been OK. No response from my STBX to the exchange referenced above, just back to our usual M.O. of only communicating regarding our daughter. I have the D papers all set to file, just awaiting the official copy of our marriage docs from the local records office.

 

As for the co-parenting, I have had papers drawn up as part of our D settlement that basically establish our current set-up (I see daughter three days a week) as a formal agreement and establish me as a co-parent, so I would gain official legal status. That's all I really wanted. The agreement would change nothing, so I doubt she would fail to agree to it.

 

Other than that, I have been busy with my move, and trying to sell our home, so I haven't spent as much time on here as I had been. I still have good days and bad and (despite what I said two weeks ago - above) I still have strong feelings for my wife (plenty of anger, yes, but also I still have a soft spot for her and still love her). But that is not going to do anything to change the course I am on. I just want to get the home sold, get the D done, spend as much time as I can with our daughter and get on with the rest of my life.

[phoenix19]

Hey KB!

 

I haven't followed much of the discussions on LS for the past few months, but have always wondered how you were making out since our situations paralleled each other a bit and you were very helpful when I was "stuck". Moving out of the martial home will be huge, it was for me.

 

Back in in Spring, I had asked my wife if she wanted to try to reconcile since this (at that point) still wasn't making sense to me...she said no, and the next day I received a draft of a separation agreement. At that point, I realized a few things:

1- I had done everything possible

2- this wasn't my monkey, I was affected by it, and I may have had some part in our marriage failing, but it was her decision to leave, that's on her.

3- I could picture myself getting better after a few things would happen...which I referred to as my "Ball of Chaos" that I had to get through:...moving out, getting separation agreement settled and finalizing everything else such as division of assets etc...

 

So over the next few months, I could see my "ball of chaos" getting closer...and finally I was in it and then ...it passed...

 

What I'm trying to say - you'll be fine. You already know what you need to do...and how to handle it. Your advice has usually always been very calm, reflective and thoughtful. Keep that mindset.

 

Peace brother! See you on the other side of your ball of chaos! Serenity awaits you...

[KBarletta]

Hey KB!

 

I haven't followed much of the discussions on LS for the past few months, but have always wondered how you were making out since our situations paralleled each other a bit and you were very helpful when I was "stuck". Moving out of the martial home will be huge, it was for me.

 

Back in in Spring, I had asked my wife if she wanted to try to reconcile since this (at that point) still wasn't making sense to me...she said no, and the next day I received a draft of a separation agreement. At that point, I realized a few things:

1- I had done everything possible

2- this wasn't my monkey, I was affected by it, and I may have had some part in our marriage failing, but it was her decision to leave, that's on her.

3- I could picture myself getting better after a few things would happen...which I referred to as my "Ball of Chaos" that I had to get through:...moving out, getting separation agreement settled and finalizing everything else such as division of assets etc...

 

So over the next few months, I could see my "ball of chaos" getting closer...and finally I was in it and then ...it passed...

 

What I'm trying to say - you'll be fine. You already know what you need to do...and how to handle it. Your advice has usually always been very calm, reflective and thoughtful. Keep that mindset.

 

Peace brother! See you on the other side of your ball of chaos! Serenity awaits you...

 

Thanks Phoenix. The truth is, now that I am settled in my new home, I can already feel my "ball of chaos" easing up. That feeling has vindicated me, at least in my own mind, for choosing to get a new home first before filing the D. I sat in my house last night after my daughter went to sleep and felt at peace just petting my dog and sipping a glass of wine. I was content. Of course, when my daughter has to go back to STBX, it still tears my heart out a little bit, but I always have the next time to look forward to.

 

I am doing better. I have moments of sadness when it really hits me what I've lost, and I do feel regrets and wish things could be different. But those pass quickly and I refocus my mind and my energy on what's ahead rather than what is behind.

[KBarletta]

Hi again all.

It's been a good while since my last update, so I figured I'd check in and say hey.

My daughter and I just had a six-day beach vacation which was awesome. Went as smoothly as it could possibly have gone and we both had a blast. It was great having her "to myself" for so long, and of course now I miss her like crazy. But it made me realize how much I really love her and I think it helped to continue to cement our bond. Great.

The only bad thing was that quite a few times during our trip I would see families with a mom and dad (or two moms / two dads) and remember what I was missing. I had a great time with my daughter but I definitely miss that family dynamic that existed when my wife and I were together. It led to a few moments of sadness in an otherwise great time.

