Girlfriend was planning to go to university, but now probably not

[TAV]

You do understand that this pregnancy leads to something. Something you are both responsible for. Something you will want to love and protect more than your gf and the same goes for her. Are you really ready for that? What if as a mother she thinks the values of her home country are better for her child and she wants to take it there?

 

A child should not be a means to an end. People have children to save marriages and that always fails and the person suffering is that child.

 

This child will also be her mother's grandchild, that means you will have to deal with your MIL in a whole different way.

 

I really think at this point you are more in the frame of mind of 'winning' this dispute with her mother at all costs and not seeing reality.

Edited August 24, 2014 by TAV

[cm00]

You do understand that this pregnancy leads to something. Something you are both responsible for. Something you will want to love and protect more than your gf and the same goes for her. Are you really ready for that? What if as a mother she thinks the values of her home country are better for her child and she wants to take it there?

 

A child should not be a means to an end. People have children to save marriages and that always fails and the person suffering is that child.

 

This child will also be her mother's grandchild, that means you will have to deal with your MIL in a whole different way.

 

I really think at this point you are more in the frame of mind of 'winning' this dispute with her mother at all costs and not seeing reality.

 

Well there's really no dispute on which country is better, she knows England is the best place to have the child. We already talked about this and how her future children would have a better life in England.

 

I'm not saying this is just a means to an end. She loves me and she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. Perhaps she really does want a child. I at least know that she definitely does want children.

 

The only thing I could see where this could go wrong is the mother decides to try to keep her at home even if she is pregnant. But I don't think she will stay there, pregnant or not.

[mikethemechanic]

Doesn't seem like a good idea. It will cost a fortune to get such a short notice flight there and back. What if I get there and she has revealed her plan to the mother and goes back on it? Not worth getting involved in. Who's to say she won't stick to the plan this time too?

 

There's also the accusations I would then be getting from her mother that I came and took her daughter away from her.

Quite right! However her mother does know that your upper-class and can well afford her daughter so it'll be alright.

[cm00]

Quite right! However her mother does know that your upper-class and can well afford her daughter so it'll be alright.

 

I think the mother couldn't give a crap about anything else. She wants her daughter at home, nothing else matters to her. It will not be alright with her mother. Only way this will ever go down is if she leaves and then calls her mum and tells her she has left. I think the mother might try to physically stop my girlfriend from leaving if she had the chance. I actually don't like her at all.

Edited August 24, 2014 by cm00

[justwhoiam]

This is turning into some Bold and the Beautiful saga.

 

Maybe she let you believe she took the morning-after pill, while instead she just faked it, hid the pill and then threw it away. She indeed wanted to get pregnant, and it was her mother to suggest that, so that you were forced to go to Slovakia, trapped like a mouse, yeah, you, not her. Ha.

 

Or it's just the effect of that pill and everything will soon be back to normal.

 

You said you almost have no contact. So how do you know she's being morning sick? Something doesn't add up here (actually, almost everything).

 

And the pull-out method.......... <shaking my head too>

[cm00]

This is turning into some Bold and the Beautiful saga.

 

Maybe she let you believe she took the morning-after pill, while instead she just faked it, hid the pill and then threw it away. She indeed wanted to get pregnant, and it was her mother to suggest that, so that you were forced to go to Slovakia, trapped like a mouse, yeah, you, not her. Ha.

 

Or it's just the effect of that pill and everything will soon be back to normal.

 

You said you almost have no contact. So how do you know she's being morning sick? Something doesn't add up here (actually, almost everything).

 

And the pull-out method.......... <shaking my head too>

 

I had spoke to her last about 3 days ago, hadn't seen her online since.

 

I actually just finished having a conversation with her, she came online. We talked a lot, I told her my thoughts that she could be pregnant, she has realised it is possible. She is okay with it. She told me she is very sick, and has been vomitting in the mornings, it is still happening.

 

Of course it's not some plan, there is no possible outcome that would end up with me moving to Slovakia, it would be a dumb plan.

 

No i am quite sure she took the pill, she took it last month, at the end of july, she had some of side effects that the pill causes for a couple of days. Her period never came, I found out the pill can delay the period by a few days, a week at the most. Now it's 3 and a half weeks on, still no period.

 

But as i wrote before, I've figured out she was probably already pregnant since about 2 weeks before she took the pill. That's why her period never came at the beginning of august. At first we thought it was the pill that made her period be delayed, but it doesn't delay it for 3 weeks. It's now 6 or 7 weeks since her last period, which is the usual time morning sickness will start, and instead of a having a period, she is sick and vomitting.

