How do you deal with Facebook in an LDR?

[ExpatInItaly]

I agree. But it seems though as if there is nothing that I could do at this point. I tried talking to him a week ago… it didn't work out. If I bring it up again he's just gonna pull back. Maybe in a few weeks I will bring it up again? I don't know. I don't want him to pull back..

 

Do you really want to be with someone who leaves you walking on eggshells all the time? I don't think he's a bad person, or that he doesn't care about you. But look at the bigger picture: You're thousands of miles away, unhappy with the way things are. He is having a ball and more or less dictating the terms of the relationship. I understand why you're hesitant to talk to him; he's taught you that he'll just avoid the issues and shut the conversation down. Quite one-sided, no?

 

I don't know what more to say, to be honest. I just don't see this surviving the distance very well.

[lamaga]

Do you really want to be with someone who leaves you walking on eggshells all the time? I don't think he's a bad person, or that he doesn't care about you. But look at the bigger picture: You're thousands of miles away, unhappy with the way things are. He is having a ball and more or less dictating the terms of the relationship. I understand why you're hesitant to talk to him; he's taught you that he'll just avoid the issues and shut the conversation down. Quite one-sided, no?

 

I don't know what more to say, to be honest. I just don't see this surviving the distance very well.

 

 

I know, but I think the only reason why it wouldn't survive is me breaking up with him because of my frustration with his lack of empathy for my concerns, feelings, wishes.

He seems to be completely content with the way things are.

That's really frustrating indeed.

 

Will see how this week goes.

Thanks for the input, you guys.

[cerridwen]

Do you really want to be with someone who leaves you walking on eggshells all the time? I don't think he's a bad person, or that he doesn't care about you. But look at the bigger picture: You're thousands of miles away, unhappy with the way things are. He is having a ball and more or less dictating the terms of the relationship. I understand why you're hesitant to talk to him; he's taught you that he'll just avoid the issues and shut the conversation down. Quite one-sided, no?

 

I don't know what more to say, to be honest. I just don't see this surviving the distance very well.

 

+1, I'm sorry to say.

 

I know, but I think the only reason why it wouldn't survive is me breaking up with him because of my frustration with his lack of empathy for my concerns, feelings, wishes.

...

 

Thanks for the input, you guys.

 

Breaking up for this reason is completely legitimate, lamaga.

The way you phrased it makes it sound as though you feel selfish; as though because you can't overlook his inconsideration, insensitivity, or dodgy behaviour, you're in the wrong.

Not so.

 

You're experiencing a lot of self-doubt, wondering if you're being overly emotional.

In the larger context--after reading this thread and another--it's my opinion that you're not.

 

It's okay to ask to be treated respectfully.

 

Good luck.

Edited September 28, 2014 by cerridwen
i hate my tablet

[Blade96]

What, you cant see his friends list?

 

If my SO hid his friends list from me, I'd be seriously bothered. Why would he do that to you if he had nothing to hide? And that thing with the rlship status, I also think it's disrespectful.

 

I'm in a LDR. and I hid my friend list from everyone even him.The reason being that I hid it last year cause someone pretending to be my aunt made a fake account pretending to be her. And someone also did that with one of my close friends. I learned that making a friend list visible to only yourself can help protect you and your friends too. So I did it. They can't really copy you if they can't see who friends are. Doesn't always mean anyone is untrustworthy.

 

The relationship status is big deal though. I'd question him on that.

[chados]

it takes a lot to trust a person so much that you trust them to never get interested in other people. now this might always be a problem. the only thing you can do is to accept the situation.

 

facebook is horrible for several reasons. ive been together for 3 years and never changed the status. the feeling to have to change the status to single isnt a good feeling and people might start asking you what happened even if you dont want to talk about it. i think that a relationship shouldnt be based on facebook. the only ones that has to know about it is your friends and your family.

 

imagine for a second when facebook didnt exist. then it wasnt a big problem? i think if its important for you then change the status.

