Becoming more picky about looks?

[yololin]

I've been ruined by my ex too. Total unicorn. I'll never find someone like that ever again. Everyone else I've met doesn't match up. I can't hang with the rubbish. I've been to the mountain top.

[sillyanswer]

Healthy heterosexual men rarely have a variety of platonic female friends..I have a wide variety of male friends and none have any female friends that I have ever heard them speak of or see hanging around..Heck, I have somehow managed to survive a long time, never had any trouble attracting/interacting with women in a relationship sense, got married-had a kid, yet never had any true female friends in my entire life except long time admin/personal asst..(she has worked for me for years and is like a sister)..

 

Maybe it's not a necessity for a fulfilling life, but I always thought that healthy people of any gender and sexual orientation should be able to maintain relationships of friendship with any other people regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

[somedude81]

My whole problem with all the "pass the class, graduate, get a job etc" advice is that it's for the future.

 

I don't want to be single until January at the earliest. Do you guys really want to see me whining about my ex for the rest of the year?

 

Also it's stuff that I already know. I'm not stupid. Of course I know that I'll be more attractive once I'm stable.

 

I probably shouldn't post in this thread again until I need specific feedback on a girl.

[sillyanswer]

My whole problem with all the "pass the class, graduate, get a job etc" advice is that it's for the future.

 

But you're taking the class now, right?

[JuneJulySeptember]

My whole problem with all the "pass the class, graduate, get a job etc" advice is that it's for the future.

 

I don't want to be single until January at the earliest. Do you guys really want to see me whining about my ex for the rest of the year?

 

Also it's stuff that I already know. I'm not stupid. Of course I know that I'll be more attractive once I'm stable.

 

I probably shouldn't post in this thread again until I need specific feedback on a girl.

 

When did you break up with your last girlfriend?

 

It took ~20 years from puberty to get the first girlfriend and you want another right away? Slow down tiger.

 

You know how to play the game and have a good roadmap of how to get a woman now and you know it's gonna take some time probably.

 

I always tell myself no matter how much I try and how hard I put myself out there, it's probably gonna take a couple to a few years before I can get a woman to be attracted to me. Of course, they don't come in regular intervals, so I could have two in the span of a year, and then a dry spell of 5 years.

Edited September 22, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[somedude81]

But you're taking the class now, right?

 

Yes, and it won't be over the end of December.

 

I don't see any reason why I should go without any companionship from a woman until then.

 

These nine months I've been single have been absolutely horrible.

Edited September 22, 2014 by somedude81

[sillyanswer]

Yes, and it won't be over the end of December.

 

I don't see any reason why I should go without any companionship from a woman until then.

 

These nine months I've been single have been absolutely horrible.

 

Maybe you'll find someone on the beach when you're surfing.

[clia]

Yes, and it won't be over the end of December.

 

I don't see any reason why I should go without any companionship from a woman until then.

 

These nine months I've been single have been absolutely horrible.

 

So if having companionship is so important, why not do more to increase the odds of meeting a woman? It seems like your plan every semester is to simply go to class and meet a girl there, when there are many other avenues you could also be exploring at the same time. This has been suggested to you ad nauseum. Why not do more than simply show up for salsa or surf class? Doing that has worked exactly one time over the past 6 (?) years. Why not incorporate something new, like a Meetup group once a week? It just seems like you would have higher odds of achieving your goal if you tried to meet women outside of school as well.

[MidwestUSA]

My whole problem with all the "pass the class, graduate, get a job etc" advice is that it's for the future.

 

I don't want to be single until January at the earliest. Do you guys really want to see me whining about my ex for the rest of the year?

 

Also it's stuff that I already know. I'm not stupid. Of course I know that I'll be more attractive once I'm stable.

 

I probably shouldn't post in this thread again until I need specific feedback on a girl.

 

 

 

The future? The future is NOW! It's only three months until that class is over and you'll be facing the corporate world.

 

 

If it were me, just the thought of that would scare the living crap out of me. I wouldn't have the time or mental energy to devote to thinking about a boyfriend.

 

 

It's ONLY THREE MONTHS! Are you going to drag this out and let it affect your job search as well? If anything, a new girlfriend at that point will be a serious distraction. You're going to have to learn to tame your morning wood because you gotta hit the shower, grab your briefcase and get out the door. You're not going to have the leisure time for three times a day sex. You'll need to get your insomnia under control. And if things at home make you angry enough to smash game controllers, well, I suspect you'll find there are things in the world of employment that will make you want to smash a car, or worse (like your boss).

