Pursuing a teenage boy...

[Mrin]

Imagine OP was a guy instead - I guarantee you'd have a 20 page thread of diatribes with people crying rape, pedophilia etc. Guys get VERY bad rap on these things.

 

This x 300 = Truth. You're so right.

[Crila16]

16 isn't legal. It's 18 I thought. 16????????????? That's disgusting. He's a baby. You're in your late 20's. That's beyond cradle robbing. It's outright sickening.

 

NO....absolutely not. If I were his mother, I'd smack you upside the head. Grow up and find someone your own age. This is a child who is just starting out in the world. Let him be with a girl his age, who he can have a future with.

[BeholdtheMan]

16 isn't legal. It's 18 I thought. 16????????????? That's disgusting. He's a baby. You're in your late 20's. That's beyond cradle robbing. It's outright sickening.

It's 16 in many jurisdictions

 

...and no, a 16 year old is not baby. He's a 16 year old. It would be very hard to paint him as a victim if he has consensual sex with an attractive 25 year old woman

[Teraskas]

Honestly I don't condone of this idea.

However that said, I wish that there were more women around between 25-30 who would consider giving guys in their early 20s a chance, and not generalise them based on age.

[littleplanet]

such a widdle biddie babykins at that age......

I left home and paid my own rent at that age.

And this was not uncommon, at that time.

Had I been called a "child" I would have just laughed it off.

 

But legalities aside (because that's not the real issue here)

OP,

laws of attraction are what they are.

Of course you're going to run right into that double standard.

A few months from now, when you do have that interesting discussion, you just may be surprised at the level of maturity that comes back at you.

But the point is to do no damage.

(and what's damaging......and what isn't?)

 

In the real world of adults certain behaviors are deferred - not because of fear of prison. Or the judgement of peers. That's just the kickback of a police state. Which is a real mess, at the moment.

 

If you both were twice your age, you'd just be a cougar and praised to the skies.

In time, maybe you'll be young enough for him - maybe he'll be old enough for you. Maybe no hearts get broken. Maybe no social embarrassment ensues. Maybe it's a story for the grandkids. Who knows?

 

I was a 16 year-old once. I haven't forgotten.

I would have turned you down. (but that's just me.)

I was a very romantic lad. Conventional to the hilt.

 

If he was just a typical goof acting his age - you'd laugh it off, wouldn't you?

The world is full of boys his age who no doubt would fantasize about you all night long. So there it is.

The difference between crude and juvenile, and something meaningful, are miles apart.

Probable and typical assumptions are a dime a dozen.

The specifics of any two people climb out of a dimestore novel and make life interesting.

Consider the volatilties.

People always will act the real ages they happen to be.....and that often goes beyond just the numbers.

[umirano]

16 isn't legal. It's 18 I thought. 16????????????? That's disgusting. He's a baby. You're in your late 20's. That's beyond cradle robbing. It's outright sickening.

 

NO....absolutely not. If I were his mother, I'd smack you upside the head. Grow up and find someone your own age. This is a child who is just starting out in the world. Let him be with a girl his age, who he can have a future with.

 

A typical "oh I'm so moral post" filled with unrealistic, flat out craziness.

 

• He's not a baby
  
• Being with a girl his age will not guarantee a future with her. Either.
  
• It's not sickening.
  

 

Obviously all those shocked experts on societal morale and male teenagers generally have no idea what the real consequences would be for the boy. He'd not be an emotional wreck for the rest of his life. He'd just have had an interesting, teaching experience early on. Nothing more, nothing less. He's not so damn dumb to imagine that she'll be the love of his life or anything like that. Where the h*ll do you get this idea from? How is every 16yo a naive, brain dead daydreamer without any grasp on life's peculiar ways? Calm the F down everybody. It's a damn girl having the hots for a damn guy. That's all. In two years the same thing could happen. With 23 I wasn't much more mature than with 16. These laws never cover reality in all its aspects and details. They're a general rule to go by. Think of it as a rule oriented at the average. If you know anything about statistics you know that the average doesn't even have to exist in the sample that you're looking at. You wouldn't be so dramatic about it if both their ages were increased by two years, so don't pretend this is a huge deal.

 

OP, don't manipulate him. Just tell him what you want and where you're coming from. If you like talking to him, tell him what exactly it is that sparks your interest. If you're just physically interested in him, don't tell him otherwise.

[stillafool]

I

Once the boy turns 16, it's legal. I find it laughable that some are labelling it as a heinous evil. If my 16 year old son willingly had sex with a 25 year old woman, I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion that his youth had been grotesquely defiled.

