Men: Sad we have to worry about being creepy?

[thefooloftheyear]

As I mentioned in another thread, I was labeled a creep by a woman for walking her to her car in the rain one evening. It was pouring and she didn't have an umbrella. I offered to share mine. I didn't talk to her during the short walk because I was a conference call. Here's the entire conversation:

 

 

Me: Are you in this lot? Want me to walk you to your car?

Her: Sure.

Her: Thank you so much. You're so sweet.

Me: You're welcome, have a good night.

Next Day...

Her (to my company's receptionist while on a smoke break): It was pouring so bad last night. Some creep from your company had to walk me to my car.

 

 

I would love to know what exactly was creepy in this situation.

 

 

I dunno....Here is my take.

 

I wouldnt have offered to do what you did...Never...Not that it isnt a nice gesture, but it means you are going to get in the personal space of a woman that doesnt know you...I would think thats where she got creeped out..

 

Again...Its hard to criticize what you did..It was a nice gesture and obviously there was no bad intent..

 

Ever notice what happens when you are in an elevator alone and a woman gets in??...There is now nothing but you and her in this small space...I always make sure to look straight down and dont talk to her..They sense tension..It never really feels all that comfortable and I am always careful not to make her feel more awkward than she already does...

 

I think sometimes as guys we forget that women are still forced to have some defenses up...I cant relate at all..I mean, I can walk down the street at 2AM and no one will fck with me...For women its not the same..I can understand how they are going to feel like its not always all that comfortable or relaxing to have a strange man in their grill...even under the most timid of conditions...

 

All that said, she was an idiot for calling you a creep...

 

TFY

[Keenly]

The funny thing about posts like this is when I read them, certain women I have known over the years automatically pop into my head and I think about them. Those women haven't exclusively dated guys like that, but they have dated them and/or had flings with them.

 

I guess from a woman's point of view it's hard to pass up a hot guy with SWAG who gets them excited, no matter how much of a d@uche he is.

 

Makes sense I guess. I wouldn't have passed up hot b@tches throwing themselves at me. At least not when I was a young man. Dare to dream.

 

I can't imagine anyone who uses the word swag to be that great of a catch anyway.

 

 

Perhaps I'm biased.

[xxoo]

I dunno....Here is my take.

 

I wouldnt have offered to do what you did...Never...Not that it isnt a nice gesture, but it means you are going to get in the personal space of a woman that doesnt know you...I would think thats where she got creeped out..

 

Again...Its hard to criticize what you did..It was a nice gesture and obviously there was no bad intent..

 

Ever notice what happens when you are in an elevator alone and a woman gets in??...There is now nothing but you and her in this small space...I always make sure to look straight down and dont talk to her..They sense tension..It never really feels all that comfortable and I am always careful not to make her feel more awkward than she already does...

 

I think sometimes as guys we forget that women are still forced to have some defenses up...I cant relate at all..I mean, I can walk down the street at 2AM and no one will fck with me...For women its not the same..I can understand how they are going to feel like its not always all that comfortable or relaxing to have a strange man in their grill...even under the most timid of conditions...

 

All that said, she was an idiot for calling you a creep...

 

TFY

 

This is SO true.

 

And for what it's worth, I'd appreciate the nice umbrella gesture, but would, in fact, feel uncomfortable with a strange man that far into my personal space. I'd probably say no.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Ever notice what happens when you are in an elevator alone and a woman gets in??...There is now nothing but you and her in this small space...I always make sure to look straight down and dont talk to her..They sense tension..It never really feels all that comfortable and I am always careful not to make her feel more awkward than she already does...

 

 

It's only because of the sexual tension.

 

If you are in the elevator and a 65 year old woman gets in and gives you a smile, it's not the same situation.

 

My question is, when does the silly sexual tension end?

 

At age 40, 48, 56 and 4 months? Does it end when you go join AARP?

 

Let me know. Because I'm getting there and I want to know when.

[xxoo]

To be honest, there was no major point. It's just a story to illustrate that a nice, pretty good guy was being called creepy.

 

That's sort of the point, though. A perfectly nice guy who is awkward and misses social cues can easily come across as creepy. It doesn't mean he IS a creep, just that the warning sensors go up. Women have those warning sensors for a very good reason: self-protection. I'd never teach my daughter to ignore hers.

[lino]

I can't imagine anyone who uses the word swag to be that great of a catch anyway.

 

 

Perhaps I'm biased.

 

Agree.

 

Guess this is the world we live in.

[xxoo]

It's only because of the sexual tension.

 

If you are in the elevator and a 65 year old woman gets in and gives you a smile, it's not the same situation.

 

My question is, when does the silly sexual tension end?

 

At age 40, 48, 56 and 4 months? Does it end when you go join AARP?

 

Let me know. Because I'm getting there and I want to know when.

 

No, absolutely not only because of sexual tension. Occasionally, yes. But usually it is awareness of surroundings and being street smart.

[JuneJulySeptember]

That's sort of the point, though. A perfectly nice guy who is awkward and misses social cues can easily come across as creepy. It doesn't mean he IS a creep, just that the warning sensors go up. Women have those warning sensors for a very good reason: self-protection. I'd never teach my daughter to ignore hers.