[lamaga]

it takes a lot to trust a person so much that you trust them to never get interested in other people. now this might always be a problem. the only thing you can do is to accept the situation.

 

facebook is horrible for several reasons. ive been together for 3 years and never changed the status. the feeling to have to change the status to single isnt a good feeling and people might start asking you what happened even if you dont want to talk about it. i think that a relationship shouldnt be based on facebook. the only ones that has to know about it is your friends and your family.

 

imagine for a second when facebook didnt exist. then it wasnt a big problem? i think if its important for you then change the status.

 

I totally agree and he said the same thing to me.

What bothered me about it was that he changed it to "in a relationship" twice last week, left it up only for a day each time, and also put the settings so everyone can see it except for people in the city that he is being abroad in now.

...

[chados]

I totally agree and he said the same thing to me.

What bothered me about it was that he changed it to "in a relationship" twice last week, left it up only for a day each time, and also put the settings so everyone can see it except for people in the city that he is being abroad in now.

...

 

Well if this is a problem for you I think you should tell him that you're loosing his trust when he's removing it like that.

[Emilia]

But at the same time I feel as if every time I am being not 100% happy on Skype, that my boyfriend is unhappy with that. He easily seems upset, and then I ask if he is upset, but he says he isn't. I don't know, i read into things like crazy. But then again i feel as if my negativity spreads onto our relationship like cancer and he doesn't want to be with me anymore if I continue. I need to relax. I need to sit back and relax.

 

Anybody?

He is trying to do things his way and punish you with his petulance when you are expressing your concerns. He is very young and his emotional immaturity is showing. I don't think he is ready for the adult relationship you are expecting.

[ExpatInItaly]

He is trying to do things his way and punish you with his petulance when you are expressing your concerns. He is very young and his emotional immaturity is showing. I don't think he is ready for the adult relationship you are expecting.

 

Well said. Lamaga, based on all your threads about him and your relationship, it just doesn't sound like it's working. You two are in different places emotionally, and his way of handling problems is not okay (in my books)

[lamaga]

Well said. Lamaga, based on all your threads about him and your relationship, it just doesn't sound like it's working. You two are in different places emotionally, and his way of handling problems is not okay (in my books)

 

I agree. I just love him so very much. I have been in a few relationships and never felt like this, not even with a guy I was with for 3,5 years.

And I still feel, deep inside of me, that when he comes back things will be different…

I don't know. He told me yesterday that I am the best thing in his life.

He got angry when I didn't reply to it. I think he needs reassurance just as much as me. I don't think he'll ever be different, not even sure if it has something to do with age, or just simply the way he was raised and how he has seen it with his parents (I guess Freud would say).

I don't doubt he loves me and I think he wants this just as much as I do, and as long as he doesn't call me and say "I am sorry, I cheated on you", I think I will give him a chance, and give us a chance.

Really hope things will work out…

[blugirl]

I totally agree and he said the same thing to me.

What bothered me about it was that he changed it to "in a relationship" twice last week, left it up only for a day each time, and also put the settings so everyone can see it except for people in the city that he is being abroad in now.

...

Excuse me but this is such a red flag, I think it says a lot about his intentions. But you are like one of my best friends, everyone around sees she and her bf weren't meant to be together and she has complained and cried because of him many times, yet whe we tell her 'why dont you just break up', she keeps coming up with excuses and "but but but he's [insert a positive character trait]" - seriously, I just can't. I dont understand what did you come here for, asking what to do but it's clearly seen youdont have the slighest intention to let him go and desperately clinging to him despite so many red flags. Pathetic.

[lamaga]

Excuse me but this is such a red flag, I think it says a lot about his intentions. But you are like one of my best friends, everyone around sees she and her bf weren't meant to be together and she has complained and cried because of him many times, yet whe we tell her 'why dont you just break up', she keeps coming up with excuses and "but but but he's [insert a positive character trait]" - seriously, I just can't. I dont understand what did you come here for, asking what to do but it's clearly seen youdont have the slighest intention to let him go and desperately clinging to him despite so many red flags. Pathetic.

