Author Seeker12 Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 You can not be friends with someone that you are in love with. At some point she will be dating someone, or you will and you will end up falling out. It's way less painful to move on now than drag this out. If you cant even change status on whatsapp without her asking about it then what are you going to do when you meet other people. You wont ever find the person you are supposed to be with if you are still harboring thoughts for someone you arent supposed to be with. No disrespect, you seem like a nice guy but its painful watching you kill yourself like this because you arent being honest with yourself. Mate, in a sense i get exactly what you are saying, right now i feel okay and good, and thats what i wonder now, what happens if someone walks in my life or vice versa, how would each of us take it, i tell myself i should be fine, i remind myself that she is just a friend so i shouldnt expect much from her. And yes, thats exactly it, it left me thinking, i changed my whatsapp, small thing just updated it to a joke shared by a bunch of guys, but straightaway she asked about it, thats whats eating into me, why, i thought we were moving on, and all these things should be insignificant to eachother unless its relevant, i mean a mate of mine iv known for years iv only just realised changed his whatsapp 3 years ago lol! I know mate, whats your, or anybody elses view? Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 My view is simple. Have you ever been to North Carolina? Well, you need to go there. In North Carolina, there won't be any churning over why she did what for how when and where. Those OH SO MEANINGFUL things to you mean squat to her. Go to North Carolina friend and never come back. North Carolina helps you distinguish meaning from squat. North Carolina. North Carolina. North Carolina. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jackinthebox1 Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 The NC actually has a point. When my 4 yrs ltf broke up a while back i moved countries. I forgot about her. Couldnt contact her if i wanted to and met a plethora of amazing women, once which possibly would have been the love of my life if i didnt F that up sleeping with her friend. Shes now married.... You are telling yourself you are happy with this situation but there is no way you can be or you wouldnt be on here. You HAVE to give it 6 months at least before being friends or you will always be in love with her. You may think you want that but unless a life time of torture suits you well, i dont think you do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Hey how are you? It sounded like you were having a hard time. Sometime the hardest thing is the best thing like NC. Cant even remember what day I am on I did really want to contact him yesterday but there is no point. Its better he doesnt contact me as it would just upset me and confuse me. Not hearing makes it easier to think he is a absolute tool and i deserve better. It is getting better and now I feel ready to face the world of dating again possibly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 Hey guys sorry for the limited responses/replies, i will definitely get back to you, i have alot of uni work on my plate right now, and iv got 2 assessments next week, one tomorrow and one on wednesday, so im trying to pull in the hours to get that done, BUT i will be replying soon, hopefully tonight after im done with my prep/work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 @SycamoreCircle, i am actually considering moving away from the city im living in right now, to study somewhere else, to meet new people, just to get away really for that moment. I dont know if you know yourself, but you made a very poignant point. @Jackinthebox again i agree with the moving, and similarly youre right, i dont want to torture myself, never would i put myself through that crap ever again with anyone. Its dawning on me more and more i think, that even though im ready to take the relationship down a notch, i need to take complete time out to just be me and enjoy me again, gain that independence fully. @lemonsugar!!! I am so sorry iv really been busy with uni work! How are you, i really hope you are coping well, yup im thinking NC may be on the books for me again not to get over the ex, but to find me. The fact he hasnt very openly and obviously tried to contact you does make him a tool and just shows you are better off without him! It is better he stays away and stops messing with your feelings once and for all. Get out there, enjoy yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
lemonsugar Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Whats odd is i cant remember the amount of days any more. At the time i thought my heart was breaking now i think back and just feel relief. NC really does help its like a roller-coaster but the lows seem to be getting less now i hope . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 27, 2014 Author Share Posted November 27, 2014 Whats odd is i cant remember the amount of days any more. At the time i thought my heart was breaking now i think back and just feel relief. NC really does help its like a roller-coaster but the lows seem to be getting less now i hope . Wow thats really interesting, your mental state and how you have completely taken control!! I understand that heartbreak feel, it really is damn hard. Youll start enjoying the ups a whole lot more now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 Update on my situation: iv been flooded with assignments from university so thatll be keeping me busy up until the christmas break, really dont have time to do anything else, or even think of anything else, and its also the main reason i dont have the necessary time to say whats going on, on LS. Second update: Probably the more important one, im still in contact with the ex, now just on a friends basis, we have met a few times, shes very touchy feely like seriously touching my arms, hands, and even went to nearly grab/hold my hand once, all of this obviously puzzled me and i just gave her a shifty look, even then i still remind myself shes just a friend. She does however draw a line, there was a joke she was laughing at, i asked her what, and she very abruptly said, its nothing to do with you lol fair enough! She did message the other day saying she doesnt feel we are on the same page, i said fine if we arent then we should stop speaking, because i dont want to give that impression. She replied saying lets just carry on being friends, i said for how long, because i need to decide whether i want someone with a deadline in my life, she just said until either of us marry and find different people (we arent getting into relationships its strictly a marriage route). Then she got upset.... So there we are, thats how far we have got, and thats as far itll go i guess! I still cant determine what this is doing to my feelings though, thats the issue...i see her as a friend for sure, but im worried that i have an attachment which will resurface once she moves on to someone else, which is what i dont want at all, meaning a resurfacing