 

I sense from her that she seems a bit relieved at the idea that she is pregnant, I could be wrong because it was only over facebook, but she reaffirmed just how much she loves me once she realised she could be pregnant. Obviously she is happy to have a child with me. I can't know for sure, I am only making an assumption here, but I think it could also be partly to do with it the fact that if I am the father of her child, her mother can no longer stand in the way of our relationship. I know this seems a bit crazy but my girlfriend is traumatised by the mother, she can't stand up to her. If it was me, no matter how much my mother screamed and threatened, I would just leave. But she can't seem to do it.

 

She said she is going to get a pregnancy test.

Edited August 24, 2014 by cm00

[TMichaels]

I actually just finished having a conversation with her, she came online. We talked a lot, I told her my thoughts that she could be pregnant, she has realised it is possible. She is okay with it. She told me she is very sick, and has been vomitting in the mornings, it is still happening.

 

Uh, huh. And you think her family hasn't noticed? Especially her mother? Your g/f might be "nieve" but I guarantee her mother can add two and two and come up with four.

 

 

I sense from her that she seems a bit relieved at the idea that she is pregnant, I could be wrong because it was only over facebook, but she reaffirmed just how much she loves me once she realised she could be pregnant. Obviously she is happy to have a child with me. I can't know for sure, I am only making an assumption here, but I think it could also be partly to do with it the fact that if I am the father of her child, her mother can no longer stand in the way of our relationship.

 

Wanna bet?

 

If you thought it was bad before, wait until "Mama" finds out "her darling little daughter" is pregnant with her grandchild. There is *no way* she's going to allow her daughter out of her sight.

 

And, if you weren't "persona non grata" before, you certainly aren't going to be real popular as the father of her daughter's bastard child who is the whole reason for all the upset, upheaval and family strife.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

 

P.S. FYI, it's "naïve" not "nieve" -- the latter of which I don't believe is even a word.

[mikethemechanic]

I think the mother couldn't give a crap about anything else. She wants her daughter at home, nothing else matters to her. It will not be alright with her mother. Only way this will ever go down is if she leaves and then calls her mum and tells her she has left. I think the mother might try to physically stop my girlfriend from leaving if she had the chance. I actually don't like her at all.

Want if she has twins do you even own a three bedroom house? Heck what if she has quintuplets you should invest in a bigger home now; and then there's the transportation problem, do you even own a van or an SUV because I'm certain that her mother is worrying about this.

 

If you don't want to risk going to Slovakia why don't you tell her to call you collect every day, even better yet get a cellphone for her while she is there. Set up a payment plan online with a Slovakian provider after all you're rich and she is your everything.

[TAV]

Though I think the tone of some of the posters here could be a little bit more gentle, I have to agree that the OP is not seeing things clearly/realistically. In fact I think you are both not ready or responsible enough to have a child. As I said before it is not a means to an end.

In fact both of you are treating it in the same way the MIL treats her own daughter; you don't have its welfare at heart but only your own selfish needs.

[cm00]

Uh, huh. And you think her family hasn't noticed? Especially her mother? Your g/f might be "nieve" but I guarantee her mother can add two and two and come up with four.

 

 

 

 

Wanna bet?

 

If you thought it was bad before, wait until "Mama" finds out "her darling little daughter" is pregnant with her grandchild. There is *no way* she's going to allow her daughter out of her sight.

 

And, if you weren't "persona non grata" before, you certainly aren't going to be real popular as the father of her daughter's bastard child who is the whole reason for all the upset, upheaval and family strife.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

 

P.S. FYI, it's "naïve" not "nieve" -- the latter of which I don't believe is even a word.

 

I've no idea if they have noticed. What difference does it really make if they are wondering the same or not? They don't have all information, they don't know she missed a period. If her parents have noticed, they have not said anything to her.

 

Oh it's, niave, thanks, I thought it didn't seem quite right

[cm00]

Yes I own a three bedroom house. What if it's triplets or worse? Can't spectulate on things like this. You think I am not ready for a child at 30 and financially secure? I know of many, many far worse off, much younger, immature, irresponsible people, who have not just one kid but 5 kids and they don't even have money or a house. Now that's stupid.

 

As to the person who wrote the mother won't let her leave. The mother might try to keep her daughter home, even if pregnant, I know that. But the daughter wants to be with me and as I keep on saying throughout this thread, I think she will come back.

 

As for me being the father of her bastard child, did you time travel here from the past? Get with modern times. A lot of people don't marry at all these days.