 

Pathetic?

First of all, none of my friends tell me to leave him. Everybody who knows us thinks we are a wonderful couple, many admire us for the way we are together (before he went abroad), and everybody says they believe we will make it through the next 4 months. I haven't heard anybody say we are not right for each other.

Besides that, I don't come up with excuses. I am just trying to be more positive, since I am a complete pessimist in general.

 

Of course this is a red flag. But we've also been together for almost a year now and he wanted to do this just as much as me, I didn't force him to be with me in this Long Distance Relationship.

Of course it sucks that he minimises what he shows on Facebook, but I think the fact that he hides his friend list helps me, so I don't stalk around who he has met and who is this and that and I don't have a reason to get jealous.

He never gave me a reason to be jealous and yet I am crazy jealous, often for no reason. I have destroyed a relationship like this before - I don't want to again.

I know many people who don't have their relationship status visible, yet they are happy couples.

 

You can call me pathetic all you want, but as long as you know only part of the story, you can't judge.

[ExpatInItaly]

Pathetic?

First of all, none of my friends tell me to leave him. Everybody who knows us thinks we are a wonderful couple, many admire us for the way we are together (before he went abroad), and everybody says they believe we will make it through the next 4 months. I haven't heard anybody say we are not right for each other.

Besides that, I don't come up with excuses. I am just trying to be more positive, since I am a complete pessimist in general.

 

Of course this is a red flag. But we've also been together for almost a year now and he wanted to do this just as much as me, I didn't force him to be with me in this Long Distance Relationship.

Of course it sucks that he minimises what he shows on Facebook, but I think the fact that he hides his friend list helps me, so I don't stalk around who he has met and who is this and that and I don't have a reason to get jealous.

He never gave me a reason to be jealous and yet I am crazy jealous, often for no reason. I have destroyed a relationship like this before - I don't want to again.

I know many people who don't have their relationship status visible, yet they are happy couples.

 

You can call me pathetic all you want, but as long as you know only part of the story, you can't judge.

 

I agree that the previous poster was a bit harsh in choice of words. Calling someone pathetic isn't exactly helpful.

 

What I don't understand, with all due respect to you, is your ability to refute and rationalize the very behavior that bothers you. You seem to want to deny that it upset you (hiding his friendlist, being shady about his relationship status, him being out of touch) even though you've posted about it and how much it hurts you when he does these things. As soon as someone else calls him out and actually agrees that he isn't the mature and transparent boyfriend that you hoped for, you come up with reasons why this behaviour is suddenly alright with you.

 

I am certainly not a psychiatrist and you can disregard my perspective if you like, but I think it's your way of re-gaining control when in fact his behaviour is out of your hands and makes you uneasy. Explaining away his actions helps you deal with the pain and make things ok again. This is how I see it, anyway. I don't mean any disrespect to you. I've just been in your shoes a couple times and know what it feels like.

[blugirl]

I agree that the previous poster was a bit harsh in choice of words. Calling someone pathetic isn't exactly helpful.

 

What I don't understand, with all due respect to you, is your ability to refute and rationalize the very behavior that bothers you. You seem to want to deny that it upset you (hiding his friendlist, being shady about his relationship status, him being out of touch) even though you've posted about it and how much it hurts you when he does these things. As soon as someone else calls him out and actually agrees that he isn't the mature and transparent boyfriend that you hoped for, you come up with reasons why this behaviour is suddenly alright with you.

 

I am certainly not a psychiatrist and you can disregard my perspective if you like, but I think it's your way of re-gaining control when in fact his behaviour is out of your hands and makes you uneasy. Explaining away his actions helps you deal with the pain and make things ok again. This is how I see it, anyway. I don't mean any disrespect to you. I've just been in your shoes a couple times and know what it feels like.

THIS. I agree 100%.

