Stay with ex W or new GF

[Mr. Lucky]

2sunny, Do you live alone? Do you have a mate? Do you have a counselor?

 

She's not the one who posted here, looking for feedback.

 

Some of us are social and prefer to be with someone... friend or romantic.... and some are loners. I chose not to be a loner. Your choice is yours.

 

A functional relationship serves the needs of two people. Quickly moving from relationship to relationship - or having a wife and a GF on the side - is about meeting your needs. There's an important difference...

 

Mr. Lucky

[2sunny]

I ever stated be a loner.

 

That's totally different than being on your own and learning to be happy when you're by yourself.

 

But using women to fulfill your needs/happiness - is backwards.

 

What an you possibly offer if you're not happy on your own? You've avoided being on your own for your entire adult life. It's good you are willing to change that now.

 

Asking me about my life is just avoiding answering. This is for your benefit - to help YOU grow as a man.

 

What are you avoiding for?

 

And yes, counseling could definitely help you! You seem to have a hard time facing how you feel and what to do about your feelings. Avoiding like that is fear based.

 

So I'm just encouraging you to grow and understand YOURSELF better.

[couchcushion]

Update:

I've learned a LOT in the past short time. I saw the writing on the wall. I moved out and one my own... moved everything out of the old house, excepting large furniture that I could actually do without. Put some in storage, and moved the rest into my new home. I've eliminated any unnecessary contact with the ex, only what's absolutely necessary, and most can be handled with email or a phone call.

 

The situation with the ex would have never worked and never went anywhere. We remain respectful of each other and are not fighting, but no emotional relationship. Just didn't happen and not going to.

 

I met with a great counselor (actually two, but one was significantly better, and they are hard to find). He was VERY understanding, gave me lots to think about and politely told me where I went wrong and what I needed to do to solve things. It won't be easy, but I'm going to try.

 

I've communicated with Sara, and she did agree to meet, and talk. And we met again.... and had dinner at my place that night... and many dinners and lunches since. Today, it's SIGNIFICANTLY better, and very close to where we were before. She has been very understanding, but I'm certainly not out of the woods. Still have a LOT to do, but I'm back on track. We have both come to the table with an honest attempt to put our relationship back on track. I'm really happy about this.

 

Appreciate all the fine comments on this forum... helped me see the light... THANKS!

 

Good luck with Sara, Rover. I read your whole thread and it prompted me to register for LS once again.

 

I have no idea why so many people were down on you. You sound like a generally decent guy caught in a tough situation. You are human, humans tend to be governed by their emotions (moreso than we would like), and humans make mistakes, especially when love and sex are involved. You came on here to get some support, and I'm sorry (and embarrassed for the forum) by how some people have treated you. The one piece of good advice was to try living on your own, which you have done.

 

Reading between the lines, Sara has significant trust/jealousy issues that pre-date her involvement with you, and I can tell you didn't/don't want to spill all the beans about her background on this forum, which is totally understandable. You obviously know that going back to live with your wife briefly did not help her trust issues, but I get why you did it, and now you have moved out. Good stuff.

 

You were wise to be cautious with Sara, and now that you have decided to give it another go, I wish you success in working on those issues with her.

[OldRover]

Good luck with Sara, Rover. I read your whole thread and it prompted me to register for LS once again.

 

I have no idea why so many people were down on you. You sound like a generally decent guy caught in a tough situation. You are human, humans tend to be governed by their emotions (moreso than we would like), and humans make mistakes, especially when love and sex are involved. You came on here to get some support, and I'm sorry (and embarrassed for the forum) by how some people have treated you. The one piece of good advice was to try living on your own, which you have done.

 

Reading between the lines, Sara has significant trust/jealousy issues that pre-date her involvement with you, and I can tell you didn't/don't want to spill all the beans about her background on this forum, which is totally understandable. You obviously know that going back to live with your wife briefly did not help her trust issues, but I get why you did it, and now you have moved out. Good stuff.

 

You were wise to be cautious with Sara, and now that you have decided to give it another go, I wish you success in working on those issues with her.

 

Couchcushion,

 

Thanks! And that's the kind of response I like to hear. Yes, I'm sorry that some folks here are ready to beat people up, but I'm just not going to respond to that.

 

Overall, I've enjoyed a very good, positive life. I've provided for every woman I've been with, emotionally, financially, and otherwise, and will continue to do so. I've been successful. However, failures do happen, and that's what I've been through, and appreciate the good advise I've got here. Still learning and it will certainly take time and effort. Some of the guidance here was very good and I learned a lot... thanks to folks like you.

 

I still have my own place.

 

Just to set the record straight, I did not go to live WITH my ex wife, I lived in her home. I contributed most of the cost for that and had no issue. I did leave her with a very nice, large home, and there's plenty of room in it where two could pretty much leave separate lives. However, it was not the best thing to do at the time, So I changed that.

 

For now, things couldn't be better. I'll continue to learn and grow, and will continue the counseling. Thx!