 

-The rate of illegitimate births in the United States has risen sharply since the early 1970s. In the 1940s fewer than five percent of the total births were out of wedlock. By the early 2000s, according to statistics compiled by the Center for Health Statistics at the U.S. Health and Human Services Department, births to unmarried mothers accounted for nearly one-third of all U.S. births.-

 

If you want to have it that way that means one third of younger USA population are bastards.

Edited August 25, 2014 by cm00

[mikethemechanic]

Yes I own a three bedroom house. What if it's triplets or worse? Can't spectulate on things like this. You think I am not ready for a child at 30 and financially secure? I know of many, many far worse off, much younger, immature, irresponsible people, who have not just one kid but 5 kids and they don't even have money or a house. Now that's stupid.

 

As to the person who wrote the mother won't let her leave. The mother might try to keep her daughter home, even if pregnant, I know that. But the daughter wants to be with me and as I keep on saying throughout this thread, I think she will come back.

 

As for me being the father of her bastard child, did you time travel here from the past? Get with modern times. A lot of people don't marry at all these days.

 

-The rate of illegitimate births in the United States has risen sharply since the early 1970s. In the 1940s fewer than five percent of the total births were out of wedlock. By the early 2000s, according to statistics compiled by the Center for Health Statistics at the U.S. Health and Human Services Department, births to unmarried mothers accounted for nearly one-third of all U.S. births.-

 

If you want to have it that way that means one third of younger USA population are bastards.

Clever guy, mummy isn't going to let her daughter leave to come and stay with you! Whats the plan Stan. Give up?

[cm00]

She has already told me she won't leave without speaking to her mum about it first. She won't just leave without telling her. So going over there to collect her is even more of a stupid idea than it was before.

 

I can't be a relationship with someone who is controlled by the mother as though they were a twelve year old anyway, so there is another reason why the relationship must end if she doesn't come back. This mother has further plans for her daughter yet, she wants my girlfriend to take her brother around the world, nevermind how her daughter feels. There's also that if she goes to university for 5 years in another country, this relationship will eventually fail so better to end it right away then let it die a slow death, most likely with added resentment.

 

There is a chance also, that if I end the relationship, it could actually save the relationship, if that's what it could take to get her to leave, there is the potential for it to still work out. She will lose respect for me if I stay in the relationship even while she is at university, better to end the relationship and not have her lose all respect for me.

Edited August 25, 2014 by cm00

[mikethemechanic]

She has already told me she won't leave without speaking to her mum about it first. She won't just leave without telling her. So going over there to collect her is even more of a stupid idea than it was before.

 

I can't be a relationship with someone who is controlled by the mother as though they were a twelve year old anyway, so there is another reason why the relationship must end if she doesn't come back. This mother has further plans for her daughter yet, she wants my girlfriend to take her brother around the world, nevermind how her daughter feels. There's also that if she goes to university for 5 years in another country, this relationship will eventually fail so better to end it right away then let it die a slow death, most likely with added resentment.

 

There is a chance also, that if I end the relationship, it could actually save the relationship, if that's what it could take to get her to leave, there is the potential for it to still work out. She will lose respect for me if I stay in the relationship even while she is at university, better to end the relationship and not have her lose all respect for me.

I understand, my wife left too! My ex wife on scale from 0-10 was a 9, nine years younger and I was out of her league fortunately I had saved wisely but still I was out of her league. Then mum and dad perished in air plane accident leaving me with their 5 bedroom home which had two levels including a basement the drive way was five hundred yards long sprawling 3 acres of lawn white picket fence and river that ran close by the lawn. Dad had 259,144 in stocks and bonds, plus a semi-new Lincoln that I inherited. It wasn't long before we started dating and later we married.

 

It all ended when the money from the inheritance ran out, you see there is one thing which I'll share with you if on gets their girl on elaborate gifts prior to marriage then those gifts don't stop coming during the marriage.

 

Sorry but this painful to write down into words my ex-wife left me the day prior to New Year's Day 2000 presumably so she could spend it with the new guy. I have never recovered from that separation... Yes I have dated enough that is until they found out that I was still in love with my ex-wife, even though my salary puts me into the upper-class money can't quench my desire to be with her.

 

Life for me when I am not working is misery because all I think about is her. I don't want to retire what would I do but sit and think about her all day. In short your writing reminds me a lot of myself. My prognosis is that you too will be miserable for years to come. Our late accountant passed away 1 year ago at the age of 80 with his wife at his side and on his death bed he called me in to speak with him.

