Does it ever make you feel good or better than the other person?

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

begs the question, what school let her in and what are her grades like?

Masters program actually and my grades are great so far

[purplesorrow]

You're making it too simplistic. If it was that easy I would have done it. I have been OLD since I was 19

 

Continue with your education, that is a great start. Owl gave some awesome advice above.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Continue with your education, that is a great start. Owl gave some awesome advice above.

I really do love school and my program so thats one good thing I have going for me.

[Owl]

I just want a decent guy? Why is that bad or impossible? I'm pretty, I'm smart, I am getting a Masters that should count for something right?

 

Because your goals and your timeline aren't compatible with what most 'decent guys' your age are looking for at this time.

 

And while I've not met you in person, your posts here scream insecurity and emotional immaturity.

 

As previously stated...you're not happy with yourself as you are, you're not comfortable with where you are in your life.

 

You come across as very emotionally 'needy', with a desperate desire to be loved and cared for by someone else.

 

Men at 23-25 aren't really looking for that yet.

 

Your self-imposed timeline is, quite honestly, ridiculous. Men in the category you're looking for aren't going to be comfortable with that. And HOW you're looking for said prospective mates...puts the cart before the horse.

 

I don't know how to put it to you any more clearly.

 

Find SOMETHING you can enjoy and become passionate about...that's the best way to meet SOMEONE you can eventually feel the same way for.

 

Marriage comes AFTER that.

 

Planning out the family comes AFTER THAT.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Because your goals and your timeline aren't compatible with what most 'decent guys' your age are looking for at this time.

 

And while I've not met you in person, your posts here scream insecurity and emotional immaturity.

 

As previously stated...you're not happy with yourself as you are, you're not comfortable with where you are in your life.

 

You come across as very emotionally 'needy', with a desperate desire to be loved and cared for by someone else.

 

Men at 23-25 aren't really looking for that yet.

 

Your self-imposed timeline is, quite honestly, ridiculous. Men in the category you're looking for aren't going to be comfortable with that. And HOW you're looking for said prospective mates...puts the cart before the horse.

 

I don't know how to put it to you any more clearly.

 

Find SOMETHING you can enjoy and become passionate about...that's the best way to meet SOMEONE you can eventually feel the same way for.

 

Marriage comes AFTER that.

 

Planning out the family comes AFTER THAT.

 

The things I care about I feel like how would I meet someone? It just sucks all my timeis school stuff or sleep.

 

The engaged guy met his fiancee at grad school at 23 like I want that. I even date older like mid 30s they are just as bad.

[Owl]

The things I care about I feel like how would I meet someone? It just sucks all my timeis school stuff or sleep.

 

The engaged guy met his fiancee at grad school at 23 like I want that. I even date older like mid 30s they are just as bad.

 

Again...how COULD you meet anyone just going to school and home??? You can't. It's that simple. Good men aren't going to suddenly appear in your living room one night.

 

You need to make time to have a life. To find things you enjoy doing that get you to interact with other people.

 

THAT is how you meet someone eventually.

 

And...you ATTRACT them by being the kind of person they want to be around. Fun, exciting, sharing a mutual passion. Someone who is mentally and emotionally mature, self-reliant, self-sufficient.

 

Not someone who is desperately seeking a mate to help her meet a self-imposed timeline to have a baby in.

[Owl]

Or, alternatively, you recognize that your timeline doesn't meet your current life situation (school), and you readjust it accordingly.

[letmoc]

Why do you keep asking these kinds of questions? You don't want to wait until you're more emotionally secure/financially stable so then just take what you can get. Open up an OLD profile and state that you're looking to settle down ASAP. As crazy as it seems, you'll get more offers than you might think.

 

Your trouble is, you want a hot guy who's popular with a lot going for him and with money in the bank but don't bring anything to the table except your desperation and desire for immediate marriage. You want guys who have options and plenty of them but those guys who are so 'called "great" catches don't want you.

