WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Yeah well that's what I'm saying. If you have bipolar mood disorder, or clinical depression, or if you've been physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally abused, if you have a learning disorder, if you have issues with your mother - well then I suppose that those people should automatically not be involved. With anyone. Ever. And for the record, bipolar mood disorder and clinical depression ARE treatable conditions. So are abuse issues and PTSD. People like you guys perpetrate the biggest problem with mental illness in this country - many don't seek the help they need because they fear teh repurcussions, the discrimination, the IGNORANCE....it makes me want to puke. Do you understand how hard it is for someone who does not have one of the aforementioned disorders to deal with someone who does? It takes more than patience and understanding. It is rough. People with such disorders should be able to have happy, fulfilling relationships, but it's a well-known fact that most of these individuals struggle with interpersonal relationships. And yes, most of these conditions are treatable. But that just makes it a little easier. I don't think there is a problems in this country with mental discrimination. It's just tough to handle sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam And yes, most of these conditions are treatable. But that just makes it a little easier. I don't think there is a problems in this country with mental discrimination. It's just tough to handle sometimes. So the NIH -sponsored grant about discrimintation against the mentally ill is just BS? NIH grant info I got my degree in psych and worked with the severely mentally ill, discrimination is alive and well. Link to post Share on other sites
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter So the NIH -sponsored grant about discrimintation against the mentally ill is just BS? NIH grant info I got my degree in psych and worked with the severely mentally ill, discrimination is alive and well. Grants are awarded in this country all the time. That doesn't mean anything by itself. And discrimination is a very subjective thing - what may be discriminatory to you may be completely acceptable to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Podna Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Well screw it. I guess chicks like me should just be single. And I suppose you guys are perfectly unfallible. Blech. Originally posted by blind_otter Yeah well that's what I'm saying. If you have bipolar mood disorder, or clinical depression, or if you've been physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally abused, if you have a learning disorder, if you have issues with your mother - well then I suppose that those people should automatically not be involved. With anyone. Ever. And for the record, bipolar mood disorder and clinical depression ARE treatable conditions. So are abuse issues and PTSD. People like you guys perpetrate the biggest problem with mental illness in this country - many don't seek the help they need because they fear teh repurcussions, the discrimination, the IGNORANCE....it makes me want to puke. Originally posted by blind_otter So the NIH -sponsored grant about discrimintation against the mentally ill is just BS? NIH grant info I got my degree in psych and worked with the severely mentally ill, discrimination is alive and well. Can I get a big round of applause for the Melodrama Academy Award of the Year please!!! Nobody is saying just because someone has one of those conditions you mentioned they should remain single. The only person who even MENTIONED mental illness was Sckott. We are just saying, given the information we have, this woman is scary and this person should find someone who will commit, that’s all. Everything is not always all about you B_O. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Do you understand how hard it is for someone who does not have one of the aforementioned disorders to deal with someone who does? It takes more than patience and understanding. It is tough. People witch such disorder should be able to have happy, fulfilling relationships, but it's a well-known face that most of these individuals struggle with interpersonal relationships. Most people without disorders also struggle with relationships. The fact is that a large majority of relationships don't work out, regardless of personal problems or not. Should everybody who has ever been in a relationship, but when it did not end in a succesful marriage, subsequently be banned from starting a relationship? Of course not. The point is, that most people are so freaked out by disorders, and abuse et cetera, that a lot of these people are becoming afraid to mention these things. People with depression, mild forms of bipolar disorder, and various other forms of abuse, are just as able to form relationship as the so called "healthy" people. "Healthy people", how many relationships have you f*cked up? Have you become insecure because of cheating exes? Trust issues? Alcohol issues? And don't blame immaturity. It's a condition that can possibly last a lifetime. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 It's only five months. That's not very long at all and look at you! I hate those stupid childish games. Sounds like she is testing you. I'm leaning on the side of most of the others: RUN! Do not fall for her games, if she runs and pushes you away, do not contact her. Let her have her way for real. Maybe she'll eventually grow up and you two can have a healthy relationship, but I'm still leaning toward RUN! Link to post Share on other sites
