Fix Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 yeah, I'm not gonna lie I still love him..cuz when you loved someone so much for so long you're just not gonna stop loving them overnight, he did do some serious damage but after all I still wish him the best and like you said uesj it's hard to move on Yeah same here, I feel that I still love her... But then I haven't seen her in a while, and maybe if I did those feelings would be gone? Makes you wonder how they seem to stop loving us over night, or so easily get over the break up.. I think the reason they can is because they already have someone else they've been building up feelings for in their life, so they can quickly make the transition from one to the other. Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Yeah same here, I feel that I still love her... But then I haven't seen her in a while, and maybe if I did those feelings would be gone? Makes you wonder how they seem to stop loving us over night, or so easily get over the break up.. I think the reason they can is because they already have someone else they've been building up feelings for in their life, so they can quickly make the transition from one to the other. I honestly don't know what it is or why they move on so quick but even though they have someone else I think it's impossible for them to forget about soo much love we gave them, I don't know if this is because it's only been almost two months but as much as I try I just can't forget about him and I don't think I ever will! people tell me "oh you will find someone way better than him" but I think to myself no! he was all I ever wanted he was everything for me so how can I just move on and find better, I this point I don't see it every day I just keep wishing he would come back to me regardless of what he did Link to post Share on other sites
Fix Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I honestly don't know what it is or why they move on so quick but even though they have someone else I think it's impossible for them to forget about soo much love we gave them, I don't know if this is because it's only been almost two months but as much as I try I just can't forget about him and I don't think I ever will! people tell me "oh you will find someone way better than him" but I think to myself no! he was all I ever wanted he was everything for me so how can I just move on and find better, I this point I don't see it every day I just keep wishing he would come back to me regardless of what he did I'm sure they don't forget us, but the sad part is I really do think after a couple of weeks they do move on. Like all the time we spend thinking about them, and wondering what they're doing and if they're thinking of us, they are just living their lives like normal. It really does hurt, seems so unfair. Even now after three months I still want to talk to her and see her, and there is even still part of me that thinks she will see the mistake she's made and she will come back to me and we can fix everything... But I know it's way past that, she has fully healed and moved on to someone else. She no longer thinks about me or the relationship in the way I do, to her it's just some memories. I feel just the same way as you... Makes it hard that I'm 27 and though we'd be settling down and having children at some point soon. Now I feel as if I'm back to square one. I wish there was something I could tell you that makes it easier, not sure how old you are but if you're young then at least time is on your side. The younger you are the more chance you will have of meeting someone new.. And I do believe that when that happens, and you meet someone else you really care about, that then you will get passed your ex and he will become just a memory to you. Link to post Share on other sites
broken2828 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I think using other people or allowing yourself to be used devalues you. I think being strong, and having more respect for yourself than to have casual sex with no commitment or true affection will pay dividends later in life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 I'm sure they don't forget us, but the sad part is I really do think after a couple of weeks they do move on. Like all the time we spend thinking about them, and wondering what they're doing and if they're thinking of us, they are just living their lives like normal. It really does hurt, seems so unfair. Even now after three months I still want to talk to her and see her, and there is even still part of me that thinks she will see the mistake she's made and she will come back to me and we can fix everything... But I know it's way past that, she has fully healed and moved on to someone else. She no longer thinks about me or the relationship in the way I do, to her it's just some memories. I feel just the same way as you... Makes it hard that I'm 27 and though we'd be settling down and having children at some point soon. Now I feel as if I'm back to square one. I wish there was something I could tell you that makes it easier, not sure how old you are but if you're young then at least time is on your side. The younger you are the more chance you will have of meeting someone new.. And I do believe that when that happens, and you meet someone else you really care about, that then you will get passed your ex and he will become just a memory to you. yeah I know what you mean, well I'm 25 so I honestly thought he was the one I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. even though this does not help the healing process, every day I wake up and just say when is it gonna be the day he wakes up and realizes he made a huge mistake or like what's it gonna take for him to realize he messed up and wait for the day the girl he's seen screws up but it's like people tell me to let him make this mistake and live this experience and maybe it'll make him appreciate me Link to post Share on other sites
