Well, I'm back.

[Chi townD]

I was a bit irritated she never texted me to see how I was doing. Even if I had a falling out with an ex, I'd still check up on them if they were in the hospital, especially for an extended period of time like I was. Her mom works at the hospital, she did stop by to see how I was doing - which was nice (neither of us ever brought up how the ex was doing).

 

 

 

 

There ya go! There was no need to stop in and check on you if mom can give her updates.

 

 

Dude, you need to move on. Make positive changes in your life!

[dyna85]

Well... you're much better than some. You didn't technically break NC. So you checked her FB once, after a decent hiatus? It's okay. Don't focus too hard on it. Just get right back up on the wagon and keep it moving.

[xUnknown]

Well... you're much better than some. You didn't technically break NC. So you checked her FB once, after a decent hiatus? It's okay. Don't focus too hard on it. Just get right back up on the wagon and keep it moving.

 

Thanks man. I've wanted to reach out so many times but stopped myself. I was sort of neutral about how I was feeling earlier, now I'm sort of feeling down/depressed about everything. Its a cycle, so I know my mood will change. Just sucks.

[Mi7522]

Thanks man. I've wanted to reach out so many times but stopped myself. I was sort of neutral about how I was feeling earlier, now I'm sort of feeling down/depressed about everything. Its a cycle, so I know my mood will change. Just sucks.

 

I know how you're feeling, I thought I was finally moving on but this week has been especially hard for me and I'm tempted to contact her even though I know nothing will come of it. I wish I could just get rid of these feelings but I can't seem to shake them. Hang in there and keep NC it's best for the both of us

[Holmes85]

xUnkown,

 

I really want you to listen to me. At any point in your life when your partner starts acting different, not sure what they want, want a break or giving you confused signals (despite of you giving it your best and are a very caring / loving boyfriend in the relationship), it only means one thing, it means the partner you are with thinks that they can do better. The thoughts are playing on their mind already, they are finding reasons to breakup and convincing themselves and already have one foot out of the door. In short they think there's more to life and they are selling themselves short by being with you and there is a whole world out there to explore fill their dreams. Naturally many come back when their expectations aren't met and when the reality hits them hard, then they realize their worth, that's where they try to get intouch with you to see where you are at and possibly want a reconcilation or start pursuing someone else again.

 

In these type of situations, it's best to cut off contact with your partner. You make it clear to your partner on what you want in a relationship and to contact you when their mind is set on what they really want (this not only makes you look attractive to your partner, but it also shows that you won't stand for all the B.S they are giving you).

 

You also mentioned that she wanted "you" to breakup with her, but since you didn't give her that, she's going to find many other excuses to breakup with you and eventually would end up breaking with you. In either case it's much better that you stand your ground and let your wants and needs known to her (this is also how mature couples work through relationship, they communicate like adults).

 

I would strongly advice you to cut her off, yes it will hurt and you will feel depressed, but once this emotional fog in your head clears, you'll see all those shady things she's feeding you and would start questioning them, you should take a step back and take some time off to clear your head and I don't mean a month or two, it's going to take as long as it takes till you completely get a hold of the situation.

 

You would know when you are ready and have yourself back, once you no longer have the urge to be with her and start thinking logically instead of emotionally, then then work on yourself to make yourself a better person, in the end you would be the one coming out as a strong person, I can promise you this much.

 

Good Luck!

[dyna85]

xUnknown,

 

any time you check the FB, you're going to feel worse that day and may have a bit of a hangover effect the following day (at least, that was my experience..til i stopped checking altogether bc it was much too painful)

 

we've all been there and succumbed to the beast, so no worries

 

you're going to feel that dip because you just reopened the wound a tad

 

i know how you feel with the mood changes as mine are ever fluctuating as well... right now i'm happy, next minute i'm all sappy and so sentimental & sad and teary-eyed... that's how it goes

 

it's okay, you'll manage

 

stay strong from here on out, buddy!

[xUnknown]

xUnkown,

 

In these type of situations, it's best to cut off contact with your partner. You make it clear to your partner on what you want in a relationship and to contact you when their mind is set on what they really want (this not only makes you look attractive to your partner, but it also shows that you won't stand for all the B.S they are giving you).

 

You also mentioned that she wanted "you" to breakup with her, but since you didn't give her that, she's going to find many other excuses to breakup with you and eventually would end up breaking with you. In either case it's much better that you stand your ground and let your wants and needs known to her (this is also how mature couples work through relationship, they communicate like adults).

 

Good Luck!

 

Thank you for the reply. Just to clarify, this happened early October. Since then I have cut her off. I've only texted her one word "Thanks" (a few weeks after our BU when my dog died, she texted me hoping I was okay).

 

I got the feeling that she wanted me to break up. She never said she wanted to, only said that she didn't want to end it and didn't want to break up. Implied a break, but said she didn't want to take one because she knew I wouldn't give her another shot...thus implying that I initiate the break. In the end, I issued an ultimatum. It ended as all ultimatums end "I guess we're broken up then". Perhaps subconsciously I issued it because I wanted out. Actually, I know part of it was...I knew if I issued it, that would be the answer I got.

 

Also, I never said anything along the lines of "if you have a change of heart and figure out I'm what you want, to contact me". Obviously, I certainly wish I had, only because I feel that would have left things on better terms.

 

I figure its too late at this point to say something like that.

Edited February 18, 2015 by xUnknown

[xUnknown]

xUnknown,

 

any time you check the FB, you're going to feel worse that day and may have a bit of a hangover effect the following day (at least, that was my experience..til i stopped checking altogether bc it was much too painful)

 

we've all been there and succumbed to the beast, so no worries

 

you're going to feel that dip because you just reopened the wound a tad

 

i know how you feel with the mood changes as mine are ever fluctuating as well... right now i'm happy, next minute i'm all sappy and so sentimental & sad and teary-eyed... that's how it goes

 

it's okay, you'll manage

 

stay strong from here on out, buddy!

