This is a nightmare

[writergal]

I met with the lady and got the job! It starts mid next week and continues for two weeks during fashion week. I'll be paid well for a starting assistant -- 3500 -- and my duties will more like an associate's. She told me I came highly recommended. I will probably be working for this other lady that I started with at the beginning of next week but she's in really good shape with her client so she says she can release me for her friend.

 

I keep worrying one of them will talk to my old boss whom they both know, but it's probably pointless to fret over.

 

I'm still looking for a one or two day a week internship that is more film related. Film is more my interest and I just accidentally kind of fell into this fashion thing, but the experience I've gotten so far is great and very transferrable.

 

Hey fantastic news!! New York, London, Milan and Paris are probably interconnected within the fasion world, I foresee many career doors opening for you Tuxedo!

Edited August 23, 2014 by writergal

[tuxedo cat]

I can't figure out why but I feel very sad and lonely today.

 

We had a block party in my neighborhood, which was alright. I spent 6 hours helping my landlords set up, buying food/materials and hanging out on the patio. But when I got upstairs I had this terrible feeling in my gut, a mixture of exhaustion and despair. I apologize for being dramatic but it's really pronounced and I don't know what to attribute it to.

 

I know I'm probably just making myself sick with worry and pessimism but...

 

There are a few possibilities:

 

1) I think my old boss may have spoken to one of my new bosses as my roommate told me that my old boss mentioned the new one that I'm working for during fashion week the day after I was hired last week and this is the first time he's ever heard her mention her. (she made a negative comment about her.)

 

2) the woman I'm working for now has not told me whether she will need me for Monday and Tuesday of next week, despite telling me she would let me know by Friday after she spoke with her client. I'm concerned that she also spoke to my old boss or that one of them did and then told the other and this is somehow related to her silence.

 

3) I went to meet my new roommate for the first time and got a weird vibe. Previously, we only knew each other online as distant friends/acquaintances. He doesn't seem untrustworthy but he is very odd...like slightly autistic and we don't have much in common. Also, I didn't realize this but the apartment is in an even more isolated neighborhood than where I'm currently living and it's in a basement with no windows. I know I should have done my research but I've just been avoiding like crazy. Fortunately it's a dirt cheap month by month sublet. But I'm realizing I will have to look for something else for the next month.

 

4) I feel sort of directionless at the moment. It concerns me that I don't have another job lined up after this fashion week thing ends. I'm still on the fence about whether I should pursue casting or another aspect of the industry like development (which is more in the producing/writing realm) or video editing. Basically, I'm interested in all three so the deciding factor is really which I have the most potential to excel in. But I don't have a good sense of my abilities in at least two of the three or the job market and I'm not sure how to even begin making that call without wasting my time at more internships.

 

5) I got an email from the other assistant I'll be working with during fashion week under this casting director and he wrote, "Hi, I'm Frank, the nice one," the implication being that the CD I'm working for is another bitch. Oy vey.

 

6) No friends or people I trust in this city. I have not pushed myself at all to get out and network and I need to start doing that. No excuses.

 

Also there are a number of basic needs I haven't been attending to much since I moved here, at least since the first couple of months.

 

1) Clothes. I'm literally down to three or four wearable summer shirts so I end up wearing the same clothes constantly. It's embarrassing. Mostly, it's because I have so little money and I'm clumsy and get stains on a lot of my stuff. I feel a lot of shame about my clothing and have for years. This has always been a problem for me and i really wanted to make a switch when I moved to NY. But it's difficult. I've never had a lot of money as an adult or child (even growing up my family was always struggling and my parents never had cash to spare on clothes). That said maybe if I put more effort into budgeting myself I could save up enough to put together a basic wardrobe over time. Another issue is that I seem to have very little fashion sense and find it nearly impossible to know how to look stylish. I'm sure this also hampers me professionally but I'm not sure how to fix it.

 

2) Healthy eating. I've been eating worse since I moved to NY than I ever have in my life. I'm a stress eater. I haven't gained any weight but I can tell it's affecting my health and well-being. I don't exercise at all either.

 

3) Furniture. I have none. I've been half wanting to move out for months so I used that as an excuse to never settle in. I know that has to wait until I find a new place, though. On the upside -- easy moving.