 

Depending on his attitude toward the encounter, I might be inclined to give him a high-five. Of course, non-consensual sex would be an entirely different matter. .

 

Would you high five your daughter who had a mad cross on her math teacher and he gave in to her desires? I'm sure she'd like to brag to her friends how she seduced a grown man.

[xxoo]

On this thread I notice some men outraged that women think it's wrong, and other men pointing out the double standard and the lack of outrage compared to if it were an adult man.

 

Women fairly consistently think it's a terrible idea, and taking advantage of a boy. Men seem divided.

[NJ123]

On this thread I notice some men outraged that women think it's wrong, and other men pointing out the double standard and the lack of outrage compared to if it were an adult man.

 

Women fairly consistently think it's a terrible idea, and taking advantage of a boy. Men seem divided.

 

Just heard about 2 female teachers in Louisiana who had a 3-some with a 16 year old male student this past month. And they allegedly made a sex tape too. 90% of the comments I read from males think the kid is a bad-ass. I mean there obviously is a double standard. The women in these situations are also treated with way more leniency & most males seem to not think any less of them as long as their attractive, while if it was a male teacher whom did the same thing they would get 20 years in jail & seen as a monster.

[GorillaTheater]

On this thread I notice some men outraged that women think it's wrong, and other men pointing out the double standard and the lack of outrage compared to if it were an adult man.

 

Women fairly consistently think it's a terrible idea, and taking advantage of a boy. Men seem divided.

 

We're divided for precisely the same reason there's a double standard.

 

Best illustrations are the rash of female teacher-male student cases that have been reported lately. In the comments sections of the stories, you'll inevitably have a bunch of guys wondering where the hell this teacher was when THEY were students, and a bunch of guys bitching about double-standards when it comes to prosecutions, when the answer lies with the guys going "woo hoo!".

 

Me, I'm of one mind about it, though. It's a terrible f*cking idea.

[CaliGuy]

On this thread I notice some men outraged that women think it's wrong, and other men pointing out the double standard and the lack of outrage compared to if it were an adult man.

 

Women fairly consistently think it's a terrible idea, and taking advantage of a boy. Men seem divided.

 

No delineation.

 

A child is a child and sex with a child is WRONG, I don't care who has what role.

[Els]

A typical "oh I'm so moral post" filled with unrealistic, flat out craziness.

 

• He's not a baby
  
• Being with a girl his age will not guarantee a future with her. Either.
  
• It's not sickening.
  

 

Obviously all those shocked experts on societal morale and male teenagers generally have no idea what the real consequences would be for the boy. He'd not be an emotional wreck for the rest of his life. He'd just have had an interesting, teaching experience early on. Nothing more, nothing less. He's not so damn dumb to imagine that she'll be the love of his life or anything like that. Where the h*ll do you get this idea from? How is every 16yo a naive, brain dead daydreamer without any grasp on life's peculiar ways? Calm the F down everybody. It's a damn girl having the hots for a damn guy. That's all. In two years the same thing could happen. With 23 I wasn't much more mature than with 16. These laws never cover reality in all its aspects and details. They're a general rule to go by. Think of it as a rule oriented at the average. If you know anything about statistics you know that the average doesn't even have to exist in the sample that you're looking at. You wouldn't be so dramatic about it if both their ages were increased by two years, so don't pretend this is a huge deal.

 

OP, don't manipulate him. Just tell him what you want and where you're coming from. If you like talking to him, tell him what exactly it is that sparks your interest. If you're just physically interested in him, don't tell him otherwise.

 

So you would be totally okay with your 15 year old child dating a 25 year old man/woman?

 

I agree that some people are exaggerating a little bit, but it doesn't change the fact that the boy's parents (and many of the people who know them) are unlikely to be thrilled when they find out. And yes, as parents of a 15 year old who isn't a legal adult yet, it IS their business.

[xxoo]

Just heard about 2 female teachers in Louisiana who had a 3-some with a 16 year old male student this past month. And they allegedly made a sex tape too. 90% of the comments I read from males think the kid is a bad-ass. I mean there obviously is a double standard. The women in these situations are also treated with way more leniency & most males seem to not think any less of them as long as their attractive, while if it was a male teacher whom did the same thing they would get 20 years in jail & seen as a monster.

 

Maybe I'm misinterpreting, but are men blaming the double standard on women?

 

Because I don't see a double standard in women's perception. Women are outraged when women prey upon our boys.