Then I got home and promptly had a dream about my wife - she was getting married and walked into my house with her new fiance to announce her plan. He was startlingly gorgeous and the whole thing made me feel awful. I woke up in a haze thinking that it had all actually happened. Took me several minutes to realize it was just a dream. But the whole thing threw me, again, making me realize I am still not over her.

Good news, though, on the home front - the marital home is now under agreement! If all goes well over the next 30 days I will be back to one house again and things will be basically settled between myself and my wife. All that will be left will be finalizing the D. Ugh. Still hate that it has come to this. But moving forward with all my might, y'all.

Hope everyone has been well.

 

KTB

[KBarletta]

Hi again everyone.

 

I haven't been spending as much time on LS lately, partly because I have felt better and partly because I have been so busy with other things, but I thought it was time for a quick update.

 

The biggest news, I guess, is that I have - officially - filed for divorce. Now I have to serve my wife and start the 90-day clock ticking. Should be final before the end of the year. It is still hard for me to believe sometimes that it has come to this. My birthday is coming up soon, and when I remember back to my last birthday I think of the woman who (I thought) was in love with me and the fun time we had, and it all seems like a lifetime ago in some ways and like it was just yesterday in other ways.

 

Also, in addition to that, the marital home (barring some disaster) will be sold in two weeks. Again, hard to believe it has come to this. This was the home we both loved and we saw ourselves growing old in. Now, it will be someone else's.

 

I have mixed emotions about all of this, honestly, but I think I will be relieved when all of the papers are signed and I can turn my attention to just living my life rather than burying the one I once had.

 

Honestly, I think my biggest hurdle right now is the fact that I once had a kind of vision for what my future would be. It involved my wife and daughter. I saw us growing old together, taking trips to places we'd always wanted to see, watching our grandchildren grow up. Now, I don't know exactly what I see, and that is a bit scary.

 

KTB

[darkbloom]

I'm assuming you're doing well since you haven't been on here as often.

 

Keep us updated kb we miss you!

[phoenix19]

Hey KB, I'm glad things are getting settled for you. As for the vision, yeah I know what you mean. I'm afflicted by this still, but take solace that new dreams will replace old ones, and new possibilities are available to you. This doesn't happen quickly, but slowly in the background...just trust it.

 

As for feeling sad about the marital home: don't, the house is now fulfilling someone else's dream, so be glad for the new occupants if possible.

 

Cheers brother!

 

(...and GO METS! )

[KBarletta]

I'm assuming you're doing well since you haven't been on here as often.

 

Keep us updated kb we miss you!

 

Hello again! I have missed you all too. Haven't posted much lately because I didn't have much new going on, TBH, but it is good to know that people still care! This site has been like a lifeboat for me, and I don't think I'll ever disappear completely.

 

But there really isn't much new in the past month or so. Marital home is officially sold, D papers are filed (should be final on Christmas Eve - ugh), new house is starting to feel like home for me and our daughter. Daughter doing well. No contact with wife aside from very terse texts and emails. She shares more info about what she is doing than I do. I offer no details aside from the essential info. Honestly, I wonder when I am going to feel comfortable being in her presence again. I'm not yet - I still feel hurt and disgusted any time she is even on my mind. Not a lingering feeling, it passes quickly, but I don't foresee a day, honestly, when I will ever have any interest in speaking to her again unless it directly involves our daughter.

 

On the other women front, I have for the past several months kept that on the back burner completely while concentrating on other things. Truth is, the idea of being with another woman right now kind of disgusts me, too. I just don't want it or need it in my life at this point. I have plenty of good friends, a close family and lots of co-workers who I like. Right now I am comfortable with that.

 

This week marks exactly one year since this all started. I could never have imagined that it would come to this, and like I said before there are days when I still don't believe it. There are days when I still think, when I hear someone coming to the door that it's my wife and daughter coming home. And that is where the hurt comes from when it comes to my STBXW, that hurt is because I feel like my family was ripped away from me with no warning, and no chance for me to do anything to save it. It feels like the kind of hurt that will never go away completely.

 

But - like I said - that feeling fades fast. Overall, I think I have been doing well, moving forward and getting on with my life.

[KBarletta]

Hey KB, I'm glad things are getting settled for you. As for the vision, yeah I know what you mean. I'm afflicted by this still, but take solace that new dreams will replace old ones, and new possibilities are available to you. This doesn't happen quickly, but slowly in the background...just trust it.