 

I'm sorry but unless you're smoking hot and are very social/sociable - and your inability to attract decent men in the real world that actually want to date you points to the fact that this probably isn't the case with you - it is unlikely you're going to meet Prince Charming tomorrow and be married by the end of the week. Few good-looking guys living in America in their 20s are looking to get married. And I'm not even going to touch on the fact that you're a young black girl.

 

You want some advice about finding a husband? The solution is to lower your expectations in terms of looks, status and age. Take what you can get right now, it's the only way you'll get what you think you want in the short term.

 

I agree with most of what you said here but what does her being a young black girl have to do with anything?

[anika99]

I agree with most of what you said here but what does her being a young black girl have to do with anything?

 

 

I'm curious about that statement too.

 

 

OP I just don't think you are grasping what anyone has said to you. It's like you don't have the maturity to be able to understand what anyone is saying. Imagine a 14 yr old girl coming up to you and saying the things you are saying. Imagine her saying things like "I want a baby right now! Why can't I find a guy to marry me and have a baby right now? It's not fair, my best friend just had a baby, why don't I deserve a baby? I date lots of guys and have sex with them to try to get them interested in me. Why doesn't that work?!! It's not fair!! Don't tell me to wait until I'm ready. I don't want to end up some 15 yr old loser who doesn't even have a husband. I want a baby right now!! I deserve everything life has to offer RIGHT NOW DAMMIT!!"

 

 

OP imagine a 14 yr old saying those things to you? How would it sound? Would it sound ridiculous to you? Would you think this girl is in no way ready for a husband and a baby? Now realize that to us here on LS you sound and look just like that 14 yr old girl. It doesn't matter that you are 23 and not 14, everything you say sounds like the things an immature 14 yr old girl would say. You don't talk or think like an adult woman. I'm not saying that to insult you. You are only 23 after all and many 23 yr olds are still terribly immature.

 

 

Life involves making choices and sacrifices. You have chosen to go to college to get your masters which I think is totally awesome by the way. Most people do not do everything in life all at the same time. People who are serious about school and getting a great career usually accept that getting married and starting a family will have to come later because if they did the whole marriage and baby thing right away it would mess up their career goals. Women who get married and have babies young, accept that now their baby has to be their first priority and school and career will have to take a backseat.

 

 

If school takes up so much of your time that you don't have time to pursue a hobby or any other outside interests, then how do you think you will have time to care for a marriage or a baby? Babies take up way more time than hobbies do. If your classes are so demanding that you can't take a few hours here and there to get out and do some social activities then you obviously you don't have the time to care for a helpless dependant infant. You have to make a choice. School and career right now, marriage and babies later, Or marriage and babies right now and MAYBE school and career later.

[Owl]

That's not ideal

 

It shouldn't even be acceptable.

 

No man views someone who is like that as marriage material.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

It shouldn't even be acceptable.

 

No man views someone who is like that as marriage material.

 

I know. I just was really into him. I am still really into him. I just don't get why he can't like me. Why I can't find someone like him. He is like like perfection to me.

 

I really worry about being marriage material you know? Like I don't want to be a bad person, and I want someone to see me and be like "oh she would be the perfect wife and mother". It's all just so complicated

 

I wish I would have not picked school and just picked a family instead

[Owl]

I know. I just was really into him. I am still really into him. I just don't get why he can't like me. Why I can't find someone like him. He is like like perfection to me.

 

I really worry about being marriage material you know? Like I don't want to be a bad person, and I want someone to see me and be like "oh she would be the perfect wife and mother". It's all just so complicated

 

I wish I would have not picked school and just picked a family instead

 

Either live with your choices...or change them.

 

I've given you all the advice I've got for you. You're obsessed with your timeline...which frankly, is unrealistic given your current circumstances, and foolish because it places unrealistic expectations on any prospective mate you meet.

 

Either focus on finishing school and then work to meet someone, or give up school altogether, and hope that you meet someone.

 

Another option might to be to redo your school schedule when you sign up for your next semester of classes, and take fewer classes to ensure that you do indeed get some free time.

