I'm going to vomit... ex gf is in relationship with new ugly guy on FB...

[bk89]

I'm exactly in the same boat as you man. Except, I really don't give a flying f***k. To make a long story short, I met my ex in college, moved to NYC together, got an apt together, got 2 puppies together - I started my career and she decided to take BS courses at a film academy, spend her parents money and just party. I couldn't stand the constant partying at this age - she was always bored at home and had to do something constantly.

 

The day we broke up I walked in on her and her friends at their apartment and they were all doing blow - turns out she was spending 500+ a week on blow behind my back. I confronted them, was devastated and left not only the apartment, but the city in general to go back to my hometown and regain control of myself.

 

She has been harassing me for 5+ months - won't return any of my s**t and to makes manners worse, has gone to all of our mutual friends, my parents, and even the POLICE saying I harass her and that I "hit her".

 

I gave this girl, and I say girl because she clearly wasn't a lady, all of me. I fell victim to an addict who has turned the last half year of my life upside down. The weird thing is that once I found out she has a new bf I snapped out of it. I don't love her or hate her anymore. I am indifferent. The reason I wrote all of this is not because I am not over her, I totally am, but man, you aren't alone. We have all been there and as they say - what doesn't kill you, simply makes you stronger down the road.

 

F***K HER

[Ordinaryday]

this is why you should always block your ex on all social media post breakup. I know some people say they want to 'stay friends' but if you still have any romantic feelings for them then a true friendship is not possible.

 

you can only be 'friends' with an ex when you can see them walking hand in hand down the street with their new romantic partner and you dont feel ANYTHING upon seeing it, NOTHING at all.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

No girls like a 'nice guy'. Maybe they say / think they do. Maybe for a while at first. But that behavior will ruin a relationship in the long run. 100% guaranteed.

 

And it doesn't matter if it's with the ex or a new girl. If you don't recognize and address your tendencies and behaviors, the outcome will be the same, over and over again!!

 

Again, I recommend you read 'No More Mr Nice Guy'. Or else get used to this feeling. It's you, not them...

 

Oh good lord this whole "macho man" crap is so ridiculous.

 

I know TONS of girls who have dated/marred/stayed married to the NICE guy. One of the biggest examples: my parents. Stayed together for YEARS and he is super nice to her.

 

Some girls dont like the nice guy, but to label that ALL of them, 100% dont like "nice guys" is pretty out there.

 

If they dont like it, its their fault. Dont change who you are to suit anyone else.

[hoping2heal]

Oh good lord this whole "macho man" crap is so ridiculous.

I know TONS of girls who have dated/marred/stayed married to the NICE guy. One of the biggest examples: my parents. Stayed together for YEARS and he is super nice to her.

 

Some girls dont like the nice guy, but to label that ALL of them, 100% dont like "nice guys" is pretty out there.

 

If they dont like it, its their fault. Dont change who you are to suit anyone else.

 

Yep!!!!

 

"Nice guy" seems to actually mean "guy who lacks assertiveness, lacks self-awareness, people pleaser who is neither genuine nor confident".

 

Yet somehow, somewhere...both men and women got the impression that this a "nice guy". Well, a guy isn't "nice" just because he lacks the self-actualization, assertiveness, and self-esteem to do anything but kiss your ass and be totally okay with whatever you want to do. That does not make him "nice". And yes, it certainly is boring and predictable because the RS goes like this "What do you want to do" "Oh whatever you want to do I'm happy with" "Do you have an opinion?" "Yes, whatever your opinion is on having an opinion is my opinion".

 

The second or in some cases, extended definition seems to be these guys who are friends with girls who do not find them physically attractive whatsoever. You're not a nice guy just because you're friends with a girl, okay! Maybe you're a nice guy and friends...

 

Women who need constant drama and turmoil to keep interest in their relationships are a whole other story altogether but genuine, true "nice guys" aren't boring or predictable. They're as dynamic as any person - they're just honest and have integrity and they will treat you like you have value instead of engaging in a series of mental and emotional mind games throughout the duration of a relationship. They know how to be considerate of a woman's heart and feelings but that doesn't mean they don't assert themselves, or their boundaries, or have no personality except to be a "yes man" to everything the woman says or wants.

[hoping2heal]

mntnbiker, I was both very selfless and nice, but also incredibly angry during arguments...

 

... Rape/assault victim sees any conflict as violent and labelled me bad guy from February 21st to April 28th

 

How angry is incredibly angry?