 

Pathetic?

First of all, none of my friends tell me to leave him. Everybody who knows us thinks we are a wonderful couple, many admire us for the way we are together (before he went abroad), and everybody says they believe we will make it through the next 4 months. I haven't heard anybody say we are not right for each other.

Besides that, I don't come up with excuses. I am just trying to be more positive, since I am a complete pessimist in general.

 

Of course this is a red flag. But we've also been together for almost a year now and he wanted to do this just as much as me, I didn't force him to be with me in this Long Distance Relationship.

Of course it sucks that he minimises what he shows on Facebook, but I think the fact that he hides his friend list helps me, so I don't stalk around who he has met and who is this and that and I don't have a reason to get jealous.

He never gave me a reason to be jealous and yet I am crazy jealous, often for no reason. I have destroyed a relationship like this before - I don't want to again.

I know many people who don't have their relationship status visible, yet they are happy couples.

 

You can call me pathetic all you want, but as long as you know only part of the story, you can't judge.

Yeah, everything was wonderful until he went abroad, shut you off, started to post lots of pix with girls and hid his rlship status from the people in the city he's in- truly a wonderful relationship! Girl, get a grip!

The best way to check if someone's loyal to you is how they behave when they are away from you, out of your reach. I agree with what the other poster said, I also see you are trying to rationalise your suspicions (probably to maintain your sanity) but I wish you would finally open your eyes and see that it's really as bad as the gut is telling you. If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't behave like this! If my SO ever did any of those things, I'd make sure to call him and ask what is that supposed to mean, tell him to explain himself and I wouldnt stop bugging him until I'd get to the truth. I think you're just shocked it turned out like this, in contrast to the supposedly wonderful rlship so far so you're trying to rationalise everything to maintain that rlship - but it's a bad thing. And I think you also do that because you don't want to know the truth cause you seem to be afraid to confront him. Because if he really is doing something indecent there, you'd have to break up and you seem to want to desperately avoid it. But ask yourself - do you want to stay with him, possibly with the perspective that he's cheated on you and you wouldnt know for sure but you'd have to live with the uncertainity? Depressing, if you ask me.

Edited October 3, 2014 by blugirl

[chados]

I am starting this thread because I want to know how you guys' deal is concerning Facebook during an LDR.

 

My boyfriend and me are friends on FB but not 'in a relationship'. There are a few photos of us on FB, but nothing that clearly shows that we are a couple, or anything. These photos are slightly disappearing into the abyss, since he now, while being abroad for 4 more months (5 total), is being tagged in a lot of photos with new people he meets.

And I must say, I am jealous of how many women he meets.

I can't see his friendlist so I am not sure who he is meeting (no stalking for me…), but girls do post photos with him in it, and he never tells me about them when we Skype… only talks about guys he does activities with.

 

Personally, I wish we wouldn't be Facebook friends at this point, because I can see everything he does on there first, usually even before he tells me about it - it's a bit frustrating. But then again, if we wouldn't be, I could still see it through mutual friends' profiles, if I really wanted to (basically, if my stalker spirit comes through).

 

 

DO you have this too? Facebook jealousy? Jealousy triggered by the stupid Facebook? It's driving me insane. I wish social media would disappear for the next 4 months…

 

 

 

sorry if ive missed something but dont have time right now to read through everything again. why dont you have a relationship status to begin with? whats the deal with that? you can actually block everything you see from him if you didnt know that, even if you are friends or not. he never tells you about them on skype? maybe its because he's actually being a good guy and dont want to tell you about everyone he meets? maybe he just meet new friends and its not a big deal for him?

 

maybe because youre so jealous you are pushing him away and he ends up punishing you for not trusting him. its just worth thinking about. as you probably know but might not understand at this moment is that you cant control someone to stay with you. if they want to cheat on you they will find a way. but not showing trust will automatically make them not trust you and it will increase the chances for a breakup or even cheating. loosing attraction goes hand in hand with lack of trust.

