Men: Sad we have to worry about being creepy?

[serial muse]

When I said slightly more aggressive, I meant slightly more aggressive than what society might dictate.

 

I mean, he's a short, chubby, nerdy looking Asian guy who was friends with all of us for many years. And she knew all of us.

 

Her definition of creepy just meant he was 'weird and unsmooth'.

 

My definition of creepy ain't that. It's like a 50 year old guy trying to pick up a 17 year old at a high school or something.

 

If a woman came up to me and was weird and unsmooth, would I talk to her? Yes. Do I care? No. When was the last time I found a woman creepy? I can't recall.

 

But honestly, I don't care. People can be as picky and discriminating as they want and blow people off. Whatever tickles 'em.

 

OK, but you didn't exactly give any details in your previous post - you said the guy was aggressive and awkward, not "weird and unsmooth". Are those her words or yours? Do you know exactly what it was she found "creepy"? And I have to ask this, too - is "creepy" her word...or yours? Were you there for all of their interactions? Do you know what actually occurred, or is this just what you think based on your interactions with him (he wasn't trying to date you, you know).

 

Sigh. Let's back up. What I'm finding is that it's not just women overusing the word "creepy" these days - at this point, it seems to have become a sort of rallying cry for frustrated guys like the OP who feel they're being rejected unfairly and out of hand.

 

As for your story, I honestly come away from it not having a clue what really happened or who actually said what, so I guess I can't comment further. But I also can't really take it as your point being proven. You seem to be using that to illustrate a thesis of "women be ridiculously picky", but that thesis doesn't seem to match your actual anecdote. I suspect there's no "there" there. As was also true for the OP's story - she didn't call him creepy, and she alluded to having other reasons to tell him to back off. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a guy is behaving in a way that genuinely is off-putting, even if he doesn't mean any harm.

 

As I said, you can't ask people to read minds.

[xxoo]

I think men have a different perspective on the use of "creepy" when they have a daughter. The first time your daughter explains that a guy made her feel uncomfortable, and he didn't get the hint and stop bothering her until she got bold and really asserted herself, Dad is the first to tell her to stay away from the creep.

[JuneJulySeptember]

OK, but you didn't exactly give any details in your previous post - you said the guy was aggressive and awkward, not "weird and unsmooth". Are those her words or yours? Do you know exactly what it was she found "creepy"? And I have to ask this, too - is "creepy" her word...or yours? Were you there for all of their interactions? Do you know what actually occurred, or is this just what you think based on your interactions with him (he wasn't trying to date you, you know).

 

Sigh. Let's back up. What I'm finding is that it's not just women overusing the word "creepy" these days - at this point, it seems to have become a sort of rallying cry for frustrated guys like the OP who feel they're being rejected unfairly and out of hand.

 

As for your story, I honestly come away from it not having a clue what really happened or who actually said what, so I guess I can't comment further. But I also can't really take it as your point being proven. You seem to be using that to illustrate a thesis of "women be ridiculously picky", but that thesis doesn't seem to match your actual anecdote. I suspect there's no "there" there. As was also true for the OP's story - she didn't call him creepy, and she alluded to having other reasons to tell him to back off. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a guy is behaving in a way that genuinely is off-putting, even if he doesn't mean any harm.

 

As I said, you can't ask people to read minds.

 

Of course I was there.

 

The point is that 'creepy' is now being extended from guys who are strangers and a serious threat to a woman's well-being (which I totally understand) to a guy who is friends with all of the guys you have met and hung out with several times. But he gets labeled 'creepy' because he's a bit awkward. Seriously, he was good friends with all of us and she knew it.

 

And yes, I think women blow off guys way too easily. But it's not really something I'm concerned about, or try not to be at least. I have had women like me before, and that's all that matters.

[GemmaUK]

OK, but you didn't exactly give any details in your previous post - you said the guy was aggressive and awkward, not "weird and unsmooth". Are those her words or yours? Do you know exactly what it was she found "creepy"? And I have to ask this, too - is "creepy" her word...or yours? Were you there for all of their interactions? Do you know what actually occurred, or is this just what you think based on your interactions with him (he wasn't trying to date you, you know).

 

I'd be interested to know this too as I was about to ask the same.

 

I know one guy who is 'sort of' in my social circle.

I avoid him whenever possible.

When he looks at me his eyes make it look like he wants to lick chocolate off my body...he barely ever looks at my face and his expression is full of...ewww!

He almost drools...it's really horrible to be on the receiving end of.

His eyes flit about over me and linger way way too much for the responses I have given him. I've never told anyone quite what happens with him. It's hard to put into words tbh.

