Slept in his bed, he did nothing? Is he just not interested?

[LifeandPerseverance]

Ask him and have fun.

Texted him and invited him. He just replied: "That sounds cool! I'm in for sure, what time is the game?"

 

 

I'm pleasantly surprised. If he was freaked out by me/avoiding me/awkward because of the "compliment text"..he would have said no, right?

[somedude81]

Texted him and invited him. He just replied: "That sounds cool! I'm in for sure, what time is the game?"

 

 

I'm pleasantly surprised. If he was freaked out by me/avoiding me/awkward because of the "compliment text"..he would have said no, right?

 

Of course if he was freaked out he would have said no.

 

It sounds like you're over-thinking this.

 

Have fun at the game.

[heartshaped]

Texted him and invited him. He just replied: "That sounds cool! I'm in for sure, what time is the game?"

 

 

I'm pleasantly surprised. If he was freaked out by me/avoiding me/awkward because of the "compliment text"..he would have said no, right?

 

Yes, he would have said no if he was freaked out by what you said or avoiding you or awkward about it.

 

I'm not sure if this is a total sign of interest yet, but the fact he isn't a sports fan and said he's for sure in is a good sign he is interested. I'd go to the game and take things from there.

[Leigh 87]

My gut feelingIis that he just isn't interested. .

[dispatch3d]

well I'm surprised he didn't ask you out to a specific thing. Still inviting you down anytime is a pretty big positive as far as I'm concerned. You can easily send him another message asking him to x concert at y time and use a (its a date!) to make sure he understands the intentions.

 

Anyhow I really think this thing falls into two categories:

1. He's not interested but doesn't want to be a dick about not being interested.

2. He is interested but has no game so it's not progressing like its supposed to.

 

and he already said he's good at math not good at girls. I'd definitely try to be clear you want to date him because without that clarified I really think you'll just be in this murky "who-likes-who" territory that nobody likes. Worst case scenario your in category 1 and he'll more than likely be nice about it... again!

 

ps. i'm an engineer! and yeah it's very hard to offend an engineer.

[hotpotato]

It has nothing to do with respect. If a guy likes a girl he's going to have to touch her eventually..the sooner the better. Like others have said, he's either not interested or he's a wuss.

 

Um, no. Sooner is not better. The sooner he makes a move, the more annoying it is. i want someone who wants to get to know me and isn't in a rush to get in my pants. To me that is disrespectful.

 

I really can't relate to the Ops problem. Now i do see why men are advised to make a move fast. However, to many women like myself it is disrespectful.

 

oP, it's nothing for a man to be attracted to a woman. Most men are attracted to most women who aren't too disgusting.He was most likely trying to not offend you.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have known a lot of men that are too nice about their lack of interest to the point of leading someone on. They didn't reject a woman until she spelt it out that she wants to date them. Maybe some enjoyed the ego boost too... Sleeping in his bed, complimenting him repeatedly and now asking him out is more than enough for even the shyest guy to get the hint.

[smackie9]

Maybe his is like the idiot in another thread who thought that holding off sex would make her fall in love with him more. Hey maybe it's him! lol

[LifeandPerseverance]

One other thing--Shortly thereafter he said he would go, he texted me telling me quote, I'd have to tell him how much he "owes me for the ticket". Ummm..Dude I invited you! You owe me nothing!

Is a guy trying to repay you for a ticket a guy's way of MAKING 110% a girl does NOT think this is a date? Because as a woman, that's what I would do, to make sure a guy didn't think something is date-ish.

[RebelWithoutACause]

One other thing--Shortly thereafter he said he would go, he texted me telling me quote, I'd have to tell him how much he "owes me for the ticket". Ummm..Dude I invited you! You owe me nothing!

Is a guy trying to repay you for a ticket a guy's way of MAKING 110% a girl does NOT think this is a date? Because as a woman, that's what I would do, to make sure a guy didn't think something is date-ish.

 

I'm sorry, there's nothing to indicate he's interested in anything more. It all seems a bit dead horse-y at this point. Go to the game with him but don't get your hopes up.

[LifeandPerseverance]

We went. And he kissed me.

I ended up spending the night in that same bed, except, this time he wasn't wrapped in a mummy bag, and actually spooned with me til he fell asleep, and reached for me and did the same thing when he woke up again this morning.

Nothing scandalous happened--he didn't push for it and if he had I would have said no. I simply spent the night because it was really late, snowy and I had a long drive. Does that make me look trashy in a guys' eyes?

 

Turns out...he's only kissed two other girls in his life, and it's FIVE been years. Could that have been the hesitation? He made a comment earlier in the night about he wouldn't kiss someone or go on numerous dates unless he thought he could get serious with that person. Then..4 hours later...This happens. The only things that upset me: He made a comment about not wanting to "open Pandora's box" and when probed couldn't come up with a good explanation, but I think he essentially was saying he's afraid I'll expect this will BE something just because we kissed. SO THAT made me feel like ****. He didn't really say one way or the other.

