girlfriend dumped me after 4 years, (Updated)

[msms21]

I opened a thread before but no one is commenting there any more and i really need help.

My gf left me 2 months ago. We were 4 years together shes 19 I'm 21

I tried beg at the first month but no use.

 

When i was trying to nc she was making contact and says that its hurt to her that i just remove her from my life in one day and she really don't have someone else and want to be alone little bit. She left me because i was taking her for grunted and did some other mistakes.

The time passed by and i found out that she was lying to me and do have someone else. In fact while she told me that she don't have anyone and that she just want to talk with me she was meeting with him.

 

I was really upset when i found out about it . told her not to talk to me ever again and went nc.

After 11 days of nc she called me crying last week . i asked her what did she want. She said shes sorry but she had to hear my voice. I said ok bye.

 

On Friday i was totally drunk. You see my situation got really bad since the break up . I'm 21 years old. I'm looking good i have car, money, I'm funny and i know all that but I'm just broken i started to take pills against depression, lost all of my confidence and lost the passion to live. I really want to die . never felt so hurt ...

 

So back to Friday. I was total drunk. Lost my phone. Lost idea of what happen that night but when i got back home i went to her at 4 am, she came down to talk with me, i was so angry i told her all i kept inside . she uploaded a photo with him in the sea 2 weeks ago and it broke my heart . i told her about the photo and that it wasn't right. she said I'm right and shes sorry. I asked her if they having a relationship and she said yes. Made me feel worse as i keep asking stupid things like "did you kissed ?" and she kept breaking my heart and said yes.

 

I asked her if she love him more than me, she said she don't love him and still in love with me and keep thinking of every minute of us together. She said she will always love me the most and it maybe be a little hypocrite of her to say but shes sure we will come back together again . i was shock again. She kept saying she can learn to love him and shes having a good time now.

 

I'm really shocked. How can she do it to me ? How can she hurt me so bad after 4 years ? Move on so fast, lie to me, use me. I really cant stand this pain any longer, i cant imagine her with him. I cant think of him touching her my soul is in misery.

 

I cant see other girls my brain keep thinking and comparing them to her.

 

I love her so much but i cant do nothing about it. I feel like a loser who lost his gf to another man after so long.

I cant take it.

Edited September 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[tim_tom]

i'm really sorry buddy, I know this is tough and most of the people on this forum are going through the same thing. My BU happened about a month ago, I'd imagine she is with someone else.. but I don't know cause I for the most part went No contact.. and that makes it a hell of a lot easier.

 

I suggest you read the No Contact guide linked below for some help. In terms of your exact position, I have to be honest as to what I think.. she is stringing you along and at the very least likes the newness of the new guy better (she'd be with you otherwise). Telling you she'll always love you and she can see you back together again is more about relieving her own guilt then anything to do with you. Don't count on it, and don't hope for it cause it will only keep you in this hell you feel now longer.

 

Further, the more you show up in the middle of the night and grovel, the more you actually lower your chances to get her back cause you are killing her attraction to you.

 

NC makes her deal with the weight of her decision, continuing to provide emotional support and chase her allows her to slowly detach. That thinking has helped me stick to it, for the most part. If I am hurting I want her to hurt too, she is not hurting if she is having her cake and eating it too. (i.e dating other guys and having me in her back pocket as plan B)

 

The only way to get her back is to move on with NC, upgrade yourself and hopefully if she comes back, you won't want her.

 

Best of luck

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

[W101]

To be young and in love, it must be horrible, I'm sorry your going through this, I imagine this is your first real breakup, I think your better off without her, she says she's still in love with you and hopes you'll be back together again, yet she still wants to have you on the side just incase, that's what it sounds like to me, I wouldn't take her relationship at face value, 9 times ot of 10, the rebound is the one who instigates the relationship, with her state of her mind being the what it is currently,, I doubt she could tell you if the person she looks at in the mirror is even herself anymore, these kind of relationships inevitably fizzle out, sooner or later she'll realize the rebound is taking advantage of her situation for selfish reasons and opt out of the relationship, whether you want to be the one to pick up the pieces or not is really down to your mindset, if she's genuine and has honestly made a huge mistake, I'd say she deserves a pass, almost everybody deserves a second chance when they mess up, if you don't think she's sincere enough, walk away and find somebody better, there's at least 3 billion in the world to choose from, right now, I'd say your too close to this situation, back out, regroup your thoughts and feelings and let time dictate the rest, goodluck buddy.