 

It doesn't matter. There's no way on Earth she would have liked him anyway. I forgot to include that part.

[lino]

That's sort of the point, though. A perfectly nice guy who is awkward and misses social cues can easily come across as creepy. It doesn't mean he IS a creep, just that the warning sensors go up. Women have those warning sensors for a very good reason: self-protection. I'd never teach my daughter to ignore hers.

 

 

And clearly these sensors work well considering the pieces of sh#t a huge amount of women not only get involved with, but stay with long term often being impregnated by such lovely fellows.

[organizedchaos]

irc, as I asked you before, as you are apparently getting a kind of reputation in your circle, don't you think that's worth a little introspection? I see you expend an awful lot of energy here starting threads that express your dissatisfaction with just about everything women do. But after a while that starts to paint a very different picture. This Organizer at that recent event told you something - that the women in your church circle are getting fed up with you. You interpreted that as the women being in a "man-hating" mood. That isn't the most likely explanation, though. Don't you see a disconnect there?

 

What's interesting is how he dodges every mention of this, or any time anyone else calls him out on his obsessive nature over complaining about other people's preferences.

[ufo8mycat]

It's only because of the sexual tension.

 

 

No, it isn't. What TFY has elegantly described is what is often meant by "male privilege" and it is refreshing to see a man understand that a strange man being in the physical space of women can easily feel threatening. Men - generally don't have the same concern and are unlikely to ever experience this unease with women.

 

The downside is, unfortunately that nice gestures are misconstrued. Personally I would not accept and invite to be walked to my car alone in an isolated spot with something I don't know, I would rather take my chances.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I can't imagine anyone who uses the word swag to be that great of a catch anyway.

 

 

Perhaps I'm biased.

 

Agree.

 

Guess this is the world we live in.

 

Hmmm. Not sure what else to call it.

 

But you know it when you see it.

 

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BuaTn_WCQAAlLZB.jpg

[xxoo]

And clearly these sensors work well considering the pieces of sh#t a huge amount of women not only get involved with, but stay with long term often being impregnated by such lovely fellows.

 

Not everyone has as well refined sensors. Mine work great.

[JuneJulySeptember]

No, it isn't. What TFY has elegantly described is what is often meant by "male privilege" and it is refreshing to see a man understand that a strange man being in the physical space of women can easily feel threatening. Men - generally don't have the same concern and are unlikely to ever experience this unease with women.

 

The downside is, unfortunately that nice gestures are misconstrued. Personally I would not accept and invite to be walked to my car alone in an isolated spot with something I don't know, I would rather take my chances.

 

Yes. All men understand that. The only problem is men have to approach women too. So, you pick a side and lean to it.

 

And it depends on the woman. Some woman is out there right now saying, "God, this cute guy in the elevator I got into just stared at the ground. If he had talked to me and asked me out, I'd have jumped his bones." Ooops. That one got away.

 

You think Mr. Swag gets into elevators and stares at the floor?

 

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BuaTn_WCQAAlLZB.jpg

 

How do you think he does with women? Would you like to see his last several girlfriends?

 

Anyway, this argument never ends because certain people on this forum just have a different approach to life.

Edited October 20, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[thefooloftheyear]

Yes. All men understand that. The only problem is men have to approach women too. So, you pick a side and lean to it.

 

And it depends on the woman. Some woman is out there right now saying, "God, this cute guy in the elevator I got into just stared at the ground. If he had talked to me and asked me out, I'd have jumped his bones." Ooops. That one got away.

 

You think Mr. Swag gets into elevators and stares at the floor?

 

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BuaTn_WCQAAlLZB.jpg

 

How do you think he does with women? Would you like to see his last several girlfriends?

 

Anyway, this argument never ends because certain people on this forum just have a different approach to life.

 

Yeah, right....Id love to see the second rate Jersey Shore quality of women that nutsack is pulling....

 

Any one of my female cousins(who are drop dead gorgeous), would kick that guy in the beanbag at the first moment he opened his mouth, ff they were alone in an elevator...

 

Sheesh...

 

TFY

[Woggle]

Oh how I hate the word swag.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yeah, right....Id love to see the second rate Jersey Shore quality of women that nutsack is pulling....

 

Any one of my female cousins(who are drop dead gorgeous), would kick that guy in the beanbag at the first moment he opened his mouth, ff they were alone in an elevator...

 

Sheesh...

 

TFY

 

It doesn't matter what your cousin does. The guy gets tons of women. Judge whatever you want about the type. He's getting the type of women he wants and lots of 'em. And trust me when I say if you wouldn't have sex with any of the women he can get, you are in the minority.

 

BTW, I wasn't criticizing your approach. Nor an I saying I want to be like that guy. I was just saying there's a line. Respect for women versus being aggressive.

 

Pick your side.

Edited October 21, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[ThaWholigan]

It doesn't matter what your cousin does. The guy gets tons of women. Judge whatever you want about the type. He's getting the type of women he wants and lots of 'em. And trust me when I say if you wouldn't have sex with any of the women he can get, you are in the minority.

