Author MistaYates Posted October 26, 2014 Author Share Posted October 26, 2014 Do you know what the most empowering thing for you to realize is going to be? All those good things you felt for her? How you felt when you were around her? That came from you, which means you can make yourself feel that way. You shouldn't need another person to feel happy and whole. You've got some inner work to do. If you skip it and bounce to someone else, or (god forbid) get this one back, you're going to end up right back where you are. Get some counseling so you can be attracted to a woman with emotional strength and integrity, or you're going to keep white knighting for selfish women and trying to save them from their lives. Secondly, you were with this girl for 6 months. Do you know what was present that entire time? The honeymoon period, where you can't see your partner's flaws. Your brain is flooded with "feel good" chemicals, and you become infatuated with your partner for the image that you are projecting onto them. You don't know them well enough to care for them. It's only around 6-12 months that you start to see them as they are. And you did, and you broke up. Conclusion: that was all you, not her. Also, you're still hung up on the 3 days thing. She did the exact same thing to him when she bounced to you. Now she's bounced back to him. Conclusion: that is her, not you. I feel like she won. She used me, got what she wanted, and is now on to the other guy. And is happy. While im sitting here actually mourning the relationship. I wish i could stop, but i actually thought we had something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I feel like she won. She used me, got what she wanted, and is now on to the other guy. And is happy. While im sitting here actually mourning the relationship. I wish i could stop, but i actually thought we had something. idoltree I went back....... Like a stray dog. God am i so stupid... And she hurt me again... Except this time, shes admitting to her lies and is telling me she doesnt deserve me. She says she doesnt want to be with anyone.. But she was playing around with the ex alot more now and gained back the feelings.. Went to Halloween horror nights with him and paid for his ticket.. When the night before i spent the night with her lmao.... I went no contact but she called me from another phone and brought back feelings... She supposedly butt dialed me.. But dammit.. I cant stay away. But i guess i have to now that shes with him. Call me an idiot, i know i am. I cant help it. But i must now... How low can i go.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 idoltree I went back....... Like a stray dog. God am i so stupid... And she hurt me again... Except this time, shes admitting to her lies and is telling me she doesnt deserve me. She says she doesnt want to be with anyone.. But she was playing around with the ex alot more now and gained back the feelings.. Went to Halloween horror nights with him and paid for his ticket.. When the night before i spent the night with her lmao.... I went no contact but she called me from another phone and brought back feelings... She supposedly butt dialed me.. But dammit.. I cant stay away. But i guess i have to now that shes with him. Call me an idiot, i know i am. I cant help it. But i must now... How low can i go.. How the hell can she butt dial you from someone else's phone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 How the hell can she butt dial you from someone else's phone? Sorry it was her phone. Dunno why i said another phone.. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Sorry it was her phone. Dunno why i said another phone.. lol She told me something that made me think. "Why do you still love me after all that ive done to you?" She knows what shes been doing and doesnt care? Trying to push me away? Whats that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 She told me something that made me think. "Why do you still love me after all that ive done to you?" She knows what shes been doing and doesnt care? Trying to push me away? Whats that mean? MistaYates, Why you make you'self crazy over there? You're making me sad. (See?) It DOES mean that she is now, if not before, aware of what she's been doing (to you). It does NOT necessarily mean anything else...needless to say, other than your continued interest has her completely and/or genuinely baffled and confused (and perhaps wondering along the lines of "what is wrong in MistaYates' ability/capacity to see, comprehend and accept the reality of 'our' situation?") If she's the kind of person who likes the kind of ego-boost that you've been feeding her ego...then her question might - MIGHT! - also be her trying to feel-out how she can get you to continue doing it. You ought to take it as a "push away"...you'd be WISE to do that because her question doesn't offer you any hope, promise, potential. No matter how we'd try to spin it, it really doesn't. BIG hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 MistaYates, Why you make you'self crazy over there? You're making me sad. (See?) It DOES mean that she is now, if not before, aware of what she's