 

As for feeling sad about the marital home: don't, the house is now fulfilling someone else's dream, so be glad for the new occupants if possible.

 

Cheers brother!

 

(...and GO METS! )

 

Also, phoenix, I was pulling for your Mets last night. Was hoping for a longer series, partly because I am an NL guy, and partly because I just wanted more baseball!

[chew123]

KB,

 

Thanks for the update. Congrats on the house. Sounds like you are doing well.

 

I do think that the hurt will eventually fade away to nothing. It will take a long time though and there will always be things that remind us of what happened. But I don't think it will hurt much after a couple more years.

 

I am with you on the woman front. Still spending time with friends but I just don't have the right feeling for romance. In the beginning I was kind of desperate to find another woman but I think I was competing with the ex. I am really lucky that the woman I met apparently figured it out before me and we have remained great friends/companions. I can't handle the ups and downs of a relationship yet.

 

You have come a long way in a year. I like to think that within another year this will mostly be behind us and we will be pleased with our new normal.

 

Enjoy the coming holidays with your daughter!!

[KBarletta]

KB,

 

Thanks for the update. Congrats on the house. Sounds like you are doing well.

 

I do think that the hurt will eventually fade away to nothing. It will take a long time though and there will always be things that remind us of what happened. But I don't think it will hurt much after a couple more years.

 

I am with you on the woman front. Still spending time with friends but I just don't have the right feeling for romance. In the beginning I was kind of desperate to find another woman but I think I was competing with the ex. I am really lucky that the woman I met apparently figured it out before me and we have remained great friends/companions. I can't handle the ups and downs of a relationship yet.

 

You have come a long way in a year. I like to think that within another year this will mostly be behind us and we will be pleased with our new normal.

 

Enjoy the coming holidays with your daughter!!

 

Thanks chew. I know you are right - that the hurt will eventually fade, and I am sure it will take time. I've been there before in the past (of course nothing on this level) and my hurt feelings from those relationships barely register anymore, even though in one case I was badly mistreated.

 

In a way though (and I realize that this sounds counter-intuitive) part of me doesn't WANT the pain to fade, because the pain is all I have left of our relationship. If I don't have the pain, then I almost feel like it didn't happen.

 

Crazy thoughts, I know.

 

I can also totally relate to where you are with other women. I was with you at the beginning, wanting desperately to find someone else so I could keep up with her and make her jealous, realize her error, etc. The way I feel now I couldn't care less and almost feel better being alone and being able to decide everything for myself. There is something to be said for that.

 

I fully intend to enjoy the holidays. Last year, I was on autopilot for them and just wanted to get them over with and start the new year. This year, at least, I feel ready to enjoy them. I'm sure there will still be feelings of sadness about what I'm missing out on, especially not waking up in the house with my daughter, which was always one of my favorite days of the year. But the new normal is what it is. I'm getting used to it, and it's not bad. Better in many ways. Worse in others. But not bad.

 

KTB

[KBarletta]

Weird night last night, folks. Not sure if it means anything (probably not) but at the very least it was an indication to me that I am not yet over my STBXW.

 

My phone buzzed with a text message around 10:30 p.m., which in itself is strange. It was my wife. Mind you, she hasn't in A YEAR texted, emailed or said anything to me that didn't involve arrangements involving our daughter, or the divorce. Hasn't once said a word to me about anything else.

 

The text said "No nap today. Watching movie with [daughter]. Hard time keeping my eyes open." I assumed this note was meant for someone else, so I didn't respond, though I did rack my brain wondering who she'd be texting at this hour. Either way, I ignored the text.

 

About 45 minutes later, as I was going to bed, phone buzzed with another text from W. This one just said "What are ya doin?" Mind you, when we were dating and married, this was the exact text she used to send me nearly every day just to check in and get a conversation going. This made me think - maybe - the first text was in fact meant for me. Still, I thought it was - at best - the tiniest of breadcrumbs, and - at worst - not even meant for me. So I ignored this one too.

 

When I woke up the next morning, I saw a third text from her that she sent several hours after the first two that just said "Sorry - meant to send those texts to [her best female friend]." Didn't respond to that either.

 

I suppose there is no reason to think she would lie about accidentally sending the texts to me, but in the back of my mind I thought she may have just told me that they were meant for someone else only after she realized I wasn't going to respond. Just a thought, probably one I should put out of my head.

