i cracked and gave him too much

[irresolute]

I feel really sorry for you. You have no self esteem at all. You need to start taking care of yourself, starting by ypur physical appearance. If he is a 10 but lacks self confidence, you are admitting he is with you because he is not confident enough to find a better woman, a woman that is a 10 like him.

 

Find a doctor and try to start some fitness, eat healthy and put some make up on. And go see a counselor.

 

Im having this image of you very overweight and neglected, probably watching tv and thinking how to chase this man all day long. Please take care of yourself. The way you write is a mirror of who you are, as well.

[irresolute]

Did you see him on cam or something? I have this strange feeling he has been duping you with fake pics of himself...otherwise I just don't understand this whole situation.

 

Im editing this to add that I've been searching your threads and some are very disturbing and confusing, you asking for prayers for the most unusual situations... I also found this that I'm posting here so you can recall. Your situation is blurry and I guess you have some things you can't tell here. Am I right?

 

Sorry i cannot paste the link. You were cursing about meeting him online and him playing with you. It was really sad.

Edited November 4, 2014 by irresolute

[IfiKnewThen]

yikes to all of the above.

 

this is uncomfortable because i am a most humbled person.

im very good looking. its why a younger person will hit on me and tell me age doesnt matter when they hear we have a difference. and i have a great personality.

 

he thinks im a 10. ok most people tell me that. i mean....he really flipped when he saw me. yikes this is weird but damit im pretty. lol.

 

and no im not overweight in the least. im 140 lbs and 5' 3. omg this is weird. but im trying to help u see the true picture here.

 

his photos are real timed etc. all of ...our photos dated...etc. this is NOT a ruse.

 

i do have confidence in me. did i think wow this is the biggest age difference for me yet. yes. he has seen pics of me without make up. i not big on make up i wear just the right amount and he was blown away. he stared everyday at those pics. good taste....normal...conservative pictures. i never once sent him a pic of myself in a revealing manner. he would have to come meet me and work for that. sorry for him. anyway. youre right about 1 thing only....i am now insecure. i feel i lost him with my foolishness of not telling him he was bugging me with his temper issues and wee bit selfishness. and my own fears of watching too much tv. (dont ask) i was under stress and thought wow what if he acts like this in person...but hes cool.

Edited November 4, 2014 by IfiKnewThen

[IfiKnewThen]

if u want to talk private. who knows. might be helpful. but yeah hes telling the truth of who he is. you can try to pm me. i might have to make room tho

[IfiKnewThen]

i was very happy with zah's advise and 1 other person wrote something very helpful. and im taking it from there

[irresolute]

I'm sorry if I sounded hurtful. Reality is, its all extremely weird.

My advice is to let him go. He is not that into you. Even though he might think you are gorgeous, he us just not that into you. Probably its your disability then. Or maybe he has some kind of psychological issue that prevents him from meeting you. If he has no drivers license he might be 17 year old or less....right?

 

I dont know, either way, please move on and if you really need a man, find one that can visit you.

[IfiKnewThen]

hes a grown man in his early 30's.

 

and yes hes probably not that into me now. but its because i told him i didnt love him...when i do

\and because i told him i thought the age was an obstacle. so he feels he cant overcome that. so went on a date.

 

i love and miss him in my life. and ty for responding. youre not sounding hurtful. im just hurting period. you are trying to piece it all together and be helpful and im blessed u are all trying to help and even responded to all the text. so thank u from the bottom of my heart.

[IfiKnewThen]

ps he doesnt care about my disability he even thinks its cute. (wow this has got to sound weird but its true) its a hearing thingy ear disorder. dizzy and noise sensitivity,

 

he just wants to be loved and to love

[IfiKnewThen]

i am so upset with myself. he was not contacting me and i didnt know where i stood. and i needed to hear from him. the rq back story...i broke off with him in great error then wanted to explain and fix it somehow, and go back with him. (if and when hes ready of course) i finally got him to call me after like 16 days. when he called i didnt want to inundated him with questions about his life over the past few weeks or ask him how he felt about me. (what a jerk i was...now i wish i had asked him this)

 

my hope was just to undo what i did somehow and let him know he was loved. and focus on giving him and showing him love. i think i did great in that department. no begging..crying...asking to be with him BUT heres where i made a BIG mistake and for the record im not going to elaborate on it.