 

As I've said, the best way to meet someone and get them interested is through doing a shared hobby or interest.

 

Have you ever considered doing anything other than school or daydreaming about a family? If not...give it some thought, and some planning.

[pink_sugar]

Again...how COULD you meet anyone just going to school and home??? You can't. It's that simple. Good men aren't going to suddenly appear in your living room one night.

 

According to my grandmother, they do. Needless to say she never found anyone else after my grandfather divorced her.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I agree. I guarantee the OP won't feel this way when this soon to be MM cuts it off and chooses his wife over her. If he really had feelings for you, he would end his engagement to be with you. He's just having a little fun getting some on the side before he gets married.

 

Why would he do that?

I feel like as much as everyone is coming down on me with regard to karma and stuff he deserves bad karma too, but he isn't getting it. He is going to get married and have cute babies with country accents. How do people like that get so lucky?! Like even her, I mean I was in their house, she's messy as hell she doesn't clean, they didn't have any cooked meals, she doesn't cook. She will be a bad wife, she isn't skillful. She sucks too. I hate her

[Owl]

Why would he do that?

I feel like as much as everyone is coming down on me with regard to karma and stuff he deserves bad karma too, but he isn't getting it. He is going to get married and have cute babies with country accents. How do people like that get so lucky?! Like even her, I mean I was in their house, she's messy as hell she doesn't clean, they didn't have any cooked meals, she doesn't cook. She will be a bad wife, she isn't skillful. She sucks too. I hate her

 

You hate her...and she's never done a thing to you.

 

THIS is what people are trying to point out to you about the immaturity in your mindset.

 

You're jealous, and now you're calling her sour grapes.

 

Why would he choose her? Who cares...he HAS.

 

You need to figure out why you feel so justified in your attitude, and get THAT fixed first and foremost. Unitl you sort that out...there isn't a 'good' man out there that will want you for a wife and mother of his children.

Edited October 23, 2014 by Owl

[pink_sugar]

You hate her...and she's never done a thing to you.

 

THIS is what people are trying to point out to you about the immaturity in your mindset.

 

You're jealous, and now you're calling her sour grapes.

 

Why would he choose her? Who cares...he HAS.

 

You need to figure out why you feel so justified in your attitude, and get THAT fixed first and foremost. Unitl you sort that out...there isn't a 'good' man out there that will want you for a wife and mother of his children.

 

Exactly. "What would he do that?" you ask? Because very very few MM leave their wife for the OW. You're being very naive if you think this will go on forever unnoticed by his fiance/soon to be wife. And when it does come out, who do you think he's going to end it with? Not his wife. Do yourself a favor and end this now before someone gets hurt...and that someone isn't going to be the MM. It's going to be you and the wife. You're fighting a losing battle if you think he's going to leave his fiance for you.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

You hate her...and she's never done a thing to you.

 

THIS is what people are trying to point out to you about the immaturity in your mindset.

 

You're jealous, and now you're calling her sour grapes.

 

Why would he choose her? Who cares...he HAS.

 

You need to figure out why you feel so justified in your attitude, and get THAT fixed first and foremost. Unitl you sort that out...there isn't a 'good' man out there that will want you for a wife and mother of his children.

 

You don't know that. I hate those kind of statements. I am funny and smart and pretty guys like me. I am sure that I could find someone who would date me. I know what I said was harsh and I know that indicates immaturity and all that but dating cannot be this hard. There HAS to be someone who would date me like now. I have gone out on a ton of dates, I mean something has to come together soon. It just has to.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Exactly. "What would he do that?" you ask? Because very very few MM leave their wife for the OW. You're being very naive if you think this will go on forever unnoticed by his fiance/soon to be wife. And when it does come out, who do you think he's going to end it with? Not his wife. Do yourself a favor and end this now before someone gets hurt...and that someone isn't going to be the MM. It's going to be you and the wife. You're fighting a losing battle if you think he's going to leave his fiance for you.