 

 

But, hey, stick with your priorities.

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't know what to say about the girl, whose face isn't that cute. She deserves to be with someone who thinks she's cute, but I wonder if you'll like her more as you get to know her. People can become more attractive, the longer you know them.

 

That reminds me: I thought of you, and other guys here, when I was watching an episode of Married At First Sight. I don't usually watch reality TV, but friends were watching this, so I watched to see what they were all talking about. One couple started out with the woman having no interest in the man, whatsoever - Jamie and Doug. She grew more comfortable with him, as time went on, because they had a lot in common, and he was patient with her. He didn't demand anything from her, and they didn't consummate the marriage during the time that the show was filmed, but she ended up falling in love with him.

 

The last few men I dated before marriage were NOT conventionally attractive. But as I got to know them and like them, it was like their features became more attractive to me.

 

Then after my ex and I split, I met my husband.

 

I was not attracted to him at all. I was still pretty broken up over my ex and was looking more at taller, skinnier guys that weren't conventionally attractive.

 

BUT, he really got to me. Really A LOT. I love his blue eyes and my daughter has the same beautiful blue eyes.

 

I like his hairy chest (unlike other guys I dated) I like his blond hair and that he's only an inch taller than me. It's easier to look him in the eye all the time. I like his extra weight and the way he gives THE BEST hugs.

 

My attraction has totally shifted because I am into HIM and not just whatever cookie-cutter version of attraction MTV wants to throw at us this week.

[Phoe]

......just being curious somedude81, you don't have a job - can you afford a girlfriend

 

While I agree that getting a job is going to be a crucial thing, I must disagree about the "being able to afford one" bit.

 

Why does a girlfriend have to be expensive? There are so many things in the world that are free and fun. There's no actual need to be spending money on a girl.

 

I'm not an expensive girlfriend. Money doesn't have to be spent on me at all.

[thefooloftheyear]

Maybe it's not a necessity for a fulfilling life, but I always thought that healthy people of any gender and sexual orientation should be able to maintain relationships of friendship with any other people regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

 

 

I dont disagree....

 

My comments were more directed at those that thought it was essential for him to have a variety of female plutonic friends before he can be successful at attracting women (in a non plutonic way)...Well...I just dont think you need that...

 

Its been my experience personally(and with the guys I know) that you neednt have any female plutonic friends to attract attention from women...

 

In fact, with the little I know of female psychology, its a good bet that if a guy has female friend(s-especially attractive ones) that his new gf is going to have a HUGE problem with those said friends.....

 

Anyway, the comment wasnt in the proper context to the thread, but I coiuldnt delete it... so I apologize to the OP and others for the diversion...

 

TFY

[serial muse]

I dont disagree....

 

My comments were more directed at those that thought it was essential for him to have a variety of female plutonic friends before he can be successful at attracting women (in a non plutonic way)...Well...I just dont think you need that...

 

Its been my experience personally(and with the guys I know) that you neednt have any female plutonic friends to attract attention from women...

 

In fact, with the little I know of female psychology, its a good bet that if a guy has female friend(s-especially attractive ones) that his new gf is going to have a HUGE problem with those said friends.....

 

Anyway, the comment wasnt in the proper context to the thread, but I coiuldnt delete it... so I apologize to the OP and others for the diversion...

 

TFY

 

I just want to reiterate that, since you were responding to me, I never said that one has to have female platonic friends to attract attention from women in the first place. That wasn't the point I was making at all. I'm not sure if that's cleared up yet or not.

 

Anyway, I agree that this is not the point of the thread either, so, moving on.

 

SD, do you want this thread to still be about the picky question? Or (based on your more recent posts) do you want it to specifically focus on the particular women you're currently interested in?

Edited September 22, 2014 by serial muse

[Kid_Charlemange]

While I agree that getting a job is going to be a crucial thing, I must disagree about the "being able to afford one" bit.

 

Why does a girlfriend have to be expensive? There are so many things in the world that are free and fun. There's no actual need to be spending money on a girl.

 

I'm not an expensive girlfriend. Money doesn't have to be spent on me at all.

 

It might be an age thing... you look pretty young if your avatar is you. When I was 22 and broke, my GF was 21 and broke, and yeah, we did a lot of freebie stuff.

 

When you get past 45, as I did (a while ago), it's a different story. People of both sexes expect their matches to be pretty well financially secure. Some spell it out, others are more subtle, but more than one woman has lost interest in me after finding out that I don't own my own place (I rent) and that my Acura is seven years old.