 

 

The other thing: he wouldn't hold my hand? Last night I kind of reached for it, and he was like, "That is a really big deal for me." And wouldn't do it. Yet he would kiss me...Which he hasn't done in 5 years?

This morning he had to leave for work but before I left he curled up with my again, and he's sitting there comatose and spits out, "Last night was interesting." I said yes and asked if he regretted it. He said quote, "No. Not yet." LIKE WHAT IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSE TO MEAN? And then conveintently/awkwardly repositioned himself and instigated it again, for another hours til we both went, "Oh shoot! Work! What time is it?!" . I did not initiate any kissing. He did.

When I left, he kissed me at the door, and told me quote, "I will talk to you soon. You'll hear from me really soon. Please drive safe." And that was it.

 

 

Thoughts from people older and wiser than I?

Edited November 15, 2014 by LifeandPerseverance

[somedude81]

It has nothing to do with you.

 

The guy simply has issues with women and how he feels about them.

 

It's up to you if you want to deal with it or not.

[spiderowl]

I think I read in a survey that IT guys and software engineers tend to have very traditional values about dating and sex. Whether this is what you experienced or not, I can't say.

 

He was respectful: this is good.

 

He may be a bit hapless with dating and not know what to do or how to progress it, especially if tending towards Aspergers. But, if so, leaping on him would not be the solution, you'd need to take it slowly and built trust, just encourage.

 

Of course, it could be he likes you but not in that way. If he does find you interesting romantically, he will probably try to see you again as soon as possible, as you will be on his mind. If he's casual and doesn't seem bothered if there are long gaps, then he's probably only interested in friendship or may actually be gay or asexual.

[Andy_K]

As I said before, he likes you but has the social skills of a potato.

 

What he means by 'not yet' is that he might get hurt by you. He hasn't kissed a girl for years and all this is a big deal for him. He is going to be TOTALLY infatuated with you as soon as he lets his guard down, and he knows it.

 

He likes you. But you will still have to make the first move every single step of the way. Just give him a LOT of reassurance to get past his insecurities.

 

I was almost as nervous and awkward around girls as this guy at one point. I know what I'm talking about.

[callingyouuu]

As I said before, he likes you but has the social skills of a potato.

 

I was going to type out a longer response until I realized that this basically sums the whole thing up. He's just (almost comically) awkward.

 

It seems like this is a part of who he is, and if you decide to move forward with him, realize that it'll be an uphill battle to overcome his preconceptions/hangups with romantic interaction.

[ascendotum]

I agree with Andy. I think he really likes you and is very guarded about his feelings but is really awkward. Being single for ages is negatively effecting his charm/confidence when it comes to women, but at the same time I can see why he has been single. He's shooting himself in the foot here and is lucky you like him. Lots of women would find his awkwardness a turn off or would have plenty of options that they don't have a lot of tolerance for vagueness like this.

[GildedLily]

We went. And he kissed me.

I ended up spending the night in that same bed, except, this time he wasn't wrapped in a mummy bag, and actually spooned with me til he fell asleep, and reached for me and did the same thing when he woke up again this morning.

Nothing scandalous happened--he didn't push for it and if he had I would have said no. I simply spent the night because it was really late, snowy and I had a long drive. Does that make me look trashy in a guys' eyes?

 

Turns out...he's only kissed two other girls in his life, and it's FIVE been years. Could that have been the hesitation? He made a comment earlier in the night about he wouldn't kiss someone or go on numerous dates unless he thought he could get serious with that person. Then..4 hours later...This happens. The only things that upset me: He made a comment about not wanting to "open Pandora's box" and when probed couldn't come up with a good explanation, but I think he essentially was saying he's afraid I'll expect this will BE something just because we kissed. SO THAT made me feel like ****. He didn't really say one way or the other.

 

 

The other thing: he wouldn't hold my hand? Last night I kind of reached for it, and he was like, "That is a really big deal for me." And wouldn't do it. Yet he would kiss me...Which he hasn't done in 5 years?

This morning he had to leave for work but before I left he curled up with my again, and he's sitting there comatose and spits out, "Last night was interesting." I said yes and asked if he regretted it. He said quote, "No. Not yet." LIKE WHAT IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSE TO MEAN? And then conveintently/awkwardly repositioned himself and instigated it again, for another hours til we both went, "Oh shoot! Work! What time is it?!" . I did not initiate any kissing. He did.

When I left, he kissed me at the door, and told me quote, "I will talk to you soon. You'll hear from me really soon. Please drive safe." And that was it.

 

 

Thoughts from people older and wiser than I?

 

Holy crap this guy has sexual hang ups, proceed with extreme caution, I would be running the other direction. I like to be WANTED not the one doing the wanting.

[LifeandPerseverance]

Great advice and viewpoints from everyone above.