 

as i was professing the true love i have in my heart, we are LDR and on the phone.. it started getting intimate. i didnt make it that way..but..he told me his body was reacting to my words. my words were simple and loving not sexual btw. i was saying i love you, i wish we could hold each other ...how nice the silence even was..just knowing he was there. and i told him i was much happier when he was in my life etc. but it did get...intense. some crazy how.

 

i did not get anything in the way of loving words from him however. it was quiet listening. he wasnt angry...or didnt say anything bad..but there was no hearing anything of affection like i love you too. i didnt expect it in the respect that i broke if off and hurt his heart. and he might be dating or have an interest in someone . i dont know. no clue. but the history of his affection is usually hes forgiving and loving back and we can come together again. but this was the longest we had been apart...and he seemed changed by my ever saying i didnt love him. ugh i want to kick myself as i type this for ever making him think for a minute i didnt love him. but he always said i love u. or was tender. but i can see where it wouldnt just come down to that now...however...since the thing of breaking up with him. i never broke it off b4. we were together 3 years. i think i shocked him.

 

anyway he took my affection in and returned none. i did start this. somehow i must have come off..alluring. but i didnt mean to at all. it was all about the very love i hold in my heart and telling him i appreciated him..etc. i feel like i set myself up for him not trying to "win" me over and even tho we are long distance...i feel i was overly affection/intimate and it was not the appropriate time. but he was in this dance with me..so to speak.... this moment in time.

 

then he said i will call you back and hasnt since my professing yesterday afternoon. this is the most horrible feeling at a time when i am sooo destroyed already. i dont know how to change the image in his eyes. i dont know what hes tinking of me now.

i can tell u this. i wasnt acting all sexy. i was speaking love only. and how i loved his name and missed him in general. but i think it drove him to take that all in and it was probably awkward.

 

my intent was to only speak of love in my heart. but i know a man really wants u to stand ur ground...you can love him but tell him what you need too. i didnt do this ...so he got my love free reign. sighs.

 

it was an emotional build up on my part of wanting so bad, for him to know, i didnt mean to break if off and i did love him dearly and wanted to repair it by me telling the truth of it and how i made a mistake. but seems it backfired OR he just so not into me now, and maybe has some feelings for someone else or a different kind of life. i dint know because stupid me didnt ask. i feel i majorly blew the attraction and getting him to chase me again in terms of earning my love.

 

but i felt why would he chase me. i ended it and he tried that for a month almost. and so i felt i had to put myself out there for him. but im still a women and i think a man doesnt mind being told hes loved...but still make him earn u.

 

what can he possibly be thinking of me now? since it got kinda intimate on both parts. that he would say he would call back and hasnt at all. or what is he probably thinking of himself that he allowed himself to be more intimate with me but not speak of anything loving?

 

(because thats not him..he will speak of love or say something kind)

 

if there is someone in his life ..i want to be the one he sees as higher standard and the one who loves him. but what kind of image does he have of me now i wonder?

 

what im trying to say is for years he placed me on a pedestal. he asked me to marry him. he told everyone about me and said your the kind of femalel i want to marry.

 

and now i feel like i look different to him or maybe someone else just looks so much better. what would u guess he thinks of me at this point. i want the old attraction he had. and to have faith i can i still that person. ...if he thinks im not the same somehow. how do i get him to remember who i am . i just practically throw my self at him in a soft way. i did say can we repair this at one point and he did say yeah maybe. but that was before..we let it go a bit far. . now no calls what is he thinking?

Edited November 6, 2014 by IfiKnewThen

[justwhoiam]

Can you summarize your question in a couple of lines? I don't understand what you're asking for now.

 

You finally talked to him. You've been praying to have a last contact with him. You had it. Then it got intense and intimate, so did you have cyber sex on the phone?

 

It just looks like whenever you talk to him you totally lose control of your own person. He could do whatever, and you'd be fine with him, as long as you don't lose him. So I think this is very bad, negative, unhealthy. Shows no self-respect for yourself. And if a guy doesn't respect you, what's left? Are you OK with just having him around no matter what? Obviously not, because now you regret being the way you are with him.