 

Fact is, I'm still paying off hospital debt incurred by my late wife over three years ago. I've whittled it down from a quarter million to under $50k, which isn't bad. But... it's still $50k in debt, and I lost all of my savings and retirement paying that down. That's a huge issue for anyone who would want to date me, and I've actually come to same the conclusion as the OP: I can't afford a GF.

[Haydn]

I was 22 when i hit the working world. It was a shock after spending years being blind drunk and spending taxpayers on certain things that are not worth mentioning......God i loved being a student.

 

But Midwest is right your goal is to get a good job now. The ladies will surely follow if you make something of yourself in the near future.

 

No Briefcase though. `Man-bag`

 

 

The future? The future is NOW! It's only three months until that class is over and you'll be facing the corporate world.

 

 

If it were me, just the thought of that would scare the living crap out of me. I wouldn't have the time or mental energy to devote to thinking about a boyfriend.

 

 

It's ONLY THREE MONTHS! Are you going to drag this out and let it affect your job search as well? If anything, a new girlfriend at that point will be a serious distraction. You're going to have to learn to tame your morning wood because you gotta hit the shower, grab your briefcase and get out the door. You're not going to have the leisure time for three times a day sex. You'll need to get your insomnia under control. And if things at home make you angry enough to smash game controllers, well, I suspect you'll find there are things in the world of employment that will make you want to smash a car, or worse (like your boss).

 

 

But, hey, stick with your priorities.

[Phoe]

It might be an age thing... you look pretty young if your avatar is you. When I was 22 and broke, my GF was 21 and broke, and yeah, we did a lot of freebie stuff.

 

When you get past 45, as I did (a while ago), it's a different story. People of both sexes expect their matches to be pretty well financially secure. Some spell it out, others are more subtle, but more than one woman has lost interest in me after finding out that I don't own my own place (I rent) and that my Acura is seven years old.

 

Fact is, I'm still paying off hospital debt incurred by my late wife over three years ago. I've whittled it down from a quarter million to under $50k, which isn't bad. But... it's still $50k in debt, and I lost all of my savings and retirement paying that down. That's a huge issue for anyone who would want to date me, and I've actually come to same the conclusion as the OP: I can't afford a GF.

 

Yes, my avatar is me. I'm always amused when people ask me that. I giggle a bit thinking of how absurd it would be if the next person who asked me that got a response saying "Nah, this isn't me, I just thought this random selfie of some unknown average normal girl really suited me, and thought it would make a great avatar". Lol.

 

Sure, I'm young. 25. I don't think my opinions on whether an SO spends money or not will change once I'm 45.

 

IMO, when you're dating someone, how much money someone is making isn't relevant to me. As long as they are taking care of themselves, that's all that matters.

 

Once marriage, home-ownership, and kids are in the mix, then money matters. Having enough to pay for all of that is relevant. Still, none of that relates to his specific ability to pay for things for ME. To buy things for ME. Which is not necessary and never will be, no matter how old I am. If I'm honest, I think a man's ability to spend money on me would become even LESS important (if possible) once I'm older. You'd think that the younger ones would be the ones more caught up in whether a man can pay for things, based on immaturity.

 

The fact that the women you date are put off by renting and the age of your car doesn't indicate that tastes change with age, IMO it only indicates that you dated some ridiculous women. What reasonable woman gives a rip that your car is 7 years old? Honestly!? My truck is 9 years old and it's a damn good truck.

 

The point is - no one should see a girlfriend as an expense. As long as someone has their bills paid, rent paid, and food in the fridge, there's no reason for "I can't afford a girlfriend" to even be a thing.

[somedude81]

SD, do you want this thread to still be about the picky question? Or (based on your more recent posts) do you want it to specifically focus on the particular women you're currently interested in?

 

Both actually.

 

Today I spent a good amount of time talking to the girl who inspired me to write this thread. She's definitely nice & friendly and seems to enjoy talking to me, but I just can't get past her face. I don't know what it is but I just don't think I could ever be attracted to her. That actually makes me feel a little bad.

 

Moving on to other girls. The girl who played the runaway game with me last week didn't show up to class today. Though in her place was another cute girl who didn't show up last week. Wow, I just had a really good time with her today. She's definitely somebody I have my eye on. She expressed an interest in the social dance club meeting that's happening on on Wednesday so I think I'll suggest we meet up there. When I talked about it she mentioned that she doesn't know where the room is and what time the meeting is, so I think on Wednesday during class I'll ask her for her number so I can text her the time and location of the club meeting.

