Can someone remind me why it's not good to break NC when they contact you (Updated)

[johnson_j]

.........

 

Seems like she needs to check in every once in awhile to make sure I am still under her spell. I am not, and I am not going pretend to be so she can get over whatever it is she's feeling.

 

And as you said, to turn it around on me, and get mad at me is unbelievably jerky.

 

 

Look buddy you know what's up. You know the deal. Deep in your heart YOU KNOW. So don't question your decision. If you EVER start to doubt it, reread what YOU wrote above.

 

 

Ask yourself - if she loved you and respected you, would you feel the emotions you wrote about above? YOU already know the answer.

[tim_tom]

Look buddy you know what's up. You know the deal. Deep in your heart YOU KNOW. So don't question your decision. If you EVER start to doubt it, reread what YOU wrote above.

 

 

Ask yourself - if she loved you and respected you, would you feel the emotions you wrote about above? YOU already know the answer.

 

Hey, thank you. I went out tonight with a friend, to a bar we used to go to. A setback. I was doing so well and now all I want is to call her .. I won't, but damn .... 4 good days ruined

[johnson_j]

Hey, thank you. I went out tonight with a friend, to a bar we used to go to. A setback. I was doing so well and now all I want is to call her .. I won't, but damn .... 4 good days ruined

 

It's not a setback as long as you don't contact her. Just keep your CHIN UP.

[Daisy1339]

Hey, thank you. I went out tonight with a friend, to a bar we used to go to. A setback. I was doing so well and now all I want is to call her .. I won't, but damn .... 4 good days ruined

 

Then call her. Listen to your heart!

Edited September 13, 2014 by Daisy1339

[tim_tom]

Then call her. Listen to your heart!

 

It will only end up with me feeling worse.

 

Need to listen to my head.

[tim_tom]

It's not a setback as long as you don't contact her. Just keep your CHIN UP.

 

Ahh... Just emotionally , was feeling pretty good for awhile... Optimistic and thinking this was for the best.. Now I have that sick feeling

[Simon Phoenix]

Then call her. Listen to your heart!

 

Unfortunately, hearts have s--t for brains, especially in this situation.

[Daisy1339]

It will only end up with me feeling worse.

 

Need to listen to my head.[/

 

Do what you think is right!

Edited September 13, 2014 by Daisy1339

[tim_tom]

Unfortunately, hearts have s--t for brains, especially in this situation.

 

Lol.. they sure do. Right now my heart is winning the battle and I am feeling pretty bad.

 

Just not going to go out for awhile. Seeing happy couples, seeing other women, hearing them talk about how they treat their men.. makes me feel like i lost a pretty great thing.

[Simon Phoenix]

Lol.. they sure do. Right now my heart is winning the battle and I am feeling pretty bad.

 

Just not going to go out for awhile. Seeing happy couples, seeing other women, hearing them talk about how they treat their men.. makes me feel like i lost a pretty great thing.

 

You didn't though, because she didn't treat you right at the end and afterward, and that's all that counts. But yeah, maybe it's best to just hang out with friends on a low-key level for a while while you battle through this. No shame in that.

 

But whatever you do, do not contact and do not answer her contacts. You know where that path goes -- nowhere.

[tim_tom]

You didn't though, because she didn't treat you right at the end and afterward, and that's all that counts. But yeah, maybe it's best to just hang out with friends on a low-key level for a while while you battle through this. No shame in that.

 

But whatever you do, do not contact and do not answer her contacts. You know where that path goes -- nowhere.

 

Yeah, i know. I already told them I won't be going out for awhile. I know every recommendation you read says to go out, but every time I do I have an emotional setback.

 

My therapist had convinced me that she was controlling, jealous and abusive. And she certainly was the first two, I waver on the last part though. How many women are not controlling when it comes down to it? (I don't mean to sound misogynistic, I'd love for female member's to remind that this isn't so) My last 3 SO's were though, my therapist told me that women like that seek me out because they can push me around so easily. This is what I need to work on.

 

And I know the relationship was unhealthy, she had such an obsessive hatred for my ex wife that even the mere mention of her name by one of the kids would cause tension, long bouts of the silent treatment, pouting and/or fights. It was crazy tbh, and crazy that I allowed it go on. I just loved her so deeply and hoped that she'd eventually get over it, so I waited and tried to be supportive. Instead, she turned that hatred for my ex wife on to the kids. As such it got worse, not better and I dropped my support, withdrew and started drinking heavily. So dumb, and now I carry around 30 extra lbs because of it. I showed her!

 

Don't get me wrong, I am no angel, but the issue with the ex wife was the only real issue we had, and it was a large one. I keep going over and over in my head how I could've responded better, and I could've. So I certainly take a lot of the responsibility here. She had never dated someone with an ex wife and kids, I could've/should've guided her through it better

 

Anyway, thank you so much for the response. Sorry for the long rambling response, unfortunately when I have a setback it seems to last a few days.