He is similar to the guy at work I mentioned in my last post in his 'way' and his eye movements and facial expressions.

[AD1980]

I think men have a different perspective on the use of "creepy" when they have a daughter. The first time your daughter explains that a guy made her feel uncomfortable, and he didn't get the hint and stop bothering her until she got bold and really asserted herself, Dad is the first to tell her to stay away from the creep.

 

 

No I agree that's creepy but what some of us are talking about is being called creepy simply because we are a little ahoy of awkward

 

The real creep is the one who's a threat not some socially awkward guy who gets a little nervous around a women he's attracted to

[JuneJulySeptember]

Shy and awkward is not creepy.

 

The mentally disturbed man roaming outside the back of my work building, making gurgling noises and spitting blood, is creepy.

 

Just to prove that this isn't a men vs women thread as these are often so made out to be...

 

Thank you Phoe. Post liked.

[kolleamm]

Met this one chick online. I asked her out on a date and she said sure. I thought it would be a fun idea to talk on the phone since the date hadn't been scheduled yet.

 

She found it extremely offensive, and was shocked that I was so needy and could not trust her all because I told her it would be fun to talk on the phone before we actually see each other in person just to get a feel of who we are.

 

I got really sick of putting up with her bs and told her that she is really stuck up. She gave me a passive aggressive response wishing me the best of luck on my dating.

 

"Don't need it" my exact words to her

[Imported]

.

 

Although i must add i am not remotely creepy and i always keep a spare toothbrush primed.

 

Life lessons i guess. (The toothbrush i mean)

 

I always keep a tooth brush and tooth paste handy. And now usually have one of these in my pocket

 

Amazon.com: Colgate Wisp Mini-Brush with Freshening Bead, Peppermint, 16-Count: Health & Personal Care

 

It's much less expensive at an actual store.

 

I got the listerine breath strips too, but nothing beats a good brushing.

[BlueIris]

Met this one chick online. I asked her out on a date and she said sure. I thought it would be a fun idea to talk on the phone since the date hadn't been scheduled yet.

 

She found it extremely offensive, and was shocked that I was so needy and could not trust her all because I told her it would be fun to talk on the phone before we actually see each other in person just to get a feel of who we are.

 

I got really sick of putting up with her bs and told her that she is really stuck up. She gave me a passive aggressive response wishing me the best of luck on my dating.

 

"Don't need it" my exact words to her

 

lol. Yeah, just stay away from people that find innocuous things "extremely offensive." I don't see why people- especially virtual strangers in OLD- choose to tangle with each other about it, though. Passive aggressive or overtly aggressive, what's the point? Why not just stop talking to her and move on?

[Shining One]

As I mentioned in another thread, I was labeled a creep by a woman for walking her to her car in the rain one evening. It was pouring and she didn't have an umbrella. I offered to share mine. I didn't talk to her during the short walk because I was a conference call. Here's the entire conversation:

 

 

Me: Are you in this lot? Want me to walk you to your car?

Her: Sure.

Her: Thank you so much. You're so sweet.

Me: You're welcome, have a good night.

Next Day...

Her (to my company's receptionist while on a smoke break): It was pouring so bad last night. Some creep from your company had to walk me to my car.

 

 

I would love to know what exactly was creepy in this situation.

[Keenly]

One thing I've noticed about society in general, and so many of us are guilty of this.

 

 

In any given positive interaction with some one we either barely know or a complete stranger, we always change the mood of the interaction after the fact.

 

 

People will take a situation and retell it to their friends, and they will try to elevate themselves by putting down the other person.

 

 

Example. Guy tries to start a conversation at a bar. Girl is stand offish. Guy goes away. Girl tells her friends the guy was a creep.

 

She's trying to make herself look better in the eyes of her friends by declaring how she rejected the guy that was beneath her. Men do this all the time too. " she was a skank " or some stupid stuff like that.

 

 

This is where.gentleman can turn into creep for no real reason. Like a bad game of telephone.

[kolleamm]

As I mentioned in another thread, I was labeled a creep by a woman for walking her to her car in the rain one evening. It was pouring and she didn't have an umbrella. I offered to share mine. I didn't talk to her during the short walk because I was a conference call. Here's the entire conversation:

 

 

Me: Are you in this lot? Want me to walk you to your car?

Her: Sure.

Her: Thank you so much. You're so sweet.

Me: You're welcome, have a good night.

Next Day...

Her (to my company's receptionist while on a smoke break): It was pouring so bad last night. Some creep from your company had to walk me to my car.

 

 

I would love to know what exactly was creepy in this situation.

 

Wow, she sounds like she'll get far in life.

[xxoo]

If it's an occasional thing that you hear, likely it's her problem (that individual) and you should consider the source/disregard. People have their own issues.