 

Sounds like it was bad enough to trigger her, but you seem to think she's a drama queen?

[Chi townD]

I really don't fall for nice guys. They are boring and predictable.

 

 

 

LOL! Not to be mean, but maybe not going through a couple of good guys is your problem. I mean, I don't get why girls are attracted to the "bad boys". If he has a reputation of being a "bad boy" and carries himself as a "bad boy", then logic can only dictate that sooner or later this guy is going to start treating you BADLY!!!

 

 

I don't get how girls can say to themselves, "Oh, he's cute. I want to get with him so he can start treating me like sh*t! I look forward to him not taking me seriously, cheating on me and being emotionally and possibly physically abusive towards me! Sounds like fun!"

 

 

Girls still remain a mystery to me.

[hurts2death]

same boat guys ex on fb with new guy.

ut she simulaniously calls me.( i ignore ofcourse) she might be very ghappy with her guy if she calls me like that . lol.

[irresolute]

What a horrible coincidence. I'd never had imagined this.

Last night I discovered through sneaking into his facebook profile that he added a new friend. Turned out it was a woman from adult friend finder he was aggresively pursuing at the time I went no contact.

I visited her profile and there was a pic of them together. I got speecheless.

 

Wtf??? If anyone had any doubt that one could find a girlfriend on adult friend finder here is the proof you can.

 

 

I also want to vomit. I wanted to vomit last night and I want to vomit now

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

What a horrible coincidence. I'd never had imagined this.

Last night I discovered through sneaking into his facebook profile that he added a new friend. Turned out it was a woman from adult friend finder he was aggresively pursuing at the time I went no contact.

I visited her profile and there was a pic of them together. I got speecheless.

 

Wtf??? If anyone had any doubt that one could find a girlfriend on adult friend finder here is the proof you can.

 

 

I also want to vomit. I wanted to vomit last night and I want to vomit now

 

Yeah.....well what where you expecting when sneaking into someone else's facebook?

 

It sucks, but you kinda brought it on yourself.

[NC-Thomas]

LOL! Not to be mean, but maybe not going through a couple of good guys is your problem. I mean, I don't get why girls are attracted to the "bad boys". If he has a reputation of being a "bad boy" and carries himself as a "bad boy", then logic can only dictate that sooner or later this guy is going to start treating you BADLY!!!

 

 

I don't get how girls can say to themselves, "Oh, he's cute. I want to get with him so he can start treating me like sh*t! I look forward to him not taking me seriously, cheating on me and being emotionally and possibly physically abusive towards me! Sounds like fun!"

 

 

Girls still remain a mystery to me.

 

From my experience, girl's don't necessarily want a "bad boy" but bad boys often hold the following character traits which "nice guys" have much less off.

 

I think typical "bad boys" have the following qualities to a higher level than "nice guys". These qualities are somewhat / very attractive to females:

 

- being congruent

- having inner and outer confidence (sometimes mistakes for arrogance)

- standing up for yourself

- knowing what you want

- having a goal in life and going for it

- not putting her on a pedestal (meaning sometimes treating her like sh.t)

 

So generally you could say that being a shallow, selfless and egocentric di.ck can pay off, especially when dating younger females. However, from my experience, woman that want to settle down typically tend to go for more stable (nice) guys.

 

Don't take my post too serious because the lines between bad boys and nice guys are sometimes very blurry. Also this is just my personal opinion.

[Chi townD]

- being congruent

- having inner and outer confidence (sometimes mistakes for arrogance)

- standing up for yourself

- knowing what you want

- having a goal in life and going for it

- not putting her on a pedestal (meaning sometimes treating her like sh.t)

 

So generally you could say that being a shallow, selfless and egocentric di.ck can pay off, especially when dating younger females. However, from my experience, woman that want to settle down typically tend to go for more stable (nice) guys.

 

Don't take my post too serious because the lines between bad boys and nice guys are sometimes very blurry. Also this is just my personal opinion.

 

 

 

 

I won't disagree with you there to a point. But, those qualities you've listed can be found in nice guys as well. But, girls tend to overlook those for a guy that is usually an arrogant douche rocket that drive's a bike and plays pool and would rather spend more time with their friends than their girlfriends. Versus a guy that has those same qualities but also volunteers at a soup kitchen or animal shelter.

 

 

And I agree with the bold. A friend that happened to be a woman told me very much the same thing. She said that, "Girls tend to date the bad boys, but marry the good guys."