[Daisy1339]

 

And I know the relationship was unhealthy, she had such an obsessive hatred for my ex wife that even the mere mention of her name by one of the kids would cause tension, long bouts of the silent treatment, pouting and/or fights. It was crazy tbh, and crazy that I allowed it go on. I just loved her so deeply and hoped that she'd eventually get over it, so I waited and tried to be supportive. Instead, she turned that hatred for my ex wife on to the kids. As such it got worse, not better and I dropped my support, withdrew and started drinking heavily. So dumb, and now I carry around 30 extra lbs because of it. I showed her!

 

So is that your second wife?

[tim_tom]

So is that your second wife?

 

No not married, girl friend I lived with for over a year, we were about to get engaged. Ring shopping, I asked her father for her hand, etc..

 

She was the most deepest love I've ever felt, and she purported the same for me. I don't know now, think she's a phony

[Bella2]

Yeah, i know. I already told them I won't be going out for awhile. I know every recommendation you read says to go out, but every time I do I have an emotional setback.

 

Same here. But after 2 vodka's you start feeling better

[tim_tom]

Same here. But after 2 vodka's you start feeling better

 

almost 5 weeks on the wagon for me. I had to stop, was thinking really bad stuff when getting drunk, didn't trust myself, and was making my mood worse.

 

It sure ain't fun, but it's for the best

[tim_tom]

my 7 year old just got done crying about missing her and she loves her... All kinds of questions .. wanting to see her, call her send her a picture and a gift so me ex would have something to remember her by...

 

As if I wasn't feeling bad enough after last night

[tim_tom]

Update I decided to pack her stuff and leave in my foyer and help her carry out. But, being the selfish person she is, she hadn't shown by 1pm (1hr late)... So I brought it out myself, left a note that i couldn't wait any longer and I tried to get everything I though she wanted.

 

Then I left

[tim_tom]

Well, I got back home, and to my surprise nothing is gone. That makes her 2 hr and 15 min late.

 

I dunno if it's revenge for me ignoring her texts or what, but whatever

[tim_tom]

well, she got here 2.5 hrs late.. wouldn't leave till she got her stuff, ran into my child getting off the bus.. who she said she "couldn't handle seeing", nothing about my kid seeing her and being impacted, but I digress

 

She showed up with a guy, claims it was just a friend who was helping her. I acted without dignity, didn't beg, didn't ask her back, but made it clear I was hurting.

 

She told me she was no longer in love with me, which I knew. She was cold and matter of fact, it was obvious.

 

I don't know how I feel right now, a little bit like a weight was lifted off my chest.. I can stop hoping she is going to come back to me at least. But it doesn't feel good. I just want to sleep.

[Bella2]

well, she got here 2.5 hrs late.. wouldn't leave till she got her stuff, ran into my child getting off the bus.. who she said she "couldn't handle seeing", nothing about my kid seeing her and being impacted, but I digress

 

She showed up with a guy, claims it was just a friend who was helping her. I acted without dignity, didn't beg, didn't ask her back, but made it clear I was hurting.

 

She told me she was no longer in love with me, which I knew. She was cold and matter of fact, it was obvious.

 

I don't know how I feel right now, a little bit like a weight was lifted off my chest.. I can stop hoping she is going to come back to me at least. But it doesn't feel good. I just want to sleep.

 

Without dignity, or do you mean with dignity?

 

Of course it doesn't feel good, but: that's over with. Must have been painful, but it's done! And things are clear, which will help you move on....

 

Do you sleep okay?

[tim_tom]

Without dignity, or do you mean with dignity?

 

Of course it doesn't feel good, but: that's over with. Must have been painful, but it's done! And things are clear, which will help you move on....

 

Do you sleep okay?

 

 

Without dignity. I asked a lot of questions about the relationship, she was pretty pissed about me ignoring her though

 

No, I don't sleep well. I am a mess

[Simon Phoenix]

Now that this is over, can you please stop talking to her? This process is hard enough without being your own worst enemy. Block her if you have to.

[Bella2]

You're a mess, which is normal too... But as everybody says, it will get better... You do not NEED her in your life!!! That's what you think now, but you can do so much better and one day, as everybody says here, you will feel okay again. Till then: breath in and out, take one step at a time, accept what you feel now, i know it s*cks, but things will work out.....

[tim_tom]

Now that this is over, can you please stop talking to her? This process is hard enough without being your own worst enemy. Block her if you have to.

 

She has more stuff here. Wants to come in 2 weeks with friend, but I am leery about letting them move furniture out. What happens if they drop a dresser down the stairs, or if someone falls down the stairs. They are not insured obviously.

 

I told her to hire movers, she said she doesn't have money (which is BS)

[tim_tom]

You're a mess, which is normal too... But as everybody says, it will get better... You do not NEED her in your life!!! That's what you think now, but you can do so much better and one day, as everybody says here, you will feel okay again. Till then: breath in and out, take one step at a time, accept what you feel now, i know it s*cks, but things will work out.....

 

Yeah I know, just hard to believe she can fall out of love so quickly. Don't understand how that happens. It was only 6 weeks ago she was telling me she loved me and it was forever.