[Woggle]

I am all for women dating younger men but make sure they are legally adults.

[Els]

I am all for women dating younger men but make sure they are legally adults.

 

Indeed. If the OP had been talking about dating a 20-yo man I would hope that the responses would be much more moderate.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

You know it's gonna be a good thread when the OP starts by promising not to commit a felony.

 

Let me start by saying that if I had known he was only 15 (thus, jailbait) when I first met him, there is no way I would have even looked twice at him.

 

And now that you know that, you aren't turned off?

 

probably thinks I'm close to his age (I can easily pass for as young as 16 or 17).

 

That doesn't make it okay. What makes you think he won't be horrified when he realizes your true age? Even if his teenage boy-brain is excited at the thought, he may have seen enough made-for-TV movies to know that always ends badly.

 

I'm thinking of asking him to hangout sometime in the next few weeks. Problem is: I'm seriously scared of the worst case scenario, which is him being turned off by the age difference, thinking I'm weird (or even worse, desperate), and not wanting to be my training partner anymore. This must not happen.

 

If you pursue him at all, to include asking him to hang out, all of those things will happen, guaranteed. That should be reason enough (besides the fact that HE IS FIFTEEN).

 

The only way I can think of to make sure that doesn't happen is to get him to ask me out. But... from my experience dating teenage boys when I was a teenager myself nearly a decade ago, this would likely take a lot of patience, and probably some heavy hinting (example: it took him a while just to transition from asking "do you have a partner?" to "want to be partners?"), if it ever happens at all.

 

Serious question: why is this appealing to you? Why are you, an adult, attracted to a kid who can't drink, can't rent a car, has virtually zero sexual experience or understanding what women need, and who lives with and completely depends on his parents? What are you getting from him? It seems like your answer is "casual entertainment", so I have to ask why in the world can't you get some of that from a man your own age?

 

I just want to date him casually and non-exclusively, absolutely NOT a serious relationship.

 

Wow, you obviously don't remember what being a teenager is like. Let me remind you: everything is dramatic and life-altering ALL THE TIME. When your teacher embarrasses you in class you go home and want to die. When that guy blows you off you contemplate suicide. Your parents are just like Hitler. Being a teenager is hard enough; the last thing he needs is an adult taking advantage of his surging hormone storm.

 

If anything happened here it would go south, guaranteed. At a bare minimum you would be banned from the dojo. His parents would very likely seek a restraining order or the Canadian equivalent, and you would spend every job interview for the rest of your life explaining why you have a police record. Is that a price you're willing to pay for a kid fumbling ineptly under your skirt?

 

Out of curiosity I went back and explored your other threads. I noticed your first one was about your frustration when a much older man wasn't interested in you and your repeated attempts to get him back. Then not that long ago you posted about other guys in your martial arts class. Do you think there's something a little off about how you pursue men? This is something you should talk to a psychologist about. He or she could help you understand why you have these kinds of attractions and if there's a pattern (I'm no psychologist and won't pretend I know why you do what you do).

[BeholdtheMan]

Would you high five your daughter who had a mad cross on her math teacher and he gave in to her desires? I'm sure she'd like to brag to her friends how she seduced a grown man.

 

Obviously I wouldn't

 

Why did you leave out the rest of my post, the part addressing the actual differences between boys and girls and the different social standards applying to them?

 

If somehow my daughter felt inclined to brag, then I would find it hard to label her a victim, especially if she's of legal age.

[NJ123]

Maybe I'm misinterpreting, but are men blaming the double standard on women?

 

Because I don't see a double standard in women's perception. Women are outraged when women prey upon our boys.

 

I know, but I'm just saying men in general think differently on these things if some young male kid is having sex with a hot older woman. A lot of guys are saying they wish it were them it happened to. But at the same time, if it were some under age girl having sex with an older guy most of those same guys would think that guy is some monster. So there's a double standard in a man's point of view but not a woman's.

[MrNate 2.0]

Just when you thought you seen it all.

 

 

Isn't that right, Chris?

[MissBee]

On this thread I notice some men outraged that women think it's wrong, and other men pointing out the double standard and the lack of outrage compared to if it were an adult man.

 

Women fairly consistently think it's a terrible idea, and taking advantage of a boy. Men seem divided.

 

It seems a lot of the men are speaking about what they would have wished for in their teenage fantasies and speaking from the boy's perspective (or what they think it is). However, the fantasies of a teenager IMO should hardly be the final say in if an action of an older adult is the right course of action. I thought this was pretty obvious...

