Can someone remind me why it's not good to break NC when they contact you (Updated)

September 15, 2014

well, she got here 2.5 hrs late.. wouldn't leave till she got her stuff, ran into my child getting off the bus.. who she said she "couldn't handle seeing", nothing about my kid seeing her and being impacted, but I digress

She showed up with a guy, claims it was just a friend who was helping her. I acted without dignity, didn't beg, didn't ask her back, but made it clear I was hurting.

She told me she was no longer in love with me, which I knew. She was cold and matter of fact, it was obvious.

I don't know how I feel right now, a little bit like a weight was lifted off my chest.. I can stop hoping she is going to come back to me at least. But it doesn't feel good. I just want to sleep.

It simply sounds as if it's simply not meant to be. Cannot control the way someone else is going to feel nor react. No matter how much we may want something or love someone. There are always two involved in all situations like this. Why even think twice about someone who does not want to be with you? You deserve that definitive mutual attraction. Sooner you let her completely go, the quicker you will be able to move forward.

September 15, 2014

Same here. 5 weeks ago he "loved me", since a week he has a new girlfriend so it seems...

Yep, it s*cks.

But please, when she comes over AGAIN, do not be there. Have somebody else handle it.... You do not want to see her!

September 15, 2014

It simply sounds as if it's simply not meant to be. Cannot control the way someone else is going to feel nor react. No matter how much we may want something or love someone. There are always two involved in all situations like this. Why even think twice about someone who does not want to be with you? You deserve that definitive mutual attraction. Sooner you let her completely go, the quicker you will be able to move forward.

Yes i know. I knew anyway, the way she left so quickly and definitively I knew. Hearing it from the horses mouth so to speak does help kill any doubt.

All I'm left with today is trying to understand how someone can go from so loving to so cold so quickly. It seems inhuman, I can't do it

September 15, 2014

Same here. 5 weeks ago he "loved me", since a week he has a new girlfriend so it seems...

Yep, it s*cks.

But please, when she comes over AGAIN, do not be there. Have somebody else handle it.... You do not want to see her!

I think I am actually fine seeing her. She lied about being stuck in traffic, later admitted she left 2 hrs late. She brought some guy. I wasn't brought to tears, it really is just a confirmation of what my therapist has been telling me, that she is controlling, selfish and abusive.. the minute she didn't get what she wanted, she was out.

For clarity, we were trying to buy a house together and it fell through, so I decided to wait 1 more year. My father had been telling me that's why she bailed, I didn't get her the dream house she wanted. I didn't believe him, but she said it today. Stupid me

September 15, 2014

well i ignored all of the advice on here, and sent a 4 long texts trying to get everything off my chest.

I don't expect her to respond, she doesn't take any responsibility for anything and frankly doesn't care. But I needed to do it for me.

I don't want her back, and I haven't wanted her back. Someone who can callously talk about my children like they are garbage is not someone I can be with. I have though wanted her to come crawling back and profess her undying love for me, it's an ego thing, and now I know for sure that is not going to happen.

September 15, 2014

Yes i know. I knew anyway, the way she left so quickly and definitively I knew. Hearing it from the horses mouth so to speak does help kill any doubt.

All I'm left with today is trying to understand how someone can go from so loving to so cold so quickly. It seems inhuman, I can't do it

People throw around the word love way too quickly. Suppose that this is not easy. The thing is that it is at least better to know now as opposed to later on. Could have been involved even longer with someone who was not into you. Nor, someone who is not a positive influence. The short term may be a challenge for you and your child. What matters more is what comes after that.

September 16, 2014

well.. i fell completely off the NC wagon tonight.. texted her a bunch of times, then she just stopped responding.

She was so mad at me for ignoring her that I tried the other route..

And got what was coming to me.. I don't know that I am back to square one, but it's certainly a setback

September 16, 2014

People throw around the word love way too quickly. Suppose that this is not easy. The thing is that it is at least better to know now as opposed to later on. Could have been involved even longer with someone who was not into you. Nor, someone who is not a positive influence. The short term may be a challenge for you and your child. What matters more is what comes after that.

Ehh, I don't know. I am 39, I think I know what I feel is real. And she was into me too.. Obsessed with me, would text me non stop if I didn't answer. I've come to learn this was controlling behavior, I thought it was love. But maybe not.

September 16, 2014

She has more stuff here. Wants to come in 2 weeks with friend, but I am leery about letting them move furniture out. What happens if they drop a dresser down the stairs, or if someone falls down the stairs. They are not insured obviously.

I told her to hire movers, she said she doesn't have money (which is BS)

Move that s--t into the backyard or garage, therefore they can come get it and you don't have to be around. And please, please stop texting her. C'mon dude.

September 16, 2014

Move that s--t into the backyard or garage, therefore they can come get it and you don't have to be around. And please, please stop texting her. C'mon dude.