 

I know he isn't leaving her. I remember when we first started talking I asked if he ever cheated or ever would and he said "no we have been through a 15 month deployment, I would never do that" then 3 days later he did it but.. yeah I mean I know they have a strong relationship.

[pink_sugar]

You don't know that. I hate those kind of statements. I am funny and smart and pretty guys like me. I am sure that I could find someone who would date me. I know what I said was harsh and I know that indicates immaturity and all that but dating cannot be this hard. There HAS to be someone who would date me like now. I have gone out on a ton of dates, I mean something has to come together soon. It just has to.

 

I'm sure there is a guy out there who will date you. But if you want the right guy, you need to have some self respect and not allow this guy to fool you into believing there's something there. Your desperation to find someone and get pregnant isn't going to find you a long lasting, committed relationship. You're only 23, not 43. What's the big rush?

[pink_sugar]

I know he isn't leaving her. I remember when we first started talking I asked if he ever cheated or ever would and he said "no we have been through a 15 month deployment, I would never do that" then 3 days later he did it but.. yeah I mean I know they have a strong relationship.

 

Then, what are your intentions on keeping this going? You know this isn't going to lead into anything. He's not going to marry you and give you a family. I think a part of you secretly hopes he might change his mind.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

I'm sure there is a guy out there who will date you. But if you want the right guy, you need to have some self respect and not allow this guy to fool you into believing there's something there. Your desperation to find someone and get pregnant isn't going to find you a long lasting, committed relationship. You're only 23, not 43. What's the big rush?

 

I just need to know that it will happen. The longer I wait the more likely it isn't going to. I also just feel like now in school is the time to do it. I don't know what my day to day life will be like after graduation. I just don't see a ton of opportunities so it is now or never in my opinion. Being on this site also has kind of freaked me out, there are a lot of old single people who seem miserable... Maybe not even miserable they are just single and old and that has to be sad. I had a substitute professor today and she was saying how she is 40, she had no wedding ring, she talked about dating around a little, she had no kids and she was really bigger. I feel like being single is embarrassing. Something has to be wrong with people who are older and single, something has to be wrong with people my age and single. I don't want to be lumped into that embarrassing group. I want to be "one of the cool kids" thats what a relationship seems like to me.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Then, what are your intentions on keeping this going? You know this isn't going to lead into anything. He's not going to marry you and give you a family. I think a part of you secretly hopes he might change his mind.

 

When I initially had sex with him I did hope he would change. I don't know why, I just like the attention. I kind of like that he is taken because it makes it more forbidden and makes me feel like "Oh I am attractive someone who has this very well put together fiancee wants me and wants to have sex with me, he thinks about me! Yay!". I have put myself in situations like this before. Two other times the first was a guy who had a gf who was 7 months pregnant we were 19, we just messed around no sex but yeah I felt good about myself, the second time was a 2 years ago a guy I went to school with was engaged and having issues and we sexted for a while. In the end he and his fiancee broke up and we went out a few times but we were on two totally different paths.

[Owl]

You don't know that. I hate those kind of statements. I am funny and smart and pretty guys like me. I am sure that I could find someone who would date me. I know what I said was harsh and I know that indicates immaturity and all that but dating cannot be this hard. There HAS to be someone who would date me like now. I have gone out on a ton of dates, I mean something has to come together soon. It just has to.

 

Well...so far your life has proven my viewpoint more than it's proven that I'm wrong, yes?

 

Q.E.D.

[KeepCalmCarryOn]

Well...so far your life has proven my viewpoint more than it's proven that I'm wrong, yes?

 

Q.E.D.

 

Thats rude. I am just not trying hard enough. I need to devote more time to dating and be less picky and then I can get into a relationship.

 

I am a catch I should be in a relationship.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Thats rude. I am just not trying hard enough. I need to devote more time to dating and be less picky and then I can get into a relationship.

 

I am a catch I should be in a relationship.

 

Most people are in relationships because they want each other! You just want a relationship! How's that going to work out? Seriously, did you have a difficult childhood? Do you have problems keeping friends?