 

I guess there is still a small part of me that wants her to at least TRY to come back to me, to at least realize what she's lost. Even though I know it wouldn't be good for me and I probably would be better off if we stayed apart forever, it did give my bruised ego a bit of a boost to think that for a moment.

[chew123]

KB,

 

AAh the careless text. I got that from my WAW once also. It was meant for her AP of course.

 

When I first received it, for a second I thought she was trying to chat me up. then I got the oops sorry.

 

Nice job on not responding. that was the best course of action.

 

And a big part of me would like her to realize what she lost and have her try to come back. Not going to happen and I am finally at the point where I would confidently say no thank you. But like you I would still like to be asked.

[KBarletta]

Hi again all.

 

It's been one year exactly since my wife officially moved out, 13 months since she announced that she was leaving. And for the first time in a long time, I am actually excited about establishing a relationship with another woman. (The woman is 3,000 miles away from me, but that's another story.)

 

Back story: For the one-year anniversary weekend of my wife leaving, I took a few days and flew to the west coast of the U.S. with some friends. I stayed behind for a few hours of extra time to myself, so I flew home to the east coast alone. As I was making my way through security, there was a small issue with the baggage screener, and I made an offhand friendly/sarcastic comment to the woman who was in front of me in line. I barely thought anything of it and moved on.

 

Then, as I was making my way to my flight gate, I realized it had been delayed and I had nearly 2 hours to kill before it left. I decided to grab a bite to eat at the restaurant near my gate. When I walked into the restaurant, the woman at the table by the door said, "Hey, you, you need to come over here and sit with me!" It was the woman who had been in front of me in line.

 

I sat down and we ended up having dinner, several drinks and at least an hour and a half of awesome conversation. Best conversation I could remember having with anyone since my wife and I first started dating. We exchanged business cards and cell phone numbers and have been emailing each other every day or two since then, and it has been just as much fun as that conversation was.

 

This woman is young, beautiful, single, funny, super intelligent and successful. She's also been through a divorce of her own and knows exactly what I am going through. And - for whatever reason - she seems to think I am awesome. The only catch is that she lives 3,000 miles away from me. At the moment, that is perfect for me, because the relationship that we have right now: Talking every few days, getting to know each other and having no other expectations of anything else - is exactly what I need. It's an ego boost to have someone tell me how much they like me, how great they think I am, etc. And even though I wouldn't anticipate anything serious to ever come out of this besides a new "friend," it has at the very least meant that when I wake up in the morning, instead of remembering that my wife isn't here and feeling sorry for myself, instead I look at my phone, see a text or a message from her and feel good about life again.

 

Baby steps, yes, but this has me feeling like a normal person again, for the first time since I can remember.

 

KTB

[ProdigalMe]

Then, today, she basically "unmarried" me on Facebook. Still friends, but she's no longer listed as my wife on my page.

 

I had this happen to me about a month ago. Background: She asked for a divorce in July 2015 (according to her, we're just roommates now, not husband and wife; no more spark). She filed for separation, so technically we're still husband and wife because the marriage is not officially dissolved, we're simply separated.

 

About a month ago, she went from "married" on Facebook to "single." Not "separated," not "it's complicated." "Single." Ouch.

 

Weird how that would throw me for such a loop. So, KBarletta, I know how you feel.

[Lion Heart]

Hi again all.

 

It's been one year exactly since my wife officially moved out, 13 months since she announced that she was leaving. And for the first time in a long time, I am actually excited about establishing a relationship with another woman. (The woman is 3,000 miles away from me, but that's another story.)

 

Back story: For the one-year anniversary weekend of my wife leaving, I took a few days and flew to the west coast of the U.S. with some friends. I stayed behind for a few hours of extra time to myself, so I flew home to the east coast alone. As I was making my way through security, there was a small issue with the baggage screener, and I made an offhand friendly/sarcastic comment to the woman who was in front of me in line. I barely thought anything of it and moved on.

 

Then, as I was making my way to my flight gate, I realized it had been delayed and I had nearly 2 hours to kill before it left. I decided to grab a bite to eat at the restaurant near my gate. When I walked into the restaurant, the woman at the table by the door said, "Hey, you, you need to come over here and sit with me!" It was the woman who had been in front of me in line.