 

 

Okay, but by the time they get around to us good guys, they are so damaged it's not even funny and you have to start with a girl that is VERY distrusting of a guy.... Makes you want to scream and rip out your hair sometimes.

[SoThatHappened]

Nail on the head, Chi townD

[bulldogz]

I knew they were dating, but since they've upgraded to a FB relationship, I feel like it's permanent and they're gonna get married.

 

I know I shouldn't care, but this is how I feel now.

 

 

 

I wish I could go back and take back all they yelling and arguments... it's not even who I am. I just felt so controlled and hostage in that little house of her's and she was filled with bitterness and would flip a **** if I wanted to leave or take some time.

 

Post-BU, she never said the simple words: "I don't like you" or "I'm not attracted to you" or any simple thing like that. I don't know if that would have made it easier.

[FortunateSon]

I knew they were dating, but since they've upgraded to a FB relationship, I feel like it's permanent and they're gonna get married.

 

I know I shouldn't care, but this is how I feel now.

 

 

 

I wish I could go back and take back all they yelling and arguments... it's not even who I am. I just felt so controlled and hostage in that little house of her's and she was filled with bitterness and would flip a **** if I wanted to leave or take some time.

 

Post-BU, she never said the simple words: "I don't like you" or "I'm not attracted to you" or any simple thing like that. I don't know if that would have made it easier.

I agree with you, I was in a similar situation with my ex. She moved on very quickly to a pushover, who's physically unattractive. However, as you mentioned, you felt "controlled" and like a "hostage" which combined with yelling and arguments makes it sound like it was not a good relationship and you were not the happy anyway? It took me awhile to realize this in my own situation, but when I did it made me aware that she was not the woman for me.

[Chi townD]

FortunateSon brings up a VERY, VERY good point. You didn't put up with her sh*t. So, she found someone that is not in her league that she could push around and walk all over. Because he KNOWS that she's out of his league. Therefore, he'll do whatever she wants to keep her happy.

 

 

Actually, you should feel sorry for the shlub.

[bulldogz]

Yeah, in my situation I'm not anywhere near the point of really knowing it wasn't the best thing... right now only a little bit of me knows that, and most of me feels like I messed up by yelling and losing my temper, and not having the patience to deal with her insecurities, nagging, bitterness, and other quirks.

 

Despite that, I will never get over how cute her face was. It was like not just my type; it was beyond that. And there were some other things about her that would have made her an excellent life partner/wife down the road.

 

 

I'm in emotional turmoil because I know that some of the things about our relationship were very fun (travelling on vacations doing activities we both enjoyed), having some same interests, etc.

 

And most of all, I enjoyed her company very much. That's what it came down to; I never felt bored with her, or wondered why I was there... It just felt "right."

 

 

The emotions sway between missing HER, and simply regretting my behavior and how massively I messed up. I've been trying so hard just to move forward and keep myself doing my things, stay healthy, etc. I can't fight the emotions.

 

But yeah I know it's only a matter of time before these two get married. And that will be another sad day for me.

 

 

Having said all that I'm glad my yellow iPhone failed to send the text I had written, because if it did I'd be very ashamed right now.

[SoThatHappened]

But yeah I know it's only a matter of time before these two get married. And that will be another sad day for me.

 

What? They're Facebook friends to now they're going to get married?

 

You must be pretty young to think people are going to marry each other right away. And they would be pretty young and immature to do so, anyway.

 

You're projecting a lot of negativity on yourself and blaming yourself. Relationships are a two-way street. She's just as much to blame if not more.

 

Give yourself a break. You need to get out of the fog and start thinking clearly. It takes some work and time (and NC!) but you'll get there and realize your emotions were taking over for logic.

[OwMyEyeball]

Recognizing now that you have a temper which causes you and your loved ones some very serious pain, do you have any intention to address that? To find the source of your anger, to understand it, and to overcome it?

 

It's clear that it's causing you a tremendous of anguish as well. I'm sorry to see that . The loss of your relationship is one source. Another is the shame. In a way it's good you feel the shame, because it shows you're a genuinely caring person. You feel that sense of responsibility for having hurt (or in the case of the failed text, nearly hurt) another.

 

All of her flaws and foibles are her own responsibility. Whatever the source of her insecurities, bitterness and other emotional issues are for her to address. And it seems that despite them you still loved her. You accepted her flaws, saw past them (usually), and truly enjoyed her company. Her self.

 

We find ourselves in relationships with others who mirror our inner state. In a way, if you were to take each partner's "baggage" and put them on separate sides of a scale, they'd balance out. The issues may be different, but the impact on mental health is about the same.