 

ive felt this myself. when someone doesnt trust me and push me to change myself or gets mad for me being busy for a day or two its really hard to feel attracted to the other person. its draining you and you feel that you have to do everything to show them they can trust you when you really arent doing anything for them not to trust you. wanting someone is great. needing someone to live your life isnt that great.

Edited October 3, 2014 by chados

[Toodaloo]

DO you have this too? Facebook jealousy? Jealousy triggered by the stupid Facebook? It's driving me insane. I wish social media would disappear for the next 4 months…

 

I had a facebook account and deleted it.

 

My reasons were this.

1. It has changed from people sharing photos and happy times to a bunch of a-holes ripping into people for having a life or daring to be human. See all the "Fat", "ugly" groups etc... Why oh why do people think that is ok???

2. People only share the good stuff which gives others a skewed version of reality... It was making people unhappy and stressed and left them feeling inadequate - I was constantly seeing people who had wonderful achievements feeling as though they were not up to par and thus the whole blinking thing was ruining their happiness for no reason.

3. The most ridiculous things could start off a storm - changing status to single for example... My ex changed his to married by accident, had no idea how or even that he had done it until the congratulations started rolling in then I changed it back to "single" for him and oh my lord had we broken up etc... The drama!

 

The only thing I regret about it is that I don't get to see peoples everyday pictures and I miss out on hearing about some events... So I make an effort and email and ask. I am actually talking to people more now than when I had facebook. I am also assuming that I have now lost all the pictures I had on there so its a lot of memories gone.

 

It is not pathetic at all to feel this way. There are therapy groups for people now specifically centred on "Facebook stress". There are people having break downs because they feel so pressured from social media. Look through the threads unhappy couples partners are fannying around on facebook instead of talking to each other. How on earth did we survive before it I have no idea but I am pretty sure we can live with out.

 

If it is stressing you this much just delete the account and be done with it. Facebook is a load of crusty balls and not real and not worth the hassle.

 

Ironically the people I know who have deleted their accounts have not regretted it and many who emailed and phoned after I deleted mine told me how jealous they were as they wanted to get rid of theirs too...

 

Your OH will be home soon. Just keep phoning and emailing until then and sort the the rest out when he gets back.

 

Good luck

[lamaga]

I agree that the previous poster was a bit harsh in choice of words. Calling someone pathetic isn't exactly helpful.

 

What I don't understand, with all due respect to you, is your ability to refute and rationalize the very behavior that bothers you. You seem to want to deny that it upset you (hiding his friendlist, being shady about his relationship status, him being out of touch) even though you've posted about it and how much it hurts you when he does these things. As soon as someone else calls him out and actually agrees that he isn't the mature and transparent boyfriend that you hoped for, you come up with reasons why this behaviour is suddenly alright with you.

 

I am certainly not a psychiatrist and you can disregard my perspective if you like, but I think it's your way of re-gaining control when in fact his behaviour is out of your hands and makes you uneasy. Explaining away his actions helps you deal with the pain and make things ok again. This is how I see it, anyway. I don't mean any disrespect to you. I've just been in your shoes a couple times and know what it feels like.

 

Well yeah, of course I am trying to calm myself down. Of course he's done things that are weird and would seem red flag-like.However, the 'out of touch' thing is a thing from the past. We are now in touch every day.

I asked him why he hid his friend list and he told me he did it so I wouldn't go crazy over every girl he adds and have my mind wander off as per usual. He knows how I always have a thousand evil thoughts on my mind.