 

Thank you. I don't know why today was different, but I caved. I think part of me wanted to see if she was dating anyone else so that it would help me get over it. Who knows.

[xUnknown]

There ya go! There was no need to stop in and check on you if mom can give her updates.

 

 

Dude, you need to move on. Make positive changes in your life!

 

Missed your reply. That's a good point Chi. I had thought about that too. So it does make sense.

 

Surprisingly I have been moving on. Back in December before that stuff with my knee I was going on dates an really enjoying myself and the single life. Since the knee injury, the dates have stopped so I can focus on recovering. I truly think I'm just missing that she helped me the last time--this time I don't have her as that support, so its caused me to relapse a little.

 

All my friends have been complimenting me on how well I've been handling the break up and moving on - which I have been. I usually have no need to log on here to post unless I relapse a little bit. I mean heck, Its been the first time since October that I've even posted in this thread.

 

Thanks for your reply man. I do appreciate all the advice.

[jphcbpa]

Perhaps the knee injury was good. It forced you to slow down and reset in many facets of your life. Perhaps there was a pocket of sadness that needed to be processed before you could proceed. Try to see this as a stepping stone and a moment in time when you were forced to sit and feel.

[xUnknown]

Perhaps the knee injury was good. It forced you to slow down and reset in many facets of your life. Perhaps there was a pocket of sadness that needed to be processed before you could proceed. Try to see this as a stepping stone and a moment in time when you were forced to sit and feel.

 

That was deep bro. I hadn't thought about that. It was like right when I'm feeling good, enjoy doing my own thing, get back on my horse and dating again, the knee thing happened and brought me back. Slowly making me think of the ex, until yesterday when I finally caved in.

 

I guess I hate leaving things on bad terms. Its that guilt that I feel. Even if we aren't together, I'd like the friendship with her. She was a big part of my life through a lot of some very serious matters.

[Itspointless]

You are doing well man. I agree with jphcbpa (no surprises there). It is perfectly natural that you still feel sadness about her, especially as she seems to be doing well. Keep going on like you do, going on and and looking back once in a while

[xUnknown]

So I started dating this one girl back in early April. Great girl... but I just couldn't see myself falling in love with her. Last night I had the talk and thought we should part ways. She put up a good poker face when we talked, but later that night I started getting texts from her about why, asking me to elaborate and such... I feel bad, but I know I needed to do that.

 

I **** you not, no more than an hour after I did that, I got a FB message from my ex. I haven't talked to her since October. She's currently dating some guy right now. We're fb friends but she doesn't show up on my feed at all. I actually didn't know she was with someone until about a month after it happened when my friend dropped the line to me.

 

it said

Hey xunknown, I saw this and thought of you. Hope you're doing well. That sounds so stupid and cliché... but I honestly mean it.

All-Ranch Dressing Restaurant Opening Next Week in St. Louis | FWx

 

She knows I love Ranch, which is why that's there. Obviously, its just a feeler text, to see if we're on speaking terms yet. Like, I'm in PA... why would I have any interest in a restaurant in St. Louis. Maybe if it were something local, that'd be different. Again, solidifying that it was just a feeler. My birthday is in a week, and hers is the week following that. I don't plan on sending a response.

[Haydn]

So I started dating this one girl back in early April. Great girl... but I just couldn't see myself falling in love with her. Last night I had the talk and thought we should part ways. She put up a good poker face when we talked, but later that night I started getting texts from her about why, asking me to elaborate and such... I feel bad, but I know I needed to do that.

 

I **** you not, no more than an hour after I did that, I got a FB message from my ex. I haven't talked to her since October. She's currently dating some guy right now. We're fb friends but she doesn't show up on my feed at all. I actually didn't know she was with someone until about a month after it happened when my friend dropped the line to me.

 

it said

 

She knows I love Ranch, which is why that's there. Obviously, its just a feeler text, to see if we're on speaking terms yet. Like, I'm in PA... why would I have any interest in a restaurant in St. Louis. Maybe if it were something local, that'd be different. Again, solidifying that it was just a feeler. My birthday is in a week, and hers is the week following that. I don't plan on sending a response.

 

Hello mate,

 

No, no response.

 

Mind you that food looks bloody good.

[grokcahsevol]

 

She knows I love Ranch, which is why that's there. Obviously, its just a feeler text, to see if we're on speaking terms yet. Like, I'm in PA... why would I have any interest in a restaurant in St. Louis. Maybe if it were something local, that'd be different. Again, solidifying that it was just a feeler. My birthday is in a week, and hers is the week following that. I don't plan on sending a response.

 

Do you think it's her way of reaching out trying to maybe rekindle things? maybe she thought you would try to set up a date or something, even though she's with this other guy..

[xUnknown]

Do you think it's her way of reaching out trying to maybe rekindle things? maybe she thought you would try to set up a date or something, even though she's with this other guy..

 

I don't know to be honest. The only thing I said to her was "Okay" when she declined another discussion after we broke up... and "Thanks." after my dog passed away a week after that. This was back in mid-October and I haven't seen or said a word to her since then. Weird thing though, about a month and a half ago, I got a FB message from her best friend. Her best friend was dating a guy for about 5 years and they had just broken up. To summarize, it was "hey, i'm sorry you two didn't work out, I know how much you cared about her. Me and __ also just broke up." Kinda seemed like a weird thing to message me of all people. It seemed like she was reaching out to me because she finally understood what it felt like.

 

She's the type of person (well lets face it, all women are), that then someone doesn't like them, or things are on bad terms, it bugs them. I think it was just a feeler text to see if I would respond to try and be on better terms.