Online Dating Conspiracy

[Keenly]

If profile made as big of a difference as you guys claim, then picture less profiles would have more success than they currently do.

[PegNosePete]

If profile made as big of a difference as you guys claim, then picture less profiles would have more success than they currently do.

Way to completely mis-read and misinterpret what we wrote. Did you even read what I wrote about filters?

 

If they don't like your pictures (or you have none) then you're right, what you write makes NO difference because you won't get a message no matter what you write.

 

If they like your pictures but don't like your weight, height, smoking status, number of kids etc, then you're right, what you write makes NO difference because you still won't get a message, no matter what you write.

 

If they like your pictures, weight, height, smoking status, number of kids etc, then what you write WILL make a difference. If they don't like what you wrote then you won't get a message but if they DO like what you wrote, well, you're in there.

 

If you remove your pics you fail at hurdle 1 rather than hurdle 3. Does that mean profile is not important? No. It means you have to pass EVERY hurdle to get a message. Saying that one hurdle is more important, or that one hurdle doesn't make any difference, is totally wrong because they ALL matter. What does it matter whether you fell at hurdle 1, 2 or 3? None, you still don't get a message. You need pics, and profile if you want to win.

 

But I've told you this over and over and over, and even offered to help you out personally with tips on your profile and techniques, but you stubbornly refuse to let anyone help you. You prefer to just whine about how bad it all is. Well good luck getting dates like that.

[Keenly]

Way to completely mis-read and misinterpret what we wrote. Did you even read what I wrote about filters?

 

If they don't like your pictures (or you have none) then you're right, what you write makes NO difference because you won't get a message no matter what you write.

 

If they like your pictures but don't like your weight, height, smoking status, number of kids etc, then you're right, what you write makes NO difference because you still won't get a message, no matter what you write.

 

If they like your pictures, weight, height, smoking status, number of kids etc, then what you write WILL make a difference. If they don't like what you wrote then you won't get a message but if they DO like what you wrote, well, you're in there.

 

If you remove your pics you fail at hurdle 1 rather than hurdle 3. Does that mean profile is not important? No. It means you have to pass EVERY hurdle to get a message. Saying that one hurdle is more important, or that one hurdle doesn't make any difference, is totally wrong because they ALL matter. What does it matter whether you fell at hurdle 1, 2 or 3? None, you still don't get a message. You need pics, and profile if you want to win.

 

But I've told you this over and over and over, and even offered to help you out personally with tips on your profile and techniques, but you stubbornly refuse to let anyone help you. You prefer to just whine about how bad it all is. Well good luck getting dates like that.

 

My profile is fine, and I've had several women comment that its a breath of fresh air in a sea of monotany. I don't need help with my profile, and it needs no editing because its already plenty lengthy and describes me near perfectly.

 

Pointing out observations and experiences is hardly whining, its called discussion. The problem is not the profile, its the environment. Both sides are shallow combined with hollow.

 

People also seem to think that if one thing works for one person, then it must work for everyone. If that were true, online dating would have a HUGE success rate, because everyone would know how it all works, and everything would run smoothly.

 

 

You do understand that my particular problem is not getting girls to respond, but finding giros that aren't completely incompatible with everything I am? Changing my profile is going to do absolutely nothing to change my pool to select from. Its also not going to suddenly motivate women as a whole to go profile browsing, which the grand majority don't.

 

 

You keep claiming that there is a one size fits all solution that will magically solve every guys OLD problems, but like I said, that were true, EVERY guy would all be doing this magic method.

 

 

My profile is witty, lengthy, contains references that only a person who shares my interests will understand, and describes what I like to do in my day to day life.

 

I'm not going to falsify it, or pretend to be some one I'm not. If the girls don't like it, they are the ones that miss out on a potentially great relationship.

[Anela]

 

These ladies get SO many emails that they have no time to really site and read all day, so they just scan through them. Couple that with unrealistic expectations and these women become permanent fixtures of these online dating sites. Their profiles get more and more aggravated as they add negative content to them as well until the point they become bitter old spinsters that "won't settle."

 

What's the male version of "a bitter old spinster"? I've seen men come across as more angry, as well, and several guys who have a list of reasons as to why you shouldn't message them. They also come here to vent about how online dating is BS.

[Anela]

 

Except, that is, for the one who tried to get me to send a picture (I didn't) and then turned up in my office a few days later as a new client.

With OKCupid, they send you an email, telling you that so many people find you attractive, and that you should sign up as an A-lister, in order to find out who they are. These are people who have given you so many stars, but don't bother to send you a message. I reactivated my account, and have 34 - I gained a few in twenty-four hours, even though my profile has almost nothing in it.

 

I can't afford to sign up for the a-list, but when I can, I'll come back and let people know if they were real (unless the world as we know it ends, and I somehow end up in a relationship).

