Girls how do you feel about persistent guys?

[d0nnivain]

I made this thread cause I was contemplating re-approaching a girl who turned me down a few months ago.

 

She turned me down by saying that she was already seeing someone. This is while she said she liked me too, but it could have all just been an attempt to turn me down gently, or she could have really been involved with some guy, I don't really know.

 

all I know is when we dealt with one another a few months ago before I asked her out she seemed interested and even after turning me down she made an effort to stay on friendly terms, and its not like we were friends before hand.

 

What surprises me most is how she's still very friendly, especially when I saw her last week where she put her hand on my shoulder. This is a far cry from other women who have rejected me in the past, who are typically pretty cold and awkward once they have reject me.

 

so yeah I m pretty conflicted on asking her out again, since I really dislike the idea of pestering a girl who is uninterested.

 

If her situation has changed & she is no longer seeing somebody else, feel free to ask her out. She didn't reject you last time; she simply explained she wasn't available. If she is now unattached, it's your chance. If she is still dating someone else, don't bother.

[yololin]

Yea people change their minds all the time. Feelings change. Try it out.

[MoreCoffee]

One no is enough.

[Fondue]

No means no.

 

You'd look like a giant tool asking again and getting rejected again.

 

There are some women that "want" persistence or will purposefully reject you once hoping you'd try again, but those are women that want their egos to stroked. They're unhealthy. Don't date them.

[Phoe]

It worked on me.

 

My first boyfriend started out as my friend. I was unsure, unexperienced, and uncomfortable with the idea of a relationship. He got turned down to start with. He pulled back, gave me a few months, and over time he noticed that I'd become much more comfortable with him and had started liking him. He tried again and I said yes.

[slizl]

YES! Definitely go for it! Men who walk away licking their wounds often lose out BIG TIME by not asking the same girl out again. Often times a woman will say no thanks to a date and then walk away kicking themselves. She's had time to TRULY think about it if you ask at a later time and often times the answer will change to a YES!

 

It would also make me look at him differently if he had the guts to ask again. Like oh he's really interested maybe I should see what he's about. I have nothing but respect for MEN who go for what they want.

 

OHHH MAHHH GAWDDD. This is why I think women are nuts. "Men who walk away licking their wounds often lose out BIG TIME by not asking the same girl out again." AKA, ask a woman out again who has already rejected you once so she can reject you again, deflate your ego meanwhile boosting hers. If I'm not good enough the first time I ask you out, how am I good enough a second time? Figure it out ladies....

[jay1983]

OHHH MAHHH GAWDDD. This is why I think women are nuts. "Men who walk away licking their wounds often lose out BIG TIME by not asking the same girl out again." AKA, ask a woman out again who has already rejected you once so she can reject you again, deflate your ego meanwhile boosting hers. If I'm not good enough the first time I ask you out, how am I good enough a second time? Figure it out ladies....

 

A while back, I dated the leasing agent at the apt complex I lived. I hit on her like 4 times till she budged. It was all in a good mood manner so it didn't come off as too serious. I know you're right for the most part, but it worked for me that time.

[irc333]

I have gotten the female perspective on this. I hasn't seen a woman in a long time finally appear at a Meetup party. She had a new man with her. She says, "He asked me out about 4 times before I said "yes'".

 

If I ever do that, I'd be labeled a creepy stalker. But apparently, being persistence can work for some people.

 

Of course, if you have to convince a woman to go out with you in such a fashion, chances are she's wearing the PANTS in the relationship and has the man by a leash.

 

 

By persistent I don't mean a guy who is constantly texting you and asking you to go out everyday.

 

I mean a guy who backs off after a rejection, maybe you don't even see him for a few months but he comes back and makes it clear that he is still interested.

 

related, has a guy's persistence ever made you want to date a guy?

[HappyLove]

OHHH MAHHH GAWDDD. This is why I think women are nuts. "Men who walk away licking their wounds often lose out BIG TIME by not asking the same girl out again." AKA, ask a woman out again who has already rejected you once so she can reject you again, deflate your ego meanwhile boosting hers. If I'm not good enough the first time I ask you out, how am I good enough a second time? Figure it out ladies....

 

The point is that MANY women instinctively say no for no good reason. Then when the guy walks away she thinks how stupid she was to say no. Women encounter a lot of creeps it's almost a defensive position to protect themselves. So when a man approaches again a lot of times you'll be taken more seriously and may get the date.