been doing (to you). It does NOT necessarily mean anything else...needless to say, other than your continued interest has her completely and/or genuinely baffled and confused (and perhaps wondering along the lines of "what is wrong in MistaYates' ability/capacity to see, comprehend and accept the reality of 'our' situation?") If she's the kind of person who likes the kind of ego-boost that you've been feeding her ego...then her question might - MIGHT! - also be her trying to feel-out how she can get you to continue doing it. You ought to take it as a "push away"...you'd be WISE to do that because her question doesn't offer you any hope, promise, potential. No matter how we'd try to spin it, it really doesn't. BIG hugs. This is the same girl that has begged for ME back several times. And because im stupid. Actually, i dont even know why i did take her back. I loved her so much, it got to a point where i didnt care what she did to me anymore. I just wanted her. I know thats something dumb. I was thinking with my heart and not my mind. Shes a bitch. I spent the night with her and asked her to promise me she would quit with her ex. And she agreed. THE NEXT DAY. She lies to me and goes to Halloween horror nights with him? Like really? How terrible of a person can you be. I confronted her and she said shes sorry and ended with me. She then told me she knows she lied to me, and shes sorry. She doesnt deserve me she says and to find someone i truly deserve. Im so heartbroken. Im suicidal because of this sht. This was the first time she has broken up with me. Lol i broke up with her every time, because of her ex. Whom isnt really an ex anymore, because hes back and in action. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I know it sucks, MistaYates. I know that only too well. Are you open to the possibility that some or a lot of it happened because you stopped caring about what was done to you? Not that what you did for Love was "dumb". Only that Love would not want or ask you to do that to yourself. I get the "suicidal" part...and I don't. It (the 'voice of suicidal thoughts', if you will) is telling you that you don't have tons of really excellent stuff to offer to the woman who will really love you as you deserve and are meant to be loved, nor to anyone else in your family, community, the world-at-large. But you're not coming across as someone OTHER THAN who has a lot to offer. Just don't give it away to the wrong people. Which this person feels like she falls in the category with people who cannot appreciate you for exactly who you are and what you offer...and therefore, because of their own blindness and stupidity and arrogance and ignorance, do not truly deserve to have you in their lives. But that's just me and my perception of you. This is the same girl that has begged for ME back several times. And because im stupid. Actually, i dont even know why i did take her back. I loved her so much, it got to a point where i didnt care what she did to me anymore. I just wanted her. I know thats something dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 I know it sucks, MistaYates. I know that only too well. Are you open to the possibility that some or a lot of it happened because you stopped caring about what was done to you? Not that what you did for Love was "dumb". Only that Love would not want or ask you to do that to yourself. I get the "suicidal" part...and I don't. It (the 'voice of suicidal thoughts', if you will) is telling you that you don't have tons of really excellent stuff to offer to the woman who will really love you as you deserve and are meant to be loved, nor to anyone else in your family, community, the world-at-large. But you're not coming across as someone OTHER THAN who has a lot to offer. Just don't give it away to the wrong people. Which this person feels like she falls in the category with people who cannot appreciate you for exactly who you are and what you offer...and therefore, because of their own blindness and stupidity and arrogance and ignorance, do not truly deserve to have you in their lives. But that's just me and my perception of you. I just dont get how she would KNOW what she was doing, and wonder why im dealing with it and coming back, and then acknowledge it to me, and apologize to me. She says shes lied to me so much and shes sorry, and she doesnt deserve me. She doesnt know why i still love her after all that she has done to me. I think its just a chicken**** way out of her saying, "My ex is back, i used you, now that hes back, i dont need you anymore, so im going to let you down nicely, so i have no guilt, and i dont feel like a bitch." Its so funny because i was always the one breaking up with her. But THIS time she wants to say all of this. I broke up with her over how i knew her and her ex were talking, and had a thing for each other. I KNEW this.. But i kept leaving and coming back. She would BEG for me. It just kills me to know she has no guilt, or care for me. How a human being can do that to another human being is just beyond my understanding. She told me she doesnt love me anymore, and she just doesnt want anyone right now. She said shes tired