Sckott Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Anyone can go nutty sometimes. "Wah-wah." People with clinical depression are near impossible to figure out because signals, body language and conversations don't match or make any sense. For the common decent person, no matter which sex, it will become near impossible to understand anything. Right where the new-car-smell romance wears off and the real deeper meaning is excersised, they will fly. They will even destroy finances, their car and friendships just to bolt. They do not operate like real people and intensity in relationships will always be not only elusive but downright uncopable to them. I don't call it discrimination, I call it choosing your mate who can take the punches with you. Real love is hard enough to people who seek it without these problems. Link to post Share on other sites
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Sckott Anyone can go nutty sometimes. "Wah-wah." People with clinical depression are near impossible to figure out because signals, body language and conversations don't match or make any sense. For the common decent person, no matter which sex, it will become near impossible to understand anything. Right where the new-car-smell romance wears off and the real deeper meaning is excersised, they will fly. They will even destroy finances, their car and friendships just to bolt. They do not operate like real people and intensity in relationships will always be not only elusive but downright uncopable to them. I don't call it discrimination, I call it choosing your mate who can take the punches with you. Real love is hard enough to people who seek it without these problems. The Level-Headed Post of the Day Award goes to you! Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Sckott Anyone can go nutty sometimes. "Wah-wah." People with clinical depression are near impossible to figure out because signals, body language and conversations don't match or make any sense. For the common decent person, no matter which sex, it will become near impossible to understand anything. Right where the new-car-smell romance wears off and the real deeper meaning is excersised, they will fly. They will even destroy finances, their car and friendships just to bolt. They do not operate like real people and intensity in relationships will always be not only elusive but downright uncopable to them. I don't call it discrimination, I call it choosing your mate who can take the punches with you. Real love is hard enough to people who seek it without these problems. You're not describing clinical depression, me thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Feh. Just google "discrimination mentally ill" and you will get thousands of hits. It's something I learned about a scant 2 years ago in my undergrad psych ethics class. But ya know, empirical evidence all aside (I've seen you go at it before, Iceisles) - if a person has issues, that's fine - I ascribe to the "glass houses" rule - if you did sh*t to someone in the past, it's kinda karma if it rolls around on you in the present. But I know SO many guys who are like, "I'm so nice why can't I find someone" - well, look in the mirror. Link to post Share on other sites
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Just google "discrimination mentally ill" and you will get thousands of hits. That also works if you type in "dirty socks." Link to post Share on other sites
Podna Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Most people without disorders also struggle with relationships. The fact is that a large majority of relationships don't work out, regardless of personal problems or not. Should everybody who has ever been in a relationship, but when it did not end in a succesful marriage, subsequently be banned from starting a relationship? Of course not. No they shouldnt be banned... And your point is? Originally posted by d'Arthez People with depression, mild forms of bipolar disorder, and various other forms of abuse, are just as able to form relationship as the so called "healthy" people. WRONG. I don't even need to look that one up. If you dont think so, then maybe you need to acturally live with someone with these disorders. Originally posted by d'Arthez "Healthy people", how many relationships have you f*cked up? Have you become insecure because of cheating exes? Trust issues? Alcohol issues? And don't blame immaturity. It's a condition that can possibly last a lifetime. Indeed... I agree again. But you miss the point. Even though a condition is treatable why am I know obligated to fix this person in order to live with then? Discrimination? Sure it is, but so what. We all discriminate every day in our lives. I won’t date a murderer and I won’t date a thief and I won’t date someone who is a bipolar manic-depressive. What makes these different? Because one is illegal and the others are not? Give me a break people… there are tons of fish in the sea, why should I settle for a broken one when I can have a good healthy one. Link to post Share on other sites
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Podna's post is direct, but I do believe it to be true. We should not be expected to "fix" people to make something work. Relationships should evolve and carry on naturally, and many times that just cannot happen for whatever reason - mental illness or not. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Podna WRONG. I don't even need to look that one up. If you dont think so, then maybe you need to acturally live with someone with these disorders. Indeed... I agree again. But you miss the point. Even though a condition is treatable why am I know obligated to fix this person in order to live with then? Discrimination? Sure it is, but so what. We all discriminate every day in our lives. I won’t date a murderer and I won’t date a thief and I won’t date someone who is a bipolar manic-depressive. What makes these different? Because one is illegal and the others are not? Give me a break people… there are tons of fish in the sea, why should I settle for a broken one when I can have a good healthy one. That's the problem right there - you don't EVER date someone to "fix" them. That's codependecy. Link to post Share on other sites