[you_can_not_see_me]

On one hand I think I should be assertive and go ahead and try my luck again, especially since I have a feeling that my lack of initiative and waiting a long time might have played a part in her turning me down. It would also put put the girl's case to rest for good and I no longer have to wonder what if.

 

 

on the other hand a second rejection will surely hurt my ego and I d feel like a fool for pestering the girl again.

 

 

The girl in question is friendly for sure and I have the feeling that she will not make a huge deal out of it if I did ask her out again and she rejects me again, but still I would feel really stupid.

[somedude81]

Honesty, I LOVE persistence, but only when it's coming from the guy I wnt it to come from. I've also had instances where I didn't like the guy so much in the beginning and made it clear and he came back months later, and then all the sudden I found myself attracted to him, just bc of how much I saw he cared. And I respected that and his persistence so much.

 

It really depends on the girl. All girls are different.

 

If you are persistent and thats who you are, dont change that for anyone, bc if you change, you will end up with the wrong girl. You want to be with someone who appreciates and loves those qualities about you!!!

 

Your post doesn't make any sense.

 

You only want a guy you are interested in to be persistent. But that just means that you actually said no to the guy you were interested in, or else he wouldn't have to try again. Why say no the first time if you liked him?

 

My head go'in explode!

[irc333]

The point is that MANY women instinctively say no for no good reason. Then when the guy walks away she thinks how stupid she was to say no.

 

If she's that stupid, she's not worth knowing.

[endlessabyss]

alpha .....

[you_can_not_see_me]

alpha .....

what do you mean by this?

[smackie9]

If there are circumstances as to why I couldn't date someone, I still tell them that I would be interested if things were different. But if I have no interest at all I tell them that flat out. If I change my mind (which never happened anyways)I would definitely let them know.

 

I remember being asked out more than once by guys, and it was absolutely annoying. I'm an honest, blunt person, I hate it when they do not take my word for it.

[Supernatural]

Whoa whoa whoa whoa... Let's hold the phone for one second..

 

YES! Definitely go for it! Men who walk away licking their wounds often lose out BIG TIME by not asking the same girl out again. Often times a woman will say no thanks to a date and then walk away kicking themselves. She's had time to TRULY think about it if you ask at a later time and often times the answer will change to a YES!

It would also make me look at him differently if he had the guts to ask again. Like oh he's really interested maybe I should see what he's about. I have nothing but respect for MEN who go for what they want.

 

 

HOLY SH*T!

I've been on about 3 first dates in the past year. I have never heard the words/any form of "no" or "I do not want to see you again" for a second date.

I have however... Gotten silence or 'hard to getness'. They answer texts, maybe calls, but don't make it clear they are interested to see me again, like I have to try really hard to get their attention. And usually if it doesn't pick up quickly, I chalk it up to moving on. Which is fine. Sucks.. But whatever.

 

Is it possible I was taking their hard to getness as rejection? Or was it just rejection? Like I said... Not one of these women said 'no'. And on all dates they all seemed interested... touching...hugs..kiss...flirting...

 

DID I SCREW THIS UP BY NOT PURSUING HARDER? If so.. whatthehellwasidoing?! and if so... my whole life literally just changed.

[HappyLove]

Whoa whoa whoa whoa... Let's hold the phone for one second..

 

 

 

 

HOLY SH*T!

I've been on about 3 first dates in the past year. I have never heard the words/any form of "no" or "I do not want to see you again" for a second date.

I have however... Gotten silence or 'hard to getness'. They answer texts, maybe calls, but don't make it clear they are interested to see me again, like I have to try really hard to get their attention. And usually if it doesn't pick up quickly, I chalk it up to moving on. Which is fine. Sucks.. But whatever.

 

Is it possible I was taking their hard to getness as rejection? Or was it just rejection? Like I said... Not one of these women said 'no'. And on all dates they all seemed interested... touching...hugs..kiss...flirting...

 

DID I SCREW THIS UP BY NOT PURSUING HARDER? If so.. whatthehellwasidoing?! and if so... my whole life literally just changed.

 

No, you actually went on a date and they weren't interested. What I'm speaking of applies to just getting the number or asking out stages.

[HappyLove]

On one hand I think I should be assertive and go ahead and try my luck again, especially since I have a feeling that my lack of initiative and waiting a long time might have played a part in her turning me down. It would also put put the girl's case to rest for good and I no longer have to wonder what if.