attachment as il just go through the crap i went through a few months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted December 6, 2014 Author Share Posted December 6, 2014 My diary - Im still busy, will be up until the christmas break just handing in reports, write ups and proposals. In terms of me and my ex, we are on friendship ground, but i dont know how i feel about that, i think il react a lot better the next time i find out theres another marriage proposal but itll still hurt. But i also think i might be afraid of loneliness, not having someone there. Have i managed to become independent or am i really far from it? Bumped into a few girls, but none that i have clicked with, the workloads just kept my mind off a lot of things right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 Hey guys checking in for an update as i went through a period of NC at the same time as some of you guys on here. Well, looks like iv gone completely NC now, and i do think about her, but the hurt, the pain the crying has stopped. Last week i asked for a weekend break, and even though i initiated it, i broke down multiple times over the weekend and realised i still loved/was attached to this girl. Fast forward a week, things get weird, even though we are friends. Shes taking longer to reply, postponing our conversations later, and even staying up later at night. The issues with these things are that they arent her typical behaviours, and i, being with her for 6/7 years would know. So i started piping up, she would say night to me telling me she wants to sleep, but then be on whatsapp for the next hour or so. Like i said i started asking questions, saying hello when she was taking longer to reply, and even asking her why shes on whatsapp if shes trying to sleep? Eventually i confronted her on her change in behaviours, she started calling me needy and possessive etc etc even though the smallest question id ask she would jump into defence mode. In my gut, i had a feeling something was up and theres something she wasnt telling me, so i told her straight, clarify with me why your behaviours changed with me and in general, meaning, why youre staying up later, complaining about sleep etc etc, this was last friday, up until now, she hasnt chosen to do so, and im not feeling it to be honest. She tried to blame my questioning behaviour for her change, but i point blank stated that her change in behaviour was way before i even started piping up about it. Oh well guys, not the way id have liked to cut it off, and i presume i have to an extent pushed her away, but what can i do, just move on to be honest...worst thing is we started 2014 looking to get married, we are now starting 2015 completely shattered, separate and on different paths, and even worse when i see pics of friends from college getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 she started calling me needy and possessive etc etc I'd have to agree with her based on what you've admitted to doing. Stop it. Become a ghost and work on those dependency issues you have. You will ALWAYS be the dumpee if you are needy, possessive, and dependent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) I'd have to agree with her based on what you've admitted to doing. Stop it. Become a ghost and work on those dependency issues you have. You will ALWAYS be the dumpee if you are needy, possessive, and dependent. Yup i told her that she either tells me just whats up or she shouldnt text me, i guess that did it, she replied back, i didnt reply, and so there hasnt been contact for over a week. I think to an extent i did start becoming needy etc. especially after there were changes in the way she was acting. Only thing i hope is that it both hasnt pushed her away and made her think differently of me, should i contact her, give my apologies then disappear? Edited January 1, 2015 by Seeker12 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Went against my own thoughts and thought i wont contact her again, iv stopped checking up on her, even if thats on whatsapp and statuses. Its more dull than anything else, the feelings, i do think about her, but there literally isnt any pain, i know i kind of messed up near the end, giving her the you tell me whats up or dont text me at all statement, but i guess thats what i needed to finally realise i need to move on fully, otherwise il be stuck treating her as if she was still mine, which isnt nice for me, because she will act in ways i wouldnt want her to, and isnt nice for her, because she wont expect me to react in the way i do. Iv done alot of healing the past few months so taking the next step towards complete no contact and cut off isnt that hard. Just need to get off, and work on myself, become the ghost as mentioned, il give it to this girl though, she really did become my all and everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Proper and full NC for over a week now, which is good, been through all the emotions so not too bothered right now. All that still echoes in my head is that i want to advise her, care for her, look after her make sure shes okay and looking after herself, i know its not right but still have this pull. Secondly that contact shouldnt have finished the way it did, that i should apologise for being overbearing and too probing, i guess you can tell that i am still attached to her etc. albeit the attachment waning gradually it still wasnt healthy, need to carry on and soldier through, whats done is done, if she is meant for me she will find her way back to me again, if not, we were never meant to be together forever i guess! Link to post Share on other sites
Lugoj89 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 There was even a time after the breakup where I have fantastic for 2 weeks straight, then I saw something on social media and I haven't been the same since... Keep on pushing. You are not alone and we are all rooting for you. Ahh I know this feeling. It's what i'm going through right now. I was on my angry stage for 2 weeks and barely thought about him. Didn't care to talk about him with anyone. Then he texted me on christmas. I've been depressed ever since. I'm working hard on getting back to my angry stage of not caring as much as I do now. It's not easy and it does come in waves. I go to friends every time i feel down and on here too. Keep going. Don't give up Link to post Share on other sites
Author Seeker12 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 Update - 10 days of full NC, i initiated it albeit on grounds which showed me to be overbearing, needy etc., hitting the stumbling blocks, thinking about her alot more in terms of situations and events that occurred, nothing negative mind you, but im worried about her safety. Ultimately none of this probably matters, i see or saw the friendship/relationship in one way and she the other, it is just as simple as that, and then i messed up, i guess its clear i need to step back and disappear, right now you can say the balls in her court. NC will help me get over it and her im pretty sure about that, i just worry whether she will be safe. Link to post Share on other sites
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