Yeah, no response .. I can only assume she's with a guy, and that is killing me

September 16, 2014

Yeah, no response .. I can only assume she's with a guy, and that is killing me

Or she doesn't want to deal with all the emotional hooey-gooey you're throwing at her. But yeah, at this point you are your own worst enemy. You have to stop emoting like an insecure teenager. It's not helpful and it's not appropriate.

September 16, 2014

Or she doesn't want to deal with all the emotional hooey-gooey you're throwing at her. But yeah, at this point you are your own worst enemy. You have to stop emoting like an insecure teenager. It's not helpful and it's not appropriate.

Lol.. true.. I have done so well up till now. Seeing her today really set me back

September 16, 2014

Lol.. true.. I have done so well up till now. Seeing her today really set me back

Which is more reason for you to move her remaining crap into the garage or somewhere that she can access without having contact with you. This process is hard, but you are making it unnecessarily harder.

September 16, 2014

Which is more reason for you to move her remaining crap into the garage or somewhere that she can access without having contact with you. This process is hard, but you are making it unnecessarily harder.

Yes, I am, and I really appreciate you taking your time to talk me down. I just don't get it.. I didn't do this one time post breakout, mostly stuck to no contact.. was faced with her disapproval today of me not contacting her, and just went off the deep end..

I used to live not to displease her, today she was displeased and I am right back where I was.. Wth is wrong with me

September 16, 2014

Yes, I am, and I really appreciate you taking your time to talk me down. I just don't get it.. I didn't do this one time post breakout, mostly stuck to no contact.. was faced with her disapproval today of me not contacting her, and just went off the deep end..

I used to live not to displease her, today she was displeased and I am right back where I was.. Wth is wrong with me

Your self-esteem is shot. You are making it your mission to be her pet rather than being an assertive adult. You were doing fine, she called you out out of selfishness and you immediately went back to your clown dance. I mean, she's the one who cast you to the side and you are overly concerned about her being mad at you? You have to get your self-respect back, and it's not going to happen until you cut the cord permanently. You keep allowing her to have lifelines, and you can't handle that. There's nothing wrong with not being able to handle it, but there's something wrong about knowing you can't handle it yet allowing it anyway.

September 16, 2014

Your self-esteem is shot. You are making it your mission to be her pet rather than being an assertive adult. You were doing fine, she called you out out of selfishness and you immediately went back to your clown dance. I mean, she's the one who cast you to the side and you are overly concerned about her being mad at you? You have to get your self-respect back, and it's not going to happen until you cut the cord permanently. You keep allowing her to have lifelines, and you can't handle that. There's nothing wrong with not being able to handle it, but there's something wrong about knowing you can't handle it yet allowing it anyway.

I just don't get it.. telling me she misses me on Friday, that i am making her suffer and hurt by not answering.. then today, I get I don't love you anymore. I need to resolve the friction that is causing in my head.

I have lost my mind tonight, and made a fool out of myself.. first time in 5 weeks. I just wish i could understand all this.

Seeing her today was a major setback

September 16, 2014

I just don't get it.. telling me she misses me on Friday, that i am making her suffer and hurt by not answering.. then today, I get I don't love you anymore. I need to resolve the friction that is causing in my head.

I have lost my mind tonight, and made a fool out of myself.. first time in 5 weeks. I just wish i could understand all this.

Seeing her today was a major setback

What is there to understand? You're broken up -- there's nothing to understand. Instead of trying to figure her out, you need to concentrate on yourself. You have a lot to work on there.

September 16, 2014

What is there to understand? You're broken up -- there's nothing to understand. Instead of trying to figure her out, you need to concentrate on yourself. You have a lot to work on there.

Yeah, I do, lots! I have therapy in about 5 hrs which is good but I have a long row ahead of me.

I don't even want her back, I think I just want her to want me back.

September 16, 2014

I did what you did - I was pissed and sent a couple of emails, stating exactly how I felt, all this person did to hurt me, made it clear I now know who and how he is...and then said, GOODBYE. Cut off all ties. Blocked him from everything. Said my peace. It was SO hard... but had to be done.

I hope you can do that soon. She's made it clear she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Nothing you say or do is going to change that, change her mind. Even if it did - would what you broke up over, be changed? Would she all of a sudden be a new, improved person? Would you guys be all happy, happy? NO. That is reality. It's damaged, it's broken. Doesn't matter if she's rude, mean, selfish, a bitch, etc.

What matters is YOU do not want to be treated like that, correct? She wasn't making you happy in the end, correct?

We are stuck in remembering when it was "good", when we were courting each other, on our best behavior, in that honeymoon phase.

Then as time goes by, people's true colors come out... And also having an exwife, kids, etc. is SO hard, a lot of baggage. Takes a special person, special relationship, for that to work out. Two mature people, truly ready for that kind of life, dimension. Some think they are ready, but find out, no.

She just figured out she didn't want that kind of life. Sure at some point she loved, cared for you. But point is, she doesn't NOW, anymore. Yes, reality is, people's feelings, wants, dreams, etc. change. And you guys were not growing TOGETHER, she was not accepting of your kids, your past, etc.