H245 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) In my opinion, rebounds are terrible overall. While I agree they provide a temporary escape from being alone, they tend to end bad and you never really learn to be alone and happy with yourself. My ex, she left me 4 1/2 months ago. But because we run in the same social circles, I learned she was online dating on all sites and eventfully got into a relationship not even 2 months later. It lasted a few weeks and she broke up with him. Figured it was karma for the trauma and hell I went through with her. Now, only a few weeks later she just made official a new relationship with someone she met on tinder. How do I know? She told me because we were talked recently after a run in at a mutual friends event. We flirted and talked but nothing happened. We talked a few days ago and I told her this wasn't fair to me or the other guy. She said she loved me but not in love with me line. She said she didn't feel anything romantic for anyone. So basically she is rebounding again to another guy, but doesn't feel anything romantic for him. How true that is? I have no idea. This particular example goes to show how rebounds end up hurting everyone in the long run. Sadly I feel broken up with again even though we never got back together, but it felt that way for a while this past week. If your ex rebounds, leave them be and dont let them back in your life. 9 times out of 10 it's because they are comfortable with you and not that they actually want to be back with you. If you see my other threads, I moved heaven and earth for her. And in the end I got a broken heart and watch as she rebounds from guy to guy because she doesn't know how to be alone. Sorry for the rant Edited October 2, 2014 by H245 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 No rebound has ever healed me. All it did was provide TEMPORARY distraction but in the end I'd still be thinking about my ex, comparing them, and often your rebound tends to be someone you choose out of emotional desperation and not someone you actually like a whole lot, so after a while I found I grew tired of them. Try being alone...it won't kill you. You may be uncomfortable at firs but you'll probably gain a lot of insight you'd otherwise miss by immediately distracting yourself with other people in pseudo-relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I've been alone for almost two months just hoping I can heal properly unlike my ex, two weeks after he broke up with me he was so quick to jump into another relationship and quick to flaunt his new girl, a week after I found out about her, I couldn't help it so I checked his Instagram and it's private but he wrote their initials there, I've heard a lot of people telling me that his new relationship is not gonna last cuz it's a rebound and when you break up with someone you immediately jump to another relationship so you won't feel the pain of a break up but is that true?..even if they flaunt their new partner on social networks and go out of their way to show you how happy they are with this new person? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) I had an ex who did this...with 4 different women after we broke up. It all lasted a few months and after the first 3 he would try to contact me and say he wasn't really happy . I already knew it was just for show as when we dated he never flaunted our relationship on FB so his all of a sudden switch to having a relationship that seemed like every moment of it was meant for all eyes to see made me think he was doing it for show and to make himself feel better....he was. But the question is: if it lasts or doesn't, how do you think it will affect you? Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Fix Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 yeah I know what you mean, well I'm 25 so I honestly thought he was the one I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. even though this does not help the healing process, every day I wake up and just say when is it gonna be the day he wakes up and realizes he made a huge mistake or like what's it gonna take for him to realize he messed up and wait for the day the girl he's seen screws up but it's like people tell me to let him make this mistake and live this experience and maybe it'll make him appreciate me Haha, honestly sounds like we're going though the exact same thing. I feel just the same way, thinking about when is she going to realise I'm better for her than this other guy, that he will never love her as much as I did. For some reason I still have the feeling that it isn't over, that this is just a gap, and soon she will have a change of heart and we'll be together again. It's unrealistic though... Ahh. As for rebounds, I'v met girls, took them out and tried to build on it... But it just doesn't seem to go anywhere, as I'm not really 100% into the idea of it. Plus I compare them to her constantly and they lose every time. I'v slept with others girls too, and honestly it hasn't helped. I thought it was the right thing to do, to help me move on but it just made me feel crap. Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I had an ex who did this...with 4 different women after we broke up. It all lasted a few months and after the first 3 he would try to contact me and say he wasn't really happy . I already knew it was just for show as when we dated he never flaunted our relationship on FB so his all of a sudden switch to having a relationship that seemed like every moment of it was meant for all eyes to see made me think he was doing it for show and to make himself feel better....he was. But the question is: if it lasts or doesn't, how do you think it will affect you? yeah and for my own sake I don't stalk him any more. I'm getting some counseling now and working on myself but I'm gonna answer your question, and honestly I don't know how it would affect me idk if he will ever come back Link to post Share on other sites