 

My ultimate suggestion: stop thinking of him. Start thinking of your son and how to make something special for him.

[Zahara]

OP, I am not trying to minimize what you feel nor am I trying to be flippant but you really need to start removing yourself from this emotional fog you are in. It sounds like a love sick romance novel.

 

Wake up, buck up and start thinking.

 

You said this guy is in his 30s -- the math would then sum up you being in your 50's judging by the 18 year difference. It's time you start taking charge of your life and focusing on your son. Lamenting and writing love stories about some 30 something you never met for 3 years is taking away from you focusing on your life, doing what you need to do to make it better, counselling yourself out of the dependence you have on your disability, using it as a crutch to stay connected to someone on a computer screen/phone line for the past 3 years.

 

Do you really take the words of a man in his 30s that hasn't met you in 3 years seriously? He wants to marry you? Does that sound realistic to you? It doesn't. It's words over a phone. It's words over a computer. Action, not words. Any man that was serious about you would have bridged that gap by now. And any man who is able bodied and is able to work, would have saved his pennies to come to you. And if he struggles with all these emotional issues, do you even wonder how he would actually behave and function in a relationship with you if you two were together? Think. Be realistic. He wants to marry you? He can't even find the money to see you.

 

You fail to focus rationally but allow your emotions to drown you. You're so dependent on the attention and being loved that you will settle for anything and cling to it for dear life. Your call with him was sad because I could hear you practically trying to beg a reaction out of him. Trying to bathe him in love hoping that he may reciprocate. Stop it. Enough.

 

This was never going anywhere.

[IfiKnewThen]

ok ty guys for responding. 1st off i dont know why so much here is getting lost in the translation.

 

let me clear things up again.

 

1) i dont have a son (i dont even know where u guys got that notion)

 

2) we had a very real relationship for 3 years. we started off as friend. we GAME together. so at first there wasnt the notion to meet. i helped him as i could from my disadvantage point with his depression he suffers from. by the time it got romantic for us...we made plans. things did come up, so our plans didnt come to fruition yet.

 

3) he didnt want to marry a person he didnt meet but the objective was marriage for us both.

 

4) his best friend could tell anyone here. what im saying is true. even he was frustrated with his highs and lows, that went untreated...except for his smoking pot. i dont smoke pot. he thinks he needs it. but the point is we both have disabilities. mine is physical. we kinda were with each other during this economy crash's height. money was a factor too.

 

5) i hear what you are all saying. i appreciate ur take on things. thats why im here. : ). but i started a new post to get a broader take on the situation on LS and they keep consolidating everything i write into one post. now this post's title doesnt even make sense and ppl have to read all this text to get to what i was asking currently. its all been glumpt together.

 

6) everyone is forgetting. i broke his heart. i ended it. i tried to focus on 'other areas of my life. but i feel i made a grave mistake. we came this far and should meet. and i do love him and i had erroneously convinced him otherwise. so i felt i was the one ...as the dumper...to get back on track with him. and i felt it was up to meee to be the one to open up and profess my love to him. was it not?

 

7) but now he hasnt called back. i am sad. i feel like an idiot yes. im not sorry i told him i love him ..but i am sorry for other things. i was really hurting when he finally called. and now i wonder if hes not called yet because hes thinking things over since he went from thinking i didnt care to actually caring very much. OR hes just done and doesnt give a damn. thats the take i wanted from u all. since hes not called back yet. thank u

Edited November 7, 2014 by IfiKnewThen

[Zahara]

1) i dont have a son (i dont even know where u guys got that notion)

 

For some reason I thought you mentioned you had a child. I probably confused you with someone else. I apologize.

 

2) we had a very real relationship for 3 years. we started off as friend. we GAME together. so at first there wasnt the notion to meet. i helped him as i could from my disadvantage point with his depression he suffers from. by the time it got romantic for us...we made plans. things did come up, so our plans didnt come to fruition yet.