 

He asked his wife to leave so as to speak to me client to client, the first question out his mouth Mike did you find her yet? You see he had briefly dated a girl in his late teens only to have her break up with him, he was messed up to dying die so you know what I'll have to look foreword too. There is another guy who works for the government that is in the same shoes and has been for the last 30 years.

 

No words could possibly explain the trauma that has happened to us. Cmoo do something I don't want to see you live in misery too.

[cm00]

I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out, that's quite a sad story.

 

I don't make constant gifts to my girl, she knows I don't want that kind of girl and she knows I've had a long relationship with a girl who is similar to that before and that I wouldn't put up with it again. My girlfriend even offers to pay her fair share as much as possible. It's definitely not that kind of relationship.

 

The other girl I was with before, that was a ten year relationship, but she only ever used me, I had to pay for everything, as she had no money. She wasn't very attractive or intelligent either so I must have been out of my mind to stay with her, it was probably because she my was first. Eventually I stopped paying for everything but it was too draining on my finances to support her laziness. Ironically she then inherited a load of money from her grandma and left me for a new guy not long after she got the money. She's broke now anyway, it only took her 1 year to spend £100,000, that's about $160,000 spent in 1 year with nothing to show for it, just wasted. She is broke and living off the government now, pure trash. And her latest boyfriend is some ugly little fat guy, that's the best she can get now. I'm far better off without her. Good riddance to her.

 

As for my current girlfriend, the one I hope will come back, I think it could work out. She sent me several huge messages this morning, near enough of an essay of text, so she is definitely deeply invested into this relationship with me. I'll try to explain the overall situation.

 

She came to live with me 6 months ago, but just a week after she arrived, her mum suddenly announced that she was going to have a family holiday and she wants her daughter to come. I saw it for what it was immediately, a ploy by her mother to get the daughter back into her clutches. I just let things ride naturally, it's not like I could tell her not to go on holiday with her parents, and knew that if the daughter loves me as much she appears to, the mum will not win. This was a holiday her parents could ill afford, they have very little money you see, yet her mum went and made this a two week holiday. Fast forward a few months to just before the holiday, and her mum announces she wants to extend the holiday by a further 4 days, it's now a two and a half week holiday. The father said they can't afford the extra few days but it seems the mother got her way (as usual) and it was extended anyway.

 

Now, I am completely aware of the mothers plan. The mother doesn't want her to have contact with me at all for the holiday but my girlfriend is being sneaky and messaging me anyway. The mother is hoping that during this time, her daughter will get over me. However that plan is failing miserably.

 

Something new that I just learned today, is that she has to be careful when messaging me on facebook, because in the past her mother has gone through her facebook messages and it didn't end well and she doesn't want that to happen again. So this mother goes through her facebook messages if given the chance, then again I am not surprised, I already knew she was a controlling person.

 

My girlfriend just messaged me earlier, she is in a complete state over there, extremely stressed, sick, not happy, she is in a bad way and her parents can see this. She told me her mother can see something is not right. I think my girlfriend hopes her mother will see that she is really unhappy without me and that the mother will be a little more sympathetic to her plan to move to England. The thing is my girlfriend is genuinely not in a good way over there, so even if the plan fails, and the mother continues to not give a **** about how her daughter feels, it could backfire on the mother, the daughter is bound to feel resentment toward her mother once she realises the mother really doesn't care about how her feelings at all.

 

I recently found out a little about what her mum has said will happen if my girlfriend leaves for England. The mother has guilted her by saying that she could die if the daughter leaves, she is complaining of heart problems after a recent minor operation. I can see it for the bull**** that it is, but my girlfriend fears the worst will happen if she leaves. The situation is, the mother had a minor operation a few months ago, she had a small growth of some sort, I don't know exactly what, probably a mole or something. Doctors removed it, in case it could be cancerous. Tests were done, it was harmless, nothing to worry about. However since then, the mother has been very up and down, sometimes she is really sad, other times really happy. She was already using her manipulative ways a month prior to the holiday, telling my girlfriend that since the operation she is having heart palpations and she is scared she will die. I saw this immediately for what it is, a guilt trip to make sure her daughter comes home. She is now continuing to use that to try to make sure the daughter doesn't leave again.

 

So her mother tells her this "If you leave, my heart will give in, I will die, your father and brothers will be left without a mother and nobody to care for them, it will be all your fault, can you handle that, if I die becase of you? You're a selfish daughter putting your needs before your family". "If you leave, I'm going to do something, you will see what I do when you leave, you will regret ever leaving".

 

So my girlfriend, who has a hard time standing up for herself and who is easily frightened, she seems to be having a hard time dealing with the mother who is behaving this way.