H245 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 One question my therapist asks me is if I could have her back, would I want to after everything that's happened. It's really a hard decision to make for any of us. If they rebound so quickly...do we become their rebound? Could we ever trust them again knowing they moved on so quickly from us the first time around? Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Haha, honestly sounds like we're going though the exact same thing. I feel just the same way, thinking about when is she going to realise I'm better for her than this other guy, that he will never love her as much as I did. For some reason I still have the feeling that it isn't over, that this is just a gap, and soon she will have a change of heart and we'll be together again. It's unrealistic though... Ahh. As for rebounds, I'v met girls, took them out and tried to build on it... But it just doesn't seem to go anywhere, as I'm not really 100% into the idea of it. Plus I compare them to her constantly and they lose every time. I'v slept with others girls too, and honestly it hasn't helped. I thought it was the right thing to do, to help me move on but it just made me feel crap. yeah, I was in complete shock when I found out he was seeing someone right after he broke up with me, but it's ok right now they think it's all fun and games but soon it's gonna hit em so don't worry I keep repeating to myself over and over "as for me, the next relationship I get into it's gonna be for reals cuz I'm taking the time to heal and not trying to replace him right now, so so far we're doing good, my mom told me the other day "it's been a month since he left you and see ure doing just fine, can you make it another month?" cuz dude this not only affected me, it affected my whole family. my mom had to take a day off cuz when I woke up the next day when he left me I had a huge crazy breakdown it scared the crap out of my mom all she would do is hug me and talk to me trying to get me to calm down, now she sees how far I've made it so that's good, we have to realize that our lives have way more Value than those who didn't know how to appreciate a good thing even when it's staring at them right in the freaken face! Link to post Share on other sites
Fix Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 yeah, I was in complete shock when I found out he was seeing someone right after he broke up with me, but it's ok right now they think it's all fun and games but soon it's gonna hit em so don't worry I keep repeating to myself over and over "as for me, the next relationship I get into it's gonna be for reals cuz I'm taking the time to heal and not trying to replace him right now, so so far we're doing good, my mom told me the other day "it's been a month since he left you and see ure doing just fine, can you make it another month?" cuz dude this not only affected me, it affected my whole family. my mom had to take a day off cuz when I woke up the next day when he left me I had a huge crazy breakdown it scared the crap out of my mom all she would do is hug me and talk to me trying to get me to calm down, now she sees how far I've made it so that's good, we have to realize that our lives have way more Value than those who didn't know how to appreciate a good thing even when it's staring at them right in the freaken face! Sounds like you're doing better with it than me to be honest. I'v been up and down, from super positive to really negative... But now I just feel empty, like really neutral. I can't really enjoy anything, and I can't seem to get motivated to get my life together and start improving in areas where I'm lacking... I'm doing better at work at least, working harder and keeping my mood up as much as I can while I'm there. You're right about us having more value than this other person, or the relationship. Suppose this is just another part of the journey, over come this and become a better version of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) to be honest some days I wake up and the only word that pops in my head is "why". I've been seeing a counselor and omg it has really helped a lot!! I'm gonna tell you what she told me, whenever you feel really down and u have these thought running through ur head write them down, set an hour for when u have to write it in a notebook or something and just write down everything you're feeling, I started doing that and it has really helped, and now that I think about it I'm not even hurt any more I'm so angry at him for letting me humiliate myself like that and what he did to me he had no compassion towards me he didn't feel sorry for me, so why should I worry about him? so that's what you have to think about you deserve better, look at it like this you just dodged a major bullet! Yeah the relationship might have been amazing and all but at the end of the day these people just showed their true color and we could have possibly made a huge mistake by marrying them because they were going to do this in the long run so now we don't have to worry about that any more cuz they're someone else's problem now Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Fix Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) I'v thought about talking to someone about this, maybe I will as you say it really helps. I'm so sick of