[Bella2]

I'm so sorry for you. But it's true, this too shall pass. Repeat that as a "mantra". This Too Shall Pass....

[msms21]

i'm really sorry buddy, I know this is tough and most of the people on this forum are going through the same thing. My BU happened about a month ago, I'd imagine she is with someone else.. but I don't know cause I for the most part went No contact.. and that makes it a hell of a lot easier.

 

I suggest you read the No Contact guide linked below for some help. In terms of your exact position, I have to be honest as to what I think.. she is stringing you along and at the very least likes the newness of the new guy better (she'd be with you otherwise). Telling you she'll always love you and she can see you back together again is more about relieving her own guilt then anything to do with you. Don't count on it, and don't hope for it cause it will only keep you in this hell you feel now longer.

 

Further, the more you show up in the middle of the night and grovel, the more you actually lower your chances to get her back cause you are killing her attraction to you.

 

NC makes her deal with the weight of her decision, continuing to provide emotional support and chase her allows her to slowly detach. That thinking has helped me stick to it, for the most part. If I am hurting I want her to hurt too, she is not hurting if she is having her cake and eating it too. (i.e dating other guys and having me in her back pocket as plan B)

 

The only way to get her back is to move on with NC, upgrade yourself and hopefully if she comes back, you won't want her.

 

Best of luck

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

 

I feel like i destroyed my chances to get her back. I did read about the NC week after the break but i just couldent stop my feelings to go out.

I feel like hell as i could keep her if i was treating her batter, She knows me 5 years. Since she was 13.5 so how the hell did i lost her for a guy she knows 3 months ? I feel like a loser and a idiot .

 

To be young and in love, it must be horrible, I'm sorry your going through this, I imagine this is your first real breakup, I think your better off without her, she says she's still in love with you and hopes you'll be back together again, yet she still wants to have you on the side just incase, that's what it sounds like to me, I wouldn't take her relationship at face value, 9 times ot of 10, the rebound is the one who instigates the relationship, with her state of her mind being the what it is currently,, I doubt she could tell you if the person she looks at in the mirror is even herself anymore, these kind of relationships inevitably fizzle out, sooner or later she'll realize the rebound is taking advantage of her situation for selfish reasons and opt out of the relationship, whether you want to be the one to pick up the pieces or not is really down to your mindset, if she's genuine and has honestly made a huge mistake, I'd say she deserves a pass, almost everybody deserves a second chance when they mess up, if you don't think she's sincere enough, walk away and find somebody better, there's at least 3 billion in the world to choose from, right now, I'd say your too close to this situation, back out, regroup your thoughts and feelings and let time dictate the rest, goodluck buddy.

Maybe its on my mind but i dont know about her rebound. Its seems they get along, his 19, i guess he does uses her right now and thats killing me to. But i keep asking myself, maybe its real? Maybe it will be a long long relationship? And its killing me.

I'm so sorry for you. But it's true, this too shall pass. Repeat that as a "mantra". This Too Shall Pass....

 

How can i treat it like a shall pass? I lost my best friend over the last 5 years and im lost without her. Im 21 it means i spend all my childhood with her and now shes gone so fast...

[msms21]

Ok its been through 9 days since our last meeting when i was drunk.

In this time i stopped all contact with her and my mind.

I stopped entering her facebook and instgram. And i keep telling myself that if she choosed him after all this time, than she can go to hell. I dont have power to her and her childish games any longer, im hurt, broken but i will get up.

2 days ago i was in a wedding and was drunk again, i end up my evening making sex in the toilet room with some girl, its was kind of wierd and happend by a mistake but what ever. Im done being a puppy and im done waiting for some one who just dont care about my feelings anymore.

And im done blaming myself. Yes i did my mistakes but im just a man. Never cheated on her and no i dont want a reward for that but not alot of people would have done that in those ages.

I know she loves me and i really think that with the time she will realize she did a mistake, she lost her best friend for the last 5 years for just a randomly guy that i guess will break up with her soon. And i will not be there anymore, In fact im not right there anymore now. I cutting her off my life for good. Hopefully i will get to know a woman that i love soon because im a little lonely right now but its ok.. I guess.