That is all that matters. Cut contact now. It's over. Feel the pain, just go thru it, cry, be pissed, etc. In time, it will lessen... TRUST and BELIEVE in everyone on here, telling you that.

Stay busy, concentrate on you, your kids. Those are your TWO top priorities. Not her, this person who is CHOOSING to not be in your life anymore. She asked for that - give it to her. Done.

Good luck. You can do it! :-)

September 16, 2014

Yeah, I do, lots! I have therapy in about 5 hrs which is good but I have a long row ahead of me.

I don't even want her back, I think I just want her to want me back.

Well, you wanting her to want you back is holding you back and making you make an ass out of yourself with all the texting and emoting. Instead of wanting her to want you back, you need to want to get YOURSELF back. That's by far the most important thing.

September 16, 2014

I did what you did - I was pissed and sent a couple of emails, stating exactly how I felt, all this person did to hurt me, made it clear I now know who and how he is...and then said, GOODBYE. Cut off all ties. Blocked him from everything. Said my peace. It was SO hard... but had to be done.

I hope you can do that soon. She's made it clear she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Nothing you say or do is going to change that, change her mind. Even if it did - would what you broke up over, be changed? Would she all of a sudden be a new, improved person? Would you guys be all happy, happy? NO. That is reality. It's damaged, it's broken. Doesn't matter if she's rude, mean, selfish, a bitch, etc.

What matters is YOU do not want to be treated like that, correct? She wasn't making you happy in the end, correct?

We are stuck in remembering when it was "good", when we were courting each other, on our best behavior, in that honeymoon phase.

Then as time goes by, people's true colors come out... And also having an exwife, kids, etc. is SO hard, a lot of baggage. Takes a special person, special relationship, for that to work out. Two mature people, truly ready for that kind of life, dimension. Some think they are ready, but find out, no.

She just figured out she didn't want that kind of life. Sure at some point she loved, cared for you. But point is, she doesn't NOW, anymore. Yes, reality is, people's feelings, wants, dreams, etc. change. And you guys were not growing TOGETHER, she was not accepting of your kids, your past, etc.

That is all that matters. Cut contact now. It's over. Feel the pain, just go thru it, cry, be pissed, etc. In time, it will lessen... TRUST and BELIEVE in everyone on here, telling you that.

Stay busy, concentrate on you, your kids. Those are your TWO top priorities. Not her, this person who is CHOOSING to not be in your life anymore. She asked for that - give it to her. Done.

Good luck. You can do it! :-)

Thank you so much. I know all this is true, and I know it takes a special person to take on the baggage. I had thought I found her, and now faced with having to look again makes it that much worse. I really don't know what I am feeling.

I know she was awful about my ex wife. The main issue was that my ex wife is kind of scummy. Was never around when the kids were young, cheating, drinking, drugs. I have custody. She was so obsessed with her that anything to do with her would bring up anger.

For instance, me and my ex wife had a dog together. When we got divorced, she took the dog. My kids still saw the dog. Early summer, the dog got cancer and had to be put down. I told my GF, knowing the kids would and she said "i really hope you aren't upset that that white trash dog died". I told her I wasn't devastated or anything, but yea I don't feel great about it, my kids are sad and he was my dog for 8 years. She was pissed. How do you take it out on a dog?

I think back to stories like that I wonder wtf I was thinking, while I so regret turning to alcohol to alleviate stress, I can understand why I did it and am getting to the point where I can forgive myself. I should've stood up for myself and set boundaries, instead of becoming self destructive. I shouldn't have allowed my kids to be looked at like half white trash. The end started with her deciding she didn't want to have kids with me any longer because she didn't want to "bring them into this situation", that she didn't want things my kids were learning from my ex wife to tarnish her children.. essentially my kids were scum and she didn't want them around her children. That hurt to hear, and I basically stood up for myself and told her she probably needs to go.. 10 days later she did

September 16, 2014

Well, you wanting her to want you back is holding you back and making you make an ass out of yourself with all the texting and emoting. Instead of wanting her to want you back, you need to want to get YOURSELF back. That's by far the most important thing.

Yes.. Thank you. I told my friends last Thursday that I was finally feeling like my old self. Then she started calling/texting. I ignored, but it set me back

September 16, 2014

TimTom its a push pull my friend it sucks. I pushed my ex so far away for the last 2 months, then they find a way to sneak their way in to mess with your head. It just makes them immature block her number and watch her jaw drop the next time she texts you and the message comes up you have been blocked by this user.

September 16, 2014

TimTom its a push pull my friend it sucks. I pushed my ex so far away for the last 2 months, then they find a way to sneak their way in to mess with your head. It just makes them immature block her number and watch her jaw drop the next time she texts you and the message comes up you have been blocked by this user.

Yeah, the only reason I haven't is because she still has things to get. Taking her sweet time with that one

September 16, 2014

They will, thats why you go drop it off the more final you make this look the better off you will be.

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Can someone remind me why it's not good to break NC when they contact you (Updated)

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