How long should you be chatting with someone on OLD before you mention exchanging num

[quidproquo89]

Typically, I like to suggest moving things to the phone after I get at least two responses from a girl. So, it would be on my third message assuming I sent the first one. I've given my number out after only an hour of chatting but it was going well and she texted me the next day. Unfortunately, she was never willing to meet. I've also found that in most cases when I suggest moving to the phone I never hear from them again or they will continue chatting a little more (leading to nothing). I'd respect them telling me they don't want to share their number, but so far no one has been open about that to me. I'm wondering if I should just bypass the phone and ask to meet from now on.

 

I was wondering that too, can't quite get my head around why you would waste your time chatting with somebody if you didn't want anything more? :S

[FitChick]

I was wondering that too, can't quite get my head around why you would waste your time chatting with somebody if you didn't want anything more? :S

Loneliness. Ego boost. Married.

[oberkeat]

When I was doing OLD, after about 5-6 messages, I would ask the girl if she's comfortable exchanging numbers. Then I would text her an invitation to meet. But this is one of the many things that sucks about OLD, in my opinion. It's time consuming. That whole process usually takes 2-3 days. Whereas, if you meet someone in real life and hit it off, you can ask for their number right then and there.

[ThisisIt606]

Give out your number after a couple of message/and you feel you have a good connection and like talking to them. After you find it annoying to sign in to the site each time to read a message from them. WHo cares if "strangers" have your number? What are they going to do? If anyone gets annoying/creepy just block them.

[Gloria25]

Give out your number after a couple of message/and you feel you have a good connection and like talking to them. After you find it annoying to sign in to the site each time to read a message from them. WHo cares if "strangers" have your number? What are they going to do? If anyone gets annoying/creepy just block them.

 

You can't block people on a cellphone...Thankfully, the latest phone I got will allow me to selected numbers straight to voicemail - but it'll sometimes still ring once or twice before going to voicemail.

 

Also, I can't block texts...

[ReadySettyGo]

I exchange numbers via OLD once the first date gets locked in. Will then text only if running late or to find each other.

[Ruby Slippers]

The guy usually gives me his number and asks that we move to text within 1-3 days. After some texting, he suggests meeting. If I like our communication so far, I say let's talk on the phone first, we loosely plan a time to talk (like that evening after 7 pm). We talk, and if all goes well, we plan a date/meet. I don't meet anyone without a good phone conversation first. And I learned the hard way not to spend a lot of energy communicating before you meet, because you won't really know if you hit it off till you do. I strongly favor guys who keep in daily text and/or phone contact until we meet.

[quidproquo89]

The main prospect I was talking about sent me a message apologising that she had her brother turn up and gave me her number.

 

Still having regular contact with another who I will ask for her number soonish.

 

[quidproquo89]

Have another question, just a minor one.

 

If you send an OLD prospect a txt saying good morning. Is that enough to expect a response?

[normal person]

Have another question, just a minor one.

 

If you send an OLD prospect a txt saying good morning. Is that enough to expect a response?

 

Eh. If she likes you, she'll respond no matter what you say. I think that's a bad text to send someone mostly because of the problem you're having with it now. It's sort of ambiguous and doesn't really prompt her to respond with anything substantial. It's just meaningless chit-chat. Ideally your texts should be interesting, practical, and conducive to her responding. And funny if possible. You can't text her like her dad would. It needs to be fresh and exciting.

 

"Good morning." -- You might as well have said nothing. All this does is convey the fact that you want to talk to her and that's it. It's mindless and doesn't do anything for you. It's almost needy.

 

How about a quick joke regarding something you two have been talking about? If not that, how about:

 

"Wow, I'm definitely not a 'morning person' ...until I get my coffee and then I'm pretty sure I can conquer the world. What're you up to today? Let's go out if you're around."

 

It's not Shakespeare, but it's not nothing. It's slightly interesting, she learns something about you and it's a small talking point. It's practical and not excessive.

[quidproquo89]

Eh. If she likes you, she'll respond no matter what you say. I think that's a bad text to send someone mostly because of the problem you're having with it now. It's sort of ambiguous and doesn't really prompt her to respond with anything substantial. It's just meaningless chit-chat. Ideally your texts should be interesting, practical, and conducive to her responding. And funny if possible. You can't text her like her dad would. It needs to be fresh and exciting.

 

"Good morning." -- You might as well have said nothing. All this does is convey the fact that you want to talk to her and that's it. It's mindless and doesn't do anything for you. It's almost needy.