[Purepony]

Good job brother! Keep going its a dark toad but you'll get thru

[msms21]

Good job brother! Keep going its a dark toad but you'll get thru

 

yea i really try stop being so sad i just keep telling myself i dont care and that i have to live my life, not spending them on a selfish person.

[msms21]

Hey again i need some help.

I think she is calling me from a block number, some one called me 5 times today from block number between 18:00 to 22:15 pm and no one will call me from a block number in this hour. I didnt answered any call, but i pretty sure its her, I guess she just want to hear my voice. She did it couple times just called to hear my voice and didnt talked.

 

Should i keep not answering to the block number ? Im NC with her again for allmost 2 weeks now.

 

If she calls im not ansewring either right ? Total nc?

[BC1980]

Hey again i need some help.

I think she is calling me from a block number, some one called me 5 times today from block number between 18:00 to 22:15 pm and no one will call me from a block number in this hour. I didnt answered any call, but i pretty sure its her, I guess she just want to hear my voice. She did it couple times just called to hear my voice and didnt talked.

 

Should i keep not answering to the block number ? Im NC with her again for allmost 2 weeks now.

 

If she calls im not ansewring either right ? Total nc?

 

Don't answer any of the calls.

[Phenomena]

I don't understand why you are hating on her as if everything is her fault.

If yoru girlfriend was talking to a good looking guy at work and she doesn't stop after you ask her to, what would you do? Probably go crazy and rage at her but she didn't.

What if a few days after you ask her to stop talking to the guy she texts you that she thinks she has feelings for him, what are you going to do then? Probably exactly what you said in the first post, cry, beg, the usual things. And how would you feel? You'd feel not good enough for her, ugly, useless and like nobody could ever want you.

 

So after you make her feel all those things a guy comes along and makes her feel like she is the best thing ever and makes her feel wanted. You really don't understand why she would break it off with you?

She probably took a look around and realized that you don't make her feel loved. You just got used to 'owning' her and never make her feel special while the new dude does.

 

To stay in a relationship with a girl forever you need to act every single day as if you 'nearly lost her yesterday'. You have to make her feel special every day and make her think that you're cute/adorable but you didn't, not even close.

 

So why all the hate for leaving you? Begging and saying how sorry you are does not change anything.

 

She still kept calling you after she broke up because when girls are in a new relationship they're really happy and confident. They start to believe they are literally angels, literally. This is why she called you to be 'polite and caring'. She wanted to act like a 'good girl' by comforting you.

 

Just move on and don't do the same mistake with the next girl. Even if you could possibly ever have her back, it is definitely not going to be the same no matter how much you want to tell us that you love her a lot.

[msms21]

I don't understand why you are hating on her as if everything is her fault.

If yoru girlfriend was talking to a good looking guy at work and she doesn't stop after you ask her to, what would you do? Probably go crazy and rage at her but she didn't.

What if a few days after you ask her to stop talking to the guy she texts you that she thinks she has feelings for him, what are you going to do then? Probably exactly what you said in the first post, cry, beg, the usual things. And how would you feel? You'd feel not good enough for her, ugly, useless and like nobody could ever want you.

 

So after you make her feel all those things a guy comes along and makes her feel like she is the best thing ever and makes her feel wanted. You really don't understand why she would break it off with you?

She probably took a look around and realized that you don't make her feel loved. You just got used to 'owning' her and never make her feel special while the new dude does.

 

To stay in a relationship with a girl forever you need to act every single day as if you 'nearly lost her yesterday'. You have to make her feel special every day and make her think that you're cute/adorable but you didn't, not even close.

 

So why all the hate for leaving you? Begging and saying how sorry you are does not change anything.

 

She still kept calling you after she broke up because when girls are in a new relationship they're really happy and confident. They start to believe they are literally angels, literally. This is why she called you to be 'polite and caring'. She wanted to act like a 'good girl' by comforting you.

 

Just move on and don't do the same mistake with the next girl. Even if you could possibly ever have her back, it is definitely not going to be the same no matter how much you want to tell us that you love her a lot.

 

I disagree with you in some things, you half right.