 

4) Organization. My room is a mess and I don't keep a calendar or list of things I need to do.

 

Also: It looks like I won't be able to move out until August 31 so I have another week here. Things have been fine with my roommate for the last few days, so I think it will be okay. I no longer feel unsafe.

 

Maybe if I start attending to these basic needs this feeling of sadness will go away or at least simmer down.

 

I'm going to try to start tonight by cleaning my room and making a to do list/calendar.

[writergal]

Oy vey Tuxedo. Here's my take on your situation, from a non-fashion person. Where's the fashion industry peeps here when you need them?

 

Anyway. I'm sorry to hear that you felt sad and lonely today at your neighborhood block party. It makes sense though since you've had a helluva time dealing with all that chaos and drama in your current apartment situation. I think you're handling yourself well considering all that you've been through. So give yourself some credit. Remember the positives: you impressed your boss so much so with your research this week, that she gave you a professional referral to your next job. Connections happen word of mouth, and social media. So take into account how well you work under pressure. Your home life situation crumbled around you, yet you managed to turn in stellar work and got a glowing professional reference and recommendation to your next job anyway. That takes serious guts woman!

 

1). By now you need to realize that anything your current roommate says to you about ANYTHING is about as accurate as a blind archer. Never believe third hand information, especially from sources like your moron-for-a roommate. Judge him by the company he keeps (that crazy woman who threatened to drag your name through the fashion industry mud and who your roommate said would knife you on the street b/c she's from the hood. Even the Brothers Grimm are shaking their heads and groaning at your roommate's storytelling abilities. He's an idiot ok?!)

 

2). Your current boss probably forgot to tell you. Can you text her this weekend and ask her if she needs you Monday or Tuesday?

 

2a). Forget about your past, i.e your old boss. If you leave your past behind, it won't follow you. But if you keep worrying about it, that's the same as carrying it around with you like a heavy bag slung over your shoulder that is bulging with all your past transgressions for everyone to see, that they would start to question what's inside. Leave that bag behind.

 

If anyone ever brings up your old boss, have a rehearsed answer ready that is neutral and professional and most importantly; short. Short and sweet. At least that way you'll be prepared. And use that same answer for anyone who asks. But if no one has confronted you about your past boss at this point, then stop worrying about it. And rumors are not the truth.

 

Again, we've established that your roommate is about as helpful as a bag of whirling dervishes. Stop going to him for emotional support or fashion industry advice. Stop asking him for any help of any kind if you can.

 

3). Ok that sounds super scary. Consider giving notice after your first month living there. It's good that you have a month-to-month deal.

 

4). Continue reaching out for work in all 3 of those areas since you enjoy that kind of work. Might as well keep your options open. The more diverse your skill set, the more work will come your way and work that makes you happy. Why on earth should you limit yourself to just one thing? Don't do that. You can excel in all 3 areas if you balance your time and work load. All it takes is being organized. Remember where you are: NYC is your oyster. Don't get food poisoning by limiting yourself to only 1 line of work. The work may dry up, so it's always good to have back up plans, like those other 2 fields that you are interested in. The more work you do, the more experience and professional references you'll make. It takes a village to build a career. You start small and the more people you meet, the more work you do, the larger your circle gets, the larger your paycheck gets. Perspective. It's all about perspective.

 

5). That other assistant sounds like a bitch himself, haha. Just play dumb. Don't get involved in gossip about anyone or it could cost you future work. Smile and act dumb about any "office politics." Does that make sense? Best way you can protect yourself is just stay out of all that silliness. Show up, smile, do the work, have a great time, make some connections, rinse and repeat. Play the game. Don't let them play you.

 

6). Ok, NYC is HUGE. And right now you are just beginning your journey there. As you said yourself, no excuses. Go out there, grab that city by the balls and network and have fun doing it.

 

As far as the other things: for clothes you can hit up consignment shops that sell used clothing. You'd be surprised what cute clothes you will find. As a grad student, I spent 3 years shopping at consignment places for shoes, purses, coats, clothes, dishes. I have an $8 black leather Coach purse I"m very fond of. Ha ha! I know all about stress eating. Grad school robbed me of a good diet and a regular 8 hour sleeping schedule at first, until I started to manage my time and organize my life better. Then everything fell into place.

 

I like your list idea. That's a start. Hang in there Tuxedo!