[the tank]

That's why paid site are the best. If it's free , the web site is full of trolls, people who are there for ego boost or people who only want hook up.

[Keenly]

With OKCupid, they send you an email, telling you that so many people find you attractive, and that you should sign up as an A-lister, in order to find out who they are. These are people who have given you so many stars, but don't bother to send you a message. I reactivated my account, and have 34 - I gained a few in twenty-four hours, even though my profile has almost nothing in it.

 

I can't afford to sign up for the a-list, but when I can, I'll come back and let people know if they were real (unless the world as we know it ends, and I somehow end up in a relationship).

 

..... is THAT what that number is ?

[Keenly]

That's why paid site are the best. If it's free , the web site is full of trolls, people who are there for ego boost or people who only want hook up.

 

Just don't do eharmony.

 

 

You get like 4 matches per day, can't browse, and every match that stupid site is giving me has been inactive for over a month, which is the longest label of inactivity on that site ( profiles inactive for a year still say active over a month ago )

 

 

So I get 4 matches a day, and none of them have been online in over a month.

 

 

I paid 100 bucks for 4 months of that garbage.

[the tank]

I dont know harmony

 

I'm in Montréal , we have a pretty good website name Mon Classeur. I had many first date through it . The main problem is that girls dont give a real chance to man. They want the love at the first sight. They throw us in the garbage at the first thing they dont like because they know they have options...!

[Anela]

..... is THAT what that number is ?

 

What number?

 

I'm wondering how many of those are real, and how many are planted to encourage me to pay to see who they are. If they don't message me, I can't tell.

[Anela]

..... is THAT what that number is ?

 

Oh, if you're talking about the Quick Match number - yes, that's what it is.

[WesternWizard]

That's why paid site are the best. If it's free , the web site is full of trolls, people who are there for ego boost or people who only want hook up.

 

The folks who run the sites would certainly agree with you there. A sucker born every minute...

[Amy_D]

Just don't do eharmony.

 

 

You get like 4 matches per day, can't browse, and every match that stupid site is giving me has been inactive for over a month, which is the longest label of inactivity on that site ( profiles inactive for a year still say active over a month ago )

 

 

So I get 4 matches a day, and none of them have been online in over a month.

 

 

I paid 100 bucks for 4 months of that garbage.

 

I went to a wedding where the couple met on eharmony. I think with all dating it isn't a one size fits all. I was told you can never meet a good guy at a club but that's where I met most of my boyfriends and my husband. Dating, romantic relationships..all relationships well...I just don't think there's a great formula that everyone can follow.

 

It's just like attraction. I see these posts people asking about "chemistry," "attraction," "alpha-beta comparison." You're not going to get all your answers in a post. You might get some good suggestions and it's fun to chat with others who can empathize with your situation but Relationship Acquisition and Sustainment is different for everyone. I know I'm not everyone's fantasy woman but for some I am. That's just the way it is.

[Anela]

My first message since re-opening my account:

 

your profile says that you are as kinky as me

 

 

Be still my heart; aren't I the lucky one?

 

Only my profile doesn't say anything, let alone that.

[Kid_Charlemange]

I went to a wedding where the couple met on eharmony.

 

I met a wife on eHarmony.

 

Some of the comments on this thread are not credible.

[Amy_D]

I met a wife on eHarmony.

 

Some of the comments on this thread are not credible.

 

Your wife? Or someone else's?

 

[central]

OLD sites are not scams, although some may use unethical tactics at times.

 

I've met a lot of great women through a variety of OLD sites, so clearly there are plenty of real people on them. I met my wife (not someone else's!) this way.

 

Your success may vary, of course, depending on how well you portray yourself based on who you really are at heart, and how realistic your expectation are for what you bring to it. It can also vary based on how well you learn to use the tools which are OLD sites.

[irc333]

I would have to say, I've probably gotten responses from women who actually expressed how impressive my profile/initial email to them was...though they flaked during our correspondence, but hey at least they were impressed. lol

 

They are few and far between, but it's funny how women complain IN their profiles about how they get only "What's up" or "Hey babe" and that's it.

 

And when I contact these women with an elaborate, well thought out email to not get a response...still.

 

So, even if you fulfill their writing requirements in an initial greeting, there's always somethin' else

[Anela]

I would have to say, I've probably gotten responses from women who actually expressed how impressive my profile/initial email to them was...though they flaked during our correspondence, but hey at least they were impressed. lol

 

They are few and far between, but it's funny how women complain IN their profiles about how they get only "What's up" or "Hey babe" and that's it.

 

And when I contact these women with an elaborate, well thought out email to not get a response...still.

 

So, even if you fulfill their writing requirements in an initial greeting, there's always somethin' else

 

I responded to the guy I mentioned above with, "My profile doesn't say anything. And I'm not a play-thing on the side. Thanks, anyway."