dwelling on this stuff now... I guess you're right, in the long run if we had stayed together neither of us would have been happy. I just wouldn't have been getting the love and affection I wanted because she wouldn't have wanted to give it... Still pisses me off that she never tried, and seemingly never appreciated things I did for her during hard times... Just selfish I suppose. Sounds like you're doing well lately, hope things are feeling better for you Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 (edited) yeah you really should talk to someone, cuz I was like that too. it went so far to the point where I said to my friends I wanted to commit suicide but it wasn't because he left but because he made me feel so worthless like I just wasn't good enough for anyone, the fact that he also said "a lot of guys flirt with you, you could easily have another bf" made me feel like an object he was trying to pass around to another man so for someone to do that to you that's just low and it just shows how they're gonna end up later on in life and it honestly makes me sad for him Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Fix Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) I have felt like that, like kind of feeling like I'm not good enough... But then I know I am a good person and funny and have a lot of good qualities, it's just finding someone who sees them... Your ex sounds kind of selfish too. Weird how they seem to think because they're okay with the break we should automatically be okay with it too... Who knows what will happen with my ex, maybe she will be with her new guys for years to come, maybe it will all be done in a few weeks time... Either way I guess I shouldn't care. Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) yeah I think it's pretty selfish of him but he did it anyway, and the sad thing is that when he said he wasn't happy with me any more I had to put my own happiness aside and just let him go and do whatever made him happy, another sad thing is that I was nothing but good to him and he took me for granted he had a good girl and gave it all up over someone who maybe won't even love him as much as I did Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Fix Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) My ex gave me the usual 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' crap, but only after she got caught out sneaking around with her co-worker... It's weird how you seem to do everything for them, look after them, care for them and some how they get all that love and still think 'I'm better off with someone else'. Stupid really. Sure you will meet someone soon who sees you for the catch you are, someone who deserves your love Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) oh I'm sorry to hear that, I know what you mean. they won't know they had a good thing until someone who treats them like crap comes along and that's when they're gonna feel like crap for letting someone who did a lot for them go just like that I honestly hope I do find someone who does appreciate me and loves me for who I am and I hope the same for you cuz yeah we deserve it Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Fix Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) Maybe no one has broken their heart before so they don't realise the damage they're doing... Maybe that's why ex's sometimes come back after a rebound, they get hurt and feel remorse for what they have done? I'm sure you will, and thank you I hope I do too... Already sick of the single life haha Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) I was thinking the same thing, they don't know how painful it is until you experience it yourself and honestly karma cought up with me too, I was dating this one guy for two years like 4 years ago and I took him for granted I had a good thing he was always there for me but I walked away and I didn't know the pain he felt when he saw the picture I posted of this one guy and now my mom tells me "see you don't like it how it feels huh?" and now I understand exactly how he felt but this last guy wasn't a rebound cuz I was single for a year but I didn't know how much the guy still loved me, so this is why I'm telling you from experience karma does catch up to you, I already paid the price so I suppose now it's his turn to pay Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Fix Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) This is weird, because I have the same exact thing... I was with a girl who really loved me, and I just didn't feel the same way about her. I left her, and at the time I thought 'She will be fine, we weren't getting along for weeks, she must have seen it coming'... But it doesn't work like that, one always gets hurt more than the other. I have at times thought that maybe what I am feeling now is karma for what I did to this other ex of mine... I have thought about emailing that old ex and telling her how sorry I am, but I don't know if it would end up just hurting her to hear from me? Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
strong-hearted Posted October 3, 2014 Share Posted October 3, 2014 (edited) omg it's crazy how we're both going through the same thing, I was actually thinking about emailing that one guy but I don't want to get laughed at, he will for sure say "I told you so" cuz he tried to warn me about this guy but I didn't listen so now I'm like yeah he was right it just really suck how it took me so long to realize it, another reason why I don't email him is because I don't wanna get surprised with "I have a gf now and she loves me" or something like that Edited August 26, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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