 

There was another girl I was talking to who was sitting out for the day because she has an injured leg. I may add her to my interest list as well. So far that's three girls in the same class that I'm interested in.

[somedude81]

The point is - no one should see a girlfriend as an expense. As long as someone has their bills paid, rent paid, and food in the fridge, there's no reason for "I can't afford a girlfriend" to even be a thing.

 

Yup, and that's exactly why I made the "monthly fee" joke.

 

Thinking of a girlfriend as an expense is ridiculous.

[Phoe]

There was another girl I was talking to who was sitting out for the day because she has an injured leg. I may add her to my interest list as well. So far that's three girls in the same class that I'm interested in.

 

Just be careful.

 

Having ALL the girls you're interested in be all in one class, in one room together, can be problematic.

 

If a guy showed interest in me, but then showed interest in other girls in the room, and seemed to just bop around from cute girl to cute girl showing interest, I'd be put off immediately and no longer have any interest in him.

[xxoo]

Both actually.

 

Today I spent a good amount of time talking to the girl who inspired me to write this thread. She's definitely nice & friendly and seems to enjoy talking to me, but I just can't get past her face. I don't know what it is but I just don't think I could ever be attracted to her. That actually makes me feel a little bad.

in.

 

This is the perfect opportunity to forge a friendship. And if mutual attraction grows, that's great!

[somedude81]

Just be careful.

 

Having ALL the girls you're interested in be all in one class, in one room together, can be problematic.

 

If a guy showed interest in me, but then showed interest in other girls in the room, and seemed to just bop around from cute girl to cute girl showing interest, I'd be put off immediately and no longer have any interest in him.

 

Yeah, that is a concern of mine.

 

I think I'm in the clear for now because it's a dance class and we're pretty much expected to socialize. Also I don't know if anybody is actually watching me, yet.

 

Once I start spending time with a girl outside of class things may get a bit more complicated.

 

Right now though I'm still trying to figure out what girls are actually available and could be interested.

[Phoe]

Yeah, that is a concern of mine.

 

I think I'm in the clear for now because it's a dance class and we're pretty much expected to socialize. Also I don't know if anybody is actually watching me, yet.

 

Exactly. The good thing is that socializing is expected. If you do start having particular interest in one girl, and she is having interest back, be aware that there may be no going back once that happens. No girl would want to be the 2nd choice.

 

But for now, just have fun, dance, socialize with everyone!

[Els]

 

Sure, I'm young. 25. I don't think my opinions on whether an SO spends money or not will change once I'm 45.

 

IMO, when you're dating someone, how much money someone is making isn't relevant to me. As long as they are taking care of themselves, that's all that matters.

 

The amount of money someone is making doesn't necessarily matter, but if that someone is 32, has been in college for 10 years and is making zero money and is living off a private loan, chances are it does matter.

 

That being said, I'm with HeartDesires - although not about the money. My thought is, can you afford the time to have a gf right now? If you're already struggling so badly with your calculus homework while single and not doing anything else, what do you think will happen when you have a girlfriend who's around a lot? Will you have the strength to tell her 'no' when she wants to come to your place the day before a big exam? Will you be able to delay gratification and think about the long term? Given the precedents you have set, my guess is no.

[lollipopspot]

Today I spent a good amount of time talking to the girl who inspired me to write this thread. She's definitely nice & friendly and seems to enjoy talking to me, but I just can't get past her face. I don't know what it is but I just don't think I could ever be attracted to her. That actually makes me feel a little bad.

 

What don't you like about her face?

[somedude81]

Exactly. The good thing is that socializing is expected. If you do start having particular interest in one girl, and she is having interest back, be aware that there may be no going back once that happens. No girl would want to be the 2nd choice.

 

But for now, just have fun, dance, socialize with everyone!

 

"No girl would want to be the 2nd choice."

 

I know what you mean, but then again it's not really fair to think of it that way.

 

I'm not ranking the girls and I don't have favorites. They're all cool in their own way. The only thing that actually effects which one I hang out with first, is which girl shows interest in me first, or at least I think she's interested.

 

It would suck to think a girl is into me, then I go out with her, but she doesn't want to go out anymore. And then I'm stuck because nobody else in that class would want to go out with me. It's like I get one shot with a girl in each location, so I have to make it count.

 

Too bad I just can't go around and ask which girl wants to be my girlfriend. That would make things so much easier