 

I sat down and we ended up having dinner, several drinks and at least an hour and a half of awesome conversation. Best conversation I could remember having with anyone since my wife and I first started dating. We exchanged business cards and cell phone numbers and have been emailing each other every day or two since then, and it has been just as much fun as that conversation was.

 

This woman is young, beautiful, single, funny, super intelligent and successful. She's also been through a divorce of her own and knows exactly what I am going through. And - for whatever reason - she seems to think I am awesome. The only catch is that she lives 3,000 miles away from me. At the moment, that is perfect for me, because the relationship that we have right now: Talking every few days, getting to know each other and having no other expectations of anything else - is exactly what I need. It's an ego boost to have someone tell me how much they like me, how great they think I am, etc. And even though I wouldn't anticipate anything serious to ever come out of this besides a new "friend," it has at the very least meant that when I wake up in the morning, instead of remembering that my wife isn't here and feeling sorry for myself, instead I look at my phone, see a text or a message from her and feel good about life again.

 

Baby steps, yes, but this has me feeling like a normal person again, for the first time since I can remember.

 

KTB

 

 

 

 

Dear KB

 

 

I haven't been visiting LS much either!

It's funny that you posted today I have been thinking a lot recently how so many LS awesomes have influenced my life this HORRIBLE year. The incredible, gentle voices of you and Kenmore echoing my pain. I have been thinking of YOU! I know how Ken is going.

You guys and ofcourse others in the Infidelity section just gave me hope that there ARE nice people in the world.

 

 

Ofcourse I won't go into how STBEXWWWWWWWH (lol) has influenced me! Woah.

 

 

But you did. I just wanted you to know that venturing into the 'Separation and Divorce' area was SO SO SAD for me; the realization that I had to face. I didn't want to. But I had to brave. I wasn't AT ALL, But over time I did and D is a surety now.

 

 

KB I think we DO get to a place of KNOWING that we did EVERYTHING we could do for that M. Everything. It's sad our Exes didn't wake up but...... like you said. You're not sure now anyway if getting back together would be good for you. I know that for sure about this M. It is a certain kind of he** loving someone who damages us so deeply.

 

 

I think when someone shows their POTENTIAL for great harm to us.

LOOK

OBSERVE

KNOW

 

 

It's a different arrangement for us going thru sep & D. I am hoping for a very amiable co-Pg arrangement but I doubt that will happened either! lol.

Again I'll do my best but this time, WH does have to meet half way, his children are OBSERVING and KNOWING and they expect very little from WF and that is a wise thing.

 

 

I am so happy to hear you met a groovy chick! Sounds like she's brightening your days which is always a nice thing.

 

 

Good luck

Lion Heart

[chew123]

KB,

 

Congrats, great story, you are on your way.

 

You will probably never be normal again but I consider that a good thing.

 

You will be wiser, more compassionate, and more aware in relationships and life once you get this experience behind you.

 

chew

[KBarletta]

KB,

 

Congrats, great story, you are on your way.

 

You will probably never be normal again but I consider that a good thing.

 

You will be wiser, more compassionate, and more aware in relationships and life once you get this experience behind you.

 

chew

 

Thanks chew - I trust your judgement on this, as I know you have been there. I do look forward to the wisdom that comes from this experience.

 

I am wary of getting hurt again, but honestly I have butterflies in my stomach when I hear from this woman. I haven't had that feeling in more than a decade and never really thought I would have it again, to be honest.

[Lion Heart]

Thanks chew - I trust your judgement on this, as I know you have been there. I do look forward to the wisdom that comes from this experience.

 

I am wary of getting hurt again, but honestly I have butterflies in my stomach when I hear from this woman. I haven't had that feeling in more than a decade and never really thought I would have it again, to be honest.

 

 

 

KB

 

 

Not sure if you know. This will be my THIRD divorce. Such a horrible thing for one who thought M was for life. I did. It WAS so sad - past tense.

 

 

I was happy to read about your butterflies! That is such an awesome feeling.

 

 

This M got to the lowest point imaginable a few months ago. Then worse than the lowest point after THAT! I went against ALL My values to offer Reconciliation to a mad man!

 

 

A couple of months ago the many beautiful PMs I received upon my return to LS were SO uplifting. SO caring. Seriously KB THIS Place saved my life in many ways.

 

 

A very lovely LS member who had cared so much when WH didn't or "couldn't" as he coined it, showed far more empathy and understanding than the man I had shared 16 years with AND 6 children!

