don't know how to handle this situation

[tuxedo cat]

To recap:

 

I've invented fake names for the various players before so it doesn't get confusing.

 

I got a casting gig about a month ago. Vanessa, The lady who hired me was really enthusiastic during the interview but unfortunately mentioned that she knew my old boss, Laura, and they used to be close friends. Laura, who is notoriously awful to work with, had treated me terribly when I worked for her last spring and ended up firing me. I did not tell Vanessa that I had been fired. In fact I didn't bring Laura up but had put the time I had worked at her company on my resume, not realizing that they knew each other. After the interview I kept my fingers crossed that Vanessa and Laura wouldn't get in touch. Things were looking good leading up to the job. Vanessa stayed friendly in her communications. She hired me to do 10 days of research spread out over three to four weeks for a flat rate. There was no contract, she just asked me to hold those days over email and it was understood that was how many I would work. My job was to find people online and in person and get them to submit themselves for her for a job she was casting.

 

My first day was last Monday. In a horrible stroke of luck there was a situation in my apartment that morning with my roommate's guest. I had to call the cops and have her removed from the apartment after she threatened me (see my last thread for more background). This resulted in my being late. I called Vanessa and briefly explained the situation to her but she didn't sound as if she believed me and she sent me an email basically saying that she would see how many viable people I had found by the end of the week and decide based on that whether to add more days for me the following weeks. She also mentioned I didn't need to come to her apartment and could just work from home. She claimed it was because they were under the gun and the commute would take too much time.

 

I buckled down and worked my ass off. I got very positive feedback from her as I found a number of people, but now I'm even overanalyzing the exact words she used. She told me a few people I found were "amazing" and mentioned how she was getting a "ton" of submissions from me. At another point she said "thanks for rocking it out so far" (whatever that means) and said I was "super helpful all around." Things were looking good...I think.

 

Then on Wednesday afternoon she emailed me to ask whether I had fashion experience because she had a friend (Michelle) who was looking for an assistant during fashion week. I wrote back that I was interested but that gig would conflict with the days she had me on for. She told me she would be willing to release me for those days if I was booked by Michelle because they were in "really good shape" with submissions. I met with Michelle, who told me I had come highly recommended by Vanessa. She also mentioned she knew and respected Laura, which made me nervous again.

 

I emailed Vanessa on Thursday morning that I had been booked for the fashion week gig. In the same email I asked her whether she wanted to book me for the first two days of this week before that gig started.

 

She said, "That's great! Michelle is great, so happy it worked out. I'll let you know once I get feedback from the client on Friday about next week. Thanks so much, Tuxedo!"

 

That night my roommate who works for Laura told me that Laura had mentioned Michelle that day for the first time in three years since he's been working for her and said offhand, vaguely, how she was bad at her job. Of course this got me worried she had been in touch with Michelle about me.

 

The next day, Friday, I didn't hear from Vanessa about working the following week, even though she had said she would be in touch that day. I waited until yesterday (Sunday) and finally emailed her to ask.

 

She wrote back a sort of curt, "No need as I'm flooded with submissions and haven't gotten feedback from the client yet. But thanks for checking in!"

 

So. It looks like this is basically the end of my contribution to the job. The job will be over after fashion week. I'm confused by the brevity of her last email to me. I guess I was expecting more of a closing "you were great, thanks for your help" or something considering how enthusiastic her other correspondence was. I'm paranoid that she spoke to Laura on Thursday. I also feel irritated that she hired me for this job and changed the terms on me without much of an explanation.

 

Now, I'm not sure what to do. I wish I had some feedback on whether she liked my work and whether there was the potential for us to work together again. When she interviewed me she said how she might use me for other projects.

 

I haven't responded to her last email. Should I messaged her back, thank her for letting me know, say that I enjoyed working with her and say I hope we get to work together again or even straight up ask? Should I ask her for any feedback? She seems pretty busy now so I also don't want to annoy her. Another possibility is that I could say, "thanks for letting me know, I'll be in touch after fashion week" and then message her in a few weeks and express my interest in working with her again. I'm just not sure how to close this. It feels weirdly incomplete and off.

 

It sucks that I put so much time in and don't have the faintest clue where things stand.

Edited August 25, 2014 by tuxedo cat

[tuxedo cat]

any advice?

 

---

[writergal]

Hey Tuxedo...

 

As a freelancer do you use contracts with your clients like your current boss? If you don't, you may want to start doing that. That's my biggest piece of advice.

 

I found some websites that discuss the importance of using contracts as a freelancer like yourself. Once you create a contract, that will ease a lot of your anxiety and protect you legally and financially.

