Kid_Charlemange Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I'm usually ****faced within 5 profiles. Add "I love to laugh," and you'll be drunk in the first three... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 You seem to have this false idea that profile content will some how make anyone of either gender more appealing. Let me tell you , it doesn't. Respectfully disagree. It is THE primary thing that leads me to contact someone or reply to a contact. And only about 1% or less fall into the 'contact' category. That's because after I throw out men who don't know how to spell and use simple grammar (there goes 85%+) and then throw out men who have boring profiles that say "My friends say I'm a nice guy and I love to tell jokes and have a great sense of humor" and "I'm loyal" and "I'm not into games" and "I'm looking for someone who is also addicted to professional football and NASCAR racing" and "I like walks on the beach, sunsets, and eating out at restaurants" and "I like to travel" and "I'm not divorced yet but I'm looking for someone to help me get over it" then that leaves about 2-3% left. Tops. Then I get rid of those who wrote "How R U" and "You have great legs" in their contact - that leaves less than 1%. There are very few profiles who strike me as someone who is intelligent, articulate, sensitive, and able to relate at a very high/intimate level. Those people who did fit that criteria have worked out very well though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 That's awesome that the two of you read the profiles, but we are talking about the entire system as a whole. To use an analogy... It would be like saying playing the lottery works, because a very small percentage have won. A very small percentage, myself included, read profiles, but since we can all pretty much agree that the number of people in which profile content sways opinion is less than 5% (any disagreement here?) then that does not count as "working." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 That's awesome that the two of you read the profiles, but we are talking about the entire system as a whole. To use an analogy... It would be like saying playing the lottery works, because a very small percentage have won. A very small percentage, myself included, read profiles, but since we can all pretty much agree that the number of people in which profile content sways opinion is less than 5% (any disagreement here?) then that does not count as "working." The lottery analogy doesn't work because only a infinitely small proportion of people ever win the lottery. But still - you are saying that less than 5% of people read profiles? I have a hard time believing that. What is the point then? What are you looking for, if you don't care what she makes a point to say about herself? (I honestly am curious) Is it all just about photos? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bantosm Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I tried old once. In short, I spent three months messaging one woman who I was attracted to. I drove 40 miles to meet up with her, found that we didn't have any chemistry, and she wasn't nearly as attractive as her photo showed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Most guys I know pretty much gave up reading profiles. Almost all OLD profiles are so generic that it's painful to read them. I've heard some women make the same complaint about men's profiles, but I never looked any of them over. Also, one gets tired of reading over profiles just for our contact message to be ignored completely. Most of the guys I know send short messages to every reasonably attractive woman they see online. If they get a response, then they may look at the profile a bit. Believe me, women have the same problem with men's profiles. However maybe the point is to read the profiles and weed out the 99% that aren't generic and boring. I don't message a guy just because he is good looking - if there is not a connection in the profile then I move on. So I message almost no one, but those that I do have led to great connections almost every time. My profile isn't generic and I put a lot of effort making sure it represented myself and what I am looking for. That's why I want a guy who took the time to do the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Most guys I know pretty much gave up reading profiles. Almost all OLD profiles are so generic that it's painful to read them. I've heard some women make the same complaint about men's profiles, but I never looked any of them over. Also, one gets tired of reading over profiles just for our contact message to be ignored completely. Most of the guys I know send short messages to every reasonably attractive woman they see online. If they get a response, then they may look at the profile a bit. So many of the women's profiles are interchangeable like gray legos. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Most guys I know pretty much gave up reading profiles. Almost all OLD profiles are so generic that it's painful to read them. I've heard some women make the same complaint about men's profiles, but I never looked any of them over. Also, one gets tired of reading over profiles just for our contact message to be ignored completely. Most of the guys I know send short messages to every reasonably attractive woman they see online. If they get a response, then they may look at the profile a bit. Yes, they are sounding so cliche'd with sayings like, "Don't sweat the small stuff" or "Life's too short to sweat the small stuff" or... my favorite, "I like to live life to the fullest!" Some tend to sound more like a philosopher and they never wind up putting what they are looking for or what they are all about. We don't want to hear life lessons, we want to know more about you. Recently, my eyes just simply scan for "I love to laugh and looking for a man with a sense of humor" and I message them , regardless of how generic it sounds, only because they are not likely generic in person. Link to post Share on other sites