[tuxedo cat]

Thank you so much, WG! You've really lifted my spirits.

[writergal]

Thank you so much, WG! You've really lifted my spirits.

 

Glad that I have!

[tuxedo cat]

Here's a link to a new thread I started:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/business-professional-relationships/491232-don-t-know-how-handle-situation

[tuxedo cat]

God. I'm leaving my place in a couple of hours when i get a ride from a friend. I was sitting in the living room and my roommate's vile friend started going off on me about when I was leaving and calling me a "c---" over and over. (This guy spent all of his childhood/teenage years in some sort of reform school for disturbed children.) I was just sitting there minding my business.

 

I've never had to deal with such horrible people in my life; it's practically surreal. Can't wait to be gone. I hope all of New York isn't like this.

Edited September 1, 2014 by tuxedo cat

[preraph]

Oh, you poor thing. No, it's not all like that. You got in with some bad people and don't worry about them ruining your reputation because a lot of people have pretty good radar about when someone is full of crap or just vindictive and these bitches don't sound like they have what it takes to finesse anything at all and they won't last long anywhere. You get out of there and don't look back.

[tuxedo cat]

Oh, you poor thing. No, it's not all like that. You got in with some bad people and don't worry about them ruining your reputation because a lot of people have pretty good radar about when someone is full of crap or just vindictive and these bitches don't sound like they have what it takes to finesse anything at all and they won't last long anywhere. You get out of there and don't look back.

 

Thanks, preraph. I'm lying on the bed in my new place!

 

The female nutjob my roommate is friends with (can't believe there are two and I have to specify gender) will be in attendance at both of the shows I'm assisting on. I wouldn't put it past her to cause a scene. Her male twin muttered something menacing to me earlier during his tantrum about how "he won't forget this"...(forget what? That I was waiting a couple of hours for my ride? Lol.)

 

My roommate said this guy has done vindictive stuff to people in the past, like trying to tamper with their personal affairs. Can't remember if I wrote this already but I discovered that the two of them had broken on to my computer and changed one of my folder names to an expletive. The guy admitted it to my roommate.

 

I also heard him call the crazy lady right after he exploded on me tonight. I'm concerned the two of them are going to go after me now that she's back in town because they're both sick people. I wish I was being paranoid but my predictions about both of them have come true so far. I think there's a good chance they will try something, but who knows whether they'll have the power to do much.

 

The guy is a trust fund loser who has never had a job and spends his time watching Frasier reruns, smoking pot and jacking off. I'm more concerned about the lady since she works in the same industry, but even if she does other people may get of a whiff of her crazy and ignore her.

 

I guess there's no sense in worrying about what I can't control. Just hope I never see either of them again!

Edited September 2, 2014 by tuxedo cat

[writergal]

Wow they sound like characters on a reality tv program, Tux! Yeesh! How's your new place? I hope you feel better already just being away from all that Grade A Crazy, even if for just a few hours.

 

Look at it this way -- if Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb-Ass try to cause a scene at the 2 shows you're assisting, let them cause a scene and ruin their own careers. Just play the game and know your place in the game, and ignore the nut cases like them as best as you can.

 

Just as you said, there's no sense in worrying about what you can't control.

 

I really hope things improve for you Tux! And no, not everyone in NYC is like those people you lived with and dealt with. God no! As preraph said, those idiots' will seal their own fate based on their actions alone as people aren't that stupid and will see them for who they really are quickly.

[tuxedo cat]

Wow they sound like characters on a reality tv program, Tux! Yeesh! How's your new place? I hope you feel better already just being away from all that Grade A Crazy, even if for just a few hours.

 

Look at it this way -- if Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb-Ass try to cause a scene at the 2 shows you're assisting, let them cause a scene and ruin their own careers. Just play the game and know your place in the game, and ignore the nut cases like them as best as you can.

 

Just as you said, there's no sense in worrying about what you can't control.

 

I really hope things improve for you Tux! And no, not everyone in NYC is like those people you lived with and dealt with. God no! As preraph said, those idiots' will seal their own fate based on their actions alone as people aren't that stupid and will see them for who they really are quickly.

 

Thanks, WG! You've been a bright spot for me throughout this whole mess. I really appreciate your support. I'm already feeling better now that I'm in a new situation.