 

How to Create a Freelancing Contract: 17 Steps (with Pictures)

 

Freelance Fashion Designer Job Contracts: Dos and Don'ts - CVTips.com

 

Freelance Contracts: Do's And Don'ts | Smashing Magazine

 

http://www.csun.edu/~hcjou002/JFEASampleContract.pdf

 

Freelance Materials: Contract & Agreement [sample] ? Brent Galloway / Freelance Graphic Designer

 

There should be a non-profit organization (or quite a few considering its NYC) that help freelancers like yourself to develop contracts for yourself and help you with the legalese. We have one major non-profit here that offers workshops, classes, and has a job board and resource center for artists and freelancers from every walk of life. I have no idea what that looks like in NYC. But that's something I suggest you try to find b/c it could really help you.

 

Also, stop worrying about your former boss. You can't change the past. So what if your roommate works(ed) for your old boss. He hasn't exactly been helpful to you based on what you've written in your posts about him and that crazy woman he let illegally squat in his apartment while you are a legal tenant who pays rent. Remember what I suggested in your other thread, about having a short, rehearsed response about "Laura" in case anyone in the future asks you?

 

That's my advice.

 

Create client contracts for yourself and seek out non-profit agencies there that help people like you develop your "brand" and freelance work and act as a resource of helpful information for you.

[tuxedo cat]

Thanks for the advice, WG. Helpful as always! I will definitely whip one of those up when I get my next gig. Also, I will see if I can find one of those organizations.

 

What about emailing Vanessa? If I decide to what should I say and when should I do it?

[Lani]

I think you read into her email a little too much.

She's likely just busy and shot you an off the cuff email to let you know where she was at.

 

As you suggested, I'd go ahead with responding to her, telling her you enjoyed the work and are available if she needs/wants you, otherwise you'll touch base after fashion week when things have calmed down a little.

[Kamille]

Echoing Lani,

 

 

I would send her an email saying you enjoyed working for her and look forward to collaborating again.

 

 

 

 

I read the end of your other thread. There's a chance that "gnawing feeling" you got at the block party was situational depression. You've been dealing with a lot of stress. It can wear you down. Just be good to yourself. Remember to take some time to relax.

 

 

Sorry about the way this post looks. LS is acting weird on my computer.

[Lisey9]

I haven't responded to her last email. Should I messaged her back, thank her for letting me know, say that I enjoyed working with her and say I hope we get to work together again or even straight up ask?

This, ending with you look forward to working with her again in the future.

[tuxedo cat]

Thanks for the advice. I just shot off an email!

[preraph]

First, I doubt she'd have given you any chance if she took very seriously what Laura thought about it, IF Laura even actually talked to her. Now, I think she sent you on a job and just wants to hear from the actual client Michelle to decide whether to use you more. That depends on two busy people finding time and being willing to talk about you for a moment.

 

I'd be emailing Michelle and thanking her in the meantime. And the polite patient email to Vanessa.

 

I worked in an industry where it was a very small world, but you have to remember everyone is nice to each other but it doesn't always mean they actually like or respect each other. So you may think they're really good friends and yes they may talk, but she may not care what Laura's actual opinion is, especially if she's a rival of any sort. All you can do is be a straight-shooter and show up when you're supposed to and do your best and follow up but not by demanding time while doing so.

[tuxedo cat]

She wrote back:

 

Sounds great and hope it goes well! Give a shout in mid-sept.

 

Thanks so much for your help!

[tuxedo cat]

Is it odd to be feeling all this sadness about my ex and where I am in my life the night before I start this (short term) job?

[cerridwen]

It doesn't seem odd at all.

 

You feel disappointed about the turn things took and it's naturally bled into disappointment about other areas.

 

Sorry the job was more temporary than was planned.

But, from my vantage point, you left Michelle with a very positive impression.

 

My take is that a bit of paranoia colored how you were viewing things.

You saw curtness, I saw a rushed woman.

In the end, you overdelivered and she was pleased.

Don't be surprised when she picks you back up in September.

[writergal]

Tuxedo, it actually does make sense that you feel the way you do right now. You're in a new city, starting a new life, with a lot of unknowns ahead of you.

 

So far though you've hit a couple of homeruns already, professionally speaking, and that should boost your self-confidence.

 

If your previous boss was going to be an issue for your career, I think that would have happened already. So time to put your fears about "Laura" behind you, to rest, ok? Focus on the here and now b/c that's all that matters.

 

The past is the past. Forget about it. Or as they say in NYC, "fuhgeddaboudit, pffft!"