First of all i maybe did my mistakes but never cheated, she spoke to me at this time to feel good with herself while she was dating the other guy and lie to me shes not seeing anyone.

Second, it wasnt always like this, we did shared loved but she wanted alot alot of love all the time . a thing that made me a little tierd of it.

I know i was wrong but people make mistakes, and ive made mine.

 

Shes not calling for poilt. Shes calling from blocked numbers to hear my voice cus shes not over me . and shes admit it.

 

 

 

 

I must say im curious about something, does kevin guide - How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Even If She Has Another Boyfriend

 

May work ? Because he says to go nc for one month and than break him.

[mightycpa]

a thing that made me a little tierd of it.

 

Oh yeah - definitely pay attention to that. You'll feel it again, and it will become unbearable.

 

Love is patient and kind. It is never a chore.

[msms21]

Oh yeah - definitely pay attention to that. You'll feel it again, and it will become unbearable.

 

Love is patient and kind. It is never a chore.

 

Does every relationship means that your girlfriend calls you almost every hour ? It's just was a little to much in some point she didnt let go . Just was obsess about me, its made me take her for grunted too because i havent thought she can live without me...i guess she can.

 

Im so confused.

[msms21]

Ok a little update.

Im in NC with her for now almost a month.

In this time i really had some personal issues that distracted my mind off the breakup.

But when those stuff got better she's back knocking in my mind.

I maybe think on her less than before, but im still thinking on her alot. i mean yesterday and today was the worst, im just keep thinking of "how she can live without me ? " and im just keep thinking of every moment of us together and getting sad, I really miss her..

I just can't believe she's with another guy either, im so jealous.

 

Have to say i cant hold my self from driving to her house sometimes and just watch, get remmber on how i picked her up, or looking at her window hoping to see her face again..

 

Im really lost without her, i wanted to tell her so much about what happen to me, I needed her support so much amd i still need but im holding my self.

 

I just dont know, everything seems so dark since shes gone...

Someone called me today from a blocked number twice, when i answered he hanged up with no talking, im assuming its her . maybe deep inside its making me feel better that shes not over me although this new dude and everything that happen.

 

I guess ill keep NC with her cause i really have no choice, just wish things were different.

[msms21]

I really need help, she made it again,she texted me "?"

Well foolish me i thought she missed me, i truely thought she was gonna tell me she is sorry and miss me, miss us. So i texted her back the same "?" and i got this

 

 

I know you dont understand why i sent you a message and i know you dont want to hear from me but i wanted you to know that im really sorry about all off my behavior and how i treated you. I know i could have done things different because nothing of it deserved you.

I know we both moved on but it doesn't change what was between us and you will always be a part of my life. I really hope that you will be happy because you deserves it. And i know you will think im a fool for sending you a message but it was important to me to know how much i regret on the way its over and that i made you hate who i am and i hope you will forgive me and realize that the last thing i wanted to do is hurting you.

Have a good year and good luck with everything.

 

 

 

It really made me feel even worse. I didn't answered than she texted me "please answer me, even goodbye.." so i answered to her, "i dont want to talk with you."

 

I truely angry, desperate, mad of being replaced so fast by the woman i love.

What does it means and what should i do ? \:

Edited October 4, 2014 by msms21

[msms21]

Any feedback please?

[ThorntonMelon]

Other than answering her, you've done perfect. It means what she said, she wants you to be happy because she feels guilty about how she treated you. If you're happy then she doesn't have to feel guilty anymore.

[Seeker12]

Yup you have done perfect man, shes feeling the guilt so just using you, or knowledge of your security to get over that guilt. Trust me, iv just been through that, youll very soon realise just how she was trying to safeguard herself and her feelings, instead of actually caring about you. Just hold back, dont act needy etc etc

Edited October 5, 2014 by Seeker12

[SoThatHappened]

Wow, that message from your ex was almost line for line congruent with my ex's last message to me.

 

She just trying to relieve her guilt.

 

You did a good job telling her you didn't want to talk to her. You maybe should have said "leave me alone / don't contact me anymore". If she contacts again, tell her not to contact you anymore. Change your number if you have to.

 

However, what's done is done. Time to move forward.