The relationship status thing is weird, yes, he explained it in the way that he really doesn't like having a relationship status, he did it with his ex-ex-girlfriend and when he had to change it to single after the break up it just felt ridiculous to him. He told me he is scared that we will break up and he has to change it again, just another hassle to deal with and people asking questions, offering 'condolences' or what so ever. Of course he doesn't hope that we break up, he says. He put it up to please me but then really didn't like it so took it off again. yes, it hurt me. But looking at the grand scheme of things: It was a big deal for him that I meet his parents, and I ended up spending all summer with him in his hometown and his family. He said that's what matters. I met his best friends and family and it should show me what I am worth - he doesn't do that with every girl. Mh. Still, of course, I am still hurt over the stupid Facebook thing, but I am trying to put it in perspective, to calm myself, and to not go crazy, like he doesn't want me to go crazy.

 

THIS. I agree 100%.

 

 

Yeah, everything was wonderful until he went abroad, shut you off, started to post lots of pix with girls and hid his rlship status from the people in the city he's in- truly a wonderful relationship! Girl, get a grip!

The best way to check if someone's loyal to you is how they behave when they are away from you, out of your reach. I agree with what the other poster said, I also see you are trying to rationalise your suspicions (probably to maintain your sanity) but I wish you would finally open your eyes and see that it's really as bad as the gut is telling you. If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't behave like this! If my SO ever did any of those things, I'd make sure to call him and ask what is that supposed to mean, tell him to explain himself and I wouldnt stop bugging him until I'd get to the truth. I think you're just shocked it turned out like this, in contrast to the supposedly wonderful rlship so far so you're trying to rationalise everything to maintain that rlship - but it's a bad thing. And I think you also do that because you don't want to know the truth cause you seem to be afraid to confront him. Because if he really is doing something indecent there, you'd have to break up and you seem to want to desperately avoid it. But ask yourself - do you want to stay with him, possibly with the perspective that he's cheated on you and you wouldnt know for sure but you'd have to live with the uncertainity? Depressing, if you ask me.

 

First of all, he didn't shut me off, he didn't call for 2 days and we firstly said we'd Skype once a week, i said it wasn't enough, we started sky ping twice a week, and at some point he broke down and told me he realised how much he misses me and wants more contact as well. WE not write and call almost every day. It's been like this for a few weeks now and works well.

He doesn't post many pictures with girls, he hasn't posted any pictures with girls, only photos with his two friends who he is there with. Other than that he is tagged in a few group shots with many other people, and one girl happened to post photos and tagged him in a photo that they are both on. I went crazy over this. Is it something to go crazy over? No. it's not how you wrote it.

He never had the relationship status on Facebook, i asked him to put it on and he did, but then he took it off again. And yes, he had the privacy settings so only our mutual friends can see it (that's 65 people), and when i asked him about that he said he just doesn't want everyone to know his business. He doesn't have much info on his Facebook anyway, and not many photos either.= (maybe 40 in total of him being tagged, and 15 he posted by himself over the course of 5 years). There are about 10 photos of us total.

He isn't hiding my existence. He's just a pretty private person, I guess.

I will try to accept it, even though some of his choices truly hurt me and made me wonder. But there's nothing I can do about it now, and I don't feel like starting a fight over this every time we Skype. Once he is back we can talk about this in person, I believe. Especially certain of my needs that he seems to be dismissing, yes.

And regarding the cheating: You seem to be so keen on the fact that he is over there banging one chick after the other. I find that hard to believe. He's been faithful here, he'll be faithful there. He'll be flirting, but he's done that here too. He's got good morals and he's over there with his best friend who's also in a committed long distance relationship. His girlfriend and me are also keeping each other updated and as of right now things are quite nice. I don't think he'd deliberately cheat on me, and if (IF) he would, he'd tell me. So as long as nothing has happened, I will, with good conscience, not make myself go crazy over any speculation. My jealousy is not caused by his behaviour, but by previous boyfriend's behaviour.

 

 

 

sorry if ive missed something but dont have time right now to read through everything again. why dont you have a relationship status to begin with? whats the deal with that? you can actually block everything you see from him if you didnt know that, even if you are friends or not. he never tells you about them on skype? maybe its because he's actually being a good guy and dont want to tell you about everyone he meets? maybe he just meet new friends and its not a big deal for him?