 

You had a virtual relationship. A relationship that wasn't built with any foundation other than talking on the phone and playing video games. You fostered a connection over the phone, rather than what becomes of a relationship when two people court, date, make commitments, build trust in each other, share their life together, be a part of each other's families, go on vacations, physically comfort each other when in bad times, bond through intimacy and physical connection, wake up together and face the day, conflict and problem solve together -- real life day to day. What you had was an image you created over technology. Granted you developed emotions, but at the end of the day it doesn't carry enough or any substance to allow it to sustain itself.

 

3) he didnt want to marry a person he didnt meet but the objective was marriage for us both.

 

No, you said, "He asked me to marry him."

 

ASS BACKWARDS. You meet, court, date long term and decide if you want to marry someone. You decide if you both can go the distance and then you think about marriage. In what insane world do you have the objective of marrying someone or ask someone to marry you when you've never even met them before.

 

4) his best friend could tell anyone here. what im saying is true. even he was frustrated with his highs and lows, that went untreated...expect for his smoking pot. i dont smoke pot. he things he needs it. but the point is we both has disabilities. mine is physical. we kinda were with each other during this economy crash's height. money was a factor too.

 

Yes, you both use each other as emotional crutches. There is no healthy love but emotional unhealthiness and dependence. You both have issues that disable you from living life. Instead of doing something about it, you both cling to each other and enable those issues.

 

5) i hear what you are all saying. i appreciate ur take on things. thats why im here. : ). but i started a new post to get a broader take on the situation on LS and they keep consolidating everything i write into one post. now this post's title doesnt even make sense and ppl have to read all this text to get to what i was asking currently.

 

There is no broader take. You want to hear what you want to hear and when you don't hear it, you create thread after thread. This obssesive dwelling in your emotions. It makes sense to all of us so no matter how many times you retype, reword, retell the story, the advice is always going to be unanimous. Move on with your life and stop clinging to a man that you have never met for 3 years and one that is riddled with emotional and mental issues.

 

6) everyone is forgetting. i broke his heart. i ended it.

 

It's the best thing you could have done for yourself.

 

7) but now he hasnt called back. i am sad. i feel like an idiot yes. im not sorry i told him i love him ..but i am sorry for other things. i was really hurting when he finally called. and now i wonder if hes not called yet because hes thinking things over since he went from thinking i didnt care to actually caring very much. OR hes just done and doesnt give a damn. thats the take i wanted from u all. thank u

 

He has probably checked out. No one is going to stay connected to someone for 3 years of their life, especially a 30 something hot blooded male that knows he can have a woman sustain him emotionallly, physically and financially. I'm not sure what you were expecting from this.

Edited November 7, 2014 by Zahara

[justwhoiam]

1) i dont have a son (i dont even know where u guys got that notion)

For some reason I thought you mentioned you had a child. I probably confused you with someone else.

Oh no, you didn't. See below.

 

Under the thread:

i need to talk to him somehow

 

i have a child, who is older now of course with medical issues and thats why i didnt move.

 

2) we had a very real relationship for 3 years.

A virtual relationship. Not real. Sorry.

 

3) he didnt want to marry a person he didnt meet but the objective was marriage for us both.

Good enough reason not to meet... ehm.

 

i hear what you are all saying. i appreciate ur take on things. thats why im here. : ). but i started a new post to get a broader take on the situation on LS and they keep consolidating everything i write into one post. now this post's title doesnt even make sense and ppl have to read all this text to get to what i was asking currently. its all been glumpt together.

I think it means: you don't have to try to get attention like this. You don't need to open a new thread every day to talk about him, to say what you do or don't think, what you do or don't hope for, what he did or didn't do.

 

hes just done and doesnt give a damn. thats the take i wanted from u all. since hes not called back yet. thank u

Ok. Maybe you finally got it.

[IfiKnewThen]

u know i thought i was in a LDR chat. sometimes LDR take time to get off the ground and physically meet. but i feel its sooo soo narrow minded to think thing you have to do all kinds of things to have a "real relationship". people have real relationships in prisons that love etc. ( and no ive never been in prison lol) but i can imagine and i can feel what other feel. i have great empathy for people and situation. its why i can write poetry on situation i havent been in because i can step back and fathom it. not everyone has the ability to do that i see.