 

If it's a repeated thing that you hear, it's more likely that it's your problem, something that you are doing.

 

You can't please everyone, so there's no point trying. Guys with dating success don't care about that random woman who calls him a creep. But if you're struggling to connect with women and you are repeatedly hearing the "creepy" feedback, it is probably time to take a look at that.

[irc333]

One thing I've noticed about society in general, and so many of us are guilty of this.

 

 

In any given positive interaction with some one we either barely know or a complete stranger, we always change the mood of the interaction after the fact.

 

 

People will take a situation and retell it to their friends, and they will try to elevate themselves by putting down the other person.

 

 

Example. Guy tries to start a conversation at a bar. Girl is stand offish. Guy goes away. Girl tells her friends the guy was a creep.

 

She's trying to make herself look better in the eyes of her friends by declaring how she rejected the guy that was beneath her. Men do this all the time too. " she was a skank " or some stupid stuff like that.

 

 

This is where.gentleman can turn into creep for no real reason. Like a bad game of telephone.

 

So true, they elevate themselves, a common one is when a break up happens and the guy says, "Man, she was a total psycho!"

 

Of course, I heard different from her friends, apparently the dude cheated on her. (Both sides of the story).

 

Sometimes the word "Stalker" is used as a slang. They usually use the term with a guy that's harmless, but has a crush on her.

 

"Yeah, that guy, he picks my register when hey buys groceries, he's such a stalker!"

 

"Girls giggle!!"

 

Kind of like when the literal term "cool" turned into "He's cool man!"

 

Or "That's sick!!" People are often using it as slang

[irc333]

If it's an occasional thing that you hear, likely it's her problem (that individual) and you should consider the source/disregard. People have their own issues.

 

If it's a repeated thing that you hear, it's more likely that it's your problem, something that you are doing.

 

You can't please everyone, so there's no point trying. Guys with dating success don't care about that random woman who calls him a creep. But if you're struggling to connect with women and you are repeatedly hearing the "creepy" feedback, it is probably time to take a look at that.

 

It's occasional in my case. In fact, when I spoke with the organizer about what happened, she apparently knows that person pretty well and acknowledges that person has had a history of behavior problems. Even sometimes the organizer feels like she's an immature child.

[IronZ]

Deep down in the back of my mind I always kind of get this feeling when I talk to a girl I haven't met online like "am I coming off the wrong way?" Luckily for me though I'm not a creepy guy at all in real life so I think for the most part that translates well into my conversations.

 

Another thing I make sure to do is if I'm meeting someone for the first time I make the meeting as safe and casual as possible for them. I'm also a gentleman and pay for drinks/dinner/coffee/whatever we do. Girls tend to respond well to that.

[IronZ]

As I mentioned in another thread, I was labeled a creep by a woman for walking her to her car in the rain one evening. It was pouring and she didn't have an umbrella. I offered to share mine. I didn't talk to her during the short walk because I was a conference call. Here's the entire conversation:

 

 

Me: Are you in this lot? Want me to walk you to your car?

Her: Sure.

Her: Thank you so much. You're so sweet.

Me: You're welcome, have a good night.

Next Day...

Her (to my company's receptionist while on a smoke break): It was pouring so bad last night. Some creep from your company had to walk me to my car.

 

 

I would love to know what exactly was creepy in this situation.

 

lol don't think too much about it. You did nothing wrong. In fact you acted like a gentleman which I think guys don't tend to do anymore. She's just a sourpuss, that's all.

[serial muse]

Of course I was there.

 

The point is that 'creepy' is now being extended from guys who are strangers and a serious threat to a woman's well-being (which I totally understand) to a guy who is friends with all of the guys you have met and hung out with several times. But he gets labeled 'creepy' because he's a bit awkward. Seriously, he was good friends with all of us and she knew it.

 

And yes, I think women blow off guys way too easily. But it's not really something I'm concerned about, or try not to be at least. I have had women like me before, and that's all that matters.

 

Hm, I think you kind of missed my point. As I said from the beginning, I understand why overuse of the word "creepy" would be irritating.

 

What's also irritating, though, is overuse of "picky" for women who, perhaps, have good reason to think what they think. Just because a guy is friends with you doesn't give him a free pass. And again you are saying he was labeled "creepy" because he's awkward. Now is that really what happened, or is it what you assume happened, because that's your bias? Did she actually say "he's so awkward that it's creepy"? Again, I doubt it. That's not a thing women tend to say. I talk to a lot of them. Haven't heard them do it. Creepy is reserved for weird and uncomfortable vibes, not awkwardness. I'm just wondering what exactly was said there.