 

I think lots of the women, I know me in particular, am more concerned about the OP and why she even wants to do this... it boggles my mind because we're around the same age and I cannot fathom this neither can I imagine any of the women I know even wanting to do this! Of course a 15 year old kid might not mind this fantasy (and it depends on the kid), but so what? What the kid wants and what the adult should do are entirely different things. I'm more curious about why she wants to do this with this kid than his imagined delight at it....

 

When I was a teen I did go out with men in their twenties sometimes, once at 17 I was seeing a 30 year old guy. My parents knew nothing about this. I was pretty mature for my age BUT now looking back, I don't feel any differently about my maturity; however I do feel like WTF was wrong with these men for wanting to date me???? And frankly, I look at them as men with issues now. Also if I were dating a guy and he told me his last gf was 16....I would run the other way. I wonder what OP's future dates will think about this if they find out and the men who think this is A-OK...if you were seeing a woman who said her last bf or guy she slept with was 16 what would you think about it?

[Blade96]

why on earth do these nut bars all seem to come from my country?

 

first there was karen the lesbian teacher same age as this girl who wanted her lesbian student, (who was 18)

 

and now this girl.

 

Time to emigrate maybe.

 

P.S. 25 interested in 15 year old. Gross. When i was 20 for god's sake, and in the royal canadian army cadets (you have to leave at age 18 or 19 I forget which but they let me stay to finish the four levels a cadet must pass) there was a 15 year old interested in me. There was only 5 years difference and he was legal at the time, it was 1998 and legal then in canada was 14 not 16, the Conservative Party of Canada made it 16 just a couple of years ago, but I still found it absolutely disgusting! It's a *******teenage boy! Gross!

 

Ten years later, when I was 30 and in university, I did date a guy ten years younger. Only for like a month or so but even though he was 20 and could drive drink vote had job and everything, it was still painfully clear our maturity level difference.

 

Even though I have to live with my parents because I am finding it hard to find work, I am still 36 and have the thinking of someone of this age (and sometimes, I feel, of someone much older like 50 because I have had a bad life and so had to mature quickly in my thinking). Even someone 20 years old who drives has a job and all that an age level difference of thinking and maturity is still going to be clear.

 

When I did choose an online boyfriend I was 35. He is 5 years older. He is someone my own age. (from belarus, I know, but he's my own age)

 

Earlier this year (just before I turned 36) one of my other fb friends - I don't mind teenagers or almost teenagers if it is just friends, they can be cool in their own way if it is just friends, I have a 17 year old Russian boy now who helps me with Russian - expressed an interest in me. He was 20! I was 35! Cool as he is, and a nice friend -

 

This pic explains everything, I think:

 

Edited October 3, 2014 by Blade96

[umirano]

So you would be totally okay with your 15 year old child dating a 25 year old man/woman?

I didn't say I'd be ok in any case. Like I said, there are 16yo who are more mature than certain 20yo. So getting so hung up on a low two digit figure is not very helpful. I think if I found out that my mature 16yo had something with a 25yo I'd want to know a little more (is it ongoing, who is she, how did they meet) before I'd call the police.

 

I agree that some people are exaggerating a little bit, but it doesn't change the fact that the boy's parents (and many of the people who know them) are unlikely to be thrilled when they find out. And yes, as parents of a 15 year old who isn't a legal adult yet, it IS their business.

 

It's possible. I don't expect that every parent is the same. I'm just saying, likely that guy will not be traumatised if they have consensual sex and eventually part ways.

 

Let's assume this chick is ten years younger. Still she could hurt him emotionally, still the sex could be non-consensual (think manipulation, emotional blackmailing, blackmailing with rape claims), still they probably won't be together forever, still their conversations may not reach the intellectual depth and width that some posters require, and a hundred other things may go wrong exactly the same way as with the OP.

 

And there's a difference to the teacher situation. She's not his teacher, cannot exert this kind of power over him (like threatening to fail him in a subject). So really, I do not see a life and death situation here.

 

I agree though with the people who wonder what the OP finds in this guy. I could well imagine that this 16yo would probably not turn out to be a sex god. But she clearly crushes on him. Demanding "just date your own age" doesn't really make sense, bc we cannot actively chose who we're attracted to. At some point the whole thing will blow over anyway, certainly when they get to know each other and it turns out they're at very different stages in life. But that doesn't mean they can't have a sexual, consensual encounter.

[Robert]

Thread closed. If the OP would like to continue the thread, please alert us and it will be re-opened. Thank you.