Edited August 26, 2014 by cm00

[TAV]

I still have trouble processing how, at 20 yrs old and having been away abroad relying on yourself, you would feel the need to keep your internet contacts hidden from your mother/family as if you were having some extramarital affair or something.

 

I told you I have a very difficult relationship with my mom and when I was 19 and announced I was going to live in France for a year she was in complete denial. Even the day before I left she said she was convinced I wasn't going (I had everything packed up, my room was almost empty).

 

But I left, because heaven knows I needed to get away from that home, nothing would stop me there. And it is not as if my parents sponsored me financially or anything but I had no fear. I feared more staying in that home and being treated the way I was the rest of my life.

 

Surely your gf, with the help of family members, can use the internet whenever she wants. The mother is not strapping her down to a chair, is she? I mean, she went to study abroad, she has access to her own bank account, that means she has some freedom?

 

Are you sure that your gf is not telling you convenient lies that you just want to hear? Are you sure she is not having major doubts about moving to be with you herself? I'd hate for you to be heartbroken if that turns out to be the case.

 

The hugs and novel-like text msg could also be a sign of intense guilt. A way to make herself feel better about lies she may have told you or the confusion that she feels.

 

Could be that she would rather use the mother-excuse instead of telling you honestly that she has doubts/fears/misgivings, whatever... Do you talk this over with your friends, who have your best interests at heart? If so, what do they say?

 

You said somewhere in this thread that you witnessed a convo between her mom and her over skype but I'm sure this convo was not in English so how did you know what was really being said apart from what your gf translated for you?

[cm00]

I still have trouble processing how, at 20 yrs old and having been away abroad relying on yourself, you would feel the need to keep your internet contacts hidden from your mother/family as if you were having some extramarital affair or something.

 

I told you I have a very difficult relationship with my mom and when I was 19 and announced I was going to live in France for a year she was in complete denial. Even the day before I left she said she was convinced I wasn't going (I had everything packed up, my room was almost empty).

 

But I left, because heaven knows I needed to get away from that home, nothing would stop me there. And it is not as if my parents sponsored me financially or anything but I had no fear. I feared more staying in that home and being treated the way I was the rest of my life.

 

Surely your gf, with the help of family members, can use the internet whenever she wants. The mother is not strapping her down to a chair, is she? I mean, she went to study abroad, she has access to her own bank account, that means she has some freedom?

 

Are you sure that your gf is not telling you convenient lies that you just want to hear? Are you sure she is not having major doubts about moving to be with you herself? I'd hate for you to be heartbroken if that turns out to be the case.

 

The hugs and novel-like text msg could also be a sign of intense guilt. A way to make herself feel better about lies she may have told you or the confusion that she feels.

 

Could be that she would rather use the mother-excuse instead of telling you honestly that she has doubts/fears/misgivings, whatever... Do you talk this over with your friends, who have your best interests at heart? If so, what do they say?

 

You said somewhere in this thread that you witnessed a convo between her mom and her over skype but I'm sure this convo was not in English so how did you know what was really being said apart from what your gf translated for you?

 

I think mostly she just doesn't want her mother to see what we have been talking about and she knows her mother will read her messages if given the chance.

 

My girlfriend is trying to get the courage to do what she wants but it seems she is not as strong as you. It doesn't help that the mother is guilting her into believing she could die from the stress she will endure if the daughter leaves. My girlfriend always fears the worst, she has a problem with that, as I said before I think she is traumatised.

 

I can't understand their language, so my girlfriend tells me what was said. I think though that from all that I have been through in past relationships I am a good judge of how things actually are now. I don't think there is any deception here from my girlfriend. It's hard for me to explain all of my thoughts and what I know in order to make you see why I feel this way.

 

We've talked about this for months, long before she even went home. It was me who convinced her to go home and tell her parents she is leaving, instead of telling them over skype. I thought at the time it was the right thing to do, rather than her telling them this big news while she is leaving with me in my house, it didn't seem right.

 

Most of the time she seems to have no problem messaging me, and she never did before this holiday. I think her mother wants to keep her distanced from me as much as possible during the holiday in the hope that she will get over me. There's also only one laptop, it belongs to her parents, and I know they are a family of heavy computer users, back at home they had two laptops and there would always be two of them on the sofa using the laptops. Only about a week until she is home, and then we will be back to skyping.