[tuxedo cat]

Had my first day at the job yesterday. It was kind of a nightmare. I was doing the job of two people, had to wrangle/sign in/print and upload the photos of 300 models who were coming in over the course of a few hours. It's one of those systems where if one thing goes wrong, the whole system breaks down. Very early on one of the model's headshots got out of order as a crush of girls were coming and it took me about half an hour to recover and get things organized again. It was so embarrassing and my hands were shaking. The casting director was surprisingly nice about it and asked me if I was okay or needed to take a break. There was a sort of bitchy gay guy who is her first assistant and he seemed more annoyed with me. The rest of the day went relatively smoothly but I could tell that starting things off on a bad foot had left an impression. At the end of the day the casting director said, "Tux, you're a rock star"...but it felt like she was just being nice.

 

I've never screwed up so bad on the first day of a job. Unfortunately, I'm not good with organization. I'm good enough when I have the time to slow down and really focus but it's hard for me when things get so fast paced. I'm starting to wonder if I can hack it in this line of work since it's pretty much ALL organization at the entry level. I know I have ability at the higher level stuff like research, casting and scouting but that's sort of useless at a lower level.

 

How can I get through the next two weeks?

 

Oddly enough last year fashion week was a breeze for me and I did very well according to my employers but that might have been because I wasn't juggling so many tasks at once.

Edited August 28, 2014 by tuxedo cat

[Kamille]

At the end of the day the casting director said, "Tux, you're a rock star"

 

We've had this discussion before. Learn to take what people say at face value. She appreciated your work. Else she wouldn't have complimented you.

 

 

I've never screwed up so bad on the first day of a job.

 

You were struggling for half an hour in what I'm guessing was a long day at work. That doesn't qualify as "screwing up bad". What's more, you misfiled a picture, noticed it straight away and managed to right the situation.

 

I think the events of the last few weeks are leading you down a slippery slope, where your tendency is to be overly critical of yourself. It's kind of like: you've been feeling bad for awhile now, so your go to emotion is to feel bad. You will then analyze the situation so that it matches how you feel, not what actually happened.

 

So let me remind you: the director considers you a rock star. Take a moment to believe it and appreciate the compliment. Breath in. Breath out. Feel it. You did good.

[cerridwen]

Had my first day at the job yesterday. It was kind of a nightmare. I was doing the job of two people, had to wrangle/sign in/print and upload the photos of 300 models who were coming in over the course of a few hours. It's one of those systems where if one thing goes wrong, the whole system breaks down. Very early on one of the model's headshots got out of order as a crush of girls were coming and it took me about half an hour to recover and get things organized again. It was so embarrassing and my hands were shaking. The casting director was surprisingly nice about it and asked me if I was okay or needed to take a break. There was a sort of bitchy gay guy who is her first assistant and he seemed more annoyed with me. The rest of the day went relatively smoothly but I could tell that starting things off on a bad foot had left an impression. At the end of the day the casting director said, "Tux, you're a rock star"...but it felt like she was just being nice.

 

I've never screwed up so bad on the first day of a job. Unfortunately, I'm not good with organization. I'm good enough when I have the time to slow down and really focus but it's hard for me when things get so fast paced. I'm starting to wonder if I can hack it in this line of work since it's pretty much ALL organization at the entry level. I know I have ability at the higher level stuff like research, casting and scouting but that's sort of useless at a lower level.

 

How can I get through the next two weeks?

 

Oddly enough last year fashion week was a breeze for me and I did very well according to my employers but that might have been because I wasn't juggling so many tasks at once.

 

T, if you're still seeking advice, may I suggest making this into a new thread?

You may get more responses that way.

[writergal]

We've had this discussion before. Learn to take what people say at face value. She appreciated your work. Else she wouldn't have complimented you.

 

 

 

 

You were struggling for half an hour in what I'm guessing was a long day at work. That doesn't qualify as "screwing up bad". What's more, you misfiled a picture, noticed it straight away and managed to right the situation.

 

I think the events of the last few weeks are leading you down a slippery slope, where your tendency is to be overly critical of yourself. It's kind of like: you've been feeling bad for awhile now, so your go to emotion is to feel bad. You will then analyze the situation so that it matches how you feel, not what actually happened.

 

So let me remind you: the director considers you a rock star. Take a moment to believe it and appreciate the compliment. Breath in. Breath out. Feel it. You did good.

 

Kamille you always give great advice. I agree with you 100%.

 

Tux my friend, don't be so hard on yourself. I think you handled the situation fantastically, considering the kind of pressure you were under. Most people would fold under that kind of pressure. Stop being a perfectionist girl! You got this! Everyone makes mistakes on the job. It's how you handle the mistakes that matters, and you handled a misfiled photo mistake really well.

[tuxedo cat]

^Thanks, Kamille.

 

The next two days went much better work-wise. I made no mistakes, was efficient, and things flowed. I'm discovering the problem for me is extreme social anxiety. I'm actually good with organization when I focus but the social aspect is SO difficult for me.

 

Yesterday started out fine despite my running on only two hours of sleep because I was up late doing work for the casting director that she needed done. All nighters are the norm during fashion week.