WesternWizard Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 You seem to have this false idea that profile content will some how make anyone of either gender more appealing. Let me tell you , it doesn't. Ya got THAT right, brother. You can put as much lipstick on a pig as you want, but it's still a pig. IRC333 mentioned "mad" profiles, and I've seen them on PoF. They do indeed have a "pick me, dammit!" tone to them. And the women who post them are not even decent looking; in fact, I find most of them rather homely. My crystal ball says it might happen a year from now, or twenty years from now; but all the same, I think the time is not far off when more women decide they want that hot guy, they're going to bite the bullet and approach him instead of waiting for him to approach. God save us when that happens... I'll be chased by fat, loud women with carrot noses who want me to father their little brats. It will be my school days all over again. :mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Kid_Charlemange Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 So many of the women's profiles are interchangeable like gray legos. They probably say the same about dudes. For fun (I have a weird sense of "fun") I decided to try my OKC standard search, expand it to 20 miles from me, and see if I could win "profile bingo." That is: - It must say "I love to laugh" - It must have a photo of them running or jogging, or just having finished a run - It must have them at Machu Picchu. I struck out. The best I did was two of three, on the fifth click. Maybe they're not as generic as they seem... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Yes, they are sounding so cliche'd with sayings like, "Don't sweat the small stuff" or "Life's too short to sweat the small stuff" or... my favorite, "I like to live life to the fullest!" If I had a dime for every time I've read that on a man's OLD profile, I could retire. Do you really think men are any better at it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RoosterFrame Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 "Live, laugh, love!" <--- Tinder tagline winner for most nausea-inducement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 A lot of profiles are inactive. Sometimes people will log in when the site sends them an email for a special offer but they are no longer actively dating. I always delete my profiles and suggest everyone do the same. If you can't delete, then at least hide your profile so you don't waste anyone's time. Years ago I joined one dating site that advertises itself as being for "thinking people." Evidently people do more thinking than actual dating. I've seen the same people on there for years. They post on the forums more than date. It's their private social club. You can join for free and even send messages to full members but there are few of those. The site bombards you with emails "Someone has made you a favorite. Click link to see who!" Click the link and you are directed to a subscription page. Why would anyone join? The owner obviously didn't think this through! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 To use an analogy... It would be like saying playing the lottery works, because a very small percentage have won. That's a bit ridiculous. The odds of it "working" are far better than that. Maybe if you include a tenner in "winning the lottery" your vague and unsubstantiated analogy might be a bit more accurate. A very small percentage, myself included, read profiles, but since we can all pretty much agree that the number of people in which profile content sways opinion is less than 5% (any disagreement here?) then that does not count as "working." It's funny how this "very small percentage" includes everyone in this thread. Yes I certainly disagree with that figure of 5% that you just plucked out of the air. I would say it's more like 95%. Yes I just plucked that figure out of the air as well. Do you have any kind of evidence whatsoever, that either of our figures is more accurate than the other? No. The fact is, profile content makes a huge difference. I have noticed a dramatic increase in my response rates when I made changes to my profile. I used to be just like you... getting no responses, getting nowhere. But rather than becoming bitter and jaded, I learned from my mistakes, made changes, tried different things... and lo and behold, found the secrets, and became extremely successful. It's funny how amazingly reluctant some people are, to doing that. I don't think it's a conspiracy, just a tool that most people don't use properly. EXACTLY... it is a tool, and people do not know how to use it well. The vast majority of profiles are terrible. If people would actually learn, listen and take advice from the many successful people on here, rather than wallowing in self-pity and complaining about how bad it is, then they would have a much better time. As it is, whenever I offer to share tips on my success, people just ignore, object, stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALALALA OLD sucks". Well if they want to carry on doing it wrong then that's no skin off my nose. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I had no trouble with online dating. I ended up n a long term relationship and had mostly successful dates. You just need to keep your wits about you and not give your heart away before you have even met the person. I wouldn't pay to use a dating site. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 What I'm getting sick of is I think EVERY single profile has a RANT that yells, "If you're a player, looking for a one-night stand or FWB's, then do NOT email me!!" What's even sadder is, you email them trying to convince them otherwise with, "Hey, guess what, I'm not a player....so you just won the lotto!" Not to even get a response of course. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Believe me, I do free lance writing on the side and I've tweaked the content of my profile until I was blue in the face on the suggestion of my peers, changed out photos, made them more clear, and so on. Today, women, or just people in general on these sites just scan the profiles. They look at the pictures of course, with women it's likely the height statistics, profession, and a few other tidbits or keywords. This would be analogous to that of a machine scanning resume's for job applicants. A very quick weeding out process. If you don't meet a certain height criteria, you're gone, regardless of the content of the profile write-up. These ladies get SO many emails that they have no time to really site and read all day, so they just scan through them. Couple that with unrealistic expectations and these women become permanent fixtures of these online dating sites. Their profiles get more and more aggravated as they add negative content to them as well until the point they become bitter old spinsters that "won't settle." That's a bit ridiculous. The odds of it "working" are far better than that. Maybe if you include a tenner in "winning the lottery" your vague and unsubstantiated analogy might be a bit more accurate. It's funny how this "very small percentage" includes everyone in this thread. Yes I certainly disagree with that figure of 5% that you just plucked out of the air. I would say it's more like 95%. Yes I just plucked that figure out of the air as well. Do you have any kind of evidence whatsoever, that either of our figures is more accurate than the other? No. The fact is, profile content makes a huge difference. I have noticed a dramatic increase in my response rates when I made changes to my profile. I used to be just like you... getting no responses, getting nowhere. But rather than becoming bitter and jaded, I learned from my mistakes, made changes, tried different things... and lo and behold, found the secrets, and became extremely successful. It's funny how amazingly reluctant some people are, to doing that. EXACTLY... it is a tool, and people do not know how to use it well. The vast majority of profiles are terrible. If people would actually learn, listen and take advice from the many successful people on here, rather than wallowing in self-pity and complaining about how bad it is, then they would have a much better time. As it is, whenever I offer to share tips on my success, people just ignore, object, stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALALALA OLD sucks". Well if they want to carry on doing it wrong then that's no skin off my nose. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I don't know if it's just me, but does anyone else feel like there is something terribly wrong with online dating? I mean why exactly is it so hard? I don't think anyone ever promised me that finding a good person to date (or to have a relationship with, or whatever) was going to be easy. So, why shouldn't it be hard? Sure, you want it to be easy, and I'd like to find the sort of person I want to find right now, but some things in life just happen to be hard and, for some people, online dating is one of them. I do get dates this way, and I've met some lovely people, but only by putting in plenty of time and effort to get there. If you're having no success, there's a 100+ page consolidated thread all about online dating somewhere in here that's full of tips, or if you just wanted people to agree with you that it's hard then this thread will be all you need. Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 What I'm getting sick of is I think EVERY single profile has a RANT that yells, "If you're a player, looking for a one-night stand or FWB's, then do NOT email me!!" Every single one? Are you exaggerating? I agree that there are far too many profiles that say more about what they don't want than what they do want, and I find those profiles to be a turn-off... so I don't bother writing to them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Believe me, I do free lance writing on the side and I've tweaked the content of my profile until I was blue in the face on the suggestion of my peers, changed out photos, made them more clear, and so on. What peers? Have these peers had success at online dating? Or is this a case of the blind leading the blind? I do profile reviews on the POF forums and you would not believe the number of professional writers I've seen with terrible profiles. Writing professionally and writing a dating profile that is attractive to women, are totally different kettles of fish. Today, women, or just people in general on these sites just scan the profiles. They look at the pictures of course, with women it's likely the height statistics, profession, and a few other tidbits or keywords. This would be