 

She is still managing to write to me on the holiday, but she must be careful because it is her parents laptop and if they are around she knows how easily they get a look at what she wrote. It happened before, she left the laptop for just 2 minutes and found her mother reading her messages and her mother did not like what she found. The brothers can also speak english and the dads english is pretty good as well, they will be able to see what we talk about. The mother will be very angry if she sees her daughter is still talking to me about coming back, not to mention she will probably hate me if she sees some of the things I have said about her, at times I have been quite blunt about her mother. Obviously it won't be good if her mother sees this.

Edited August 26, 2014 by cm00

[cm00]

As I wrote earlier, I think my girlfriend is trying to win her mother round, the mother can see this is making her unwell. She hopes her mother will care that feels this way and change her attitude about it.

 

Even if it doesn't work, it could be what my girlfriend needs to go through before she will be capable of leaving against the wishes of the mother. This seems to be very hard for my girlfriend, I think it's just part of what she needs to go through.

[TMichaels]

I can't be a relationship with someone who is controlled by the mother as though they were a twelve year old anyway, so there is another reason why the relationship must end if she doesn't come back.

 

News flash, cm00. That's exactly the person *you've been* in a relationship with, still are, and will be if you stay together. You might want to ask yourself why is it tickety-boo when your g/f is compliant, subservient and obedient *to you,* but not when her mother demands the same?

 

This mother has further plans for her daughter yet, she wants my girlfriend to take her brother around the world, nevermind how her daughter feels.

 

Not really your problem, cm00. She's *not* your mother, she's your g/f's. However, if you continue a relationship with this girl, *her mother* is always going to be part of the equation, directly or indirectly.

 

There's also that if she goes to university for 5 years in another country, this relationship will eventually fail so better to end it right away then let it die a slow death, most likely with added resentment.

 

Right. Now THAT's real faith, love and devotion. And, the kind of attitude that guarantees a LDR will fail.

 

There is a chance also, that if I end the relationship, it could actually save the relationship, if that's what it could take to get her to leave, there is the potential for it to still work out.

 

Oh yes, always good to play games in a relationship to get what you want. Hmmm... If that's your game plan, then who will resent whom, I wonder?

 

How long did it take you to come up with this twisted, self-centered logic? What a lovely foundation on which to build. <shaking head>

 

She will lose respect for me if I stay in the relationship even while she is at university better, to end the relationship and not have her lose all respect for me.

 

Dunno cm00, but it seems like you're doing an awful lot of back-pedaling about this relationship all of a sudden. Fine and dandy, as not all relationships go the distance, but the timing of your "change of heart" doesn't reflect well.

 

IOW, you want respect? Then you need to step up to the plate instead of finding countless ways to step around it since you know now there's a chance your g/f may be pregnant.

 

If she is, things from here on in won't get simpler -- quite the opposite. If you don't like that, it's a bit late to be concerned. You AND your g/f should have thought about it before deciding to have unprotected sex.

 

 

As for me being the father of her bastard child, did you time travel here from the past? Get with modern times. A lot of people don't marry at all these days.

 

That may be true, but it doesn't change the fact the child is illegitimate and the arrival of a child completely changes the game plan your g/f's mother had in place for her daughter.

 

Furthermore, since her daughter lacks the backbone to make her own decisions (which her mother well knows), you're* the reason a spanner's been thrown in the works no matter how you look at it. My point is, if you think her mother has been opinionated, controlling, and judgmental thus far, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

 

Are you ready for that? Doesn't sound like it since you're now tossing out more and more reasons why it makes no sense to continue the relationship. But as I said earlier, little too late to be thinking like that in the event your g/f is pregnant. It's a whole new ballgame, if that's the case.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[mikethemechanic]

I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out, that's quite a sad story.

 

I don't make constant gifts to my girl, she knows I don't want that kind of girl and she knows I've had a long relationship with a girl who is similar to that before and that I wouldn't put up with it again. My girlfriend even offers to pay her fair share as much as possible. It's definitely not that kind of relationship.

 

The other girl I was with before, that was a ten year relationship, but she only ever used me, I had to pay for everything, as she had no money. She wasn't very attractive or intelligent either so I must have been out of my mind to stay with her, it was probably because she my was first. Eventually I stopped paying for everything but it was too draining on my finances to support her laziness. Ironically she then inherited a load of money from her grandma and left me for a new guy not long after she got the money. She's broke now anyway, it only took her 1 year to spend £100,000, that's about $160,000 spent in 1 year with nothing to show for it, just wasted. She is broke and living off the government now, pure trash. And her latest boyfriend is some ugly little fat guy, that's the best she can get now. I'm far better off without her. Good riddance to her.