 

BTW, I wasn't criticizing your approach. Nor an I saying I want to be like that guy. I was just saying there's a line. Respect for women versus being aggressive.

 

Pick your side.

It's not exactly that thin a line you know. Or maybe I'm just a smooth guy with swag, I couldn't possibly have to approach a woman with respect......

 

I've done creepy sh*t like 2 times before, except now I know I was being creepy and I know how to know to not be creepy. It's not that hard, that's why the whole "creepy" thing isn't really an argument that affects me much. Given my condition, I'd say there's a lot of guys out there who don't have much excuse. I do get that it's hard to find that balance, but it's not THAT hard.

[Keenly]

Yes. All men understand that. The only problem is men have to approach women too. So, you pick a side and lean to it.

 

And it depends on the woman. Some woman is out there right now saying, "God, this cute guy in the elevator I got into just stared at the ground. If he had talked to me and asked me out, I'd have jumped his bones." Ooops. That one got away.

 

You think Mr. Swag gets into elevators and stares at the floor?

 

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BuaTn_WCQAAlLZB.jpg

 

How do you think he does with women? Would you like to see his last several girlfriends?

 

Anyway, this argument never ends because certain people on this forum just have a different approach to life.

in your scenario why didn't the woman say hello ? all she had to do was say hello.

[johan]

Gentleman:

 

This was kind of inspired about the "Good Ol Days of dating" thread, where men have had to struggle with dealing with women when it comes to dating.

 

So often I see on these threads/boards that men are asking advice on here without coming off "being creepy".

 

Isn't it kind of sad that it's come to this? Why do we have to walk on eggshells, seriously?

 

We're so worried about offending someone these days, isn't it a shame? Men, can you list any situations where you've felt like you might be walking on eggshells with a woman?

 

"It's come to this?" You mean men haven't been making women feel uneasy since forever? Or is the problem that women invented a term for it?

 

I can say for sure I've occasionally acted like a total creep in the past. And I've also been judged as a creep when I actually wasn't up to anything. It never occurred to me to point it out as a problem in society. Either I was being a jackass, or I was suspected of being one. Where there is smoke there is fire.

 

So is it not women's prerogative to say how they feel about what is going on? It shouldn't be a big challenge to find a way to act around them that doesn't trigger even mild fight or flight instincts.

 

Or maybe it's just the term "creep" that is problematic. Would you feel better if that word never existed, even though women might still feel a bit weirded out by you? As long as they just don't use that word, it doesn't matter. How they feel isn't a concern. Some other word for that feeling would just take its place, and then what? Should we start scanning the dictionary marking out words that might trigger your sensitivity?

 

I have a hard time understanding how sensitive guys seem to have become. It's hurt feelings at pretty much every turn. Those big, bad, brutes of women seem to never let up.

Edited October 21, 2014 by johan

[ufo8mycat]

 

I have a hard time understanding how sensitive guys seem to have become. It's hurt feelings at pretty much every turn. Those big, bad, brutes of women seem to never let up.

 

[irc333]

"It's come to this?" You mean men haven't been making women feel uneasy since forever? Or is the problem that women invented a term for it?

 

I can say for sure I've occasionally acted like a total creep in the past. And I've also been judged as a creep when I actually wasn't up to anything. It never occurred to me to point it out as a problem in society. Either I was being a jackass, or I was suspected of being one. Where there is smoke there is fire.

 

So is it not women's prerogative to say how they feel about what is going on? It shouldn't be a big challenge to find a way to act around them that doesn't trigger even mild fight or flight instincts.

 

Or maybe it's just the term "creep" that is problematic. Would you feel better if that word never existed, even though women might still feel a bit weirded out by you? As long as they just don't use that word, it doesn't matter. How they feel isn't a concern. Some other word for that feeling would just take its place, and then what? Should we start scanning the dictionary marking out words that might trigger your sensitivity?

 

I have a hard time understanding how sensitive guys seem to have become. It's hurt feelings at pretty much every turn. Those big, bad, brutes of women seem to never let up.

 

Actually it's the word "stalker" that was used in actuality. Big difference.

[irc333]

What's interesting is how he dodges every mention of this, or any time anyone else calls him out on his obsessive nature over complaining about other people's preferences.

 

I didn't dodge it, I've previously mention the woman in question who said this about me has had her OWN reputation of being a immature individual. The organizer has made me aware of the fact that she not quite right.

[johan]

Actually it's the word "stalker" that was used in actuality. Big difference.

 

I got confused by the first post and the title of the thread. So is "creepy" now ok? I didn't read the thread, to be honest.

 

But still. ARE you a stalker? Did you stalk her? If so, own it. The bottom line is if she liked you and your actions she wouldn't have used any hurtful words. She didn't like you. It's at that point you are permitted to stop caring what else she says. And she could only make herself look foolish if she uses that as an excuse to say stupid things. A woman with a more mature mentality wouldn't do that.

[irc333]

This Organizer at that recent event told you something - that the women in your church circle are getting fed up with you

 

The Organizer of the Meetup said NO such thing. You misread it. I don't even go to their church, the organizer happened to invite single women FROM the church as +5 to the SINGLES Meetup in the area. A street party/concert.