 

 

And this LS Man still does. I get far more than butterflies! It appears I have grounds to date my separation from my D Day! and hopefully D will arrive on my D Day. And I will tell you KB. This Dec 15 will be a gift to both me and the beautiful Man I met here.

 

 

Even though he lives thousands of miles across oceans, he is so happy to be finally meeting me face to face after Christmas. It feels good, right and about time for both of us!

 

 

I am not nervous. I am excited. I am welcoming this next phase of my life with the most tremendous awe accessible to me. It feels like a very loving relationship and we will know so much more when we meet. Our happiness levels have sky rocketed in the past few weeks and after living in a drought of no intimacy for over a decade. It appears this man matches me in more ways than I could ever have imagined.

 

 

I have his past posts here at least to know him, which I had read anyhow.

Now he talks with me daily and sometimes more.

 

 

KB I am blessed and I hope for the same happiness for you.

 

 

Lion Heart

[KBarletta]

So happy for you, LH. That is wonderful to hear.

 

Truth is, it is a little disconcerting to have such strong feelings for someone I have only met once, for two hours, and really only communicated regularly with for a few weeks. And the feelings are stronger than those I had for my wife. But the big difference is in how we are connecting. It is a friendship, first and foremost. I feel like I can (and do) tell her anything, and there is no judgement. It's an emotional connection based on a shared sense of humor, values, experiences, etc. Also an important point: There is and has been nothing sexual about this so far, and honestly that is exactly the way I like it right now. I would feel uncomfortable otherwise and would not be nearly as open.

 

That being said, I have come to two major realizations in recent days:

 

1. Right now, I feel like what she brings to my life makes me feel whole again, and even if nothing else ever comes of this, meeting her was one of the best things that ever happened to me and she may well be the love of my life. I know that probably sounds crazy to many of my LS friends, because it sounds crazy to me even as I type it, but still true. What this woman brings to my life has made me feel different than anyone ever has before. And I've been around a while and been with my share of women. I am not sure if the reason is because of my situation, or her, or me, or a combination of all of it. But I like her to the point of distraction (again, however, 99 percent NOT sexually), and I haven't felt that way since junior high school for god's sake. I have a hard time concentrating, similar to the feeling I had when my wife left, only exciting and hopeful rather than sad and depressing.

 

 

2. I also am realizing that IF this kind of connection is what my wife felt was missing from our marriage, and IF she has found this connection with someone else, how can I really be angry or hurt by her decision to leave? I have been thinking lately: WHAT IF this woman came along a year ago, two years ago, when I was happily married? Would I have felt the same? Would I have acted on it? Would we have even spoken for more than a moment? I have always been a fan of stories that explore those questions of what would have happened if I had been a minute late, or had made a right turn instead of a left turn in that situation? I honestly don't know how I would have reacted had this happened while I was with my wife (or even IF it still would have happened the same way.)

[chew123]

KB,

 

I believe i have some insight to number 2. I am spending quite a bit of time with a woman I met shortly after my wife left me. I feel quite connected with her as well. Have kept things light as I am still recovering and she is working through some stuff as well. I do however understand the connection you mention. I am incredibly comfortable with her and really do enjoy her company. We are both kind of waiting for all the dust to settle I think.

 

The thing is I realized that I had met her twice before over the past 5 years while I was still married. I barely remember those meetings and we spent a decent amount of time talking. I had no romantic interest in her at all. Third time I met her I was divorcing ant thought she was a lot more interesting and attractive. She told me she was always attracted to me , however I was married so obviously a no go. She also told me she really liked the fact that I basically ignored her sexuality while I was with my wife. It showed that I was faithful and committed.

 

I would not let your ex off the hook that easy. i believe if you are in a loving relationship with your spouse you don't open yourself up to new people. It is only when you are single that you can meet a new person and click so well as you did with the new girl.

 

You can however thank your wife for freeing you. At least now you are open to meeting new people and this new woman sounds great.

 

2016 is going to be a great year!!!

[KBarletta]

KB,

 

I believe i have some insight to number 2. I am spending quite a bit of time with a woman I met shortly after my wife left me. I feel quite connected with her as well. Have kept things light as I am still recovering and she is working through some stuff as well. I do however understand the connection you mention. I am incredibly comfortable with her and really do enjoy her company. We are both kind of waiting for all the dust to settle I think.

