guest569 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I agree, what about "i would love to meet someone who...." You've put a huge criteria there that might put off 95% of the ladies! And wow, back to being far too long again! Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 The details about being a first grade teacher (beyond loving it) should go. It might play better in conversation. It really put me off there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
isisisweeping Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I If that's you, or if you're interested, send me a message Okay, the revised one is better. Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 "Pick Up Lines Galore"?! Really...I mean...really? Well if you actually bothered to have a look at it, it's a very insightful article. Step by step approach. Very good suggestions in there, in fact, it sums up every advice there is for OLD profile revamp Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I see a long list, I stop reading. I see "loves to laugh" regardless of what the guy looks like it is an automatic "no". Too long still 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 It's way too long. I completely understand you are trying to share the genuine you but it's just TMI and comes off as stuffy and boring. Everything you're sharing here should be shared over dates not in an online bio. Stick to the shorter version that was fixed for you. It seems much more young and fun. The long one is like those end of commercial rambling statements that list warnings of taking certain drugs. Who wants to date that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I can't remember what your edited version of your first version looked like, but it was still way too long. Less is always more, and by less, I mean very little. A couple of the basics. Good pics. Also, people need to work on the originality of their profiles. Juxtaposing how adventurous you are with also enjoying cuddling on the couch....some variation of that exists on 95% of the OLD profiles out there. I don't do OLD anymore, but when I did and read something like that, I was instantly bored by that person's existence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Freakonomics does online dating...especially the 2nd half of the podcast. And here is Paul Oyer's book on the subject. There are plenty of other guides in the dating advice community but this is an interesting angle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teknoe Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 (edited) I agree, what about "i would love to meet someone who...." You've put a huge criteria there that might put off 95% of the ladies! And wow, back to being far too long again! Good point! The "must have" is worded badly. I fixed that. OK, I cut my profile from 403 words down to 265 words. Here's my current profile. Took out the long paragraph about being a safe, defensive driver. Felt that one was TMI and it stood out like a sore thumb since it was a mini-paragraph long. ---------------- WHAT I DO: I spend the day time in the classroom teaching 6 year-olds who challenge me, inspire me, and make me laugh everyday. Kids say the darnedest things including asking questions like "If cows give us milk, what animal gives us orange juice?" The entire experience keeps things in perspective and makes me feel fortunate. I've been teaching for 6 years now, and hope to do it for another 20. WHO I AM: -Cheerful, encouraging, courteous, down to earth, dorky -Humor ranges from corny to witty to raunchy to sarcastic, depending on my company -Introvert at heart with extrovert tendencies, depending on the situation -Loves the small things in life -Non-materialistic -Night owl -Teacher -Wannabe thespian (actor) -Writer -Looks for the best in others and in all situations -Noted for my bright and frequent smiles -Proponent of DDP Yoga (Google "Arthur DDPYoga" and have tissues at the ready) -I open doors for everyone, even strangers -Enjoy all movie genres. Quality horror films are a guilty pleasure. Some of my favorites include 13 Going On 30, Field of Dreams, The Conjuring, Guardians of the Galaxy WHO I HOPE YOU ARE: Opposites can attract. However, from my (dating) experiences, I tend to click best with females who have a sense of humor, easy going, patient, enjoys a night in watching a movie as much as going out, dorky, quirky, trusting, kind-hearted, and loyal. If you like scary movies and/or playing board/retro games, all the better! If that's you, or if you're interested, send me a message Edited August 23, 2014 by Teknoe Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Get rid of the list. And don't talk about your smile show it in a great picture. Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 I think your most recent version is sooo much better than the initial version. Like someone here said, that you are open constructive criticisms (including the blunt ones too) says a lot about who you are. Shows character. This new, shorter version really reflects your easy-going-ness. I agree with a lot of people here. The shorter, the better. I agree with the previous post about your bright smile. I think a picture can do the job. Yay! It's coming together! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) I like your long winded original profile you posted it's one of the few where the person seems to know themselves and has a sense of their own chracter ,I wouldn't change it the right girl will be intrigued by it,you can't whittle yourself away to please everybody. You are far from a simple guy! Edited August 24, 2014 by Thegreatestthing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 There is a reason why the OP is here. That original profile isn't working. He hasn't the time to "wait" for one special girl to be captured by this long body of copy. Getting dates is key and the first step to finding that special person. OLD is a useful tool but not your ticket to finding a SO, that is up to you and the people you go out on dates with. You have a better chance of finding someone with multiple responses than you do with a few to none. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teknoe Posted August 24, 2014 Author Share Posted August 24, 2014 Get rid of the list. And don't talk about your smile show it in a great picture. By list, do you mean the chunk of my profile that begins with "-" ? So you're saying just keep "WHAT I DO" and "WHO I HOPE YOU ARE" and completely nix "WHO I AM" ? Question, how then will girls reading my profile get a better sense of who I am other than someone passionate about teaching? It seems like a bit much to take out IMO. @thegreatestthing, aw, you're sweet. Unfortunately, I gotta play along with the rules of the game. Or at least, find some kind of happy medium. I don't think my original profile was all that conducive to landing a date. It was just too long. I like my current bio a lot more. It still tells a lot about me, but is easier to read. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Women like a little mystery, so finding out more details during the date is part of the fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teknoe Posted August 24, 2014 Author Share Posted August 24, 2014 Women like a little mystery, so finding out more details during the date is part of the fun! Agreed, but on the flip side, if I take out the WHO I AM section completely, my profile is a little TOO mysterious! Or are you implying that if they like my pictures, then that's all that matters, and a really mysterious profile isn't going to discourage them from messaging me? I guess it really boils down to pictures 99% of the time? I just want to present people with a little idea of who I am, and I feel if I took out the WHO I AM part completely, it would negate that tremendously. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 That is why I suggest constantly changing things up....it's to see what works and what doesn't work. Set up your profile with what you have changed so far and see what happens. If it works great, if it doesn't just make a few changes. Ask some close female friends to help you pic out the photos they find would be most appealing etc. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 "Question, how then will girls reading my profile get a better sense of who I am other than someone passionate about teaching?" Ummm, by going out and finding that out through actual dates. If I know everything about you before we even have a first meet why bother....I already know everything there is to know. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 I dont trust what people say about their personality or the label and stereotypes they come up with!! Apparently my ex was "laid back and genuine"!! Nope! Also said he is a bit nerdy, i dont like that stereotype. He was intelligent and curious but i never saw him as nerdy or geeky. I dont really like stereotypes or labels in general. Your future girlfriend can find out what you're like but its good that you mention things that you enjoy, job, movies etc to show commons interests or spark conversations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Caveat: I haven't done OLD and probably will not ever. One thing I noticed, though - maybe it's just me, but it turns me off a bit when guys refer to girls as 'females'. It sounds so... clinical and impersonal? I'd go with 'ladies' or 'girls' or even 'women' instead. Like I said though, maybe that aversion is just something I developed out of those years I spent reading clinical notes. "56 year old female suffering from..." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Caveat: I haven't done OLD and probably will not ever. One thing I noticed, though - maybe it's just me, but it turns me off a bit when guys refer to girls as 'females'. It sounds so... clinical and impersonal? I'd go with 'ladies' or 'girls' or even 'women' instead. Like I said though, maybe that aversion is just something I developed out of those years I spent reading clinical notes. "56 year old female suffering from..." I HATE when men call women females! I would not give a man who does that the time of day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused8 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 One thing I noticed, though - maybe it's just me, but it turns me off a bit when guys refer to girls as 'females'. It sounds so... clinical and impersonal? I'd go with 'ladies' or 'girls' or even 'women' instead. Like I said though, maybe that aversion is just something I developed out of those years I spent reading clinical notes. "56 year old female suffering from..." Female is the age-neutral term. A girl is someone young and immature; a woman is an adult female; and "lady" also has social undertones about her maturity and how she behaves. All females are not ladies, for example. Girl, woman, and lady are all sub-species of females. Best to avoid picking one at the risk of excluding the others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Female is the age-neutral term. A girl is someone young and immature; a woman is an adult female; and "lady" also has social undertones about her maturity and how she behaves. All females are not ladies, for example. Girl, woman, and lady are all sub-species of females. Best to avoid picking one at the risk of excluding the others. Eh, still sounds odd and impersonal to me. Same reason why I wouldn't say, "I prefer males who are responsible, driven, etc". Given that another lady agreed with me in this thread, it seems like I'm not the only one either. Sure a rare woman might get offended by a man referring to women as 'ladies', but I'd wager on that being MUCH more uncommon than anyone getting put off by 'females'. And in today's urban slang I think 'girl' is really just counterpart to 'guy', not necessarily offensive. But yeah, probably best to stick to 'women' or 'ladies'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teknoe Posted August 29, 2014 Author Share Posted August 29, 2014 OK, I made some minor tweaks and here's my current profile. Els, thanks for the tip on females. I changed it to women, lol. Overall, I like my profile. It reveals enough but doesn't seem overly long. One could argue I could shorten it into a more "charming short but sweet narrative" but eh... this is just who I am, and the woman I'm looking for will need to want a guy like me. No use faking it. I'm trying to put my true self out there, and if I get bites, cool. If not, then I don't even waste my time. Also changed the order of my "-" remarks. Went from shorter to longer for a nicer, more pleasing to the eye look. It's also right at 250. Not overly long. Might not be (super) short, but I think we already established that pictures are 95-99% the battle. If they're intrigued by my looks, they'll easily read 250 words. ---- WHAT I DO: I spend the day time in the classroom teaching 6 year olds who challenge me, inspire me, and make me laugh everyday. Kids say the darnedest things including asking questions like "If cows give us milk, what animal gives us orange juice?" The entire experience keeps things in perspective and makes me feel fortunate. I've been teaching for 6 years now, and hope to do it for another 20. WHO I AM: -Writer -Teacher -Night owl -Non-materialistic -A's and Warriors fanatic -Wannabe thespian (actor) -Loves the small things in life -Looks for the best in others and in all situations -Proponent of DDP Yoga (Google "Arthur DDPYoga" to be inspired) -Introvert at heart with extrovert tendencies, depending on the situation -I open doors for everyone behind me everywhere I go, even if they're strangers -Humor ranges from corny to witty to raunchy to sarcastic, depending on my company I am a bit "old fashioned." I call it having common courtesy. Other character traits that fit me are cheerful, encouraging, courteous, down to earth and dorky. WHO I HOPE YOU ARE: Opposites can attract. However, from my (dating) experiences, I tend to click best with women who have a sense of humor, easy going, patient, enjoys a night in watching a movie as much as going out, dorky, quirky, trusting, kind-hearted, and loyal. If you like scary movies, A's/Warriors and/or playing board/retro games, all the better! If that's you, or if you're interested, send me a message 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Awesome! Good luck in your search Link to post Share on other sites
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