analogous to that of a machine scanning resume's for job applicants. A very quick weeding out process. If you don't meet a certain height criteria, you're gone, regardless of the content of the profile write-up. Yes of course, you can't please all of the people all of the time. It's the same for guys. If you don't like that someone is a smoker, doesn't have a job, has 10 kids etc then will you write to them? Of course not. It is a weeding out process, you're right. But if you pass all the filters that doesn't mean you will get a message... that is when profile content comes into play. If you pass all the filters and have a bad profile then what do you think will happen? (Clue: "NEXT") 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 I don't know if it's just me, but does anyone else feel like there is something terribly wrong with online dating? I mean why exactly is it so hard? Could there be something more to it than meets the eye?. I set up a basic profile ages ago, just so that I could window shop in more or less anonymity. I didn't lie in the profile, I just kept it very bare. Age, height, weight, hair colour - that was about it. No photo, no personal stuff, no cute message aiming to capture the essence of who I am etc. I frequently get emails informing me that this basic profile has received views and winks. Then I'll get an email showing me possible matches. The more I ignore the site, the more attractive the potential candidates it offers up....and yes, I'm sure they're fakes aimed at trying to persuade me to join up as a paying member. Except, that is, for the one who tried to get me to send a picture (I didn't) and then turned up in my office a few days later as a new client. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mopparon Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Yes of course, you can't please all of the people all of the time. It's the same for guys. If you don't like that someone is a smoker, doesn't have a job, has 10 kids etc then will you write to them? Of course not. It is a weeding out process, you're right. But if you pass all the filters that doesn't mean you will get a message... that is when profile content comes into play. If you pass all the filters and have a bad profile then what do you think will happen? (Clue: "NEXT") I completely agree with this. When I met my current bf of 3 years on a dating site it was his engaging witty message to me, acknowledging all my profile likes / dislikes etc that had me smiling all the way to his profile. But it was his down to earth, light hearted jokey message that had me hooked. I just felt like he "got me" (understood me) and it was easy to reply to his geeky Simpsons references etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 EXACTLY... it is a tool, and people do not know how to use it well. The vast majority of profiles are terrible. If people would actually learn, listen and take advice from the many successful people on here, rather than wallowing in self-pity and complaining about how bad it is, then they would have a much better time. As it is, whenever I offer to share tips on my success, people just ignore, object, stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALALALA OLD sucks". Well if they want to carry on doing it wrong then that's no skin off my nose. Finally someone who talks some sense. We've disproven a lot of theories in these threads but so many of these guys just ignore it and keep reinforcing whatever belief is going to make them most comfortable. "It's not my shortcoming, it's a conspiracy" (I'm trying to withhold my laughter here). If you're trying to use OLD effectively, not being able to figure out the nuances of it is your shortcoming. Yes, the technology does have some limitations. You have to adapt to it rather than complain that it doesn't adapt to you. If you can't adapt, there's not much sense in using it/complaining about it. Just do whatever you did before you had it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WesternWizard Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 The real irony is... OLD has become even worse than the bar scene. Not that I really care... I avoid OLD entirely, unless it's just to window shop. NO WAY IN HELL would I message any of those train wrecks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Finally someone who talks some sense. We've disproven a lot of theories in these threads but so many of these guys just ignore it and keep reinforcing whatever belief is going to make them most comfortable. "It's not my shortcoming, it's a conspiracy" (I'm trying to withhold my laughter here). If you're trying to use OLD effectively, not being able to figure out the nuances of it is your shortcoming. Yes, the technology does have some limitations. You have to adapt to it rather than complain that it doesn't adapt to you. If you can't adapt, there's not much sense in using it/complaining about it. Just do whatever you did before you had it. That's all well and good but you can have 'teh best profile in the world EVAR!!1' and yet if the people in your area are just time wasters/after an ego boost then you will lose- and even worse, question yourself cus a buncha people on the internet told you it's your fault because it can't possibly be anyone else's. If everyone used online dating the way it was intended there would be far less problems. My experience is that there are a fair few time wasters that muddy the waters and make it a soul destroying experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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