 

I couldn't win with most men here; if I didn't respond, then I'd be accused of all sorts of things, and when I do respond it's, "well, thanks for doing your charity work..."

[guest569]

With OKCupid, they send you an email, telling you that so many people find you attractive, and that you should sign up as an A-lister, in order to find out who they are. These are people who have given you so many stars, but don't bother to send you a message. I reactivated my account, and have 34 - I gained a few in twenty-four hours, even though my profile has almost nothing in it.

 

I can't afford to sign up for the a-list, but when I can, I'll come back and let people know if they were real (unless the world as we know it ends, and I somehow end up in a relationship).

 

I have been an Okcupid a-list member and yes, these are real.

[PegNosePete]

People also seem to think that if one thing works for one person, then it must work for everyone. If that were true, online dating would have a HUGE success rate

And people seem to think that just because it doesn't work for them, it is rubbish. No, you're just using it wrong.

 

Newsflash: OLD does have a huge success rate! 17% of marriages in the US last year came from OLD. I'd say that's pretty huge.

 

You keep claiming that there is a one size fits all solution that will magically solve every guys OLD problems

I have never claimed that. All I have said is that if you have good photos, write a good profile and send good messages, then you will easily get dates from OLD.

 

Making them like you, or you liking them, after meeting up... is up to you! Not a problem with OLD!

[Zeurich]

I don't know if it's just me, but does anyone else feel like there is something terribly wrong with online dating? I mean why exactly is it so hard? Could there be something more to it than meets the eye?

 

Could it be perhaps that the majority of attractive profiles on these sites are complete fakes or have people working behind them and managing multiples?

 

I say this because at times I seem to receive messages/visitors simultaneously which makes question the authenticity of them.

Why wouldn't companies create fake profiles? Why wouldn't they want us coming back for more?

 

I know many will be ready to defend OLD but you never know.

I have no clue but I feel dating sites are not real now days. I don't know about if companies make fakes or not. But who I have spoken to online was not real that is all I can say. Either behind money either behind visa either just wanna bring some time while wife is ill. It is not only you I am sure there are many being frustrated with the dating sites!

[Keenly]

And people seem to think that just because it doesn't work for them, it is rubbish. No, you're just using it wrong.

 

Newsflash: OLD does have a huge success rate! 17% of marriages in the US last year came from OLD. I'd say that's pretty huge.

 

 

I have never claimed that. All I have said is that if you have good photos, write a good profile and send good messages, then you will easily get dates from OLD.

 

Making them like you, or you liking them, after meeting up... is up to you! Not a problem with OLD!

That statistic is useless unless you find the total number of marriages, multiply it by 0.17, and then you have to find the population of people using any and all OLD sites.

 

 

then you take your number of marriages and compare it to the number of OLD users. Only then will THAT percentage actually mean anything.

[PegNosePete]

There were 2.1 million marriages in the US last year, so OLD worked for 714,000 people in the last year alone.

[normal person]

 

People also seem to think that if one thing works for one person, then it must work for everyone. If that were true, online dating would have a HUGE success rate, because everyone would know how it all works, and everything would run smoothly.

 

People know how it all works. The problem is that implementing "what works" isn't quite that simple. What works: living in a densely populated area, being at a prime age for dating, being pretty good looking, having a good career, being interesting/exciting/alluring/etc, having no obvious drawbacks, and having the writing skills to be able to communicate that through a profile that people see in addition to some "X factor".

 

Not everyone can do those things or have all those qualities. But the "magic formula" is to have them. And I figure that's quite tricky if you haven't been working to do it your whole life. If guys are just figuring this out now, then it'd be pretty hard to implement: the guy needs to move to a bigger city, a time machine, the dedication and will power to study and get that well paying job or whatever else is going to make him happy/attractive, etc. If the guy just realizes this at 30, he's pretty much missed the boat.

 

 

You do understand that my particular problem is not getting girls to respond, but finding giros that aren't completely incompatible with everything I am? Changing my profile is going to do absolutely nothing to change my pool to select from. Its also not going to suddenly motivate women as a whole to go profile browsing, which the grand majority don't.

 

I sympathize with you. To me your issue doesn't really seem like a profile or conspiracy. It just sounds like all the girls around you aren't worth your time. That's more of an issue with your location or demographics or some other factor rather than the technology. You sound like a nice guy so if all the girls you come across online are not what you're looking for, why not look elsewhere? OLD will keep you banging your head against the wall. It's like you're trying to go somewhere and you keep insisting on using your car with the busted tires rather than hitch a ride, take a bus, ride your bike, etc.

 

There's always the tried and true methods of bar hopping and meeting people elsewhere. People managed to meet each other before OLD, and even if Pete's stats are accurate, the majority of marriages still stem from real life interactions. Perhaps OLD just "isn't for you" in the sense that it currently doesn't really cater to your desires or criteria.