[irc333]

Hm, I think you kind of missed my point. As I said from the beginning, I understand why overuse of the word "creepy" would be irritating.

 

What's also irritating, though, is overuse of "picky" for women who, perhaps, have good reason to think what they think. Just because a guy is friends with you doesn't give him a free pass. And again you are saying he was labeled "creepy" because he's awkward. Now is that really what happened, or is it what you assume happened, because that's your bias? Did she actually say "he's so awkward that it's creepy"? Again, I doubt it. That's not a thing women tend to say. I talk to a lot of them. Haven't heard them do it. Creepy is reserved for weird and uncomfortable vibes, not awkwardness. I'm just wondering what exactly was said there.

 

Seems the misuse of the words is not uncommon.

[serial muse]

Seems the misuse of the words is not uncommon.

 

irc, as I asked you before, as you are apparently getting a kind of reputation in your circle, don't you think that's worth a little introspection? I see you expend an awful lot of energy here starting threads that express your dissatisfaction with just about everything women do. But after a while that starts to paint a very different picture. This Organizer at that recent event told you something - that the women in your church circle are getting fed up with you. You interpreted that as the women being in a "man-hating" mood. That isn't the most likely explanation, though. Don't you see a disconnect there?

[JuneJulySeptember]

Hm, I think you kind of missed my point. As I said from the beginning, I understand why overuse of the word "creepy" would be irritating.

 

What's also irritating, though, is overuse of "picky" for women who, perhaps, have good reason to think what they think. Just because a guy is friends with you doesn't give him a free pass. And again you are saying he was labeled "creepy" because he's awkward. Now is that really what happened, or is it what you assume happened, because that's your bias? Did she actually say "he's so awkward that it's creepy"? Again, I doubt it. That's not a thing women tend to say. I talk to a lot of them. Haven't heard them do it. Creepy is reserved for weird and uncomfortable vibes, not awkwardness. I'm just wondering what exactly was said there.

 

To be honest, there was no major point. It's just a story to illustrate that a nice, pretty good guy was being called creepy.

 

You're digging way too deep. I really don't care. I don't get called creepy.

[lino]

This is pretty much it. If the woman is not attracted to the guy, he's creepy, even if he really isn't.

 

Yep.

 

Desirable guy can do the exactly identical thing that 'creepy' guy does and not one word will be said... In fact she'll likely be f#cking the guy.

 

Then once she gets used for sex by that guy the mandatory 'all men are a$sholes' comes along

[preraph]

Met this one chick online. I asked her out on a date and she said sure. I thought it would be a fun idea to talk on the phone since the date hadn't been scheduled yet.

 

She found it extremely offensive, and was shocked that I was so needy and could not trust her all because I told her it would be fun to talk on the phone before we actually see each other in person just to get a feel of who we are.

 

I got really sick of putting up with her bs and told her that she is really stuck up. She gave me a passive aggressive response wishing me the best of luck on my dating.

 

"Don't need it" my exact words to her

 

 

Well, she was unreasonable. You want to talk on the phone unless you've already skyped or something because it's a classic catfish move to refuse to talk on the phone when you're actually not who you say you are online. Could have been a guy for all you know. You have a right to find that out before you go meeting them somewhere! See, that's creepy she was like that.

[preraph]

As I mentioned in another thread, I was labeled a creep by a woman for walking her to her car in the rain one evening. It was pouring and she didn't have an umbrella. I offered to share mine. I didn't talk to her during the short walk because I was a conference call. Here's the entire conversation:

 

 

Me: Are you in this lot? Want me to walk you to your car?

Her: Sure.

Her: Thank you so much. You're so sweet.

Me: You're welcome, have a good night.

Next Day...

Her (to my company's receptionist while on a smoke break): It was pouring so bad last night. Some creep from your company had to walk me to my car.

 

 

I would love to know what exactly was creepy in this situation.

 

She was just an ungrateful b****. Please don't let it color your overall impression of women. Most aren't that nasty.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yep.

 

Desirable guy can do the exactly identical thing that 'creepy' guy does and not one word will be said... In fact she'll likely be f#cking the guy.

 

Then once she gets used for sex by that guy the mandatory 'all men are a$sholes' comes along

 

The funny thing about posts like this is when I read them, certain women I have known over the years automatically pop into my head and I think about them. Those women haven't exclusively dated guys like that, but they have dated them and/or had flings with them.

 

I guess from a woman's point of view it's hard to pass up a hot guy with SWAG who gets them excited, no matter how much of a d@uche he is.

 

Makes sense I guess. I wouldn't have passed up hot b@tches throwing themselves at me. At least not when I was a young man. Dare to dream.