 

maybe because youre so jealous you are pushing him away and he ends up punishing you for not trusting him. its just worth thinking about. as you probably know but might not understand at this moment is that you cant control someone to stay with you. if they want to cheat on you they will find a way. but not showing trust will automatically make them not trust you and it will increase the chances for a breakup or even cheating. loosing attraction goes hand in hand with lack of trust.

 

ive felt this myself. when someone doesnt trust me and push me to change myself or gets mad for me being busy for a day or two its really hard to feel attracted to the other person. its draining you and you feel that you have to do everything to show them they can trust you when you really arent doing anything for them not to trust you. wanting someone is great. needing someone to live your life isnt that great.

 

Thank you. Yes. I know he is a good guy, and I know that me bugging him in the beginning of the Long Distance and also shortly before he left didn't really contribute to him being the kind of guy I wanted him to be. The moment I let go a bit he came running after me and now he is sweet as ever.

He tells me a lot of stories over Skype, about what they do etc, but mainly the stories are about him and his two guy friends who he is there with, sometimes he mentions other people, but it seems he's very busy studying (he has a pretty tight schedule, he is a big nerd and studies A LOT), and on weekends they do trips organised by people from the university, so often in big groups, hence a lot of the group shots he is tagged him, from them going surfing, hiking, taking bike tours or having dinner parties, etc. I am sure he has met people who he has good conversations with and maybe hangs out every now and then one on one but I doubt he has met anyone who he feels special about, otherwise he'd tell me, and for all I know he just told me yesterday that I am the best thing in his life and that he loves me and misses me like never before. I feel quite good about us right now and my jealousy, although it is still there, seems to become a bit less apparent (at least for now..)...

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't know, friend. I would never be able to tolerate such inconsistency and lack of transparency, coupled with poor communication. If it's working for you and you're honestly happy, go forth. I personally would not be able to sustain it.

[veggirl]

I totally agree and he said the same thing to me.

What bothered me about it was that he changed it to "in a relationship" twice last week, left it up only for a day each time, and also put the settings so everyone can see it except for people in the city that he is being abroad in now.

...

 

wtf...WHAT good reason could there be for him to do this? because his ex-ex gf and him broke up and it was awkward to change to single? and you BOUGHT THAT!? you know you don't have to change it to single, you can just delete it all together and no one would know. fyi. he's full of sh.t and you lap his pathetic excuses up eagerly, you ARE desperate to justify his crappy ass behavior.

 

sorry but this guy knows he can get away with what he wants, and he wants the new people in his life to think he is single. as I mentioned in your last thread, portraying himself as single and available is more important to him than your feelings on the matter. straight up, it is what it is. accept it or don't. most people wouldn't.

Edited October 4, 2014 by veggirl

[chados]

wtf...WHAT good reason could there be for him to do this? because his ex-ex gf and him broke up and it was awkward to change to single? and you BOUGHT THAT!? you know you don't have to change it to single, you can just delete it all together and no one would know. fyi. he's full of sh.t and you lap his pathetic excuses up eagerly, you ARE desperate to justify his crappy ass behavior.

 

sorry but this guy knows he can get away with what he wants, and he wants the new people in his life to think he is single. as I mentioned in your last thread, portraying himself as single and available is more important to him than your feelings on the matter. straight up, it is what it is. accept it or don't. most people wouldn't.

 

 

 

this is true that he can get away with a lot. you always have to show that youre feelings are just as important as the other ones.

 

 

WHAT good reason could there be for him to do this? because his ex-ex gf and him broke up and it was awkward to change to single? and you BOUGHT THAT!?

 

i havent read this and i dont know if thats true. even if he feels like that he has to man up. i can see how a person doesnt want to change the status because of the fear of having to remove it though. not saying its very common but i personally havent changed the status. i think people who knows me are the only ones that has to know about it. if she really wants me to change it i will, but she hasnt either. i think the most important thing is to be able to trust your partner with or without a relationship status on facebook.