Um, but problem..it's now a day later. And he hasn't texted.

 

 

So..guys..how many days before you can safely say you're NOT going to hear from the guy? What's the guideline? Should I already have heard from him?

 

 

He did say "You'll hear from me soon"/"I'll talk to you soon"...Wouldn't he already have texted me, just to say he had fun with me?

 

 

Should I text him? I feel like I shouldn't be expected to? That he should be the one texting me this time?

[stillafool]

Just relax and wait until he contacts you. Find something else to do so you aren't thinking about this all the time. Why not go out with friends.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Being single for a long time screws your mind up. It did for me. I have gained more confidence because I have more dates and more guys interested in me. And I even dated a guy for 6 months for the first time in 11 years of being single. He didn't seem to mind. He had been single for five years himself. But I think woman can handle being single a lot better than men can. He acted in ways that was similar to that of a teenager. He was awkward and at times wasn't completely aware of what to do. You lose skills, you regain them when you go on more dates and interact more. That is the truth. This guy has a daughter and has been married before. So he has had a serious relationship but not having one for such a long time is like learning how to ride a bike again.

 

This guy probably feels so scared it's not funny. He could be thinking " what does she think of me ( she meaning you)" he's probably trying to be guarded so that YOU don't reject him. He's probably doing all the things he's been told. I found it really hard to be vulnerable after years of not being vulnerable to a man in any capacity. I think this one will be like learning to ride a bike with the training wheels still attached. You may have to be the one that guides and reassures him. But if you're willing to do that and be patient with him than you may have yourself a keeper. Someone that will appreciate you all the more because he's waited so long to have someone special. And being appreciated a lot is never a bad thing! I'd wait for him even if it means helping him learn or re-learn a few things.

 

xoxo

[Assasda]

I told you he was a wuss.

hahaha

I think you could call him if you want to.

3 days is about the appropriate time to wait, after that, dont be expecting a call

[LifeandPerseverance]

It's Tuesday night. And still..No call. No text from him.

This makes today technically day 3. When he told me at the door, after kissing me, that he would "talk to me soon" (a turn of phrase I've never heard him use with me, previous to this), I assumed that meant..YOu know, he'd call or text me. Most likely text.

[anna121]

He's toast.

 

Don't text him. Just don't.

[RockyCruz]

We went. And he kissed me.

I ended up spending the night in that same bed, except, this time he wasn't wrapped in a mummy bag, and actually spooned with me til he fell asleep, and reached for me and did the same thing when he woke up again this morning.

Nothing scandalous happened--he didn't push for it and if he had I would have said no. I simply spent the night because it was really late, snowy and I had a long drive. Does that make me look trashy in a guys' eyes?

 

He has no experience. The man is clueless. He's probably some "nice" scared terrified of making a move and hasn't done so since he a kid at school. No skills in this area.

 

If you did surgery on him and plonked his brain out and plugged it to a brain reader, it will say...

 

"OMG! He's a zombie when it comes to sexcual encounters."

 

Guys like that, it needs a woman to be real direct, like slapping him on face and say, "HEY, I'M INTO YOU, CAN'T YOU BLOODY READ MY SIGNALS! COME ON! HOT SEX RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW!"

 

Even if you walked in half naked, and danced like a sexy kitten, he'll put his hands over his eyes.

 

It's that's simple. He likes you but he hasn't backbone to do sod all.

 

Honour, blah blah. BS.

 

The guy doesn't know what the heck he's doing. He doesn't know how to say he likes you. He's struggling, and his brain is burning up, fuses are blasting away, circuits exploding, trying to figure out where to start, what to do to grab you, throw you in bed and ravage you with Kaboom, Kabaam, Khazing!

 

Get a laptop, put it in front of him and have a message..

 

You and Me Hubba Hubaa as you thrust your pelvis forward and backwards.

 

But don't be surprised if he still don't get it and cries, "MUMMY!"

 

Be...DIRECT. Be so clear with him. Or he'll drive you bonkers with his nice guy. If he was an author writing about romance, having sex will be final chapter, on the LAST PAGE!

 

Be direct. Say it. "I'm interested in you. I like you. Let's go out on a proper date, me and you!"

Edited November 19, 2014 by RockyCruz

[Standard-Fare]

Under any other scenario like this (where a guy kisses you, promises to be in touch, then isn't), I'd say you should definitely NOT text first.

 

But really, this is a legitimately WEIRD case. As others have pointed out, this guy is awkward as all f*ck, has zero game, zero social skills, etc. (And didn't a couple people before suggest that he might have Aspergers?) The point being, you can't treat him like a normal guy or expect him to behave like a normal guy. He's not operating on that level.

 

It's your call if you even want to deal with someone like this. These types of confusions/crossed signals are definitely going to continue. But if you think he might be worth the hassle, then yeah I think you should keep trying -- at least until he crosses your final line of frustration.