 

How about a quick joke regarding something you two have been talking about? If not that, how about:

 

"Wow, I'm definitely not a 'morning person' ...until I get my coffee and then I'm pretty sure I can conquer the world. What're you up to today? Let's go out if you're around."

 

It's not Shakespeare, but it's not nothing. It's slightly interesting, she learns something about you and it's a small talking point. It's practical and not excessive.

 

its all been good convo up to this point, just happened to say good morning . No biggie here

[Ruby Slippers]

I love the good morning texts. I got two today, and yep, they are putting themselves on my radar, so they are the two guys most on my mind - especially the one who exchanged a couple dozen texts with me on his lunch break. We are meeting tomorrow evening

[Tayken]

Have another question, just a minor one.

 

If you send an OLD prospect a txt saying good morning. Is that enough to expect a response?

 

Only if you are expecting a rhetorical answer like 'good morning back'. You see the problem here? It might sound picky / paedantic, but surely a little bit more meat could have been added to that e.g. good morning xyz, hope you had a good evening / are feeling great this morning?

 

This has the potential to start a dialogue, as opposed to the above 'good morning'.

 

I love the good morning texts.

 

You and I both

 

Give out your number after a couple of message/and you feel you have a good connection and like talking to them. After you find it annoying to sign in to the site each time to read a message from them. WHo cares if "strangers" have your number? What are they going to do?

 

When I was doing OLD, after about 5-6 messages, I would ask the girl if she's comfortable exchanging numbers. Then I would text her an invitation to meet. But this is one of the many things that sucks about OLD, in my opinion. It's time consuming. That whole process usually takes 2-3 days.

 

Both of you and I are on the same wavelength. I always want to get the number after a number of paragraph messages back and forth. Logging into a site to read my messages in not my preference.

 

Whereas, if you meet someone in real life and hit it off, you can ask for their number right then and there.

 

True....but you still have to meet that person, and there is no guarantee that they will be willing to give you their number.

 

Loneliness. Ego boost. Married.

 

I concur. There are many out there like this, and am quite good at quickly letting them know I have no intentions of being a pen pal.

[Gaeta]

Have another question, just a minor one.

 

If you send an OLD prospect a txt saying good morning. Is that enough to expect a response?

 

Only a 'good morning' to me is a conversation starter. What I don't like is the 'good morning and have a wonderful day'. I hate that. If you don't want to exchange a few words then don't text me dead-end good mornings.

 

I remember this man always sending me morning thoughts of the day with images of waterfalls, birds and unicorns saying have a good day. OMG, it annoyed the hell out of me.

[quidproquo89]

Only a 'good morning' to me is a conversation starter. What I don't like is the 'good morning and have a wonderful day'. I hate that. If you don't want to exchange a few words then don't text me dead-end good mornings.

 

I remember this man always sending me morning thoughts of the day with images of waterfalls, birds and unicorns saying have a good day. OMG, it annoyed the hell out of me.

 

first message I've ever sent that was just good morning, have a good day. I don't think I'll send a second. Oh well.

[ddc579]

You can't block people on a cellphone...Thankfully, the latest phone I got will allow me to selected numbers straight to voicemail - but it'll sometimes still ring once or twice before going to voicemail.

 

Also, I can't block texts...

 

Well in fairness, you can actually block numbers on newer iPhones. (Obviously not everyone has an iPhone, but I just wanted to mention that it's not impossible).

[quidproquo89]

both the 19 year old and the 25 year old want to go on a date with me, so get in lol

[insert_name]

From my own limited experience and mainly from learning from the mistakes of others, I have formulated a rough guideline for how to play this:

 

The golden rule is not to talk too much, both via OLD and via text. So you want to aim for between 3 to 5 messages on OLD (unless you pick up the vibe that she still thinks you might be an axe wielding stalker, in which case its down to you how long you wait. Although trust me unless you have got an electricity in the air sort of connection you really don't want to message more than you absolutely have to if you have any intention of meeting them for a date).

 

Then after 3-5 messages say something to the effect of "I'm free this weekend, if you would like to meet up heres my number, send me a message and we can arrange a time and place. Bye" then walk away and if they follow up great, if not, sucks but thats the way it goes. I guess this also has the effect of putting you in the role of the man and therefore the leader of the exchange, women seem to like this behaviour, at least during the courting phase.