 

i do however think that focus on the relationship should not be about changing a status on that stupid facebook and i understand that it becomes a huge deal when he constantly changes it back and forth and when she's constantly focusing on this. i mean if my girlfriend is sending me a request to be in a relationship i accept it, not questions asked. if not im fine with that.

 

 

no OP. what you do is u send him a request he accepts it or not. if he doesnt i would think anyone would stop feeling appreciated. me and my girlfriend talked about it and i explained its not something that bothers me. a relationship status might stop people from hitting on her. but it wont stop her from hitting on people if she really wants to. who knows? maybe we change it one day

[blugirl]

wtf...WHAT good reason could there be for him to do this? because his ex-ex gf and him broke up and it was awkward to change to single? and you BOUGHT THAT!? you know you don't have to change it to single, you can just delete it all together and no one would know. fyi. he's full of sh.t and you lap his pathetic excuses up eagerly, you ARE desperate to justify his crappy ass behavior.

 

sorry but this guy knows he can get away with what he wants, and he wants the new people in his life to think he is single. as I mentioned in your last thread, portraying himself as single and available is more important to him than your feelings on the matter. straight up, it is what it is. accept it or don't. most people wouldn't.

That is what I have observed as well. She has to be extremely naive to believe that "I've hidden my friend list from you darling so that you dont overthink this" excuse - LMAO, seriously! OP, he's having his way with you and whatever he says, you desperately cling onto it with your hope and believe in everything he says. But you know what, we are able to observe that situation from the side and judge it correctly - you, on the other hand, are heavily blinded by your feelings and you depserately WANT everything he says to be true. But his behaviour is too erratic and excuses hard to believe.

[K0203]

I'm a tad confused about the whole changing the status for one day then changing it back and him claiming the reasons being he doesn't want to share to everyone? Facebook saves that kind of info on your profile or timeline or what have you doesn't it? So everyone saw he did it twice!? (Other than the people in his new city, who believes he's single)

And if that's true that everyone has seen it, did everyone ask "what happened to you and Lamaga?" I'm willing to bet they didn't. But wasn't that his main reasons for not keeping the status?

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm a tad confused about the whole changing the status for one day then changing it back and him claiming the reasons being he doesn't want to share to everyone? Facebook saves that kind of info on your profile or timeline or what have you doesn't it? So everyone saw he did it twice!? (Other than the people in his new city, who believes he's single)

And if that's true that everyone has seen it, did everyone ask "what happened to you and Lamaga?" I'm willing to bet they didn't. But wasn't that his main reasons for not keeping the status?

 

You're confused because it's a bullsh*t excuse. Changing it twice in one week (if I understand the chronology correctly) has zero to do with privacy and a random ex. OP said herself that he hid this status from the people in his new city. That's not an accident. He is happy to present a single image to the people near him, which is extremely dubious. In his personal, "back home" world he is taken. In his new, foreign world, he's a single man. It's a pity because I think OP is a sweet woman with a big heart.

[intricate]

Oh honey. I'm not saying this to be heartless, but based on all the symptoms that your boyfriend is portraying, he is definitely cheating. Maybe with one girl, maybe two, maybe five of them, but he's definitely cheating. If not, he's definitely planning to. I honestly hope you put on your big girl panties and have a serious talk with him on what's going on. If he's putting on airs, giving you dumb excuses, or shuts down like a child, you have your answer. He's too young and too immature to have a relationship right now.

 

He might be a nice guy. Maybe. But he doesn't respect you and I can safely say he doesn't love you either. He's got you in a chokehold while he's out trying new ice cream flavors in a new foreign town, and I hope you take what's left of your heart and walk away from him, because he clearly doesn't deserve you.

[blugirl]

Lamaga, why don't you try writing something on his facebook wall so that everyone of his new friends there can see, something along the lines of 'so how is my boyfriend doing ??' - or anything, which makes it clear that he's taken - and observe his reaction...?