me85 Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I'm a grammar Nazi and like to talk and type the way I was taught to...properly. So to think just because someone uses punctuation in a sentence when typing is a "sign they want to end a conversation" is pretty ridiculous, I'm sorry. I second WhatIsLove's response. I think the OP is driving herself bonkers and being a tad too paranoid. With all due respect to her... I think she's over exaggerating a bit. I totally get it that she likes the guy and is hurt by him not finding time to talk to her between dates. I'd be hurt too but if he's always too busy to talk but not to sleep with her then that says a lot. He only talks to her on his terms and that's not right. But my point about the usage of punctuation in a message still stands. That means nothing except he knows how to properly write a sentence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 Agreed. Since you're not exclusive yet and you're worried he'll leave if you talk to him (which still best), then date around. You have nothing to lose. Should I talk to him about dating around. Or just do it? Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Maybe he's not in it for just the sex, but companionship as well. But he won't know how you feel unless you communicate it to him. Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I don't see enough evidence that that's what this guy's about. First of all, you don't "build a relationship" through text messages. You build it through dates. If things are going well on the dates, I don't see why she should dump him just because he's a lazy texter. As I said, some guys aren't that into texting conversations. It doesn't have to be about building a relationship but no texts at all...even just to say hi, how are you...I'm busy but wanted to check in. Even if he is a lazy texter, why can't he call? There is no reason for NO contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 I don't see enough evidence that that's what this guy's about. First of all, you don't "build a relationship" through text messages. You build it through dates. If things are going well on the dates, I don't see why she should dump him just because he's a lazy texter. As I said, some guys aren't that into texting conversations. But the thing is, even if a guy doesn't like txting, he would still txt the girl that he likes. Just do he can talk to her. Trust me, I also HATE txting. But I wouldn't mind txting him everyday Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I've dated the "drinks, dinner and sex" guy. One date a week. No texting in between dates because he was busy. I'm going with Gaeta on this. Minimal effort, just enough to keep it going for the once a week sex meetup. Sometimes it's pretty straightforward. Someone that is into you will want to keep you in their sights, keep you interested and attached. He can call you on his ride home. He can text you when he is settling down in bed. He can text you when he's drinking his coffee at his desk while he is booting up his computer. He can call you on his lunch break because I am sure he eats. Busy is never an excuse. You can talk to him about your communication needs. See where that goes. Maybe he is not into daily communication but I highly doubt it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Should I talk to him about dating around. Or just do it? If he told you the RS between you and him wasn't a "fwb" situation but hasn't yet called you his girlfriend, you're in limbo right now and the only way to get out is by talking to him. If you're too scared to communicate how you feel or don't know how then you have to take you're share of the blame too. It's just as much you're fault for not bringing up something you feel so strongly about regarding him. How is he supposed to change his actions if he doesn't know they're hurting you? You definitely need to talk to him...not just go off and date other people. I mean, he may be just as confused as you but both of you are too chicken sh*t to talk! LOL that was a joke. But seriously, just talk to the guy. It needs to be in person though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 I've dated the "drinks, dinner and sex" guy. One date a week. No texting in between dates because he was busy. I'm going with Gaeta on this. Minimal effort, just enough to keep it going for the once a week sex meetup. Sometimes it's pretty straightforward. Someone that is into you will want to keep you in their sights, keep you interested and attached. He can call you on his ride home. He can text you when he is settling down in bed. He can text you when he's drinking his coffee at his desk while he is booting up his computer. He can call you on his lunch break because I am sure he eats. Busy is never an excuse. You can talk to him about your communication needs. See where that goes. Maybe he is not into daily communication but I highly doubt it. He does talk to me once in a while. But it's a quick conversation Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 He does talk to me once in a while. But it's a quick conversation Quick conversation over text? With you initiating? Or does he call you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 If he told you the RS between you and him wasn't a "fwb" situation but hasn't yet called you his girlfriend, you're in limbo right now and the only way to get out is by talking to him. If you're too scared to communicate how you feel or don't know how then you have to take you're share of the blame too. It's just as much you're fault for not bringing up something you feel so strongly about regarding him. How is he supposed to change his actions if he doesn't know they're hurting you? You definitely need to talk to him...not just go off and date other people. I mean, he may be just as confused as you but both of you are too chicken sh*t to talk! LOL that was a joke. But seriously, just talk to the guy. It needs to be in person though. I will when I see him. I just don't know where to begin. I don't know what goes through his head. And he also said he can't read me. But I feel like that's a lie Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 Quick conversation over text? With you initiating? Or does he call you? Quick conversations through txt. And he starts it. I have only MSG him when I want to hangout. But most of the time we never follow through my plans because I always ask on days where he has work Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 The thing is, I don't even know how to start the relationship talk. And I know it's not FWB. Because I joked about it once and he said no to it If you don't know how to talk about everything with a guy then it's best you don't have sex with them. Communication should come first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I will when I see him. I just don't know where to begin. I don't know what goes through his head. And he also said he can't read me. But I feel like that's a lie This is probably because you guys don't know each other well. You need to spend time out of the sack doing outdoor activities. Regardless, you need to speak with him face to face. Start by making a coherent list of things you want out of this so you can approach with it. What do YOU want? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 (edited) Quick conversations through txt. And he starts it. I have only MSG him when I want to hangout. But most of the time we never follow through my plans because I always ask on days where he has work It's starting to sound like you're the one that reaches out only when you want to hang out. What is his work schedule that he is too busy to meet for dinner on a week night? If you two can sleep with each other then you two can communicate with each other, openly. The next time you see him you need to tell him that you both need to work on better communication through the week and that includes you taking the initiative to reach out just because rather than just texting when you want to meet. PS: I didn't get a good vibe from your first thread. This doesn't look good, at least from what I read. Edited September 19, 2014 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I've been on 9 dates with this guy and he never msges me in between dates.. Like it's dead silent. Unless he wants to make plans with me. We hangout once a week and we've had sex on our 5th date. Is it weird that we don't talk in between. I agree with the others; this sounds like a weekly sex date. The frequency with which you see each other and communicate should be increasing, not remaining stagnant. It's telling that he is not trying to see you at least two or three times a week at this point in the relationship. Do you two spend the night together after you have sex? What night of the week is your once a week date? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrslovely Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 (edited) Did you have the relationship talk with him? Have you told him you only want to see him and that your not seeing anyone else? He may think your sleeping with loads of other men too... I don't know... because if you haven't had this talk with him, he probably doesn't see you as his girlfriend, which makes him not your boyfriend. So he doesn't feel a need to text/call you as you would when your actually in a relationship with someone. Edited September 19, 2014 by mrslovely Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I will when I see him. I just don't know where to begin. I don't know what goes through his head. And he also said he can't read me. But I feel like that's a lie This is all just typical beginning of RS stuff. You're getting to know each other. My ex always said "You're very hard to read" to me in the beginning before we became exclusive. I liked it. lol Because you can't give too much away too soon! Especially if you're not even officially dating yet. Mystery keeps it interesting. Can't be too mysterious though. There's a real fine line. What makes my situation different from yours is that we talked and hung out as friends first (not having sex) and were crystal clear with how we felt and what we wanted. Of course him being a guy he wanted sex right away but we both had just gotten out of serious RSs so we both just wanted to just keep it friendly and hang out together. We fell in love with each other very quickly. (ok can't think about that mooshy stuff too much lol) I'm glad you've decided to talk to him in person. You begin by saying (all nicely like) "Hey, so I've been meaning to ask you...are we like, dating...or...a couple...or...? I only ask because I really like spending time with you and was just wondering how you feel too." Don't be pushy or angry or any of that, unless of course he gets ugly but if that happens just leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Also, im always the one that travels about half an hour to get to his place and he never offered to drive me home. Is he into me, or is this just friends with benefits? I think I like him. A LOT What is this about? Why do all your dates end up at his place with you having to find your own way home, when you don't have a car? And he can't drive you home? Why doesn't he come to your place? Or why can't he pick you up and go do something outdoors without having to end up in his house? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 I agree with the others; this sounds like a weekly sex date. The frequency with which you see each other and communicate should be increasing, not remaining stagnant. It's telling that he is not trying to see you at least two or three times a week at this point in the relationship. Do you two spend the night together after you have sex? What night of the week is your once a week date? Like I said he has his own business. Which requires him to work almost everyday. But he said by next month he will have more free time. And he always ask me to stay for the night. But I have been saying no. Even when I was on my period he still asked me to stay the night. At one point for two weeks, we were talking almost everyday. Then kind of just turned into evey other day and it's literally just quick conversations. I talk to him, he msges me... It's just driving me insane and idk how to bring it up Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 What is this about? Why do all your dates end up at his place with you having to find your own way home, when you don't have a car? And he can't drive you home? Why doesn't he come to your place? Or why can't he pick you up and go do something outdoors without having to end up in his house? Well I live with my parents and I don't want him to meet them. And he lives by himself. So it's more convenient. Maybe picking me up was my fault. I have told him a bunch of times that he doesn't have to pick me up because it's easier to just meet wherever. Parking is also hard. And we do go on dates outside Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Well I live with my parents and I don't want him to meet them. And he lives by himself. So it's more convenient. Maybe picking me up was my fault. I have told him a bunch of times that he doesn't have to pick me up because it's easier to just meet wherever. Parking is also hard. And we do go on dates outside But he can certainly drop you home, yes? When you say "dates outside" -- daytime dates to a museum, to the park, a concert, a wine tasting, a sporting event, etc? Or dinner outside and then back to his house? Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 This is all just typical beginning of RS stuff. You're getting to know each other. My ex always said "You're very hard to read" to me in the beginning before we became exclusive. I liked it. lol Because you can't give too much away too soon! Especially if you're not even officially dating yet. Mystery keeps it interesting. Can't be too mysterious though. There's a real fine line. What makes my situation different from yours is that we talked and hung out as friends first (not having sex) and were crystal clear with how we felt and what we wanted. Of course him being a guy he wanted sex right away but we both had just gotten out of serious RSs so we both just wanted to just keep it friendly and hang out together. We fell in love with each other very quickly. (ok can't think about that mooshy stuff too much lol) I'm glad you've decided to talk to him in person. You begin by saying (all nicely like) "Hey, so I've been meaning to ask you...are we like, dating...or...a couple...or...? I only ask because I really like spending time with you and was just wondering how you feel too." Don't be pushy or angry or any of that, unless of course he gets ugly but if that happens just leave. How long did you guys go on dates first before getting into a relationship? And you're right. There's no point into this if it's going nowhere. And him being all 'mysterious' is different. It's not fun. I'll just put an end to this and ask him Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 But he can certainly drop you home, yes? When you say "dates outside" -- daytime dates to a museum, to the park, a concert, a wine tasting, a sporting event, etc? Or dinner outside and then back to his house? Yep! All of those. We just end back to his place. Which I didn't mind at first because in thought we were friends with benefits but he cooks for me and wants to see me even if we can't have sex, it just really threw me off Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 Did you have the relationship talk with him? Have you told him you only want to see him and that your not seeing anyone else? He may think your sleeping with loads of other men too... I don't know... because if you haven't had this talk with him, he probably doesn't see you as his girlfriend, which makes him not your boyfriend. So he doesn't feel a need to text/call you as you would when your actually in a relationship with someone. He knows I'm not sleeping with other guys because I'm very insecure about my body (I'm really tiny, like 0 waist line). I just feel like relationship talk doesn't make sense right now since it's only been a month and a half and we only see each other once a week. But in still going to ask him Link to post Share on other sites
Author allboys111 Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 But he can certainly drop you home, yes? When you say "dates outside" -- daytime dates to a museum, to the park, a concert, a wine tasting, a sporting event, etc? Or dinner outside and then back to his house? He doesn't know where I live and has never been to my area. But yes. He should still be able to drop me off home. But he never offers Link to post Share on other sites
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