 

i had a home care worker one. she didnt stay here long. a few months during the onset of my disability. she made rounds with people. but she called me for years and we never saw each other ..just asking how i was. checking up. she didnt have to do this of course and i was so touched by her considerate heart. i didnt know her from adam. she was so much older than me. different generation. anyway...bottom line. when i got stronger and because ambulatory again. i heard she was sick in a nursing home. i was so sad and went to visit her. i remember how she prayed for me and how she cared for my well being. i took her out in her wheel chair so she could get fresh air. got her food she said she liked. made her laugh. brought her flowers. prayed for her and with her. when she finally passed i was crushed. i read a memorial at her funeral. we had a special bond though we knew nothing of the other. i cant quite explain this to u.

 

he and i have or had a bond. very real. very loving and we loved from afar from our disadvantage point. we loved in spirit and heart and interaction as we could from our disadvantage point more than most do in person. who had dinners together and pass each other up and dont even bother to look in each others eyes. you can relegate it to whatever you want b/c you obviously have no comprehension of a relationship like this. and how these relationship can culminate to meeting...marrying etc. it happens everyday. some take longer to come together than others.

 

yes he asked me to marry him but said...we wanted to meet. ofc he wanted to meet...so did i ...sighs. i had to literally beg him not to tatoo my name around his marriage finger because its permanent and i wanted to meet him first. but i loved him no less. and i know he felt the same.

 

none of that is even a question in my mind. or the question i presented. nope. not a bit. my question was...because i HURT him. i ended it with him, and made a mistake when i was in a dark place myself during a few months aND now i am coming back...though i never really left... as the dumper who wants to make up for things and make him realize he is wanted and loved by me.... does anyone guess hes might be thinking on not to call and needs time...or is he just done and doesnt likely care anymore and has lost feelings for me. he did try hard to get me back for like a month. we were still in constant contact daily.

 

i do have a daughter. shes grown and independent. has medical issues i was focusing on too. but she ok and has her life. i hope this cleared things up.

 

also i do want a broad out look and not myopic. so many of my posts where consolidated. i had it on break-ups they put it here. coping. and since it got moved. and there is so much verbiage i cant seem to get more opinions. i dont "want" to here anything special. but i cant seem to make a few here realize LDR and not meeting is still serious business. i cant see God and i have a relationship with him. for me its narrow minded of anyone to relegate this as electronic connection or whatever. i only wanted to know...if anyone could GUESS if hes wanting to give it more time till he talks to me. or hes not calling now because hes moved on . whats the GUESS. im gonna eventually call and ask outright. and i know odds are not good. you dont have to remind me hes young and has to have a life...etc. i have said this to him too. but i feel sorry i did because i love him and i dont want to have the hangs ups some of society might have.

[IfiKnewThen]

@just... Originally Posted by IfiKnewThen View Post

i have a child, who is older now of course with medical issues and thats why i didnt move.

 

ok sorry the son thing thru me off . thought u were def. looking at another post.

[IfiKnewThen]

ugh im sick of all the typos and the edit timer doesnt give much time to edit so lots of typing errors there. i dont think certain people can help if there is such myopic thinking about at LDR to begin with. if anyone can relate to loving someone from afar and it be real on both ends. please PM me. : )

 

im not caring about the advise being good or bad. but people who cant imagine love being real like this and just answer the one question i had...makes its it difficult. i think if you said yeah..that must hurt like hell. love hurts and i think hes stepping back since u hurt him and or i think he so done with u its looks liek the end of the road for him. lol i get that. but if you cant relate on any level on even understanding this love we shared. ur not getting it or us. sorry

[justwhoiam]

i do have a daughter. shes grown and independent.

Then you shouldn't say you have a child. It was your reason not to move 2 years ago, and now suddenly she's grown and independent. Come on. Do you realize that in every post you write something that doesn't add up?

[IfiKnewThen]

and this is why i hate typing. when i play the video game we get an a talk chat because you dont make mistakes and typos. i see what i wrote but didnt mean to say 'child' . she is however my one and only child. if your a mom even with an adult child...you say that sometimes because they are ur child still. but i dont want to digress on petty typos. its way too exhausting

 

i feel challenged. my head reels from dizziness and brain fog and ringing in the ears. its like meneires. anyway im done explaining little details.