[msms21]

Other than answering her, you've done perfect. It means what she said, she wants you to be happy because she feels guilty about how she treated you. If you're happy then she doesn't have to feel guilty anymore.

About the message im sure, yes she just trying to relive her guilt. But are you sure this is the ONLY reason ? Shes calling me from blocked numbers and hang up every 2 weeks

Maybe im stupid, but i just want to think she miss me as much as i miss her.. Her smell her laugh our conversations, everything

Can she really move on from a 4 years realtionship in three months ?

 

Yup you have done perfect man, shes feeling the guilt so just using you, or knowledge of your security to get over that guilt. Trust me, iv just been through that, youll very soon realise just how she was trying to safeguard herself and her feelings, instead of actually caring about you. Just hold back, dont act needy etc etc

 

I try not to act needy at all im not contacting at all. Even though its killing me inside, because i really miss her and still loves her like hell. She called me yesterday at noon. I answered but she right away putted me on hold . 10 minute later she taxted me "i pressed on your number by a mistake.." /: shes making me crazy but i dont have the courage to block her.

 

Wow, that message from your ex was almost line for line congruent with my ex's last message to me.

 

She just trying to relieve her guilt.

 

You did a good job telling her you didn't want to talk to her. You maybe should have said "leave me alone / don't contact me anymore". If she contacts again, tell her not to contact you anymore. Change your number if you have to.

 

However, what's done is done. Time to move forward.

 

Thats the problem. My body try to move on. I go out, i work, im going to the gym 4 5 times in a week i do everything but my mind is stoke. Just thinking of when she will get back to me ? Will she contact me and want me back? Does shes still loves me ? Is she with someone alse right now ? How can i move on when im still in love with her..

Its killing me and everyday feels likes hell for me. Deep inside i dont understand if it done. I just want her back ): and im scared . im scared of moving on and forgetting her, i have to move on because i have to, but my heart want to stay stoke on her.

 

Never had such pain in my life, all my problems seems like nonsense because i always feel like this is the biggest problem in my life and deep inside i just dont want to let her go.. Even though i know i need too.

[msms21]

In the last days after i realized she doesnt really have a boyfriend the thought of start talking with her and try dating her to make her fall in love with me dont stop jump into my head.. I have no reason to do this right ? I mean, there is no chance, no?

In hope i wont want her back in this time, if ill keep NC theres a chance for her to come back?

[msms21]

I read some thread in love shack - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/338550-i-got-my-ex-back-here-s-how-i-did

 

And i start doubting myself, if i want her back and i do right now, do I really acting like I should ? Shortly this guy lost his gf because he was a a** so he started build up their trust from 0 and with alot of mind games got her back, im not sure NC would have giving it to him..

[tikay00]

I read some thread in love shack - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/338550-i-got-my-ex-back-here-s-how-i-did

 

And i start doubting myself, if i want her back and i do right now, do I really acting like I should ? Shortly this guy lost his gf because he was a a** so he started build up their trust from 0 and with alot of mind games got her back, im not sure NC would have giving it to him..

 

Problem with that guys advice is, not everyone can play it cool with their ex that they're trying to get back, while being friends. Trust me, until you've actually done the contact post breakup with keeping each other in your lives thing, you have no idea how maddening it is to your mind, and heart.

 

Literally every second of the day is spent on wondering what she's doing, what did that text mean, am I getting closer, where is it exactly going, am I getting strung along? And that was only after half a day of trying to earn her trust back. If you can handle it, do it. If not, tell her NC til you heal.

[msms21]

Problem with that guys advice is, not everyone can play it cool with their ex that they're trying to get back, while being friends. Trust me, until you've actually done the contact post breakup with keeping each other in your lives thing, you have no idea how maddening it is to your mind, and heart.

 

Literally every second of the day is spent on wondering what she's doing, what did that text mean, am I getting closer, where is it exactly going, am I getting strung along? And that was only after half a day of trying to earn her trust back. If you can handle it, do it. If not, tell her NC til you heal.

 

I guess you right. In the begging of the breakup i just couldn't hold myself from kissing her and express my feelings eventually.

Im sure not heal yet and it will happen to me again, my heart falls down when i see her.

I'll take my time for know, thanks for the advice !

 

 

By the way im sorry im double posting alot it really helps me to comment here and spell my heart.