2nd tyme Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 If you're really a writer (and teacher), please change everyday to every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Mirages Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 One profile I saw the other day (of a lady) that was very attractive was short. It listed about a dozen adjectives, then said "I think this list better describes me than any anectode or paragraph I could have written, if you are interested send me a message." While you have been told to shorten, and all that, that particular profile really struck me, succinct. Currently your profile is overall pretty good though, the use of language and a variety of topics distills any creepyness. Your writing is proper, but not needlessly verbose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teknoe Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 If you're really a writer (and teacher), please change everyday to every day. Oops, that was my fault for not checking it more properly. It's been fixed. Thanks for the feedback everyone. It's amazing to look back through my various editions of my profile. I really feel this is a pretty strong indicator of who I am, yet at the same time it's not too wordy like my previous entries were. Looking back at my first post and original bio in this thread, wow, what a world of difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Rick_B Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 You're welcome. My philosophy is, save the details for the face to face conversation. Don't want to exhaust it all before you meet. Let her get to know you naturally. Excellent job at compacting that profile! As a writer (I used to manage a group of tech writers) you should know that the purpose of page 1 - is to get you to read page 2 - not to tell the whole story:) Page 2 in your case is a message, wink or a date. You got some really great advice here Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 So Tekno any bites yet since you have made changes?? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 How about this: I'm a male first grade teacher who loves his work. After we meet, if there's a spark, we could go see a scary movie, or spend a late Friday or Saturday together. We could catch an A's or Warriors game too! Bring your face paint! (just kidding, unless you're up for it) If things work out, and you enjoy my quirky sense of humor, and don't mind that I like to hang out at home a lot, maybe we could plan and prepare for our first grand adventure together by doing some DDP Yoga! Is it too soon to talk about that? OK, fine. I could tell you a lot more about myself, but it will be too many adjectives and far too many words. So just check out my recent pics, and if you like what you see, let's start there, maybe with a coffee or a drink after work. I get off at 3. Well, that was fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 I don't think profiles mean as much as how one looks. That's my experience. I wrote something really down to Earth, then something completely bat **** off the wall, and got similar amounts of replies from similar types. Then I deleted dating profiles, because 99% of the people seem to be bat **** off the wall no matter what I wrote. Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 This thread has inspired me to demolish my profile's wall of text. Now to get me some better photos Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teknoe Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 So Tekno any bites yet since you have made changes?? Not yet, but it's only been half a day since I changed it.I am not expecting hits right away, but I do think it gives me a better chance than my previous bios. How about this: I'm a male first grade teacher who loves his work. After we meet, if there's a spark, we could go see a scary movie, or spend a late Friday or Saturday together. We could catch an A's or Warriors game too! Bring your face paint! (just kidding, unless you're up for it) If things work out, and you enjoy my quirky sense of humor, and don't mind that I like to hang out at home a lot, maybe we could plan and prepare for our first grand adventure together by doing some DDP Yoga! Is it too soon to talk about that? OK, fine. I could tell you a lot more about myself, but it will be too many adjectives and far too many words. So just check out my recent pics, and if you like what you see, let's start there, maybe with a coffee or a drink after work. I get off at 3. First off, I cried when you said get off at 3. Try more like 6 PM. Teaching is very time consuming. Your suggestion may be more "fun" sounding than the one I have up now, but I still prefer what I have up. The 2nd paragraph in your suggestion is something I wouldn't write, as I feel it's a bit weird to write that out, lol. But thanks though, I appreciate your 2 cents. Personally, I'm gonna stick with my profile for a while and see how it sticks. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Let us know how it goes.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teknoe Posted September 12, 2014 Author Share Posted September 12, 2014 Got a lady's number and I asked her out for this weekend. She hasn't replied yet, but it's looking like we'll meet up eventually. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teknoe Posted September 15, 2014 Author Share Posted September 15, 2014 Got a lady's number and I asked her out for this weekend. She hasn't replied yet, but it's looking like we'll meet up eventually. Unfortunately, it hasn't panned out. I texted her for a date and time to meet up, and she has been distant. My gut says I was a back burner option that she was semi-entertaining off on the side, and perhaps her top guys are moving forward with her. Thus, I've been given the relatively cold shoulder. It's definitely luke warm at best. Meh. Going with my gut and moving on. If she's not interested, then I ain't interested any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Unfortunately, it hasn't panned out. I texted her for a date and time to meet up, and she has been distant. My gut says I was a back burner option that she was semi-entertaining off on the side, and perhaps her top guys are moving forward with her. Thus, I've been given the relatively cold shoulder. It's definitely luke warm at best. Meh. Going with my gut and moving on. If she's not interested, then I ain't interested any longer. I think your profile is still too wordy. The thing about online dating is this- there are a ton of options. Women are going to look to your profile photo first and then skim your profile. If it's too wordy or not interesting enough she will move on. If you are highly attractive you may get a pass on your profile, but else wise that and your first message will be judged fairly harshly. Link to post Share on other sites
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