of being hurt... But knowing how much time shes spent with her ex recently, thats total bull. Shes going back to him. It wont take a month i bet. The pain is just so terrible. I feel dis guarded, used, and like nothing. I feel like i will always be nothing but someone who gives so much, but will be used in the end anyways. I feel like im not good enough for anyone.. Like i should change and become an a- hole. But i cant, its not in my nature. I feel like i cant trust any other girl, cause they are all the same to me. I feel like all i have now is to rant on this forum and annoy everyone.. But its all i have. God help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 Just saw her on the road with someone in the passenger. Probably was her mom. But whoever it was they waved at me. I hope it wasnt him, i swear i would go find and kill that mother f-er. Link to post Share on other sites
johnson_j Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Just saw her on the road with someone in the passenger. Probably was her mom. But whoever it was they waved at me. I hope it wasnt him, i swear i would go find and kill that mother f-er. you've got to get in control buddy. I know exactly how you feel same thing happened to me, but you MUST believe in karma, know that long term she wont be happy with him, (why is he an ex if he's so dsmn great?), and that you wil meet someone you're happy with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 you've got to get in control buddy. I know exactly how you feel same thing happened to me, but you MUST believe in karma, know that long term she wont be happy with him, (why is he an ex if he's so dsmn great?), and that you wil meet someone you're happy with. She wasnt happy with me either.. All because of him. She would lie, cheat and act happy to keep us both. Me for the company, and him for the real deal, love.. I broke down today. Thought i was gonna make it, but when i saw her with someone in her passenger, hopefully her mom, that waved at me? Lol.. That was it for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 (edited) Just got word by a buddy i work with, she just came in to my work, and got a sandwich. Knowing the whole deli knows who she is, and hates her guts. I work in a deli department. Why would she do that? Im pretty sure she knows where i park, so maybe she made sure it was ok. Since im off today. Edited November 8, 2014 by MistaYates Link to post Share on other sites
Tabitha87 Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I've been that girl who always goes back to the same certain ex. I loved him. I still do. The problem for me (& I know it's wrong) is that every new guy, I always compared with my ex. For whatever screwed up reason, I think the world of him and would love to have him back. It truly has nothing to do with you. It's all her. She won't get over him, just as I haven't, because I haven't allowed myself to yet. Maybe I will one day, & maybe she will too, but don't hold your breath. It's going on 9 years for me. Just find yourself a girl/woman without all the issues and you'll be okay. You'll make one girl very happy someday, just likely not her.. sorry to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 I've been that girl who always goes back to the same certain ex. I loved him. I still do. The problem for me (& I know it's wrong) is that every new guy, I always compared with my ex. For whatever screwed up reason, I think the world of him and would love to have him back. It truly has nothing to do with you. It's all her. She won't get over him, just as I haven't, because I haven't allowed myself to yet. Maybe I will one day, & maybe she will too, but don't hold your breath. It's going on 9 years for me. Just find yourself a girl/woman without all the issues and you'll be okay. You'll make one girl very happy someday, just likely not her.. sorry to say. I find it impossible to find one without all the issues. I feel like i need to just settle with one. But about her coming into my work. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Tabitha87 Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I wouldn't give it too much thought. She probably just did it because she knew you'd be told about it and then reminded of her. That, or she was genuinely hungry and close by?! I don't know. When my ex broke up with me, I once purposely walked past his work, really slow so he'd see me & I hung out in the food court for a few minutes before he called. He asked if I just walked by & I said yes. He asked me to come back so I did. We talked for a bit and then got back together that night. I wouldn't do it though. Call her I mean. She's not over her ex. She won't be for quite some time, I don't think. I would seriously just find someone else. She doesn't love you. She loves him. She's made that evident several times already. You're only going to get hurt in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted November 8, 2014 Author Share Posted November 8, 2014 I wouldn't give it too much thought. She probably just did it because she knew you'd be told about it and then reminded of her. That, or she was genuinely hungry and close by?! I don't know. When my ex broke up with me, I once purposely walked past his work, really slow so he'd see me & I hung out in the food court for a few minutes before he called. He asked if I just walked by & I said yes. He asked me to come back so I did. We talked for a bit and then got back together that night. I wouldn't do it though. Call her I mean. She's not over her ex. She won't be for quite some time, I don't think. I would seriously just find someone else. She doesn't love you. She loves him. She's made that evident several times already. You're only going to get hurt in the end. Well i just find it funny how ive told her that my whole work hates her guts. She knows this, and still comes in. Shes a fearless one then i guess.