Author Jrdinvt Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 Update 6/22/15 It's been a while, but I think I am able to end this Megathread, and begin a new one about life after separation/divorce. What a trip this has been, I have gone to the end of the earth, and I know who I am. What an amazing experience. We had come to an an agreement about one month ago. We both feel it's fair, and we both wanted more, so I would say it was a good compromise. Our attorney/mediator was diagnosed with cancer, and told us he could not complete the case, and we would need to seek help elsewhere. They gave us some names, and shortly after (two weeks) he had passed away. When he told us about the cancer it truly put things into perspective. Therefore, it pushed us both to a "deal". He was a good man, and was really "middle of the road" for us, and I think that world well. Controlling emotions was also helpful - it's a hard line to walk, and I only think a similar feeling is flying a jet with an enemy behind you with missile lock on you the whole time - you just need the process to escort you out of enemy "air-space". Now we have new legal council who will be submitting the paperwork, and then we wait for the court. She moved out the second weekend in June, and it's been amazing since she moved out. She's in one house, and I am in the other. She's carrying that one, and I am carrying this one. Sure, I got nailed with 401k, maintenance, etc...but it's only money, and it's not forever (5 years). I have 50:50 with the kids, and they are happier - I can see it already! We have been having an absolute blast with each other - it's amazing how much better it can be without depression and anxiety in the room. I feel like each day I get a part of me back. I still go to counseling, but now I am backing off to every other week, or maybe even monthly. I would recommend this to ANYONE who goes through anything like this - you may not think you need help, but do it anyway. I have added my profile to a few dating sites, but I know I am not really ready for that. It's been a boost for self-confidence, but what's been great as well is just finding myself, and doing things I enjoy. I love my time with and without the kids. What a massive bonus! Thanks to all the folks who have chimed in and helped me along the way. Big shout-out to Downtown who truly was a coach to me through this process around self well-being. I had some very dark days, and living with a BPD will suck the life out of you. Thanks to all! Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Well, finally, JRD -- you've emerged from the dark tunnel into the light of day! I am so happy for you! When my D was finalized, I felt like the clouds had finally parted and I was seeing sunlight for the first time in many years. I will keep an eye out for your new thread, in case you have time to start one, about your Life after Divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jrdinvt Posted December 2, 2015 Author Share Posted December 2, 2015 It's been a wee bit, so I thought a small update for those who followed my thread or perhaps future people who read this thread will find light in the darkness. First things first - I am sill married. Shocking, I know. The legal system is my state is extremely slow and running behind. My final (and only) hearing is on December 31st. At least it will be 2105. Haha! The I will be legally divorced. However, I have been separated since June 2014, as you may remember from my posts. My mental status is extremely improved. I was so unhappy for so many years. I feel so free. This has been not only a feeling of freedom, letting go, but also rediscovery of who I am. No doubt, I was a victim of some pretty heavy emotional abuse. I was near a point where I didn't like myself, and I second guessed how good of a person I truly was at the core. Not anymore. I am back. I am choosing to be better each day, and I am a better person for it. My kids are doing well, and my STBX has not been overly horrible to me. Don't get me wrong - she tries to tear me down with hurtful text messages and other types of slander - but I don't care anymore. It's the best feeling ever! Goodbye you dark spirited woman. Love it! Thank you to all the people who helped me on this form. This, with a therapist I saw weekly, was absolutely amazing. Dating has been crazy fun - and allowed to also whiteness my self worth. Wow! So many dates have gone so well, and I feel as though I am a hell of a catch! Or at least that's what they say! I am not "caught" yet though. Taking my time! Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 JRD, what wonderful news! Everything is still on track and you're holding firm! I'm very happy for you and the lucky ladies who are able to date you. My final (and only) hearing is on December 31st. December 31, imagine that! If the court actually delivers on that date and their is no further delay, you're sure to have one hell of a New Year's Eve celebration, JRD. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jrdinvt Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 Thank you, Downtown! My thoughts exactly! The countdown and fireworks will be more meaningful than ever!! Link to post Share on other sites
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