So We're Separating

[dreamingoftigers]

Isn't it odd the way he didn't need you...until he did?

 

I think a move sounds like a good idea. Your daughter is young enough that she'll blend into a new school just fine.

 

I think you're doing a fine job in keeping it together. You're making plans and you're moving forward.

 

"A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step" xo

 

My favorite line of two weeks ago was "you ate the most irresponsible person I have ever met." Because I wanted to quit a job that wasn't a good fit at all.

 

I couldn't believe it.

 

The last five years, over half the time it was me SINGULARLY making sure rent and childcare was paid.

Three times he's really screwed me over on rent. I mean like REALLY SCREWED me over.

 

I solely supported him for a summer and he was supposed to pay me back for it and made such a big stink about it.

Ugh.

 

For years he made much less than hakf of what it cost to live here and raise our daughter and I ALWAYS marshalled the resources to make it work while supporting whatever pipe dream he had while he took a total crap on our marriage AND my personal goals.

 

Honestly, I feel like kicking his ass right now.

 

But then he wouldn't be able to walk out the door again.

 

Is it fair to send someone with two slipped disks out to the car to sleep?

 

I doubt it. Ugh.

 

So annoyed right now.

 

I guess I should tell him instead of you guys.

 

At least he won't placate me. He's not too good at that.

 

Oh yeah. Last year I told him how used I felt and he said "If I was going to use someone, I would've used someone that actually had something."

 

Although frankly. I've said some crappy things in arguments as well.

[BetrayedH]

My husband is generally overall involved with her. (Despite his repugnant behaviour these last two weeks). And not just involved, but very much an invested Dad.

 

Have to call bull-crap on this. I've heard more than one abandonment story out of you. This ain't the first time he's left you with NOTHING. As I recall, you had to go to some extraordinary lengths to sort your lives out.

 

Maybe I can see one fluke argument that results in an extended separation. This isn't a fluke. It's a pattern of behavior and it leaves his wife and child with nothing while he goes NC for however long he likes. THAT'S alienation.

 

A great father, he is not.

[dreamingoftigers]

(Sad face).

 

Stay strong and just focus on your daughter. Mine is 5 too and I can tell you some days it's the only reason I get out of bed.

 

I have definitely been there. And definitely in the last two weeks.

 

She's my little light.

And its hard to focus when you see so many of your hopes and dreams torn completely asunder.

 

And just not seeing an easy way to cope emotionally or financially.

 

I understand him wanting to leave.

But he didn't need to EFF us over like that.

Not at all.

He could've made sure rent and transportation was covered.

 

I just can't see myself doing that to a person.

[dreamingoftigers]

Have to call bull-crap on this. I've heard more than one abandonment story out of you. This ain't the first time he's left you with NOTHING. As I recall, you had to go to some extraordinary lengths to sort your lives out.

 

Maybe I can see one fluke argument that results in an extended separation. This isn't a fluke. It's a pattern of behavior and it leaves his wife and child with nothing while he goes NC for however long he likes. THAT'S alienation.

 

A great father, he is not.

 

Yeah he goes a few days to a week.

 

Also why I began the process for sole custody instead of joint.

 

It's an old pattern for sure.

 

He did it started five years ago and then around three years ago again.

 

So I partitioned the bank accounts. We closed our business as well so he couldn't pull that shart with the account anymore.

 

This summer though he started it right back up.

In a big way.

 

This time the circs were a little different.

I haven't been consistently working since being laid off at the end of June.

 

Even though the cheque was my cheque and the accounts partitioned, I was very ill a couple weeks ago. He wanted to pick things up from the store.

I let him cash the cheque through the joint.

 

He did. Got a couple things and some gas.

Then came home.....i swear to God picked a fight big time. It did not get explosive or whatever.

 

He took off out the door. I ran to my phone, charhed it to move the remaining $ because I figured he would pull that given the fact he just took off.

 

By the time my phone was on and working, he pulled $40 of the remaining $47.80

 

That's usually where things stop. Whatever he can't get out of a bank machine he leaves behind.

 

Then about half an hour later he got $7 in gas.

I was so pissed. I had a quarter tank left in my car.

 

So $0.80 left.

 

Then guess what? He went frigging McD and put $0.18 through to complete a purchase.

 

Honestly. I am pretty dusgusted.

 

This isn't a little kid or a teenager.

This is a 36 year old father.

 

But yes, him and T are very attached and he makes very special efforts to show her that often.

 

In the same breath he'll be an utter jerk to me.

My main bitterness is how much this did hurt her.

 

She doesn't understand it and it's not fair.

I don't think that even registers to him.

I think he sees himself like a hurt kid that everyone "expects too much out of."

 

He left behind a great job that GAVE him a car.

Of course they think its his back.

They have no idea.

 

I'm irritated today. I am sick of trying to be nice and careful about how damn stupudly unreasonable this all is.

 

I am going to do it. I am waking his a** up and getting some real answers and arrangements. And in writing. And if he doesn't stick to them I am documenting it and taking it with me to the next court appt. Too bad for him. He had me in his corner for 2000 days longer than he should have.

[Steen719]

Oh DOT, so sorry. What a struggle it has been for you and you all have been through so much. Still, his behavior about taking the last of the money is sort of typical of the behavior he has had in the past (with money and other things).

 

Whatever your decision is, you will make it OK. You and your daughter have each other and even though you are not fortunate to have a good relationship with your family, you have her and have made her life as good as you have been able to.

 

I hope you are faring well. Let us hear how you are doing and you know we are here for you.

[evanescentworld]

I pray (as only Buddhist prayers go!) every day for you, DOT.... I have a little oil lamp lit on my Buddha-altar, and it burns for you...

 

I hope you are coping, as you have demonstrably done so well, so far....

Much Metta to you, Dearest.

[Steen719]

So, how are you, DOT?

[dreamingoftigers]

Hey everyone,

 

I wrote a huge post about a week ago, when I went to post it, it disappeared.

 

But I am doing somewhat better.

 

I will have to post up more of an update later.

 

I just got back from a four-day trip to Ontario to visit my mother's family.

 

It went well. My grandmother turned 90. It was so much fun to bring my cute little daughter along. She was the only great-grandchild there and the only kid. She's 5. Everyone was just all over her the whole time. She's so adorable and well-behaved. Lots of compliments. :love:

[SummerDreams]

DoT, take strength from your little one. I promise you things will get better sooner or later and all this will be a distant nightmare. Hang in there and think logically. Having you in my mind.

[freestyle]

Sending you good thoughts, DoT....