 

The thing is I realized that I had met her twice before over the past 5 years while I was still married. I barely remember those meetings and we spent a decent amount of time talking. I had no romantic interest in her at all. Third time I met her I was divorcing ant thought she was a lot more interesting and attractive. She told me she was always attracted to me , however I was married so obviously a no go. She also told me she really liked the fact that I basically ignored her sexuality while I was with my wife. It showed that I was faithful and committed.

 

I would not let your ex off the hook that easy. i believe if you are in a loving relationship with your spouse you don't open yourself up to new people. It is only when you are single that you can meet a new person and click so well as you did with the new girl.

 

You can however thank your wife for freeing you. At least now you are open to meeting new people and this new woman sounds great.

 

2016 is going to be a great year!!!

 

 

You make a good point, chew. I really never felt any interest in other women while I was married, even when I met amazing ones. And I also didn't really feel and interest even after my wife left, that is until I met this woman a few weeks ago. I TRIED to force things to happen early on in our separation, out of desperation, but that was obviously the wrong approach. Then I was resigned to being alone for a long time, until this woman fell out of the sky, literally, and into my life.

 

I hope you are right about 2016 being a great year. I feel far better as this year closes than I did a year ago, that's for sure.

 

My one worry is that I get a little too anxious in between our interactions. I need to find a distraction from my distraction.

[Lion Heart]

KB I feel the same way towards other men when I'm M or in a committed R. I just don't notice them! So for us peeps like that M and fidelity is easy. Safe feeling for our spouses!

 

I was merely friends with the man I'm "with" like any other man or woman here PMg me. That was for MONTHS! 9 maybe? IDK.

We had SO MUCH in common, it was disconcerting to a point. But never sexual. Certainly on mention of D, he came alot closer. It's a very hot R and we've spent hours on the phone each day. He is still FAR more responsive to my needs than this WH. We definitely DID click and now we're meeting.

 

IDK have you suggested meeting again with your lady? ?

 

Maybe it's time.

 

 

Xxx LH

[KBarletta]

KB I feel the same way towards other men when I'm M or in a committed R. I just don't notice them! So for us peeps like that M and fidelity is easy. Safe feeling for our spouses!

 

I was merely friends with the man I'm "with" like any other man or woman here PMg me. That was for MONTHS! 9 maybe? IDK.

We had SO MUCH in common, it was disconcerting to a point. But never sexual. Certainly on mention of D, he came alot closer. It's a very hot R and we've spent hours on the phone each day. He is still FAR more responsive to my needs than this WH. We definitely DID click and now we're meeting.

 

IDK have you suggested meeting again with your lady? ?

 

Maybe it's time.

 

 

Xxx LH

 

 

Hello again LH.

 

Yes, we have discussed meeting again. In fact, she was the one to suggest it, early on in our correspondence, but the time/location wasn't going to work for me. It will definitely happen at some point. Rarely a day goes by where one of us doesn't at least allude to the idea of being in the same place some time soon.

 

And, like you, the connection that I feel here is 99.9 percent not physical. She is beautiful, yes, in fact far more beautiful than my WAW. But that isn't at all what this is about. And - in fact - I think that is one reason why this works better from a distance right now.

 

If we were in the same town, I am sure that by now things would have gotten physical in some way and the entire dynamic of the relationship would be different. Instead, with that not an option, this is entirely based on our personalities clicking, us being there for each other, sharing common interests, thoughts, feelings, making the other laugh (a lot) and feel wanted and needed and supported, etc., etc. It's exactly what I think I need in my life at this point in time.

 

I have friends who ask me questions about things like phone sex and sexting, etc., things that people in LDRs do regularly, and none of it interests me. Maybe IF one day we meet up and have that physical chemistry and things go in that direction, it would be a natural outgrowth of that, but for now I am perfectly content with where things are. And having her to say goodnight to at the end of a long day is just what the doctor ordered. For now.

 

KTB

[chew123]

Phone sex and texting. I really don't get that myself. My companion is local and when I first met her she would do a lot of flirty texting when I was away on business. Really not my thing so it stopped pretty quick.

 

I think you are doing the absolute right thing by not rushing to meet her. Though I think I am getting almost ready to actually date, not quite there yet. But its nice to have someone to chat with about my day, good morning/goodnight etc.

 

Our friends are always nudging us to be closer but we are both happy the way things are. No need to rush things, if not completely healed from our "trauma" it just won't work out. Better to wait then blow something good because we rushed things.

 

And yes 2016 is going to be a great year.