 

I got to this designer's office early before the other assistant, set everything up. He and the casting director were pleasant when they arrived. Then the designer arrived and things fell out of balance. She came over to shake my hand and introduce herself. I gave her a big smile and while we were shaking hands she sort of examined my face with a puzzled look, lingering on it for a few extra seconds. I didn't just imagine this--it was weird! Did I have a zit or something in my teeth. Or maybe she was wondering whether she had met me before? I tried not to think much of it. She sat down at the other side of the room and I noticed she kept glancing over at me. After one of those glances I think I heard her say to the casting director, "Is she stressed out?" I'm still not positive I heard her correctly or whether she was even talking about me but after that my anxiety shot up to 11. I knew that if the designer had actually said this to the CD it means she'll consider me a liability in front of her clients. I kept trying to take deep breaths, focus on work, and relax but nothing helped. Probably the fact that I was so tired didn't help either.

 

A couple of hours later we headed across town to another designer. The CD seemed a bit colder to me than she had in the morning when we shared the cab together. For a good few hours after this I was having a panic attack inside. My work was very good but I felt paralyzed socially. This snarky assistant kept trying to banter with me and I couldn't keep up. Even when I wasn't talking, all of my muscles were stiff. By the end of the day, I started to recover and loosen up and things ended on an okay note. When the CD left she said, "you guys are awesome!" I guess I should trust what she said.

 

Yesterday was possibly the worst social anxiety I've experienced in the last ten years. My body was frozen. I'm not sure if it was because I was operating on no sleep, but it was so bad I kept fantasizing about running home and crawling under my covers!

 

Kamille, regarding your advice about taking things at face value, I find this difficult because I'm very good at reading people and social cues (despite my inability to actually perform). At my last internship whenever I thought one of the two women I was working for was being down on me I later turned out to be right. Likewise when I sensed they appreciated my work, I was also right. Given this track record, I don't know how to ignore my inner voice. Maybe the trick is to ignore it even when it is right?

 

I don't get why I'm having so much more difficulty than I was at an even more social job when I worked at a cafe. The people there loved me. For whatever reason, I just felt more comfortable in that context. Maybe it was knowing that my work there ultimately didn't matter as much since it wasn't tied to my career? Maybe it was that I was working with a different mix of girls? They were mostly tomboys like me. I can't seem to find a good fit here in New York.

 

I think it's also that I loosen up when I get the daily duties of my job down and know that I'm appreciated. Fashion people are more critical and conformist so it becomes a vicious cycle where I never feel comfortable relaxing around them. Now, I also feel like I'm carrying around the baggage of my last internship, which I need to find a way of ditching. The people I'm working for now are a lot nicer but I feel so down on myself from that bad experience that it's hard for me to trust them.

 

From what I've seen so far the fashion industry is pretty homogenous. I'm not exaggerating when I say they are all girl's girls from wealthy backgrounds who spend their time vacationing at the Hamptons, reading gossip blogs, watching reality tv, and doing aerial yoga at boutique gyms. As a tomboy who grew up in a struggling family, who can't layer clothes to save my life, who has never gotten a mani or pedi, and who only has a passing interest in pop culture, I'm the odd one out. I don't mean to be disdainful of these women since I'm sure many of them are nice people; I just couldn't be more different and I think it shows. I would love to be able to find common ground with them and feel at home. Maybe I actually need to start brushing up on these activities to fit in.

 

My interest in fashion casting is specific. I've discovered I have no real interest in models but I love real people casting. I love finding unusual looking people on the street and researching interesting people online. I'm good at that and have been praised on my work. What I'm not so good at is these assistant jobs with no creative aspect that are all about organization and schmoozing. The problem is to get the type of jobs I like I wonder if I have to excel at the other kind of work as well. As I've seen, you get one job by being recommended from another. Maybe I'm wrong about this.

 

I would also be happy to do film casting but it's possible the personality types in that industry are similar and I won't fit in there either. I'm going to give it one more of a shot before I decide. I got a two day a week internship at a film company that starts in a couple of weeks for three months.

 

Honestly, I'm starting to feel pretty discouraged...It feels like I keep ticking off jobs that I suck at and one day I'm going to run out of options.

Edited August 30, 2014 by tuxedo cat

[tuxedo cat]

I'm not exaggerating when I say this is the exact personality type of most of the people I meet in the industry:

High Maintenance // Olivia on Vimeo

 

I'm hoping I can find a way of just doing commercial/real people casting (which I actually enjoy) and avoid these other fashion-y jobs.

[tuxedo cat]

Things are getting better. I had a pretty smooth day and I'm feeling more relaxed every day. I still haven't gotten to the point where I can very comfortably small talk but at least I feel fairly relaxed when I do talk and I'm no longer panicking inside.