 

As for my current girlfriend, the one I hope will come back, I think it could work out. She sent me several huge messages this morning, near enough of an essay of text, so she is definitely deeply invested into this relationship with me. I'll try to explain the overall situation.

 

She came to live with me 6 months ago, but just a week after she arrived, her mum suddenly announced that she was going to have a family holiday and she wants her daughter to come. I saw it for what it was immediately, a ploy by her mother to get the daughter back into her clutches. I just let things ride naturally, it's not like I could tell her not to go on holiday with her parents, and knew that if the daughter loves me as much she appears to, the mum will not win. This was a holiday her parents could ill afford, they have very little money you see, yet her mum went and made this a two week holiday. Fast forward a few months to just before the holiday, and her mum announces she wants to extend the holiday by a further 4 days, it's now a two and a half week holiday. The father said they can't afford the extra few days but it seems the mother got her way (as usual) and it was extended anyway.

 

Now, I am completely aware of the mothers plan. The mother doesn't want her to have contact with me at all for the holiday but my girlfriend is being sneaky and messaging me anyway. The mother is hoping that during this time, her daughter will get over me. However that plan is failing miserably.

 

Something new that I just learned today, is that she has to be careful when messaging me on facebook, because in the past her mother has gone through her facebook messages and it didn't end well and she doesn't want that to happen again. So this mother goes through her facebook messages if given the chance, then again I am not surprised, I already knew she was a controlling person.

 

My girlfriend just messaged me earlier, she is in a complete state over there, extremely stressed, sick, not happy, she is in a bad way and her parents can see this. She told me her mother can see something is not right. I think my girlfriend hopes her mother will see that she is really unhappy without me and that the mother will be a little more sympathetic to her plan to move to England. The thing is my girlfriend is genuinely not in a good way over there, so even if the plan fails, and the mother continues to not give a **** about how her daughter feels, it could backfire on the mother, the daughter is bound to feel resentment toward her mother once she realises the mother really doesn't care about how her feelings at all.

 

I recently found out a little about what her mum has said will happen if my girlfriend leaves for England. The mother has guilted her by saying that she could die if the daughter leaves, she is complaining of heart problems after a recent minor operation. I can see it for the bull**** that it is, but my girlfriend fears the worst will happen if she leaves. The situation is, the mother had a minor operation a few months ago, she had a small growth of some sort, I don't know exactly what, probably a mole or something. Doctors removed it, in case it could be cancerous. Tests were done, it was harmless, nothing to worry about. However since then, the mother has been very up and down, sometimes she is really sad, other times really happy. She was already using her manipulative ways a month prior to the holiday, telling my girlfriend that since the operation she is having heart palpations and she is scared she will die. I saw this immediately for what it is, a guilt trip to make sure her daughter comes home. She is now continuing to use that to try to make sure the daughter doesn't leave again.

 

So her mother tells her this "If you leave, my heart will give in, I will die, your father and brothers will be left without a mother and nobody to care for them, it will be all your fault, can you handle that, if I die becase of you? You're a selfish daughter putting your needs before your family". "If you leave, I'm going to do something, you will see what I do when you leave, you will regret ever leaving".

 

So my girlfriend, who has a hard time standing up for herself and who is easily frightened, she seems to be having a hard time dealing with the mother who is behaving this way.

My ex-wife left me for a little fat troll at first he was fat then skinny and puny, in retrospect I am 6'3 he is around the same height as her 5'8 1/2, whether or not this Orc is still making money in construction it's hard to say since he is an alcoholic and possibly a drug addict. What I do know is that she has cheated on him. What hurt me was that she may have been sexually intimate with him while we conversed on the telephone. It only happened once that I know of plus I have only suspicions albeit he answered her cellphone.

 

But what I fail to understand is why don't you guys converse over the telephone?

[TAV]

My ex-wife left me for a little fat troll at first he was fat then skinny and puny, in retrospect I am 6'3 he is around the same height as her 5'8 1/2, whether or not this Orc is still making money in construction it's hard to say since he is an alcoholic and possibly a drug addict. What I do know is that she has cheated on him. What hurt me was that she may have been sexually intimate with him while we conversed on the telephone. It only happened once that I know of plus I have only suspicions albeit he answered her cellphone.

 

But what I fail to understand is why don't you guys converse over the telephone?

 

What I fail to understand is why you keep hijacking and trolling this thread.

[mikethemechanic]

What I fail to understand is why you keep hijacking and trolling this thread.