 

 

on the other hand a second rejection will surely hurt my ego and I d feel like a fool for pestering the girl again.

 

 

The girl in question is friendly for sure and I have the feeling that she will not make a huge deal out of it if I did ask her out again and she rejects me again, but still I would feel really stupid.

 

Look everyone gets rejected in life there is absolutely no need to feel stupid just because someone turned down coffee or dinner! No risk = No reward. You can spend the next year wondering what if or get a concrete answer now. What you should do as someone already suggested is ask about the boyfriend. Just casually ask if she's still dating her bf. I promise you life will go on and you may just give yourself a pat on the back no matter the outcome. If she says yes to having a bf then you don't even get to the part about asking her out.

[you_can_not_see_me]

If there are circumstances as to why I couldn't date someone, I still tell them that I would be interested if things were different. But if I have no interest at all I tell them that flat out. If I change my mind (which never happened anyways)I would definitely let them know.

 

I remember being asked out more than once by guys, and it was absolutely annoying. I'm an honest, blunt person, I hate it when they do not take my word for it.

The issue is not everyone is as blunt as you!

 

The girl in question has a very nonchalant personality (she wears no makeup and seemed to have incredible self esteem/ carefree personality) and I would have expected her to be very straight forward when a guy asks her out and just tell him if she's not interested, but when I asked her out she sounded very indecisive, and basically told me she liked me too but was seeing someone already (she didn't even call him her boyfriend, she just said there is this guy in a program I go to that I m seeing right now).

 

So yeah in spite of her personality I didn't really get a direct idea whether she is actually attracted to me or whether she was just using that as a convenient excuse to turn me down.

[truth_seeker]

YES! Definitely go for it! Men who walk away licking their wounds often lose out BIG TIME by not asking the same girl out again. Often times a woman will say no thanks to a date and then walk away kicking themselves. She's had time to TRULY think about it if you ask at a later time and often times the answer will change to a YES!

 

It would also make me look at him differently if he had the guts to ask again. Like oh he's really interested maybe I should see what he's about. I have nothing but respect for MEN who go for what they want.

 

Hmmm... is this really true? I guess for you, but if a woman says no to my advances (me asking her out on a date) I take it as she doesn't have the slightest interest. Why would I ask her again?

 

I get the whole going after what you want... but if I have the guts to ask her out and she says no... then it's her loss. If she's a big girl and has a backbone, she should come to me and admit her mistake. That would tell me a lot about her character.

Edited September 23, 2014 by truth_seeker

[HappyLove]

Hmmm... is this really true? I guess for you, but if a woman says no to my advances (me asking her out on a date) I take it as she doesn't have the slightest interest. Why would I ask her again?

 

I get the whole going after what you want... but if I have the guts to ask her out and she says no... then it's her loss. If she's a big girl and has a backbone, she should come to me and admit her mistake. That would tell me a lot about her character.

 

There are reasons a woman may change her mind. After realizing you like her and had the guts to ask her out she could start looking at you in a new light. Maybe after getting to know you more she realizes she would like to date you. A lot of women are going to wait for the guy to ask her out again.

[smackie9]

The issue is not everyone is as blunt as you!

 

The girl in question has a very nonchalant personality (she wears no makeup and seemed to have incredible self esteem/ carefree personality) and I would have expected her to be very straight forward when a guy asks her out and just tell him if she's not interested, but when I asked her out she sounded very indecisive, and basically told me she liked me too but was seeing someone already (she didn't even call him her boyfriend, she just said there is this guy in a program I go to that I m seeing right now).

 

So yeah in spite of her personality I didn't really get a direct idea whether she is actually attracted to me or whether she was just using that as a convenient excuse to turn me down.

 

Well I guess looks can be really deceiving

[Supernatural]

No, you actually went on a date and they weren't interested. What I'm speaking of applies to just getting the number or asking out stages.

 

sonofabitch

[Fondue]

There are reasons a woman may change her mind. After realizing you like her and had the guts to ask her out she could start looking at you in a new light. Maybe after getting to know you more she realizes she would like to date you. A lot of women are going to wait for the guy to ask her out again.

 

Or you know, the women in these situations (who refused at first but "want" to not refuse again) need to ask those men out themselves.

 

No man should punish himself by continually getting rejected by the same woman. Even if there is a "chance."

[Darren2013]

Being persistent rarely helps a man's cause. If anything it just puts him at risk of being accused of stalking even if he leaves the woman alone for a few months and then tries to chat her up again.