Podna Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Codependency?? Ok, so you are saying that I have to be mentally ill in order to date the mentally ill, so we can co-depend? I’m sorry I guess I don’t see your point. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Podna Codependency?? Ok, so you are saying that I have to be mentally ill in order to date the mentally ill, so we can co-depend? I’m sorry I guess I don’t see your point. You Should Not Date Someome In Order to Fix Them. Even though a condition is treatable why am I know obligated to fix this person in order to live with then? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Dreaded therapy - I've been in therapy for several years to address the things that I've been through. Did I choose to be abused as a child or raped or molested? No. It sucks that people reject me based on things I have no control over. That said, in therapy I learned that you don't date people to change them or make them better or fix them. You are with them because they are supplementary and complimentary. Because you get along well, because you have chemistry, because you have similar life goals, you have hopes and dreams together, there are myriad reasons to be with someone. Fixing them is not one of these. You set yourself up for disappointment and resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
Podna Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 OK fair enough. The problem I have with this is, that if I chose NOT to date or continue to date someone who is an emotional train wreck then I am somehow wrong. Explain this to me please. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Give me a break people? there are tons of fish in the sea, why should I settle for a broken one when I can have a good healthy one. I hope you are not insulted if I call people, who consider people with a disorder "broken", morally bankrupt. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez I hope you are not insulted if I call people, who consider people with a disorder "broken", morally bankrupt. Word, d. Link to post Share on other sites
Podna Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez I hope you are not insulted if I call people, who consider people with a disorder "broken", morally bankrupt. OK, perhaps "broken" is not the most PC term to use. Would unhealthy make you feel better? Broken: As to break the speed limit: To fail to conform to. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Podna OK, perhaps "broken" is not the most PC term to use. Would unhealthy make you feel better? Broken: As to break the speed limit: To fail to conform to. Honestly - you sound like it would be detrimental for someone with mental health issues to date you, so you have the universe's permission to not date them ha ha ha. That said, just because you can't handle it doesn't mean other people can't. So, accepting those differences is fine, right? Hope you find an unbroken person some day. Link to post Share on other sites
Podna Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 My whole issue is not with people with disorders or who are unhealthy… my issue is with the discrimination argument. As for the comment about it being detrimental, indeed it can be. It is one thing to stick by someone once a commitment is made, it is quite another to expect me to overlook such deficiencies or illnesses or disorders or whatever PC term you want to put on them, before I have even made some kind of commitment. So to say that if I chose not to date an emotional ‘black hole’ is somehow wrong is BS… The same argument could hold true for tons of things. For example, I could ask why someone doesn’t date people who are morbidly obese. If you say it’s because they are unhealthy then that is no excuse. See my point? Link to post Share on other sites
Author haywood Posted March 11, 2005 Author Share Posted March 11, 2005 so sorry to stir up comotion. let's just stick to my problem huh? haha. anyways, i thought about it somemore. it seems as if she does have these "fits" just when i things were going fine. and after these "fits" we'd actually get more emotionally involved. so it's not like it's going nowhere but actually more of a smoothing out some wrinkles. my question is this, could she actually have been so hurt before that this is some kind of subconcious defense mechanism that she's putting on me? i truly believe she can be so much more to me. it's as if she's trying to retract what she said about loving me because it means so much to her. so she's trying to nit pick about anything that would bother her just so she can justify why she shouldn't be with me. could be an explanation. we'll never know. another question. say that this theory of mine is true. that she is putting up these walls. do you think that if and when she finally trusts me, she can finally stop these "fits"? thanks to all who responded. i find it a great form of support. Link to post Share on other sites
Sckott Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 One COULD date someone emotionally unhealthy. One COULD date someone morbidly obese. One COULD not want to date someone perfectly normal. Call it umm... choice? Preference? I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Same for opposite. Right? Link to post Share on other sites
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