 

Once you have arranged the time and place via text I would not text again apart from to confirm plans for the date the day before, if they continue to text you then reply sparingly. I have seen many a friend who thought they knew better ignore my advice and continue chatting **** 24/7 with 3 days til the date then the day before come crying to me saying that they should have listened to me because they have run out of things to say and have got a whole afternoon planned with someone they no longer have any spark with. For this reason its probably advisable to have the date quite soon after you switch to texting.

 

Of course, your mileage may vary but this is as roughly accurate a guide as you can get based on experience, anecdotal evidence and the opinions of girls on here.

[IronZ]

"I'm free this weekend, if you would like to meet up heres my number, send me a message and we can arrange a time and place. Bye"

 

No offense lol but that is literally the worst meeting invitation I've ever heard. There's no buildup or lead in at all. And ending it with "Bye." is just pitiful. You need to work up to it and be casual about it, not just blurt out that you're free, here's my number, see ya! and run away all in one breath. What you're doing is a drive by date.

 

First you give out your number, then you chat for a little while through text. Then, when you feel the moment is right, you lead into asking for a casual date on their terms. It's much more natural and will get you a lot farther.

[michellew]

3 days max! I personally dislike all of the back and forth emails (and texts). A few is fine, but if you really want to get to know me, ask for my number and very shortly after that, invite me out to drink! If you're worried about rejection, don't be. If she hasn't cut you off by now, she's interested.

[michellew]

No offense lol but that is literally the worst meeting invitation I've ever heard. There's no buildup or lead in at all. And ending it with "Bye." is just pitiful. You need to work up to it and be casual about it, not just blurt out that you're free, here's my number, see ya! and run away all in one breath. What you're doing is a drive by date.

 

First you give out your number, then you chat for a little while through text. Then, when you feel the moment is right, you lead into asking for a casual date on their terms. It's much more natural and will get you a lot farther.

 

I agree! It's terrible. I'd also like to add that a lot of women prefer that the man ask for her number instead of just giving his number to her.

[Tayken]

No offense lol but that is literally the worst meeting invitation I've ever heard.

 

Take age into consideration, and it might not shock you.

[quidproquo89]

That was a good point about not messaging too much too soon. As you need more to say and learn in person.

 

I do feel you'll succeed with somebody despite how much you know early one, if you are a good match.

 

Maybe just limit the back and forth a little. As with everything else in life - moderation

[insert_name]

No offense lol but that is literally the worst meeting invitation I've ever heard. There's no buildup or lead in at all. And ending it with "Bye." is just pitiful. You need to work up to it and be casual about it, not just blurt out that you're free, here's my number, see ya! and run away all in one breath. What you're doing is a drive by date.

 

First you give out your number, then you chat for a little while through text. Then, when you feel the moment is right, you lead into asking for a casual date on their terms. It's much more natural and will get you a lot farther.

 

Don't worry, its not verbatim. I have a very unique style of writing (my vocabulary is often commented on as being very impressive) and if I were to write what I actually say it would be easily googleable so I'm goin to keep it up my sleeve.

 

The principle however is still the same. The way I see it, they are on a dating site to date people so provided you can get more than two replies from them you have to assume that at some point in the very near future they are going to be expecting to be asked on a date and exchange numbers - so it makes sense to do the two at once. From what I have read on here women usually are very wary about giving their number out early, so this approach is all about testing them early on by giving them a day to meet on and then offering them the chance to confirm if they want by giving out their number. If they don't then they probably just wanted a pen friend- so nothing lost and time saved.

 

So I don't see the need to build up to it. Of course its a lot neater to pose the question at the right time and that should be fairly intuitive anyway. But again, doing everything in stages seems to be dragging things out to me

Its also very upfront and very honest. It makes me cringe when people say about using the whole "I hate to message via OLD, we should text, here's my number!!1" stuff as its really contrived. You are better off just being blunt and upfront and if it doesn't pay off well you have to ask why they are there if you have to jump through so many hoops to get them to accept a number and arrange a date.

[insert_name]

I agree! It's terrible. I'd also like to add that a lot of women prefer that the man ask for her number instead of just giving his number to her.

 

From what I've read on here a lot of women don't, I guess they feel pressured or whatever if its too soon. Leaving the ball in their court takes any pressure out of it. And to be honest I've done the pen friend thing- never again! If they aren't interested in meeting up after 5 or so messages, well, I've saved time I could be using on a girl who is serious about actually meeting in real life.