I know what I'm doing. Bunnies

Edited August 26, 2014 by mikethemechanic

[cm00]

News flash, cm00. That's exactly the person *you've been* in a relationship with, still are, and will be if you stay together. You might want to ask yourself why is it tickety-boo when your g/f is compliant, subservient and obedient *to you,* but not when her mother demands the same?

 

 

 

Not really your problem, cm00. She's *not* your mother, she's your g/f's. However, if you continue a relationship with this girl, *her mother* is always going to be part of the equation, directly or indirectly.

 

 

 

Right. Now THAT's real faith, love and devotion. And, the kind of attitude that guarantees a LDR will fail.

 

 

 

Oh yes, always good to play games in a relationship to get what you want. Hmmm... If that's your game plan, then who will resent whom, I wonder?

 

How long did it take you to come up with this twisted, self-centered logic? What a lovely foundation on which to build. <shaking head>

 

 

 

Dunno cm00, but it seems like you're doing an awful lot of back-pedaling about this relationship all of a sudden. Fine and dandy, as not all relationships go the distance, but the timing of your "change of heart" doesn't reflect well.

 

IOW, you want respect? Then you need to step up to the plate instead of finding countless ways to step around it since you know now there's a chance your g/f may be pregnant.

 

If she is, things from here on in won't get simpler -- quite the opposite. If you don't like that, it's a bit late to be concerned. You AND your g/f should have thought about it before deciding to have unprotected sex.

 

 

 

 

That may be true, but it doesn't change the fact the child is illegitimate and the arrival of a child completely changes the game plan your g/f's mother had in place for her daughter.

 

Furthermore, since her daughter lacks the backbone to make her own decisions (which her mother well knows), you're* the reason a spanner's been thrown in the works no matter how you look at it. My point is, if you think her mother has been opinionated, controlling, and judgmental thus far, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

 

Are you ready for that? Doesn't sound like it since you're now tossing out more and more reasons why it makes no sense to continue the relationship. But as I said earlier, little too late to be thinking like that in the event your g/f is pregnant. It's a whole new ballgame, if that's the case.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

News flash for YOU! Obidient to me? I've never controlled her. I've been telling her long before she went home, to do what she wants to do. I told her not to think about my happiness and just do what she feels is right for her. She decided she wants to come back and be with me, and now her mother is giving her a hard time over it. So finally I am now involved more in this by giving her my advice on the matter because it is wrong for her mother to make all the threats she is making and scare the wits out of her own daughter (as she always has done) in order to control her.

 

A game? It's not a game, it's a fact that she is scared of her mother, and I can't be with her if the mother is in control of her. If I leave her and nothing changes, the relationship will stay finished. But if it happens that she suddenly decides to stand up for herself, there is no reason not to get back into the relationship with her. This is not a game in any way.

 

I am 30 years old, not only do I not want to spend 5 years of the last years of my young life in a relationship with someone who I will never see, but I very doubt she wants that for herself either. She may be too niave to realise it cannot work but I am not. To try and do this as long distance will only cause resentment and ultimately a bad break up. I am doing the wise thing by saying no LDR in this case.

 

Much of what I write is based on the idea that she is not pregnant, because so far it is not confirmed. If she is, I can't plan anything until I've seen what she wants to do and what the mother tries to do.

 

Much of your post is pure garbage, clearly having not read the entire thread. A troll in disguise. I would appreciate you did not post in this thread any more. Kindly remove yourself, thanks.

Edited August 26, 2014 by cm00

[cm00]

Here's an update, my girlfriend is now saying she will come back, in fact she is sure that she will. I know she could go back on this yet so I am not taking anything as definite until she is actually back here, but it's as I said, she just needed a lot of time to think about this.

Edited August 26, 2014 by cm00

[TMichaels]

Much of your post is pure garbage, clearly having not read the entire thread. A troll in disguise. I would appreciate you did not post in this thread any more. Kindly remove yourself, thanks.

 

Really? cm00, you might want to re-read your own thread. I've offered my opinion on your situation from Page 1 onward, quoting and responding to the words *you* wrote. But, no worries. I shall not be commenting any more on your tale of woe.

 

Not because you asked me, but because your story gets more preposterous with every post you make. TBH, the thought has occurred to me that *you're* the one who's the troll and are getting your jollies by drawing others into your ridiculous tale.

 

A story, BTW, at times from the way you have written about what has transpired sounds like exactly that -- a story. Another poster also observed it reminded her of an episode of the American TV soap opera "The Bold and Beautiful," so I'm not the only one finding it hard to swallow the codswallop.

 

So, go ahead and have your fun, cm00. No worries. You'll not be having any more of it at my expense.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

Edited August 27, 2014 by TMichaels