 

Now you've identified a part of yourself that you truly dislike. One that causes you tremendous pain. One that radiates out and causes others suffering as well, which in turn causes you even more pain. What has your anger done for you in your life? How has it actually served you? And what are you going to do to figure out then dismantle everything behind it? To become a better you?

 

Best wishes

[hurts2death]

my replacement is and feels weird. to know that your once other half is now sharing everything with this guy? it is super weird.

but i am ok.

[bulldogz]

Yeah I got counseling for anger, which actually worked. Ironically, the counseling does little to get me over the relationship, though.

 

I now feel like I will never see this person again for the rest of my life. That makes be sad because I cared so deeply for her, and did love her despite her baggage.

 

I mean she never explicitly said she never wants to see me, but that seems to be the case. She did everything by US Mail for unfinished business.

 

 

I want her to see that I've changed, but that's a chance I never got and will not get.

 

But never seeing her ever again or not even talking to her feels like a part of my soul has died.

 

 

I'm mourning the loss not just of her, but also a part of me.

[hurts2death]

life is tough now i now it even better. i know her never forget her but i have fallen out of love . i simply feel just love for a lost one.

 

lets all be ready for the next wave of pain and failure. life is not a calm sea my friends.

[OK_computer]

FortunateSon brings up a VERY, VERY good point. You didn't put up with her sh*t. So, she found someone that is not in her league that she could push around and walk all over. Because he KNOWS that she's out of his league. Therefore, he'll do whatever she wants to keep her happy.

 

 

Actually, you should feel sorry for the shlub.

 

Dude..! This was the same conclusion that I came to almost 6 months ago. My ex and I would argue all the time..I cared enough to try to make things work, but also I didnt take her bulls $#%. She always needed to be in control and I needed to revolve around her like some damn planet.

 

Eventually she left me for some nasty schmuck yes-man. She was on the deans list and he was literally a retard mechanic. After a long time of bafflement, I realized she needed some idiot she could control and feel superior over. I was the one that crushed her and he put her in a shrine. Typical bitch.

[OwMyEyeball]

Loss of a meaningful relationship is almost like experiencing a small death. It doesn't have the finality of death, but the impact can be almost as crushing. Confusion sets in because the hope of reconciliation, of reconnecting, is still a realistic possibility. Obviously, that's not the case with a close death.

 

Good counseling/therapy help a person understand themselves. To see themselves for who they truly are - beyond the mental constructs built around ego and social conditioning. Getting to the core of who you are takes a lot of time, insight and life experiences.

 

What it can't do is remove the pains of existence. Certain life situations will bring about unavoidable anguish. Where counseling can help is in allowing us to share our pain with a trusted person. To chart a path not around the pain, but through it. Sometimes friends and family can help in this. They want to help when they can. Other times we may find ourselves feeling alone with our darkest moods. Never suffer in silence. Never suffer alone.

 

Whatever may feel as though it has disappeared within you can regrow. Even in the absence of a partner.

[bulldogz]

What? They're Facebook friends to now they're going to get married?

 

You must be pretty young to think people are going to marry each other right away. And they would be pretty young and immature to do so, anyway.

 

You're projecting a lot of negativity on yourself and blaming yourself. Relationships are a two-way street. She's just as much to blame if not more.

 

Give yourself a break. You need to get out of the fog and start thinking clearly. It takes some work and time (and NC!) but you'll get there and realize your emotions were taking over for logic.

 

Well the FB relationship status is a rite of passage, and signifies permanence. They waited two months to put up "first met," now it's "in a relationship." So probably within two months it will be "engaged" and/or a pregnancy.

 

Believe me, thus guy is 32 and won't find anything better, and the girl is pretty special. I would marry her if I could; I'm sure he will to. And she has ultimatum to get married before 30 for personal reasons which leaves one year, so this is it. I've been replaced. I've been discarded, and all the good we had doesn't even mean anything to her, or if it does she never told me.

 

 

 

But you're right I need to think logically and not emotionally, and somehow learn how to "let go" of my past relationship.

[SoThatHappened]

If she sees marriage and a family as a "requirement" before a certain age, she's an idiot.

 

Facebook status doesn't mean a freakin' thing. Most of the crap posted on FB is a lie to try to make others think the poster's life is so great.

 

She seems "special" alright, but not in a good way ifyaknowwhatImean...

 

Gotta let this go man. Only way to do that is through NC and gradually working on your life and improving.