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tabitha87 Posted November 8, 2014 Share Posted November 8, 2014 I wouldn't personally go to a place I knew or thought I knew that everyone disliked me, but I generally avoid conflict at any and/or all costs. I can't think of any logical reason why she'd do that, probably because there is no real logical reason. Maybe it was to irk the other employees knowing that they still have to sevre her just as they would anyone because she's a paying customer, regardless of what she may have caused you to feel. She could've simply been looking to get a reaction from them so she could in turn get them in trouble for having been rude etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted November 9, 2014 Author Share Posted November 9, 2014 My whole entire work knows who she is. Like seriously, is that bad? My only friends are my buddies that i work with, so i tell them everything. Should i not? I trust them. So it shouldnt be right? Link to post Share on other sites
Tabitha87 Posted November 9, 2014 Share Posted November 9, 2014 I honestly think she just did it knowing that it would get a reaction from you and possibly them. She's probably wondering why you haven't tried talking to her so she thought that would get you to talk to her, or, like I said before, she was trying to get a rise out of the other employees and/or hoping to get them in trouble. Either way, don't worry about it. Continue talking with your friends about whatever you want. You're not doing anything wrong, IMO, by talking with your peers about your life and theirs. &, you need to get it out somehow anyway because it often helps relieve stress getting things off your shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 It sucks when she works in the same plaza as me. Everytime i have to run into my work i'd see her car. Went to go get a sandwich from my work today, thank god i didnt see her. Shes probably working later. Gotta stay away for the rest of the day. It sucks when i have days off. Because they are during the week, when everyone is working. So im just sitting around at home, thinking of her. I really wish she didnt cheat on me. I really wish i could be with her without having to question everything she does. It'll be a week tomorrow of NC. I just KNOW she'll call me again. Shes the type when she gets lonely, she will know who to call... ME... Fk that though. I will NOT be her second choice again. I'm not her damn chew toy. I deserve better. Its gonna suck when new years comes.. Shes gonna be out, i know it, having a great time with some guy. Probably her ex that she cheated on me with.. While im here at my house, home alone. People like me don't deserve this kind of pain. I dreamt about her all week this week. I've cried almost every single day. Maybe im just a big pansy. Probably. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 I am now at a point where id rather be with her, get hurt, cheated on and abused, than be alone and start all over. I hate this ****. I havent spoke to her in 2 weeks, and its killing me. I cry like a little wussy over her every single night. I dont know why, since she has hurt me so bad, but my god i miss her. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 I am now at a point where id rather be with her, get hurt, cheated on and abused, than be alone and start all over. I hate this ****. No you don't. Believe me that's the worst thing you could do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 No you don't. Believe me that's the worst thing you could do. I am trying so hard to move on.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 I am trying so hard to move on.. You spend most of your time worried about what's going on with her. Asking yourself questions like, Is her car there? Am I going to run into her? Why did she come into my shop? You need to let go of that stuff and start working on the ONLY thing you have control over and that's YOU. You need to start making positive changes in your life. You need to do things to keep yourself busy. Are you going to school? Have you thought about that? What about traveling. Going to see something new? When was the last time you were on vacation or holiday? What about new hobbies? Joining new clubs. Like a running club, co-ed sports, cycling club, dive lessons....anything to keep you busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts