Letting her know where I stand on fifth date: Good idea or not?

[jjtr]

I am honestly still not sure what I will say/do, but I am taking all advice into account. Whatever feels right in the moment is what will come out, good or bad. I am tired of being worried about saying/doing something because of bogus dating rules. It's not like I'm preparing to drop to a knee and propose.

 

I did find it rather random that she texted me last evening out of the blue saying that she walked into her room and it was a mess, so she may have to clean it real quick. I'm sure you can guess where my mind immediately went, but that is about as optimistic as you will get from me.

[jjtr]

Welp, typical much ado about nothing it seems.

 

For some reason I really worked myself up before this one. The date went great. I told her I knew we hadn't really discussed much about what we were looking for and that I knew she was busy, but that I'd like to try to see each other more often and she definitely seemed open to that idea. She also was initiating some past relationship talk and mentioned the OLD site we met on and how she was annoyed by getting all the email notifications from it, and then she cancelled her subscription and it's expiring soon.

 

Went back to her place afterwards, got on her roommates good side even more () and the initiated some intimacy, which she said was a good thing because otherwise she would have just awkwardly sat on the couch.

 

We didn't set definitive plans for this next week (we never usually do right away, just agree on the following week) but I'm hoping for a few days (unfortunately she is traveling back home the next two weekends). Definitely much less on edge now and excited to see where things go.

[Art_Critic]

Exclusivity after only 4 dates? I'm sorry...I'm a girl, and that would completely freak me out.

 

I'm from this camp...exclusive after 4 dates.. that's a bit quick..

 

Me.. I always had waited till bodily fluids were exchanged.. then I at the very least became exclusive.

 

but if you want to be exclusive then by all means have that conversation, just don;t be surprised if she doesn't feel the same.

[jjtr]

I am going to bump this because things have been going very well lately, it seems, and I am starting to ponder the question of making things official again.

 

Since I created this thread, we have gone on two more dates, both of which went great. We have now had sex and we have now started seeing each other more often. We met up twice this week and have plans set for this coming Monday and Friday.

 

At this point, I am confident that this is developing into something, but I am also still wondering when the proper time to make things "official", so-to-speak, is.

 

After our date this coming Friday, we'll have been on 9 dates since August 1st. That seems like very few in a long amount of time, but if you remove the two weeks we were on vacation, it equates to 9 dates in 7 weeks which, given that she is in law school and working full-time three days a week, is pretty decent in my opinion.

 

I am not sure if I should just keep letting things progress naturally (which I decided to do earlier and it has worked out well) or to bring up the conversation on one of our dates this week. I have gathered that she is kind of timid/shy about things like making the first move and expressing herself. I feel like that if I don't bring it up, she probably won't.

 

However, I feel the signs are there. Intimacy, tender kissing/cuddling after sex, great fun on dates, her not scoffing at my attempts of PDA (hand-holding, kissing) and the fact that we are going on a double date with her roommate and her roommates boyfriend (who is also one of her good friends) this coming week.

 

This past week, it started to feel like we were actually a couple more than it had (for some reason, just meeting for breakfast before work was amazing) and it certainly seems to be heading in that direction based on our plans for this week.

 

I am sort of hesitant because "going with the flow" has worked very well. But I also know some girls get put off if a guy never broaches the topic.

 

Thoughts or advice anyone?

[veggirl]

Do it! It sounds like everything is going great! You can't just leave things status quo forever, so go for it

[jjtr]

Do it! It sounds like everything is going great! You can't just leave things status quo forever, so go for it

 

I am very excited to, but admittedly am a bit nervous just because I am not great with those kinds of conversations! However, if I never bring it up, she might not either and that could just lead to worse issues.

 

I'm very into this girl, so I think I might do it since I feel like we are at a good spot to discuss the next level right now.

[spiderowl]

"So hey, I know we haven't really discussed much what either of us is looking for, but I'm just going to put it out there that I'm not seeing anyone else and don't plan to while we see where this goes."

 

When a guy said something similar to me and it still seemed fairly new to me (second date), I didn't know what to make of it. Did he mean I should do likewise? I didn't feel at the time that I wanted to say or do anything that implied exclusivity though that was what I was doing and had in mind. I would not have dated anyone else at the same time or had any kind of physical relationship with them. So basically she might not grasp what you are getting at, that you want to be exclusive with her. Best to make that a little clearer.

 

Also, I do believe guys always want sexual exclusivity - from the girl - but it doesn't mean a guy wants a relationship, just doesn't want her sleeping with anyone else. Have to be careful how to interpret intentions, no matter what people say.

[jjtr]

"So hey, I know we haven't really discussed much what either of us is looking for, but I'm just going to put it out there that I'm not seeing anyone else and don't plan to while we see where this goes."

 

When a guy said something similar to me and it still seemed fairly new to me (second date), I didn't know what to make of it. Did he mean I should do likewise? I didn't feel at the time that I wanted to say or do anything that implied exclusivity though that was what I was doing and had in mind. I would not have dated anyone else at the same time or had any kind of physical relationship with them. So basically she might not grasp what you are getting at, that you want to be exclusive with her. Best to make that a little clearer.

 

Also, I do believe guys always want sexual exclusivity - from the girl - but it doesn't mean a guy wants a relationship, just doesn't want her sleeping with anyone else. Have to be careful how to interpret intentions, no matter what people say.

 

Yes, I think if I were to do this now, I would just come out and say, "So, should we make this official?" or "I think we should make this official."

 

I feel like we have taken a pretty big step forward this past week.

[veggirl]

I am very excited to, but admittedly am a bit nervous just because I am not great with those kinds of conversations! However, if I never bring it up, she might not either and that could just lead to worse issues.

 

I'm very into this girl, so I think I might do it since I feel like we are at a good spot to discuss the next level right now.

 

No one is good at those conversations! They are awkward! Just gotta bite the bullet.

[ktya]

However, I'd wait till after you had sex. (I mean not immediately after.)

 

Ditto. Not sure what OP and his date's relative ages are, but women are lot more loosey goosey these days and to much of the younger generations a blow job is like the new french kiss. I'm only saying this because she may not think a make out session is that big of a deal - especially if alcohol was involved.

 

Sex however, is pretty well the ultimate goalpost by which you are fully entitled to pop the question as to where you two are relatively at with eachother.

 

This of course would be complicated if she is a virgin and/or holding herself out for marriage and/or a devout Catholic who would refuse to use contraception.