 

my story does add up. it is what it is. it is the truth of things. there's nothing to say: " ahhhh haaa" about here lol. there is no "hidden" agenda. sighs. its about ....is he not calling likely because hes not interested anymore. or because i hurt him and he's likely being cautious. taking his time. i would love the mercy of 1 person to just answer their best guess on that question.

 

thats all...

Edited November 7, 2014 by IfiKnewThen

[justwhoiam]

Yeah, but no matter how many people answer your threads/posts, you still want more and more....... You're not happy with what you're reading. See?

 

Anyway, have you thought that maybe all the gaming online is not doing you any good? You think it's giving you some relief on the spur of the moment, but then it leaves you unhappy. Maybe you can't see that far. Or maybe you can.

[Zahara]

i dont think certain people can help if there is such myopic thinking about at LDR to begin with. if anyone can relate to loving someone from afar and it be real on both ends. please PM me. : )

 

The only one myopic is you. Yes, some LDRs work and that comes with a lot of work, effort and commitment. You can love someone from afar, but at some point it becomes fruitless when the object of your affection is still at a distance after 3 years. Really, you have nothing to show for.

 

but if you cant relate on any level on even understanding this love we shared. ur not getting it or us. sorry

 

As I said before, I'm not questioning your feelings but I'm questioning the reality of this ever becoming anything real.

 

You're going to post and post until someone tells you what you want to hear.

 

I don't think I can be of help to your threads anymore. Honestly, I believe there is an emotional block that no one can get through. It would be one thing if you were seeing the rationale and have some sense of it at least even through that emotional fog, but it almost seems like most of us are talking to a brick wall. You take nothing in. Going in circles.

 

Good luck to you.

Edited November 7, 2014 by Zahara

[rester]

ok ty guys for responding. 1st off i dont know why so much here is getting lost in the translation.

 

 

OP, I have trouble comprehending your posts because of the punctuation and lack of capitalization as well as random abbreviations. They are difficult to read so I have only been able to skim them.

 

But from what I gather, you've had a 3 year long phone and gaming relationship with a guy whom you've never met. You dumped him and now want him back, but he won't respond to you and it's been a few weeks.

 

Obviously you are hurting but at this point I believe any hope of a future with this man is gone. The faster you can accept this the better off you will be.

[IfiKnewThen]

thank u all for responding. rester zaha & just

 

@ zah i didnt wan to know if was gonna all work out or what the odds were.

and i already know his silence speaks volumns. i dont want different answers. i wanted the direct answer to the question posed. that did anyone think...he was quiet now to mull it over and doesnt want to get hurt. or hes quiet because he made an exit. a or b.

 

but i can only GUESS by what you wrote it B.

 

@ rester. yeah its not looking good

 

@ just. i love my game. and he and i dont game anymore havent for a long time. we were on the phone all day long tho. near 24/7 even when he was on the job. so i miss him dearly. huge hole in my heart. i will be playing my game...and i have a life..but im not happy with it..without him in it. i dont know why that seems so hard to understand

[justwhoiam]

it almost seems like most of us are talking to a brick wall.

I couldn't have said it better. I would take out the "almost" maybe.

[Noproblem]

You can only remain friends

 

You truly love him as a friend, you miss your friend and companion.

 

I am sorry for your sadness and your loss.

 

 

I read you have a disability

 

But you should not let this disable you from living

 

 

You should go to meet up, meet other people

 

disable and not disable people

 

Meet people and make friendships

 

You can't drive, but I am sure you have family

 

ask them to take you out

 

 

Long distance relationships are fantasy dreams

 

They end eventually!

 

With your streess and his bi polar and all your other differences

 

your relationship might never work

 

He does not have a disability, he is younger than you

he now met another girl, he'll fall in love

 

You will be devastated, and grieve even more

 

 

Don't make this guy you only reason to live

 

You can't hold a job, but you can live outside your room

 

Go out and try to live

 

There are many people who be your friends, who will support you, and love you with or without a disability

 

The more you stay at home, the more insane you will get